If you're reading this, then it's probably too late. I can't stay here on this fucking planet any longer. There's nothing for me here. Why do they always have to fight? Why do I have to be gay? Why do I have no friends? I know you will be okay without me, Mikey. Everyone will be okay without me. In fact. they'd be better off. Everything I have, I leave to you. I love you Mikey. I'm sorry.
Good Bye.

From my bedroom window the street looked both dirty and dark and was covered by a thin layer of frost, joined by a harsh breeze. The only light on the street was that of the dim, tall lamps that stood on either side of the road; the bright moon reflected in the small puddles of the previous rainfall. I picked up the paper and folded it before I shoved it into my pocket and grabbed my coat hastily, heading eagerly out of my room. I walked out onto the street, sliding on my coat in an attempt to keep warm. The icy wind causes me to shiver as it hit the back of my neck as I begin to pace carelessly down the street and into the blackness beyond. I didn't know where I was going, nor did I honestly care, if anything serious was going to happen to me it would undoubtedly be for the best. The streets around me were quiet and empty, every house was engulfed by gloom...but at a time like this, it was most expected.

I came to an abrupt stop in yet, another vacant alleyway close by my house and leaned casually against the cold wet bricks, breathing into my hands for warmth. A suspicious looking clique enter the alley and being to walk slowly towards me. I pay little, if no attention and keep my eyes focused on the damp cobblestones beneath my tattered Chucks. They approach with caution, their feet obscuring my view of the ever-so-boring ground, so I finally decided to face them and brought my eyes up to meet those of a rather surprisingly large guy who was standing before me. The surrounding guys also had their beady eyes fixed steadily on me...except one. He seemed to be the smallest guy of the group and was shaking slightly as he stood in the back, trying to ignore the scene, or so it would appear that way.
"Can I help you?" I whispered in a breathy tone.
"Yeah, I think you can baby," the large guy snarled into the night, grasping impatiently at my crotch, my head thumping as it collided with the wall. He smiled wickedly and reached urgently into his pocket, returning with a click; the metal of the switchblade shining in the moonlight. I stood there silent and still, not daring to fight back or wince in pain. There was no fear or anxiety. I didn't care what they wanted to do to me. I just wanted it over and done with...now. I closed my eyes, anticipating their next moves as I try to decipher their hushed words amongst each other.
"I think you're right Ryan, nudged the stocky little Italian guy to his left. He looked to be only a little taller than the quiet one and a pair of boxing gloves were tattooed on his bicep.

"Mario. Allan. Hold him!" Ryan demanded, unbuttoning and pulling down the zipper of my jeans as Allan and Mario took grip of me, pinning me forcefully against the wall. Mario's skin was greasy and gritty and his fingernails were digging into deeply into my ar. I begin to struggle as they strongly resisted my efforts. Ryan stepped back, giving himself room to strike me in the stomach a couple of times. Finally, he did what I had predicted and he took his arm and swung viciously, the cool metal slicing effortlessly into my arm, before he returned eagerly to my crotch.
"Frank, come join in the fun," grinned Alan evilly. Allan was a scrawny, ugly, little fuck who looked as if he would be a virgin for his entire life.

"No," the smallest guy, mumbled nervously, peering up for a brief moment. "I don't want to."
By now my jeans and boxers were an embarrassing mess down around my ankles and I had bean turned around, my face squished painfully against the filthy wall, my breath visible as I exhaled into the night.
"Leave him alone, Ryan! You two, Mario...Allan, get the fuck away from him," yelled the mysterious young guy whom they called Frank.
"No, why the fuck should we leave this faggot alone?" questioned Ryan. My eyes grew wide with shock and I wondered how he could have known I was gay and then I realise where I've seen them and how they know me. They're the group at school that everyone is scared of; the clique that everyone has been beaten up by, except me. I have somehow managed to avoid the pleasure of their company...until now that is.

Mario and Allen released me from their hold to join in and argue repeatedly with Frank. I spun around to face them, completely forgetting about my pants and focused on the intriguing conversation that was beginning to take place. Frank placed his hands behind his back hurriedly, producing a gun from the back of his jeans and pointing the barrel straight at Ryan without the slightest hesitation. "Run! ... Fucking run!" he yelled, shooting at me a somewhat startling look. I don't know what it was inside of me, but I couldn't bring my legs to do what I wanted them to.
"Are you crazy, Iero?" Ryan screamed.
"Don't you know better than to bring a knife to a gun fight, Ryan?" Frank asked matter-of-factly before turning to me. "Now run, fucking hell, don't just stand there for fuck sake. Run god damn it!"

I bent down and gathered my loose garments and high-tailed it out of the alley and down the street with the sound of footsteps trailing close behind me. "Wait," the familiar voice called. I took the corner sharply and stopped abruptly, down a neighbouring street, my chest heaving as I gasp for air.
"Why...why did you stop them?" I wondered aloud unknowingly.
"They were going to fuckin rape you," he replied, surprisingly shocked by my curiosity.
"So," I questioned flatly. I was highly aware of their intentions when they came up to me, but I honestly couldn't care.
"So? How can you say that?" he shrieked. Now that he was standing next to me I realised he was a lot shorter than I initially thought.
"You don't care if they use you, beat you and leave you to die in that alley? is that what you want? The was what they were going to do and you're saying you don't care?"
"Who would? It would have been easier if they just left me to die back there. You shouldn't have stopped them."
"I would care," Frank says sounding exasperated.
"You don't mean that. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I wanted to get raped? It would have given me another reason to die," I spat truthfully.
"I do mean that and why do you want to die so much? I don't get it," he asked curiously as he tried to calm himself.
"You wouldn't understand,"
"Try me," he said crossing his arms and staring up at me rather intensely.
"Leave me alone, Frank. You've helped me, now fuck off!" I shouted, turning my back on him and strolling away, cupping my hands around the end of my cigarette to light it while I left him.

~xoxoxoxo~

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