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Spin Spin Sugar

Chapter Twenty Three : A Break In The Clouds


I woke up twice in the middle of the night, drenched in complete sweat, panting, thinking he was right beside me.

Oh, but it was all in my head...

Gerard never came back.


He just left me there with nothing but old socks, the scent of cigarette and nightmares.


Strangely though, the birds were singing that day. Even the sun was shining through, the rays penetrated the room unevenly, chasing away the darkness. I blinked rapidly as I turned around, coming to my senses, watching the pool of junk beneath me. I spotted a comic book in the corner. I think it was some old Batman issue from 1966, and I don’t know why but that made me sad. Maybe it’s because the pages were all torn-up, or because the colours were all blemished, ripped from their essence - from their life. Like a forgotten story, or like someone you used to know, someone you can’t even remember the smile.

Oh… but then the doubts creeped in.

They played in my head, constantly, like a bad movie and I couldn’t make it stop.

I really wish I could’ve handle things differently….But how could I?

This guy was a mystery to me, a brainteaser, a charmer and the root of all my problems. He was an opened book, then a closed one. He was soft to me, then he was cruel. Ugh. I just wanted to punch him so bad for doing this to me, for making me desperate, desperate for him. But fuck, I wanted to kiss him too - kiss him until he couldn’t breathe.

Inwardly, I felt goddamn stupid for getting attached like that, I hated myself for it. But it was too late now - he was under my skin. And I’ve learned that trying to let go of something that holds you, it doesn’t work.

Ugh.

Okay.

I had to get up now, I had to get out of this room. I had to find him.

I entered the basement once again, welcomed by the stillness. I bypassed the ugly couch, the bathroom, finally reaching the staircase. I stayed there for a while though, biting my lip, wondering if I should go as I gripped the dusty handrail. What if Gerard wasn’t home? What if he just left me here? Or what if his parents were back?

Oh but fuck it, I had to face the music. And it seemed, at that moment, that no one was around.

Once at the top, the first thing I noticed were the walls. All the walls were made out of wood. I couldn’t see that yesterday because it was too dark. But now, the orange sunlight gleamed across the hall, and it was beautiful. I mean, it wasn’t new or anything, not even modern, not even original. It was just a plain old house, a boring one if you might say. But- there was something about the walls, about the way they protected you and the warmth that leaked from them. Also the ceilings were very low, I could almost touch them with my hands. They were silky and creamy, knocking me off with a stupid, gullible smile.

Oh and the smell, the smell was funny; it smelled like tobacco and ginger.

Weird right?

Anyway.

In a careful pace, I made my way to the kitchen at the end of the hall, gasping when I arrived. The kitchen was small and squarely shaped. But I swear, the decoration, it was so kitsch. The wooden cupboards had golden knobs and a cheesy tapestry covered the walls, it was yellow. Some sort of landscape with farmers, just- awful. Also, a transparent vase with dead flowers was standing at the center of the table. Blame it on poor maintenance, but maybe the Ways really had a thing for morbidity.

Who knows...


But- as I scanned the place, something else caught my eyes. It was the backyard doors, they were opened. I crawled to them slowly, intrigued, peeking an eye outside a-and...

There...

I saw him
.

Oh dammit.

Gerard was sitting around a small table. He was drinking coffee and a beer, all while smoking cigarettes after cigarettes. He was all dressed up, wearing skinny black pants and his usual leather jacket which was full of holes. Also, a pair of sunglasses rested on top of his head. He looked messy though, halfway dead. But he still hadn’t noticed me.

I took a leap of faith and stepped outside. Gerard was just staring at nothing, probably the fence or the grass, or the sky? Hmh, I couldn’t tell yet. There wasn’t much to look at to be honest, the backyard was empty; just a lawn and a fence.

Then I cleared my throat but it sounded like a cat who just got his tail squeezed.

