It took Frank and I our whole lives to deal with what had happened three days after we'd brought home our son.
Frank had been through so much in his younger years that he was hardened to the world, a thick shell around his heart. But he hadn't expected this - he didn't think Ryan would hit his weak spot. And like Achilles, Frank had crumbled. I tried to hold him together while I myself spiraled down into despair.
Possibly our only consolation was Angelo. Even our move to a whole new state only gave us temporary relief, but Angelo was there every day.
But perhaps the worst thing for me was Frank’s insistence on trying again.
He guilt-tripped, begged, cried, and yelled in his request for a new baby. I told him over and over that we couldn't replace Ryan, that he'd have to learn to accept the loss before we could possibly manage another child. He wouldn't - couldn't - listen.

“Gee..I love you.”
I brushed Frank's hand off my leg gently. “No, Frankie. I don't wanna fuck.”
He pouted and turned my head. He was naked already. “Are you sure?”
I picked him up and set him in my lap, hugging him tightly. “I am. I don't feel like it.”
Frank tore himself away from me. “Selfish cunt,” he muttered as he got up unsteadily, slamming the bedroom door behind him. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and laid down, turning the bedside lamp off. I huddled up under the blankets, Ryan's soft giggle playing over and over in my head.
“I'm such an idiot,” I mumbled to myself, scratching at my wrist. I heard a crash from the living room and got up wearily.

Frank was sobbing on the floor, curled up in a tiny ball. I prodded him with my foot. “Get up.”
“No.”
“Please?”
Frank didn't respond.
“Frankie, baby. I miss you, please come back to bed.”
“No!” Frank snapped, shuffling away from me.
I sighed. “Why not?”
He suddenly stood up, shoving my chest. “Because you killed my fucking baby!”
My throat closed up and I went still.
“Your job was to find an apartment, and you didn't think that maybe Chris would still want you out? Huh? What kind of horrible father forgets something like that and gets his month old baby killed? You! You fucking did, you cunt! And now you're refusing to even try to make it better!”
I turned and walked down the hall quietly.
“Just run away!” Frank screamed. “That's all you ever fucking do!”
I slipped my shoes and coat on, picking my keys up off the hook. A mug smashed near my head. “That's it! Fucking run to Angelo! You can't even face the man you love anymore! You're such a failure, I swear to-”
I shut the front door behind me with a quiet click and walked down the street slowly.

Angelo opened the door as soon as I rang the bell, smiling sadly. “Bad night?”
I nodded and he pulled me inside, hugging me tightly.
“It's not your fault, Gee. You would never have endangered Ryan. I know that.”
I shrugged and looked away. Angelo stroked my hair back from my face slowly. “Have you been drinking?”
I shook my head and he sighed. “Good.”
“Any drugs?”
“Nope,” I mumbled, leaning back against the wall. Angelo smiled. “Progress. You know you don't have to stay with him.”
I nodded. “You tell me that every time we fight.”
He sighed again and gently pulled me into the living room. “I know. Because he can be vicious, Gee. I know he's hurting you.”
“I love him,” I protested quietly as I sat down on the couch. Angelo ruffled my hair. “Yeah, otherwise you would have left him by now. I’ll get you a drink.”
He came back with a Coke, handing it to me. “Frank is really unstable right now and he needs more than you can give him, Gee. Please consider a therapist, I know you’ve said no before, but he needs it.”
“I didn’t say no, I said I’d think about it. I mentioned it to him and he threw a fit, so..”
Angelo heaved a sigh. “I’m worried he’s gonna start hurting you for real or you’re going to end up hurting yourself,” he said bluntly. “Something has to change, Gerard.”
“I tried fighting back, I tried staying. I tried being as caring as possible, I tried giving him time. The only thing he wants from me right now is another baby, and I can’t give him that.”“Why not?”
“Because it would make everything worse for him,” I answered, looking Angelo in the eye. “He’ll end up feeling guilty for replacing Ryan. It’s like having a rebound child. It won’t be good, at all. And I don’t feel like doing that right now. I’m just not...in the right frame of mind. I mean, I love him, and I’d do it if I thought it would help him, whether I wanted to or not, but it’ll just make him more upset.”
Angelo nodded. “Have you tried telling him that?” I played with my fingers, sighing quietly. “I have, but he won’t...he won’t give me long enough to explain it. He just calls me selfish and says I’m....he calls me names,” I finished lamely, gritting my teeth.
“Like a terrible father,” Angelo mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “It’s hard, because I can’t blame him entirely. He’s lost something no one should have to lose, and I would go a bit nuts too. But he’s out of control. Maybe I should try and sit down with him.”
I shrugged and leaned back. “You can try. I don’t think he’ll listen to you, to be honest.”
“It’s worth a try.”

