It's Only Just A Dream

Gerard was sufficiently worried about going back to school on Monday. Part of him was eager to see Frank again after their kiss, but there was another, more influential, part of him that said faking an illness and having the day off would be a better idea. Gerard closed his eyes and inhaled shakily, wondering if avoiding Frank was worth how much effort he would have to put in to catch up with all the work he would miss.

It wouldn't, he decided.

"Gerard, get up." Mikey called agitatedly from the other side of the door. "We're leaving in ten, if you're not in the car you'll have to take the bus."

Over the weekend, Gerard's relationship with his brother had been slowly getting better. They hadn't talked about the issue a time hand, so nothing had actually been done to get to the root of the problem, but if covering up the scar like nothing had ever happened meant Mikey no longer ignored him at home, then Gerard would happily go along with it.

"I'm coming!" Gerard shouted back blearily, rubbing his eyes and crawling out from beneath his duvet. He was nowhere near ready and he would have to forfeit a shower if he wanted to avoid a half hour trip on the school bus from hell, meaning his hair would be greasy and limp. Not the best impression he could have given Frank after their first kiss, the boy thought… but then he remembered that he didn't have to impress Frank. He didn't want to impress Frank. What he wanted was to avoid Frank.

Actually, what Gerard wanted was to go back to fucking middle school so he didn't have to deal with all this drama, but that wasn't likely to happen any time soon.

Pulling his hand-me-down blazed on over his head and smoothing down the front to get rid of any wrinkles in the fabric, he made his way downstairs hurriedly. He had slept in his school trousers last night, as though he knew he was going to oversleep in the morning, and so he was ready to go to school almost immediately. He took the steps two at a time and wasn't surprised to see his Mother and Father already sitting at the table. Mikey was hovering at the side of the room, his back to the rest of them and his gaze glued to their driveway from out the window. His phone was in his hand by his side and Gerard could tell by his rigid posture that he was uncomfortable.

"Hey Honey," Gerard's Mom said, smiling softly. "There's toast in the toaster and jam in the fridge, but you better hurry. Mikey's been wanting to leave for ages now." His Father coughed and picked up the newspaper that was by his side.

At their Mother's words, Mikey turned around and shoved his phone into his pocket, striding towards them only to pull up a chair and start drumming his fingers on the table impatiently.

"Can you hurry up?" He snapped. "What happened to wanting to be early, huh?"

“Calm down,” Gerard muttered under his breath, too afraid to say it out loud. He grabbed a slice of toast from the toaster like his Mother said, regardless of the fact that it wasn't properly heated yet, and hurried after Mikey as he left. It wasn't like he wanted to be late after all… it wasn't like he was avoiding someone…

“Gerard!” Mikey called impatiently, jolting Gerard from his daydream. His mind had drifted and he had been standing still in the middle of the doorway. Mikey leant against the driver side door of his car and tapped his keys against it, creating a metallic clinking sound. Irritation was flowing out of every pore, coating Gerard and making him even more antsy than he already was. He did not need this; not today.

Jesus, his first fucking kiss and here he was, trying desperately to avoid the other person. He felt sick with anticipation— he wanted to see Frank, wanted to talk to him and ride on the back of his motorcycle again. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and kiss him again and he wanted to feel the warmth that he felt when Frank pushed their bodies together, white hot even though the water from the shower was dripping onto Gerard and soaking into his clothes. He was fizzling with energy, electricity shooting through his fingertips at the thought of Frank's mouth on his own.

Except no, he didn't want that. He couldn't want that. Frank was bad for him; he would lie and manipulate and cheat and Gerard was fairly certain, thanks to Mikey's constant reminders, that he was only talking to the younger boy to get to Mikey. He needed to stay away from Frank and from all his friends, fly under the radar for the next three years and graduate and pack his things and get the fuck away from everyone here. He would miss Mikey, but he wouldn't miss the gang. That was all his brother really cared about anyway.

***

Frank had gym first, and he despised gym. Change into tight shorts and baggy tops, run around a field, kick a ball, lift some weights, what the fuck. Frank despised gym class; he hated the teacher and he hated his classmates and he wished more than anything that he could skip it. He was tired and high and consequently starving, so he wanted nothing more than to hop on his bike and drive home, but the school had written to his Mother and if he was caught skipping again he would face a three day suspension. He couldn't afford that, not if he wanted to graduate this year.

He stood at the back of the hall and wished that his steely eyed stare that intimidated all the other students would work on the gym teacher too. The man was currently headed his way and he was doing his best to make him turnover on his heel and run the other way. No such luck.