Gerard turned his head promptly. At first, he seemed startled to see me, but soon after, his face tensed up and he glanced away. He just sucked on his cigarette, gaping his mouth skillfully to let the smoke play across his lips, all while staring at nothing again.

Okay, he was still mad at me, that’s for sure. But I walked towards him anyway and took a seat around the table, body all stiffen as I pulled on the chair. The sound of the rear legs scraped against the floor, making me hiss. Gerard was biting his nails now, viciously. He was clearly affected by my presence but acted like I wasn’t there. Ugh- there we were again. The silence, the tensions, the pretending.

I really had to say something!

I just said the first thing that popped in my head.

“Uuh- the… the weather’s nice.”

Gerard sniggered, then he looked at me, unimpressed. “Are you really gonna talk about the weather, Lechowski?”

I frowned, his tone was so condescending. “Uh no…” Then I blushed away. “I-I mean, it was just an observation.”

“Ow..” Gerard scoffed a laugh. “Well thank god you’re here.”

I peeked an eye on him again. Gerard smirked cockily, his damn smirk that gnawed on my nerves.

“Wouldn’t have noticed otherwise.” His eyes dwelled upon me.

I crossed my arms. “Pffh”

Then another damn silence came.

Gerard was literally drinking coffee and beer at the same time, he’d just rotate between the two beverages, like it was normal. Ugh. He really was a character, him, let me tell you.

Oh- but I wasn’t having it.


I sighed. “Look Gerard, I know you’re mad at me okay?” I started - he twitched a little. “But let me remind you that I came here for the int-”

“The interview yeah I know.” He cut me nonchalantly.

I scowled at his rudeness.

“And if you want it- ya better get dressed.” Gerard spat, then he stood up and sauntered towards the backyard doors, he stopped though, just before pushing them open and looked at me.

I squinted.

Gerard dropped his sunglasses on his eyes. “I’ll meet you at the front in 5, hurry.”

Then he disappeared through the doors.

I froze for a while, processing his words.

That was it? That was all I had.

5 minutes.

5 minutes and a fucking attitude from the prince of sass himself.

Oh well, at least he was down for the interview.

I fidgeted on my seat for a brief instant, then rushed downstairs again. I just picked an old pair of jeans, smelling them before putting them on. Arff, they were alright! I mean, this was the best I had anyway. Then I grabbed my denim jacket and messed with my hair a little. Seriously, I looked like I just stepped out from the 90s with that long t-shirt that exceeded my jacket. But that’s okay. I loved the 90s. Then I grabbed my tape recorder and ran to the frontdoor.

I was out of breath when I got outside. Maybe I should stop smoking.

Gerard was just hanging on the sidewalk, his leathered back was facing me.

“I’m ready.” I said as I skipped through the grass.

He turned around in a sway, kinda checking me out for a while, but it was hard to tell because of his sunglasses. Then he nodded. “Let’s go.” And with that, he was already two houses away.

“Argh Gerard!” I yelled. “You could at least wait for me!”

“Or you could walk faster!” He shot from afar.

I groaned under my breath, trying to jog now. “But where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

I shook my head. Fucking hell I hated this. I started running now, argh- but my legs were so heavy. “What’s the fucking hurry anyway?”

Gerard kept a steady pace. “There’s no hurry. You’re just slow, it’s not my fault.”

I cursed under my breath but finally reached his side, panting slightly. “But you-” I tried. “y-you could at least tell me where we’re going-”

“We’re close.”

“Well that doesn’t answer my question!”

“Well I don’t have to answer it!” He barked, sounding pretty annoyed now.

“Bu-”

“Lechowski!”

I pouted as I kept on dragging behind him, arguing with the voices in my head. This situation was getting out of hand, I mean, I knew he was mad at me, but I didn’t recognize him. It’s like the shy and caring boy I met last night had completely disappeared, leaving place to this condescending jerk that drove me nuts.

