Starry Night by Edgar Allan Poe

“Frank, I really think going to the school would benefit them,” Jamia said. She’d finally gotten off in time to have dinner with me and the girls. I’d showed her the recommendation and had told her that the girls didn’t want to leave their teachers and friends, but she was adamant about sending them.

I shook my head. “I told you, the girls don’t want to.” She sighed, clearly stressed and frustrated.

“We’ll talk about this later.” She stabbed her food with the fork and sighed angrily and I succeeded in holding back an eye roll. I looked over and smiled reassuringly at the girls. They looked very uncomfortable and I felt bad for having them sit through an awkward dinner.

“Mommy, Cherry and I missed you,” Lily said, giving her an adorable smile. Her baby teeth were starting to come out so she was missing one in the corner of the smile, and it made her look all the cuter. Jamia smiled at them.

“I missed you both, too. I’m sorry my job has been so demanding lately, but mommy has to catch all the bad guys,” she explained. Cherry nodded her head.

“We know. We’re proud of you!” She said, throwing her hands up. I chuckled and reached over to stroke her arm. “Daddy, tell mommy how we did at field day!”

Jamia gave me a look. “I didn’t know they were having field day. Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked. Well, shit. I just can’t win, can I?

“You were still really busy, Jam. And I didn’t know until that morning,” I explained. To be honest, I haven’t thought of her, and while I normally don’t, I still felt kind of bad for it. She sighed again.

“Okay, whatever,” she said. This time, I did roll my eyes.

“Look, you can be mad at me, but at least attempt to hide it from the girls,” I snapped. I had never spoken to her like that in all years of our marriage, but maybe that was why she thought she could always act however she wanted. She looked up at me with eyes full of shock and so did the girls. They’d also never seen me act this way. Instantly, I regretted letting Jamia’s attitude get to me.

We were all silent for a while before I decided to speak again. “Well, girls, if you’re finished with your dinner, run upstairs and take a shower to get ready for bed. Daddy will be in there soon to read you both a bedtime story or listen to a record. Whatever you both decide.” They smiled at us and left their nearly empty plates on the table as they pushed their chairs in. They ran towards me and gave me a kiss, causing me to smile widely at them. They were sort of estranged from their mother, but they went over and gave her a hesitant kiss. Jamia hardly showed any type of affection, or maybe she was never around long enough to give it to them. It was probably why they hesitated all the time when it came to her.

When we finally heard the door close to the bathroom and the water start, Jamia opened her mouth. “I don’t appreciate you speaking to me like that in front of the girls.”

My eye actually twitched in frustration. “I don’t either,” I said back, causing her to once again give me a shocked look. I’d also never argued. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I had a feeling it had something to do with the girls’ principal. And that bothered me. I liked the way we bickered with each other, and now I was looking for that connection with Jamia, but we never really had a connection to begin with. Suddenly, I’m regretting all the decisions I’ve ever made, and Gerard’s offer didn’t seem so bad. I shook my head slightly to rid the thoughts.

I stood up and grabbed my plate along with the girls’ plates and took them to the sink. I quickly rinsed them off to wash them tomorrow after work before cleaning up our side of the table. I avoided all contact with my wife. We were more like roommates who hardly talked and just shared space. Not even friends. I never had a problem with it until now.

“Hey, how about we watch a movie together or something?” I asked, giving her a small smile which I only graced the girls with nowadays. She scoffed.

“You treat me terribly and expect me to lounge around with you?” She asked disbelievingly.

I pursed my lips and sighed. “You know what, Jamia? If you want to be angry all the time, then that’s fine, but don’t expect me and the girls to do the same. How you can stand to be this way twenty-four-seven is a mystery to me because it is exhausting,” I said calmly. I never raised my voice. I only stated how I was feeling.

“Angry? I’m not always angry!” She argued. I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Really? You’re not? Is that why you’re yelling? Is that why you got angry with me when the girls wanted to tell you about their field day? Is that why you shot down my apology of a movie together?” I turned to walk away but stopped when I heard her mutter a terrible thing under her breath.

“I can’t believe I married someone as selfish as you.”

I turned around in my tracks, looking at her with a genuine hurt expression. I’d given her everything. I paid a majority of the bills and always bought the girls new clothes and shoes when they were growing out of theirs. I was the one who raised the girls without a single complaint. I was the only always telling Jamia not to worry about getting up every time the girls cried in the middle of the night as babies. I never complained about her always being gone and leaving me to watch the girls and keep the house clean. I was basically a single father.

I’d never been more offended.

Hurt.

Unappreciated.

She looked up at me, almost guiltily when she realized I heard what she said. “Frank, I-I didn’t mean that,” she said. But I knew she wouldn’t apologize. I said nothing as I turned and walked away up to the girls’ room.

When I got in, they were barely drying off. I grabbed their pajamas and set it on their beds.