Over the weekend, Frank and Ray had talked on and off. Ray knew, he always knew, that Frank had kissed Gerard. He called him on Saturday evening and asked how it was, if Frank liked it, if Gerard had liked it.

And Frank wanted to, wanted to tell him, wanted to confide in his best friend like he always did, but he couldn't. As soon as he opened his mouth to reply, a heavy stone of guilt settled in his stomach and his throat closed up. It felt like he was betraying Gerard, like what had passed between them was a secret, like it wasn't Frank's secret to tell, and he couldn't get the words out.

"Frank? Dude— you still there?" Ray asked, even though he knew he was.

"I'll tell you more on Monday, got to go man." Frank replied hurriedly. He had no intention whatsoever of telling the others, but he hung up before Ray could reply. He turned off so nobody could call him back.

Now, standing at the back of gym class trying to avoid his teacher's steely gaze, all he could think about was whether he should meet Gerard outside his classroom today or not. The kid had run away after their kiss, had been too embarrassed or excited or nauseous too even stay in the same room as Frank. Would he want to see Frank again? Had he blown it by acting too soon? Had he blown it by acting at all? Why was he so fucking concerned about whether about what Mikey fucking Way's little brother thought of him?

He hoped Gerard would sit with him at lunch today— with them. Not that he was missing him, of course, just that Ray wouldn't ask about the kiss if Gerard himself was with them.
It's all for show, he reminded himself, it's all for my gang. It's not real. But then, he thought, if had to remind himself the lines between what was real and what's wasn't were already blurring.

***

Frank was outside his French class when the bell signaled the end of the hour, and he couldn't decide whether the surge of emotions exploding inside him meant he was elated or terrified. Maybe both.

Of course it wouldn't be a big deal for Frank; of course Frank wouldn't have spent the entire weekend replaying the kiss in his mind and then hating himself for obsessing over every little detail. Frank wouldn't have noticed how Gerard's heart sped up, how his hands itched to grab the back of the older boy's neck and pull him closer. Frank wouldn't have noticed how Gerard's whole world was rising and falling and spinning and crashing around them in time to the strokes of their tongues against each other.

Not that Gerard noticed. Of course.

"Hey," Frank greeted him when he was close enough, an easy smile spreading across his face. Gerard mirrored the action unconsciously, his lips moving of their own accord. He didn't have any self control, it seemed, when it came to Frank— it was unstoppable, he decided. Their friendship, or relationship, or whatever-it-is-ship.

"Hi." Gerard said shyly, hoping to God that Frank didn't notice the blush flooding his cheeks. "What're you doing here?"

"Came to see you, walk you to lunch. I thought you could sit with us today?" At this, Gerard was sure he visibly lit up like the lights on a Christmas tree. Elation, he decided, not nausea. Frank wanted to sit with him; he wasn't not going to push Gerard away after what happened. He wasn't going to pretend it was nothing, which meant… it was something!

"Yeah," he replied, trying to play down his excitement. "Okay."

He swallowed as he thought of what Mikey would think, what he would do, when he saw them together again. If he ever found out about what happened between them in his own house, Mikeywould be livid. There would be no way he would ever forgive Gerard… but so what? Mikey had told him to make some friends, some friends that weren't Mikey and his friends, and so that was what he was doing.

The cafeteria was packed and one glance over at Mikey's usual corner was enough to send Gerard back into a panicked mess. He hid behind Frank as best he could as they walked over to Frank's table, and blushed when everyone there greeted him with a smile. These guys were much more friendly than Mikey's gang; Gerard definitely preferred them. Probably.

"Hey, Gee!" Ray exclaimed, spinning round in his chair to face him. "What's up? How was your weekend?"

Gerard focused on not blushing so as not to give anything away – he didn't want to drop Frank in a mess with his friends - and decided not to tell them that he had had his first 'weed hangover' ever (he had thrown up twice on Saturday morning, although that may have been caused by the memories of Frank— his first kiss!)

"Uneventful." He settled on finally, glancing at Frank out of the corner of his eye and trying not to smile when he saw the older boy doing the same. Frank fell down into an empty chair with a sigh of relief and then wrapped an arm around Gerard's waist, tugging him to sit in the one next to him. Gerard just managed to avoid letting out a peal of hysterical laughter, instead flushing from the neck up at the contact.

He could feel eyes on the back of his head and he just knew Mikey would be watching then, glaring at them and plotting Gerard's murder, but he didn't turn around. He had made his own friends now, and he was done doing what Mikey wanted him to do.

Notes

Sorry I've been such a long time :/ also sorry this chapter is shorter than the others
hopefully I'll be updating more regularly from now on