“Ugh but please Gerard!” I yawped as I tried to poke his back. “I just wanna know!”

“Well you always wanna know Mia!”

I groaned in frustration, I couldn’t help it. But then all suddenly, Gerard stopped moving and I bumped into him. We were at the corner of the street now. He blocked me the way with his arm.

“Wha-”

“Sh-” He hushed, eyes darting back and forth.

I squinted at him.

“Okay, come on.” Was all he ever said before gripping my jacket and dragging me across the street with no care at all.

“Ugh Gerard!” I whined as he dragged me further, quicker, rougher. My feet struggled to follow his pace. “Argh just let me go! I can walk!”

But the fucker didn’t flinch. He finally let go of me when we crossed the street, dropping me on the sidewalk like an old penny. I swear I almost lost my balance. I grunted as I straighten my clothes.

“We’re here now. Happy?” Gerard scoffed, barely smirking.

“Uh” I blinked around, confused. We were at the same park from last night; the one that looked creepy and dangerous. The long metallic fence was covered in vine, but strangely, it didn’t look creepy now. Not creepy at all, in fact.

“Follow me. Come on!” Gerard ordered as he pushed on the fence, the rusty iron sound made me hiss.

We both entered the park, but honestly, it looked more like a forest. There were so many trees around, they were big and tall, their leaves dangled around us. No sign of a playground either. Everything was green.

We skipped through the heap of trees, reaching further and further in the back. Gerard was still walking in front of me, but he slowed down a little, thankfully. I didn’t dare to ask where we were going, though, I just followed silently.

I mean, Smarty Pants clearly had a plan here.

After a few minutes, I totally got lost in the scene. Butterflies were dancing in the air, they swirled around me, making me smile innocently. Wild flowers covered the ground - all with different shapes and colours, it was very pretty. But then, as I dragged behind him, I spotted a rock - it was lurking at me under a tree. I quickly kneeled down to pick it up, totally forgetting about Gerard. The stone was black and sharp, almost like a blade, and the edges sparkled when I moved it around.

Look, I don’t believe in luck but maybe… maybe that was sign.

So anyway, as I daydreamed like a total lunatic, I heard someone whistle at me. I lifted my head, searching for the sound - it was Gerard. Of course it was him. He was standing a few meters away, right in front of a tunnel, looking rather impatient.

“This way!” He urged.

I nodded and shoved the rock in my pocket, sprinting towards him. As soon as I got there, Gerard scrunched down and penetrated the tunnel - I copied his moves.

It was pretty dark and grey in the tunnel, also everything was wet and it smelled like an old putrefied lake.

I had to pinch my nose. “Ugh”

“Smelly isn’t it?” Gerard retorted, his voice echoed across the tube.

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me, then I saw a light at the end - we were almost there.

Once we got out, first thing I noticed was the picnic table. It looked really beaten down though, feeble, like it could collapse to the ground by any minute. We were surrounded by trees here, totally submerged by the woods. It was the perfect hiding spot.

And I as began scanning the place, I even wondered if Gerard used to come here when he was younger. I could totally imagine him wandering the place, thinking, hiding from the world. I even smiled to myself, forgetting about our tensions, about our strains, remembering his soft side. A subtle smile drew my lips.

Gerard sat on top of the picnic table and rested his elbows on his knees, his worn-out converse hanged ungracefully on the bench. He also lifted his sunglasses, exposing his tired eyes.

Then he sighed a long, exasperated sigh. “Are you coming or what?”

“Uh yeah, sorry.” I shrugged and crawled towards him, reluctantly. Then I sat on the wooden bench.

“So…” He exhaled. “How do we do this?”

“How do we do what?” I asked distractedly, looking for my tape recorder in my jacket.

“Well, the interview, duh.”

“Oh hum- well-” I made, finally getting a hold of my tape. “I don’t know really, it can be done many ways.”

Gerard squinted. “Aren’t you supposed to be the expert here?”

