Brother (Frerard)

My eyes flutter open and I squint at the brightness that has set upon the room as the sun rises. I shuffle around to face Gerard, who is already sitting up and watching me by the looks of things. I watch a tear fall down his cheek and his lip quivers.
"What's wrong Gerard?" I ask, sitting up next to him. He stays quiet for a moment and points at my arm, swallowing hard and taking a deep breath.
"You're arm, it's so scarred,"
"Yes," I whisper in return. I am unashamed. I too take a deep breath and brace myself for the questions I sense he is about to ask.
"Why?" He continues, "Why Frankie,"
"Gerard," I breathe. "You cheated on me. It broke my heart,"
"I was fucked up. It was the drugs,"
"Stop. I don't want excuses," I tell him. "Sober or not, you made the decision to sleep with someone else and sacrificed my trust and for what? What did it get you Gerard? It wasn't easy at all for me these last two years,"
"I know. I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry. What's this one from?" He asks, pointing to the long vertical scar running from the top of wrist almost all the way down to my elbow.
"I was in hospital, not too long ago. Things got really bad one night and I couldn't handle without you," I admit. "I was never really myself without you. I've been different. Everythings fucking different. You treated me like shit. You were so fucked up on whatever you were taking and I understand. I was taking too but I worshipped you Gee. There was nothing I wouldn't do for you or for the band. Everyone saw that, why couldn't you. I really thought you loved me,"
"I did love you Frank. I still-"
"Please just don't say it,"
"I do,"
"We better put some clothes on before Lindsey gets up," I suggest.
"Definitely,"
"Also Gerard...I know about the Xanax. I saw them in your car."
I watch Gerard's skin turn a ghostly pale in an instant, clearly too startled to speak.
"She doesn't know does she?" I question him quietly, referring to Lindsey. Gerard shakes his head, refusing to speak further on the matter. It isn't exactly like I could blame him. He hurt me. I left and he let me go. Watching me leave obviously brought him the same amount of pain I felt; it brought more than I ever wanted to believe.
"Come on," I say, breaking the awkward silence. "Let's get dressed"
We slip from the bed, both still naked from the last nights event. I find my discarded clothes and chuck them into my open suitcase, exchanging them for a fresh set and I don't dare to look at Gerard as we both get dressed. It's difficult enough trying to comprehend that we fucked...sober.

Once we are dressed I head to my new favourite place, outside on the deck. There's enough cover, and I slip the filtered end of a fresh smoke between my lips and light the opposite end, inhaling as I do so. I jump as the door creaks behind me and Gerard smiles, handing me a fresh mug of coffee.

"Thank's. How is she?" I ask, assuming that his long absense was spent conversing with the crazy woman.
"She's.." he trails off.
"Upset still, I take it?"
"That's about the size of it,"
"She's called Jamia, she told me,"
"Why?"
"Booked her a flight. She will be here tomorrow. I think her mom is watching the kids."
"It's fine," I state. I know there is nothing Lindsey could tell Jamia that would make this worse.

We continue to sit in utter silnce and smoke our cigaretees and sip from our coffee, both lost in our own worlds of expected scenarios and the outcomes. Gerard leaves eventually and I spend the rest of the morning in my room alone without a single clue as to what Gee is doing or how he is. I lie on my bed, restless and bored and decide to phone Mikey.

"Frank?" He greets after the second ring.
"You busy?"
"Coffee?"
"Am I just going to fly to Jersey am I?" he laughs. It then occurs to me that Gerard must have forgotten to mention my visit or just didn't care to inform him. It was planned and happening all very quickly, I had to admit.
"I'm in L.A"
"Oh, are you with Gerard?"
"Not at the moment,"
"Well get ready, I'll see you in five," he tells me. I hang up and check my face in the mirror.Great I look like I got fucked.

My hair is stuck up in places I didn't know were possible and my eyeliner is so smudged i look like a panda. I grab a wipe and attempt to clean my eyeliner to a shitty standard that is acceptable. I find some clean socks and pull them on with my shoes and head for the door.
"Where are you going?" I hear Gerard sniffle, as he leaves his office.
"Who fucking cares?" Lindsey yelles from within the room.
"Coffee with Mikey," I reply. "Back soon, okay?"
"Get out of here Frank!" She screams.

The look Gerard gives me screams a silent apology. His eyes are full and wet, his bottom lip quivers beneath his teeth. He's hurt and I can tell he doesn't want me to leave. I break eye contct and step outside the door, letting a tear roll down my cheek.
Mikey is there waiting already and I shoot him a smile as we get in.
"Everything okay?" he asks.
"I'll fill you in when we get there."
"Okay"

~xoxoxoxo~

I sit across the table from Mikey, my hands fidgeting with the white plastic lid of my take away coffee.
"So what is it?" Mkey questions worriedly.
"It's Gerard," I state.
"No! Really?"
I give a weak smile at the sarcasm that radiates off of him.
"We slept together and Lindsey wants to kill me I think. She doesn't know,"
"I have to ask, who initiated it?"
"He did,"
"I see,"
"I'm scared Mikey."
"I don't know everything but I know Gee needs you. These years with Lindsey haven't been easy for any of us. His love for you is so deep and we can all see it, but we know what he did to you and how much it hurts. If you really love him and need him to you have to tell him. Be with him Frank, break him from this depression, the Xanax."
"You know about that?" I question surprised.
"Yes. I knew he never stopped taking them. Do you love him?"
"Yes..." I say.
"Did you miss him?"
"Yes,"
"Do you need him?"
"Yes."
"Then tell Gerard."

~xoxoxoxo~

Notes

So... Long story short, I went away for a couple days to spend time with my boyfriend that lives a 45 minute drive from me and I dislocated my knee and have fluid in my kneecap so as much as that should put me in front of a computer to write and upload, I have been a little caught up from this. It's been pretty hard to do anything and I'm still struggling. I will try to upload again soon. Sorry for the delay xxx Hope you all understand and this is an okay chapter.

xo Stay Tuned
xo Over and Out
xoxo Chemical Halo