The World is Ugly

The walk to Frank's house is dull and long, mostly due to the fact it is eerily quiet which was caused by the lack of human interaction between us. I wanted desperately to have a decent conversation with him, but my mind was exceedingly blank, so I merely admired him while we continued our journey. Frank was short; an obvious observation I had noticed earlier. He couldn't be more than five, five. So, that made him really short, in a cute, kind of a way. Gerard, stop it. What else? The sides of his head were short and dyed this bright red, a black fringe obscured his view on one side of his face. I wondered about the colour of the eyes that belonged to the beauty walking in front of me, but even if we were to make eye contact it was far too gloomy to tell and I couldn't exactly ask him. He'd presumably think of me like a freak or a stalker or some other name that would have a most unfathomable effect on me. It is also and extremely weird question to ask whilst walking him, or at any time really. I too was curious about Frank's room and what his favourite bands were...and if he liked movies or even if he read comics. My brain as alive with so many questions and no confidence to ask. I had no clue on where to begin. I was way too anxious to say anything. I really needed to relax. I was just glad I was behind him so he couldn't see how uneasy I truly was.

~xoxoxoxo~

We arrived at a dark and deserted looking house, although it was rather later and every house matched the description of dark and deserted. All the lights were off and no car was parked in the driveway.
"Frank, is anyone home?" I whispered cautiously.
"My mom is,"
"Dad?"
"It's just us...dad left us last year,"
I automatically feel a pang of guilt wash through me.
"I'm sorry Frank,"
"It's cool," he laughed while I followed him up the concrete path that was lined with pretty flowers on either side. The darkness of the night had stolen the flowers of their colour and warmth, but I could tell that their petals were just as beautiful in the sunlight. Frank searched his pocket for what I assumed would be the house key, resorting the spare key hidden under the mat. he unlocked the door swiftly and we shuffled inside. I stood awkwardly in the shadows after I closed the door behind me. I half expected Frank to switch on a light. Instead, I felt his hand grip mine and pull me blindly through the darkness and into a room. I hear a click as he flicks a switch and I am temporarily blinded by the unwelcoming light. I look around his room lost in a daze, staring at his music collection and unstable stack of comics. Posters of the Misfits, Black Flag and various other bands covered the walls of his room, very much like a bathroom at any small time band venue here in Jersey.
"Wow. This is a fucking awesome room," I mumbled quietly.
"Thanks, it's not much. It's pretty messy. Sorry about that. I wasn't uh...expecting anyone over," Frank smiled, bouncing on his bed, keeping his eyes on me. I decided to join him, still gazing around the room in amazement; my eyes were currently fixed on a white guitar with shiny stickers spelling ''PANSY'.
"Thanks for...you know...letting me...crash here," I uttered anxiously.
"It's fine. I hate it when they do that to anyone. It's fucking sick. I've been meaning to leave them for a while, but Ryan...he fucking scares me. He's a creep. I just didn't want to see them hurt someone like you," he breathed.
"What do you mean?" I asked interestedly, now staring at his impressive pile of comic books by his bed.
"I've seen you around school..." he paused, that's when I realised just how close Frank was now. His chin was leaning on my shoulder so he could whisper into my ear, his breath was warm against my face. Slowly, I turn my head to face him and I am puzzled and curious as his eyes lock mine. Frank inched closer and placed his soft lips hesitantly against my cheek, his eyes shut tight. With his lips against my skin, I could feel his body lightly shake. The cool metal of his lip ring made me shiver in the brief moment before Frank was up and pacing around the room in panicky circles.
"Frank, calm the fuck down dude," I giggle, a bright blush coming to my cheeks. "It's okay,"
"No. I shouldn't have done that. It was wrong. I'm sorry Gerard. I didn't mean anything by it. What have I done? I don't even know if you're actually gay. Its just what people say a lot. I'm a fuckwit,"
I stand up from the bed and interrupt his pacing, gripping his shoulders firmly and stopping him in his place suddenly.
"IT...IS...OKAY...FRANK!" I exclaim. "Just breathe, Frank. Why don't we both get some sleep? You seem like you need it anyway," I suggest. Frank takes a deep breath and nods, his body still shaking. I release him from my hands and take two steps towards the bed, unzipping my jeans and tossing them to the floor, leaving me in my t-shirt and boxers. I look at Frank whose eyes are wide with amazement...I think.
"Frank, is it okay if I am like this?" I ask, motioning a finger at my clothes.
"Y-yeah s-s-sure," he stutters, liking away, his cheeks a fiery shade of red as he looks at the ground on his way to the other side of the bed and doing the same. I slipped in under the covers and Frank turned off the light, feeling the bed dip as he joins me. I close my eyes and roll over ready for sleep to take me, but I noticed the somewhat irritating sound of heavy breathing coming from Frank's side.
"Frank...what is it? What's wrong?"
"It's just...I am so...sorry I kissed you," he sniffed. Oh shit. Is he crying?
"Are you crying?"
"No," he whispered, telling an obviously lie.
"It's not a big deal. It was one small kiss. It's not like it's the end of the world Frank," I try to explain calmly, wishing he would just get over it.
"Okay,"
I lie there a moment, wondering if that is all he is going to say. Sure enough I was right so I decide to say something. "Frank..."
"Yeah," he responds tiredly.
"I'm really glad I don't have to be alone tonight,"
"Me too," he breathes. I smile in the darkness, wondering what is on his mind now as we slowly drift to sleep.