“Uh yeah, but I wasn’t planning on doing this so quickly. You’re the one who dragged me here.”

Gerard scoffed a laugh then leaned back on the table, suspending his body with his upper arms, he cocked an eyebrow. Oh and I swear, he looked even more arrogant like that. I just couldn’t deal with his game anymore. I tried being calm, being patient, kind, everything! But now- I reached my damn limit. I needed to find a way to make him flinch. Because I knew the real Gerard was hiding somewhere - underneath all that fake crappy crap crap.

Gladly, I got an idea.

“B-but anyway, since we’re here, guess we might just do it.” I smiled, way too widely, pressing on the record button.

Gerard adjusted himself slightly and stared at me, waiting for my question. His eyes were ready, oh they were. But I don’t think he wasn’t ready for the kind of question I had in mind.

I angled the microphone towards my lips. “So, I’m currently sitting on a picnic table with the lead singer of the band My Chemical Romance-- Mr. Gerard Way himself. He was kind enough to invite me in the heart of his hometown for a... private interview.”

“Hello.” Gerard shot.

I cleared my throat. “So hum, Gerard, there’s this… question that’s been haunting me for quite some time now. You’ve been in the band for what- 3, 4 Years?”

He nodded. “4”

“Okay, great. Well Mr.Way, in those 4 years of hard work-” I paused, pondering. “When was the moment you’ve realized you were becoming a total pretentious little diva? Was it last year? Last week? Yesterday? Or maybe you’ve never even realize it yet? Could that be possible, Gerard?”

He scowled. “What kind of question is this?”

“Legit questions.” I taunted, yanking the mic in front of his face. “I’m sure a lot of people want to know.”

“Argh get that thing outta my face!” Gerard roared as he jumped on his feet.

I sighed, not getting the reaction I had hoped for. “Look Gerard, if you wanna do this you need to calm down!”

“But I can’t! I can’t okay?”

“But why?”

“Cuz you’re asking stupid questions that’s why!” He grunted. “A-and because… because I’m still mad at you!” He added, now lighting a cigarette, struggling with the lighter.

“But I said I was sorry!” I screeched. “What do you want me to do huh? Crawl at your feet, kiss your boots?”

Gerard dragged a long and deadly puff and shook his head. “Problem is Mia- I don’t believe you. I don’t believe a word you say, not anymore. And these stupid rules you have, you can't even stick to them!”

I stood up, scowling. “Oh because you think it’s easy for me? You think I asked for this? For this crap between us? You don’t know what it’s like to have pressure from both sides!”

“You’re right Mia, I don’t!” He fumed, now rushing towards me - he stopped when he was right in front of me. “But you don’t know what’s it’s like to care for someone who doesn’t!”

I shuddered. “Y-you.. Fuck- ...you really don’t get it don’t you?” I whimpered. “I c-care Gerard... I care too much!”

His frown deepened.

“That’s why I run away.” I bit my lip. “Because I want to stay...”

Gerard flushed for a second, some strange emotion travelled on his face. But then he closed his eyes and shook his head, growling. “Argh- you don’t even make any sense! Do you even hear yourself Mia?” He spat, walking back and forth, gesturing to emphasize his words. “Seems to me like you have commitment issues or whatever the fucks going on in your brain!”

“Commitment issues?” I shouted. “Pff, well you mister clearly have anger issues!”

His eyes flared at me as he moved around. “Oh, ‘cause it’s my fault now?”

“Well you’re not helping!”

“Well neither are you!”

“But I’m trying! I’m trying okay?” I howled out, voice cracking as it ripped my throat. “Unlike you who can’t even get your head outta your ass for a second!”

Gerard laughed bitterly as he came to a halt. “Oh- so you’re really gonna go there now? Insult me?”

“Yeah, maybe I will! Cuz you know what Gerard? Life’s shit okay? Bullshit happens to all of us! But I’m sick of you using this as an excuse to be acting like some total cunt from hell!”