I went back to the apartment at about midnight, slipping in quietly and tidying up the broken porcelain by the door. Frank was already in bed, all the lights were off. I crept into the bedroom and checked on him, pulling the blanket up to his chin and kissing the side of his head.
“I love you,” I whispered, leaving to take my usual spot on the couch.

After about ten minutes, I heard footsteps and the bedroom door creaked.
“Gee? I’m sorry,” Frank whimpered.
He climbed under the blanket with me, snuggling up to my chest. I wrapped an arm around his waist loosely. “I'm so sorry, Geebear. I really am,” he murmured, stroking my cheeks slowly. “It's not your fault. It's not. You were such a good dad, you got up every night to feed him..there's no excuse for what I said.”
I sighed and looked away. “Are you just saying this so you can try again at making me have sex with you?”
Frank shifted and hugged me tightly. “No, I'm not. You're right, about it making it worse. I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you..”
I tightened my grip on him slightly. “Why the sudden change?”
He nuzzled my neck and kissed the bottom of my jaw. “I went to a group after you went out. I was gonna tell you, but then we fought...I met some really nice people who helped me realize I need to treat you better.”
I ran my fingers through his hair slowly. “What do you mean?”
Frank sat up and leaned over me, tracing patterns on my chest. “I mean that we’re in this together and we need to pull together and help one another. You've been helping me, but I haven't been good to you..”
I pulled him down into a soft kiss and he smiled sadly. “Can we go to the bed now? This couch is super uncomfortable.”
I chuckled and nodded, getting up quickly. Frank led me back to the room, helping me into bed. He was asleep almost immediately, his breathing rhythmic and quiet. It took me a little longer, but I soon followed.

I sipped at my coffee, humming to myself quietly. Frank wasn't up yet, and I didn't really expect him to be. He slept almost twelve hours a night lately.
The clock ticked and I glanced up, sighing softly. Time for work.
I shuffled over to my shoes and tugged them on, then my coat. I looked at the calendar on my way out. Three more days until I started university.
I was getting into my car when Frank suddenly ran down the steps, hurrying over to me, still in his pajamas. He panted, pulling me into a deep kiss.
“I'm sorry, so sorry,” he gasped, hugging me. “I set an alarm, but it didn't go off.”
I chuckled and rubbed his back. “It's okay, sweetie.”
He giggled and kissed my cheek. “I'm meeting Angelo for lunch today.”
I frowned. “Why’s that? Actually, don't tell me, I'm gonna be late for work. Text me, okay?”
Frank nodded and waved. “Okay. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I shut the car door and headed off, more relaxed and smiling.

Frank was bustling around the kitchen when I arrived home. He looked up when I came in and grinned.
“Hey, Gee!”
“Hiya,” I smiled, walking over and giving him a soft kiss. “What’re you making?”
He tapped my nose. “Lasagne and key lime pie.”
I blinked. “What's the occasion?”
Frank kissed me again. “I got a job today, and I kinda just wanted to have a romantic evening. Candles and shit.”
I chuckled and pulled him into a tight hug. “Sounds perfect, beautiful. Is it okay if I go take a shower?”
He nodded and kissed my cheek. “Yep. I won't be done for about half an hour.”