“I know daddy promised a book or record, but I just got called into work to finish some filing so I need to go. But daddy loves you both so very much,” I said, leaning down to kiss their heads.

Cherry frowned. “Are you really leaving because of mommy?” She asked. Sometimes I hated that they were so perceptive. I gave them a small smile.

“You both can see right through me. I’m just going for a little drive. I won’t be gone forever. Now get to bed, and I’ll wake you for school tomorrow,” I said. They looked sad as they dressed in their pajamas and crawled into bed sluggishly.

“Good night, daddy,” they said in unison. “We love you.” I smiled brightly at them and said it back before shutting off the light and closing the door to their room.

I grabbed my jacket and car keys as I went into the living room to put my shoes on.

“Where are you going?” Jamia asked, coming up behind me. For the first time ever, I completely ignored her and walked out the door.



I drove around for a little while, trying to ignore that urge to call Gerard. He would know he won then. But I didn’t have anywhere else to go; I was lost for now. Eventually, I just decided to make a stop at a bar I passed while driving through the city.

The inside was a lot nicer than the outside made it appear and I was honestly impressed. There were only a few people in the building, which was unusual for a city, but I counted myself lucky and took a seat at the bar.

“What can I get you?” The bartender asked. She seemed like a sweet girl. Way too bubbly for such a depressing place, but I was grateful to get someone like her right now. I gave her a smile.

“Just a coke,” I said. She raised a brow.

“No alcohol?” I shook my head.

“I don’t drink, but thanks,” I said, pulling out my wallet and putting down ten dollars. “Here you go. Keep the change.” She picked up the bill and smiled sweetly at me.

“Thank you!” She turned and opened one of the small fridges behind her and grabbed a tall coke bottle. She popped the top open for me before setting it down on a coaster in front of me.

“Thank you, ma’am.” I picked it up and took a small sip. I wasn’t much of a dark soda person but I didn’t really care in that moment.

“So why are you at a bar this late on a weekday just to drink a soda?” She asked. I finally looked at her name tag: Jamie. Huh. So close to Jamia’s. I finally just shrugged my shoulders.

“I guess just to get away from my wife for a bit,” I admitted. It’s true that bartenders are more of therapists than therapists are. She chuckled.

“Harsh,” she giggled. I shrugged again.

“Wouldn’t he saying that if you’ve ever met her. I do everything for her, but it’s never enough. I pay the bills, wash all the clothes, do all the cooking and cleaning and still work my own job, but I still get a “I can’t believe I married someone as selfish as you”,” I said, exhaling and running my hand through my hair.

“Wow. That sounds pretty shitty. So are you going to leave her or what?” She asked bluntly. I chuckled.

“I don’t think the twins would have a great time in a broken home. Since my wife is barely home anyways, it wouldn’t make a difference. But, I’ll be honest with you, Jamie,” I said. “I’m attracted to someone else. They’re married, too, and I’ve never been in such a predicament.” I never took my eyes away from hers and her look went from kind of bored to shocked.

“Well, do you love that person?”

I shook my head. “I’m pretty sure it’s just lust on both sides,” I said, taking another drink from my soda.

“You don’t think it could develop into something more?” She asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” I said, but I was a little unsure in the back of my mind. I don’t know if I could see myself falling for someone like Gerard Way, but at this point I think I was willing to fall in love with anyone to get away from Jamia. I never felt this way about her throughout all our years together, and I was pretty sure the feeling was never going to leave my body.

“Then I don’t know what to tell you, man. Are you thinking about cheating on her, just for one night of passion?” She asked, raising her brow. It was obvious that she was going to use my answer to see if she enjoyed me or not.

“Although I’m unhappy, I’m not a man who cheats,” I said, sighing and taking another drink of my beverage.

“You seem like a good guy. I’m sorry this is happening to you, but have you tried talking to your wife about how you’re feeling?” She said, leaning against the bar, exposing her cleavage. I tried to hide my disgust at the move, and simply kept my eyes on her face. She was pretty at in a certain light, but she wasn’t my type. Not many people were.

“She’s super hard to talk to. Believe me, I’ve tried, but it’s very difficult,” I admitted. “I guess you hear that often though. But, look, she’s a detective. She’s home at, like, four or so in the morning. I’m asleep by then, then I wake up to take the girls to school and then I go to work. It’s very hard to actually talk to her in general, and when I do, I’d rather not fight.” I grabbed my keys. “Thanks for listening and all that. I realize that it comes with the job, but I should know how to handle my own life, so thanks.” Then I turned to leave.

“You’re welcome,” she said softly as I walked away. Once I was back in my car, I sat there for a moment. I didn’t know where else to go, so I just thought about absolutely nothing. I jumped when my cell phone rang loudly in my silent car. It was my personal phone and I was actually kind of disappointed about that. I picked up my phone and sighed as I saw Jamia’s name on the screen. I gave her her alone time, so why couldn’t see give me my own? I sent it to voicemail and tossed it on the seat next to me. It rang again and I let it go. Then it rang again. And again, until I finally growled and gave in.