His eyes flared at me again, dead and stern. “Pf- don’t talk like you’re better than me.”

“Never said I was!” I yawped. “But at least I’m not some fucking baby who can’t deal with the fact that he got caught milking the monkey ‘cause he was too dumb to close the door!”

Wow that one felt good.


“Milking the what?” Gerard squinted.

I sighed. “The monkey Gerard! It means jacking off!”

“Oh go fuck yourself Lechowski!”

“Well go to hell Gerard Way!”

“Anywhere but with you”

“Oh shut u-”

“NO YOU SHUT UP-” Gerard howled as he rushed over me, gripping my face roughly.

I moaned in fear, I gasped in shock, stepping back.

But then my ankles bumped into the table.

I was trapped.

Gerard just stared at me, eyes bloodshot and dark. Our faces were barely touching. He breathed into me, within our hatred, within our love, our sick love. Within the words we couldn’t say, the ones that got stuck in our throats.

His hands felt like fire against my skin. He was holding himself back, I could see it, I could feel it. He quivered through his teeth, oh he quivered so hard. He looked sad and crazy, hopeless. And I couldn’t move, I really couldn’t, only my mouth opened a-and fuck...

Gerard leaned closer-


But then-

A loud thunder emerged from the aboves.

We both jumped and let go of each other.

Shit.

It was like a storm straight from the pits of hell, like a hurricane. A black and darken fog covered the sky and the rain started pouring down. It was flooding like madness - just like that - in the splint of a second. We were in a different world.

“Fuck- fuck-” Gerard panted, squinting as he observed the sky.

“Shit-”

“I didn’t think we’d catch it! Fuck-”

I frowned. “You knew about the storms?”

He nodded quickly. “Yeah, but it was sunny earlier!”

“Argh dammit Gerard! W-what do we do now?”

He scanned the area, trying to come up with a plan. “Well we can’t stay here. Too many trees, it’s dangerous.”

But then, the rain got even worse and a huge lightning flashed in the sky, making the whole world white for a second.

I gasped. “Should we go back? I really think we should!”

Gerard locked his eyes on mine, crucially. “No. Follow me.” And with that- he gripped my hand and dragged me with him.

I almost slipped down, but the extreme pace of Gerard tugged me sharply.

He was heading straight towards a giant bush now. I really panicked for a second, but then- he just sunk into it, yanking me along. I couldn’t see anything apart from the green leaves and branches that beclouded my vision, spanking my cheeks. I had to protect my face from their razor-sharp edges. But Gerard? Oh Gerard simply rushed through them like a wild animal, diving head first, squeezing my hand so tight.

And then we ran, and ran, and ran-

and ran-


I didn’t even know where we were going, but I didn’t care, I trusted him. No matter how much I wanted to smack him sometimes, I trusted him with all my fucking heart.

I was losing track of time, track of my own existence - even my thoughts - my feet. All I could do was run, run and hold his hand as it kept me from falling. The thunder never ceased to scream, and the rain, the rain had no pity for us. It was the biggest storm I’ve ever witnessed. We were deep in the woods now, completely soaked, far away from the rest of the world as we panted for dear life.

But then-

in the distance…

I…. I could see something.

Something different from all the branches and the trees, different from the emptiness. It was like... a cabin? Yeah, that’s what it was. It was brown, small, and all alone. Oh the shape was getting clearer now, much clearer. Gerard just kept on tugging me until-

Until the rain stopped.


I couldn’t feel it anymore because there was a roof over my head.

I placed my hands on my knees, catching my breath, grasping my senses. Gerard just leaned against the wall, out of breath, he closed his eyes. The white lightning from outside barely peeked inside, making half of his face casted by shadows.