~xoxoxoxo~

The next morning I woke lazily to find Frank curled up in a tight ball with a small smirk across his face which brought me to speculate what he was happily dreaming about. As expected, the sun wasn't streaming luminously through the window, nor was there a minor breeze blowing. The rain was pouring down heavily on the streets of Belleville. I sat up and with great effort I pushed the covers down to my waist, glancing joyously at Frank as I carefully pushed his friend behind his ear without trying to disturb him from his suspectedly happy, yet deep slumber. With much interest I watched for a moment while his nose twitched and his eyelids fluttered opened, revealing the colour of his eyes. Frank's hazel eyes, as I had now discovered met mine and a plastered smile lay upon his face.
"Morning Frank," I grin.
"Hey Gerard," Frank yawned, stretching his arms above his head before he idly shoved the blankets down his body revealing his ghostly, pale chest. I blinked multiple times, just to clarify that I wasn't dreaming. He must have taken his shirt off during the night because it was definitely on when we went to bed. I think. His body was more pale and wax-like than that of anyone I had ever seen before.
"Frankie, do you ever get sun?" I ask jokingly. Frank stared at me, wide eyed. It takes a brief moment before I realise what I said and I smile awkwardly, flush a deep crimson and look away shyly. Now he knows I was looking, well...admiring his body actually or really I was just observing. However he interprets this is his choice and I've predicted that whatever he is thinking isn't good. Gerard, you're such an idiot. I furrow my brow and try to ignore my conscience. It's such a pain in the ass at the best of times. Still avoiding his gaze, I twiddle my thumbs and wring out my hands, waiting anxiously for his dreadful response.
"You were looking. Relax, it's fine. Gerard...just look at me," he demands playfully., flashing a grin in my direction and hitting my should teasingly. "You don't have to be all shy and embarrassed. Your answer by the way, is no. I don't go out in the sun much. I hate anything outdoorsy. I also don't understand why you would bother looking," Frank explains matter-of-factly, his eyes not tearing away from my own. I eventually give in after what feels like excruciating minutes and once more I look away, ashamed and worried. I don't understand what it is, but there is something about him that makes me nervous...bashful even.

Shit, what time is it? I should leave.
"Hey Frank, what time is it? Do you know?" I watch carefully as Frank turns to his left and picked up and open comic from the top of his little alarm clock, revealing the digital numbers.
"It's 9:30am" he answers.
"Oh. Frank, I love that you let me stay, but I really think that maybe I should go."

Notes

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~xoxo Chemical Halo. thanks peeps.
Comment if I should bother with chapter 4