“What?” I snapped into the mic.

“Whoa,” the other voice said on the line with a smirk on his tone.

I sighed. “Gerard. I apologize, I didn’t know it was you,” I said.

“Ah? So, who else would be calling you that’s making you so angry?” He asked, the tone still in his voice.

“Is there any reason you’re calling me so late?” I avoided his question. He chuckled, the sound making my ear tingle. I couldn’t help but be so attracted to him. I hated it, but enjoyed it all the same.

“Just thought I’d make some small talk. I’m out for a walk right now and thought you’d like to join me.”

“I don’t mean to be curt, but what gave you that idea?” I asked, genuinely curious. Our last meeting wasn’t exactly the best.

“You like me,” was all he said. I sighed deeply.

“Gerard, I’ve told you-”

“I’m not asking you to cheat on your wife, Frank. I’m asking you to take a walk with me,” he said, cutting me off. “It’s just a walk. Not like I’m planning on fucking you to high Heaven behind the bushes or something. Calm down.” I let out a small laugh.

“Like you’d be able to get that close,” I retorted. He chuckled.

“Exactly. So, c’mon. I’m at the Jefferson Park. I’ll wait at the parking lot.”

“Fine. I’ll be there in a bit,” I said and then hung up. Was I really about to go see Gerard this late at night when I was trying to avoid doing just that? The only thing I was grateful for was the fact that we’re meeting in a public space, despite it being night.

The drive was a little longer than I anticipated because I ended up catching every red light along the way. I felt like I was in a hurry and I was trying to push that feeling down, but the fact was that I wanted to see Gerard. I wanted to be near him, especially now that my marriage was crumbling more and more each day.

When I arrived at the park, Gerard was right where he said he was going to be. I shut off my car and got out, pocketing my keys. “Sorry I took a while. Red lights,” I said, walking up to him but keeping a safe distance.

“That’s cool. You look tired and you kind of smell like a bar,” he said, raising his brow. “Trouble in paradise?” I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest and obviously done with that topic. Gerard walked closer, and I immediately took a step back.

“Look, despite what image you must have of me, I actually would like to be friends. So if there’s anything on your mind, and you want to talk about it, I have an ear you can borrow,” he said. I was skeptical, but the look in his eyes was a look I’d never seen. It looked soft and real. I slowly dropped my arms to my side and tucked my hands in my pockets.

“Thanks, Gerard. I really appreciate that,” I said, feeling a little uncomfortable with his sudden change of character. “So, is there anything on your mind?” I asked. He shrugged, starting to walk down the sidewalk so I followed, looking at him with complete patience.

“I like to come here when I need to think. Anyways, what did you think about the letter I sent you home with?” He asked. I sighed.

“I was very proud, but the girls didn’t want to leave the school or any of their friends. They’ve taken quite a liking to your wife,” I said, chuckling a little. Gerard gave me a soft smile.

“She’s very good with kids. But I am surprised you’re letting them stay at the current school. Most parents would send them no matter what their kids wanted,” he said. I exhaled through my nose at an attempt to laugh.

“Yeah, but I don’t want them to resent me for it. They’re very smart girls and they know what they want. They’ve always been very mature for their age. Jamia wants them to go, and honestly…” I paused both in talking and in walking, looking over at him. “We fought about that earlier.” It was easy to talk to Gerard when he was like this. I really liked him like this.

He gave me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry that happened. Fights are never fun. Lindsey and I fight pretty often,” he admitted, which honestly didn’t surprise me. He seemed to flirt and even sleep around a lot, so it I expected there to be a lot of fights in their relationship, but I was also trying not to judge.

“I’ve never fought with her like that before. I actually ignored her whenever I was leaving,” I said, chuckling a little bitterly when I realized I was going to have to explain myself to her either tomorrow morning or the day after. She’d probably be angry again.

“Seems like you’re becoming fed up.”

I shrugged. “I don’t think I’d ever leave her, honestly. I couldn’t tell you why. Maybe it’s because of the girls,” I said, ending it with a sigh.

“That sounds like hell, Frank,” he said, patting my shoulder. It was a normal touch but it felt amazing. I let out a sigh of relief at the touch.

“Yeah, it sort of is, but my girls make it all worth it. I love them so much,” I said, but it was obvious of my love already. He smiled at me.

“They’re terrific girls. And even though it sounds a little bad, I’m glad they’re staying,” he said back. I nodded at him with a smile, but said no words. We continued walking until we got to the playground. Without a word, we made our way towards the swingset and each took one next to each other.

“I missed these,” I said, looking up at the sky and letting myself go, the swing carrying me.

“What, the swings?” Gerard asked. I nodded. “Yeah, these were my favorite things growing up. That, and the merry-go-round.”

“Oh, those were fucking awesome!”

He laughed. “I like being like this with you.”

“Me, too, Gerard.”

Notes

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