The sound of the rain dripped down the roofing, accentuating the vibration and it smelled like wet wood. We both panted heavily, not saying a damn word. Also the place was very small, completely empty, just a cabin with no purpose. The walls were scrape and moist, and there was no front door, not even windows. It was just a square, with a stupid little, simple hole.

“You knew about this place?” I asked throughout short gasps.

“Yeah” He breathed out just before sliding down the wall, sighing when his butt hit the floor.

I didn’t say anything back, I simply watched him come down. His chest pounded heavily as water slid down his neck. His black hair was all flatten down, sticking on his pale face. He looked exhausted.

I finally decided to join him when my legs started shaking. But since the space was very limited, I had to scoot right beside him.

Gerard glared at me when I sat down, acknowledging my nearness. I smiled awkwardly at him, but he simply shrugged and switched his gaze to the woods. Okay, he seemed pretty overwhelmed, but not that angry, which was a good sign. We didn’t speak though, we couldn’t. It was a strange atmosphere really. We knew we were stuck together again, but sadly, we were stuck in our heads more than anything (again).

But then, Gerard spoke.

His voice broke through the silence like a feather on my skin.

“I used to come here you know…”

“Here?”

He nodded. “Yeah, when I was sixteen. Even wrote shit on the wall- right over there.” Gerard sniffed as he pointed at the wall - there were scratches on it.

I squinted and leaned closer, trying to read. It seemed like the letters had been carved out with a knife, or at least some type of blade. I touched cracks, slowly recognizing words.

“Fuck…” I read out loud. “...fuck this place?” I swayed around and questioned him with my eyes.

“Yeah” Gerard snorted. “Nothing too original. Just hated everything...” He shrugged, searching for his pack of cigarette now. He finally got a hold of it and lighted one.

I smiled poorly at what he said, knowing that the weight those words carried was much heavier than he made it seem to be. It just saddened me really, seeing how he brushed it off, like it was nothing. But I knew this part of him was still buried deep in his soul, like a ball chained at his feet. Probably the reason why he drank so much. Or the reason why he was always so impossible for me to read.

Then another silence came.

All I could hear was the sound of Gerard smoking. He was just staring at his mud covered feet, seeming thoughtful. I on the other hand, was pretty uptight. I couldn’t stop thinking about our fight, about the way we just raged against each other. Look, I won’t lie, it felt kinda good on the spot, because he really did play with my nerves. But now, I felt horrible for it. I said things I didn’t mean, and god forbid, I just wanted him back.

Fuck it- I had to talk to him.

“Gerard I-” I started. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier.”

Gerard lifted his head, now looking at me with big, unsettled eyes. “I…” He twitched a little, like he was uncomfortable or something. “I didn’t mean it either...”

Ugh, his voice was like velvet again. My insides tangled together.

“It’s just that-” He stopped, holding back something. “Sometimes you spark this- this thing inside of me Mia and I don’t know what it is… I-I don’t know.”

I was out of words. It’s because of the way he looked at me.

“And that scares me-” Gerard continued. “But then I go crazy and angry and I can’t control myself and I’m so sorr-”

“Shhh it’s okay” I hushed, god he was so agitated, he was shaking. “It’s okay Gee...”

“No but…” He shook his head, swallowing painfully. “You don’t understand I-I… I don’t wanna yell at you anymore! I can’t, it kills me.” He breathed the last words as he grabbed my hand.

My heart leaped. “G-gerard... if anyone who should be sorry it’s me.”

Gerard’s eyebrows tensed a little, he then interlaced our fingers together, squeezing my hand. And fuck, he just stared at me so damn fervidly I think I was about to drop.

But I continued anyway. “I.. I acted so selfishly yesterday, I didn't realize everything I asked of you. You were there for me and I...I took it for granted.”

He cupped my face with his other hand. “No you didn’t, I know you care, Mia.” He whispered lovingly. “What I said earlier, it’s bullshit, I was just mad at you. I was stupid.”