Once dressed, I headed into the dining room, my eyes widening. Frank had laid out a table cloth, candles, and fancy plates I didn't know we had. The lights had been dimmed, and the kitchen door shut. I knocked and Frank giggled. “I'm coming! Sit down.”
I did so, fiddling with the table cloth as I waited. After a few minutes, Frank emerged from the kitchen, holding two plates in front of him as if they were holy. He put them down and kissed the side of my head happily. “I hope you like it.”
I smiled. “Thanks, baby.”
We ate in relative silence. Frank didn't like making conversation over food, and I didn't mind the quiet. As soon as I finished, Frank whisked my plate away and hurried off, coming back empty handed. He sat down across from me again and leaned over, offering me his hand.
“I love you.”
I put my hand in his. “I love you too, sweetie. What's this new job?”
Frank grinned. “I'm gonna work for Angelo. He's opening a shop and I'm gonna tattoo for him.”
I blinked and frowned. “I didn't know you could tattoo, Frankie.”
He shrugged. “I can, but badly. Ange says he doesn't mind fine tuning my skill, and he'd rather work with a friend.”
I smiled to myself and tapped the table with my spare hand. “I'm really happy for you, baby. That's wonderful news.”
Frank nodded and got up, walking over to me and climbing into my lap. I chuckled and hugged him tightly, kissing the side of his head. “You're starting school soon, aren't you?” He asked softly, stroking my chest. I sighed. “Yeah, I am. It's gonna suck.”
Frank grabbed at my cheeks, kissing my nose. “I'm here for you.”
At that, he slid off my lap abruptly and went back into the kitchen. He came out with plates of key lime pie, handing one to me. “I hope it's okay.”
“I'm sure it'll be great,” I soothed, smiling at him. He seemed more tense all of a sudden.
After the pie, Frank wandered over to me again, looking worried and shy. “I love you..” He climbed into my lap again, this time straddling me and pulling me into a deep, desperate kiss. Surprising myself, I kissed back eagerly, one hand running down his chest and over his crotch, rubbing quickly. He whined into the kiss and bit my bottom lip, silently begging for more. I scooped him up and carried him to the bedroom without breaking the kiss. I dropped him on the bed and he slid off onto his knees.
“Stay there,” Frank mumbled, expertly undoing the my jeans and dropping them to pool around my ankles. He then tugged my boxers down and dove in, his mouth hot and wet around me.

I shifted and Frank groaned softly. “What's wrong?” I murmured, kissing him quickly. He sighed.
“We haven't done that in a long time, not like that. I'm kinda sore.”
I pulled him closer to my bare chest. “I'll take care of you,” I mumbled, almost without thinking. Frank wriggled away from me and tossed the empty condom wrapper in the bin before walking over to the mirror and scowling at it. I frowned and tugged my boxers on before walking over, rubbing his back. “You look upset, baby.”
Frank poked at his stomach and grabbed at the extra fat, his eyes almost teary.
“Oh don't you dare,” I snapped, slapping his hand. “I fucking love you just the way you are.”
He sniffed and looked at me. “I know. I know you do. But that doesn't mean I love myself the way I am.”
I sighed and hugged him from behind, my arms wrapping around his stomach. “It's just baby fat you haven't lost yet, Frankie. The stretch marks will go away too.”
“But I'm so...gross,” he whined, trying to shake me off. I nuzzled his jaw and ran my hands over his stomach. “I think you are perfect,” I stated softly, nibbling at his earlobe. “There's more of you to love and you're all cuddly and warm, and it's so lovely. But if you don't like the way you look, I'll help you do something about it, okay? We’ll go to the gym together.”
Frank smiled, blinking away tears. “Okay. You're perfect, Gee.”
I chuckled and scooped him up, carrying him back to bed. “Far from it, love. Come on.”
I laid him down and climbed over his body, raining kisses down on his face and chest. I slowly moved down until I'd kissed every inch of his skin and he was sobbing. I hugged him tightly and rubbed his back slowly. “Shh, baby boy. There's nothing to cry about. Shh.”
I stroked his hair slowly, rocking him slightly as I held him.
Frank shifted and sniffed, clinging to me. “I'm sorry.”
“For what, lovey?”
“Everything.”
I sighed and kissed his cheek. “I forgive you.”

Notes

IMPORTANT!
As a fun event for the holidays, I'm going to start a little contest for the readers of this story.
There will be three new characters introduced in Part Two. The first in Chapter Four, the second in Chapter Six, and the third in Chapter Ten.
The idea is for you to try and guess the third character being brought into the story. I'm ending the event on the 21st , right before the tenth chapter is put up. The winner will be announced then. (If you guess one or both of the two characters being introduced earlier, this will not count, as I am planning to get those chapters up before the end of the event.)
The prize is a oneshot I will write exactly to your specifications. The winner will send me a message with what they'd like in the oneshot and I will post it in the new year, possibly before.
Have fun, and you can start guessing straightaway!
Note: Please put all your guesses in the comments! Thank you!