He was looking at my body. Gerard was actually staring at my body...checking me out. Now...now he wants to leave. No, please. "Please stay. After reading your note, I truthfully don't trust you by yourself. You could get hurt. I don't know how I would handle myself if I knew you fucking killed yourself because I let you out of my sight.
"You're just...you're too beautiful," I murmur softly, trying to keep my anxiety at bay. I feel his eye settled firmly on me, but I refuse to make eye contact. His fingers briskly skim my hair, and I sense them lingering cautiously, deciding on the next move. Instead, in my peripheral he drops his hands into hip lap and I continue to look at my own, watching the way my fingers intertwine. I remain still, waiting to anticipate his following move and I flinch in surprise at the touch of his long fingers as they slip around my neck, his thumb gently caressing my cheek.
"What was that you just said?" he whispers smoothly, his tone rather seductive and sexy.
"I...uh...it was nothing," I say flustered. His fingers push against the back of my neck bringing my to look at him. He shifts closer and I feel his warm breath against my lips. I consider closing the gap between us, but my nerves take over and I begin to shake lightly. The final decision falls into the hands of Gerard and I let my eyes slip close; his soft lips pressed against mine. I pull away at the touch; more shock over anything.
"Um, what was that for?" I shriek.
"I honestly don't know what came over me. I mean...you kissed me first. I just thought you would have okay with it. Guess not. Shit, I'm sorry. I better go," he whispers, his cheeks flushed full of humiliation and regret as he battles the tears that are fighting greatly to escape.
"It's fine," I reply quietly, unsure of the moments that just unfolded and how to comprehend them. "You don't have to leave. I still don't think you should be alone. I can't fucking stress that enough dude. Fuck, I don't want you to go," I admit shyly.
"Look...I just need to go home. I shouldn't have come here and I sure as hell shouldn't have fucking done what I did. You made that fucking clear. I'm really sorry Frank!"
"At least give me your number so I can call you later...just to make sure you're okay. We can talk about things, if you like. You can tell me about the shit that's fucking bothering you," I suggest optimistically. I watch intently at his facial expressions while he decides what to do. He looks up, sadness flooding his fact and I feel myself cringe and my heart stops as he sighs audibly.
"I can't. I fucking can't. It's not like I don't want to. I just don't tell anyone fucking anything. Not even Mikey or my mom. No one cares Frank. Again, I am really fucking sorry," he confesses sympathetically. I no disappointedly in acknowledgement and hastily think of another suggestion, anything to keep Gerard around.
"Well okay, you don't have to but we could just hang out...you know...as friends? What about...coffee or something? Not today... like shit, I don't know tomorrow or something,"
"Yeah, or something," Gerard repeats unconfidently, slipping out of bed and pulling his discarded jeans from the chaotic mess that is essentially my floor. I too slide from my bed and find my own clothes as I wait eagerly for him to say more.
"Frank, I'd like that. I really would," he grins as he bends to tie his laces.

~xoxoxoxo~

I try to contain my joy as Gerard scribbles his number on a scrap bit of paper and drops it on my bed before walking frantically out of my room and towards the door.
"Gerard, why are you fucking walking so fast?"
"I shouldn't have come here. You shouldn't have invited me. It was a stupid shitty idea. It really was," he admits, clearly discombobulated. "I appreciate you letting me stay and all..."
"Gerard, just fucking relax. I'll call you late to check up on you and you'd better answer or you'll have be fucking worried. We can talk about going for that coffee," I smile. He shoots back a small smile and a wave as he walks uncaringly down the street. Thoughts attack my mind. I begin to think about the earlier opportunity that I had and the things that could have happened if I hadn't of pulled away from the fucking kiss. I thought Gerard was straight, but then again...he was wearing a hell of a lot of eyeliner for any straight guy. I blush deeply and walk back inside once Gerard has disappeared around the corner. I shut the door as carefully as possible, trying not to wake mom. Surprisingly I am stopped dead in my tracks by my mother standing outside my door with her arms folded and an extremely cross look upon her face. I stand calmly , facing her with intense curiosity, but at the same time I am seriously freaking the fuck out and I wonder what could be up.
"Who was that?" she asks inquisitively.
"Just a friend," I mumble. I really don't want to be stick in the conversation of telling her my feelings and answer her penetrating questions, although I knew she is just curious because it's only us at home and she cares a whole fucking heap. It calms her down to have someone to worry about. She makes absolutely no sense. It's kind of funny actually.
"Frankie, darling, we both know you don't have all that many friends. In fact, Frankie, the only friend you have is James Dewees and that group at school. Tell me now, who's the friend, who...um...stayed the night, I do believe?"
His name Is Gerard, mom. Nothing happened. In fact, nothing will ever happen. I don't hang out with that group anymore; Mario, Allan and Ryan. They...last...night..." I sigh heavily and mom unfolds her arms and rests one of my shoulder in a failed attempt to comfort me.
"It's okay," she soothes. "Let it out."
"They tried to rape him...Gerard. So I...I stood up to them for once and brought him home. He was going to commit suicide. I couldn't fucking let that happen," I cry helplessly running my hand through my hair. Mom sighs, and takes a small step towards me; her arms wide open for a warm and comforting hug. I smile thankfully and step into her, retuning her sweet and sympathetic gesture. I continued to cry defencelessly as I try to figure out my true feelings. I really wanted to be friends and talk for hours and get to know each other better. When I'm around him I feel complete, the missing hole in my heart gradually mending every moment I spend with him. If he was to kill himself now I honestly don't know how I could live with myself. I meant every word I said to him.

"Oh sweetie," she whispers, releasing her tight grasp as I sniffle, wiping my nose on my arm and the slimy residue on my jeans.
"I'm proud of you. You stood up, not only for yourself, but you saved his life. Do you understand how difficult it is to have that kind of power? Frankie, I'm incredibly proud of you, you know that sweetie?"
"Thanks mom," I smile, wiping my tears once again as they continue now at a somewhat controlled pace.
"I have an idea. How about we go out for coffee, just you and me. Like old times,"
"I love coffee, but I don't know mom,"
"You need your privacy and I understand that sweetie, I honestly do but you cannot keep locking yourself up in that dark lair of yours. I wanna know about you life and your music. Talk to me baby," my mom pleads hopefully. I close my eyes briefly and breathe, nodding in agreement.
"I'll go, although I just invited Gerard to have coffee with me sometime," I laugh.
"Oh..Frankie, that's so sweet. He will like you. I think maybe he already does, but just relax. Call him later. Hell, you can call him as long as you want."
"Thanks mom," I grin, hugging her tightly and kissing her cheek affectionately.

~xoxoxoxo~

Notes