“But I-I…” My lips throbbed, desperately trying to make sense. “I shouldn’t have laughed at you yesterday.”

Then, out of nowhere, Gerard let go of me and started laughing to himself.

I squinted, not understanding what was funny.

He smirked at me, shaking his head. “You mean when I milked the monkey?

I blushed and blocked a laugh, remembering the awful expression I babbled earlier.

Gerard cocked an eyebrow as he punched me playfully. “Where do you come up with this shit?”

“Uh, dunno.” I shrugged. “Because of you I guess...”

He sighed in exasperation, looking down. “You have no idea how pathetic that makes me feel...”

“N-no you... you shouldn’t-” I let on. “It wasn’t pathetic Gee… at all.”

Gerard lifted his head, just gawking at me. But it seemed like he understood what I meant because his breath got louder - it even caught in his throat, jerkily. Oh and I swear at that moment, I could feel the blood rushing through my veins.

We just stared at each other for a while, blushing, craving - but never daring.

Shadows beclouded the cabin, but I could still see the green in his eyes, even the raindrops that got stuck on his brows.

Fuck he was beautiful.


But as we looked at each other, I couldn’t help but think about yesterday. About him, spread on the bed, touching himself as he moaned my name so wantonly, so shamelessly. Ugh.

And maybe he noticed the hunger in my eyes now, because fuck, I wasn’t trying to hide it.

“Do you wanna…” Gerard started, quietly. “Do you wanna lay down with me?”

I blinked. Not expecting this. “Here?”

He nodded. “Yeah, here.”

“Uh… but it’s all wet Gee.”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter to me.”

“Um…okay then.”

Gerard smiled softly and slid his butt across the floor. He was all spread out now, looking rather comfortable. I pondered a little, biting the inside of my cheeks, watching him.

“Come Mia”

But I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t-

“Want to hold you” He whispered.

Fuck.


My head spun for a second - hearing him say those words hurt me. But it was the good kind of pain, the one that hurts so good. The one that rips through your heart and caresses it at the same time. The one that makes you weak in the knees and alive in the brain, it vanishes the doubts away, it makes you want to stay.

I bit my lip and leaned forward, hesitantly. The old wooden boards crepitated under my movements.

Firstly, I crawled my right side against him. Gerard’s arms were all spread out, welcoming me, waiting for me. Then I placed my head on his chest, his t-shirt was wet and cold, but his skin underneath, it was so warm. I could also feel his heart, it was skipping beats, he was so nervous. And I was so nervous too, my body was all stiffen as I tried to cuddle with him. I swear I was so bad at this.

But that all changed when Gerard wrapped his arm around me.

Suddenly, all of my muscles gave in and my head dropped heavily. It’s like all of my tensions were gone, they melted away, like the rain outside. I felt numb, he made me numb. Then with a careful hand, I started caressing his stomach, brushing the damped fabric.

Gerard moaned at my touch, holding me tighter, so tight. I could barely breathe but I breathed him and it was enough.

And for once, it didn’t feel like I shouldn’t - it didn’t feel forbidden - nor scary. It felt safe, it felt like home again. I could feel all of him without any shame, without any regrets.

Now that the storm in our heads was gone, now that we spilled our hatred and let our guards down.

We were together - we existed-

and it was enough


“D’you think it’ll stop raining?” I muttered on him.

“I don’t know. But I don’t care.” He kissed the top of my head.

Me neither."

Notes

sorry for the wait. writing this was a roller coaster.... but I gave it all I had.

Comments

Yeah! Love your updates.

JackieK JackieK
11/3/19

@mychemaddict
@MotionlessTragedy
I'm trying to be the writer I once was. Its slowly coming back after almost a year.

E___ E___
10/5/18

@Inky Black
I started writing again<3

E___ E___
10/5/18

Ugh this is so good, I need more! One of my absolute favorites.

Inky Black Inky Black
7/31/18

Love This story hope you're still planning on more.