18th Floor Balcony (Frerard)

Frank was very careful around Gerard ever since what happened last night. He knew he had feelings for his friend, but he also knew that everything that happened to him would inhibit the both of them from moving forward. Gerard needed counseling,- and Frank knew just who to call. He walked up to Mikey and called out to him, who was watching some movie on the couch. He paused it to turn around and listen to him.

“Look, Mikey,” Frank said. “I have a friend who can help Gerard. He...well, no--she’s...she’s a counselor for rape victims. I think it would do Gee some good, and she’s willing to come to the house,”

“That’ll be good,” Mikey nodded in approval. “Gerard really needs help, especially now. He really doesn’t look good today, though. He wouldn’t even touch his breakfast,” he sighed apathetically.

“I’ll talk to her and set up an appointment. She’s a really sweet person,”

“That’s good. You wanna try to talk to Gerard about it?”

“I think you should, Mikes,” Frank said, getting up to clean the plates in the kitchen sink from lunch. “I’ll go call my friend now when I’m done here,”

“Alright, sounds good,” Mikey got up and walked down the hall to Gerard’s room. When Frank finished the dishes, he dialed his friend’s number.

“Hey Georgia, it’s Frank,”

“Hey, Frank. It’s been a while,” the feminine voice on the other line spoke.

“Listen, I’ve got a favor to ask,” Frank said. “I’ve got a client for you. It’s my patient I’m taking care of,”

“Oh, is it? Can I have the address? I’ll come see him. It’ll be good to reconnect with you,”

“It sure will. Our address is 290 Hickory Lane, apartment number 1823 at the Monroeville apartment complex. The zip code is 34699,”

“Alright, thanks. See you tomorrow, Frank,”

Frank hung up the phone. He knew that this was the right thing to do. If he ever wanted a relationship with any kind with Gerard, he had to get him to face the trauma of his rape.

_ _ _

“Hey Gee, are you getting to know the machine? I mean, thankfully you don’t need it yet, but it’s better to know how it will work,” Mikey asked, eyeing the expensive communication computer he and Frank bought for Gerard’s birthday, for when the time for him comes when he can no longer communicate verbally.

“Yeah...I know how it works,” Gerard nodded hesitantly, his eyes vacant and apathetic as he read. Mikey sighed deeply, torn apart seeing his brother so forlorn.

“Look Gee, I think you need to talk to someone about what happened. Frankie has a friend and he said that she will come to the house,”

Gerard shook his head. He hated the idea of a shrink coming to his apartment to sit there, take notes, and fill him up to the brim with medication. He already went through the same shit in high school with his struggle with depression, and no, he wanted no part of it.

“No, Mikey. I don’t need one,”

“Yes you do, Gee. Frank and I are both worried about you. Frank says you cry out in your sleep and cringe when him or I even touch your arm. You are not going to get any better until you talk about this,”

“N-no!” Gerard barked, shaking in his seat when his mind snapped back to the image of Marco touching his arm, brushing his hand against his skin. “I said I don’t fucking need one!”

“You’re being stubborn, Gerard,” Mikey stood up to leave. “Look, she is going to be here tomorrow and either you talk to her or waste all our time,”

“I’m not fucking talking to anyone and that’s final! Just leave me alone!” Gerard screamed.

“Gladly,” Mikey stormed out of the room, slamming the door. Frank was coming out of his room after making a phone call.

“I take that it didn’t go very well, huh?” he asked.

“Not at all,” Mikey sighed. “Gerard can have a bad temper, but...he’s gotten worse,”

“Well, Ryan...sorry, Georgia is going to be here tomorrow, so at least you can talk to her,”

“Will do,”

Frank just hoped that Gerard would change his mind when Ryan/Georgia got here. He went to the kitchen to decide on the menu for tomorrow when his friend arrived.

_ _ _

“I told you, I am not seeing a fucking psychiatrist!” Gerard screamed when Mikey woke him up to get him ready for his appointment.

“Then you will spend the fucking day in this room, because you are acting nothing like a grown man right now!” Mikey slammed the door to the bedroom. He saw Frank in the living room. “I’m sorry, Frank. Maybe this idea of mine was stupid,”

Frank looked down at the magazines on the coffee table. They could still hear Gerard screaming from the bedroom down the hall. Mikey sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“How about some music?” Frank asked, getting up and going to the stereo. He popped in a Red Hot Chili Peppers CD and a sweet bass line filled the room.

“Much better, Mikey laughed, the music drowning out Gerard’s screams.

“Georgia should be here soon,” Frank started to bustle about, cleaning the living room like a frantic housewife,”

“Here, let me help!” Mikey jolted to his feet, grabbing a nearby broom and sweeping the floor. The two of them worked til the doorbell rang. Frank went over to answer. A slender woman was standing there with soft facial features. She was dressed in a flowy dress and a sweet smile.

“Hey, Ryan...sorry, Georgia,” Frank said, correcting himself. The woman laughed.

“Frankie, it’s okay. I am still alright with you calling me that. It’s what you have known me as for a few years now,”

“Yeah, but I want to respect you too,”

“You are the only one I never had to worry about respecting me,” Georgia cupped Frank’s cheek and kissed it sweetly. Frank smiled and let her in the house.

“Hello there, I’m Mikey,” Mikey greeted, shaking the woman’s hand.

“Pleasure, I’m Georgia. You’re the younger brother of the patient, yes?”

“Yeah, I am,” Mikey sighed. “Gerard’s in his room being a big baby. He refused to get outta bed today,”

“Now Mikey, talking about him like that is not going to give him much motivation, is it?” Georgia took her coat off and put her things down. “If he is not ready to talk, then he will not, but I am still going to introduce myself politely,”

Frank knew this is how Ryan has always been. He admired that about her.

“Where is Gerard’s room?” Georgia asked. Frank showed her the way, but she declined him going with her. Georgia stopped at the door and knocked. There was no answer. She took a breath and then opened the door. “Gerard, may I come in? It’s Dr. Ross,”

“Go away,” Gerard groaned, his head turned away from the doctor as he tried his damndest to sleep.

“Very well, then. It was nice meeting you, Gerard,” Georgia closed the door and returned to the living room. “Well, that could have been worse,”

“That’s it?” Mikey furrowed his brow.

“I can’t force him to talk,” Georgia sat down. Frank brought over a tray of drinks. “Thanks, Frankie,” She kissed his cheek again.

“But you gotta! How else is he supposed to get better?” Mikey whined.

“Shhh, calm down,” Georgia laid a hand on Mikey’s knee. “He will talk, trust me. He won’t be able to help himself, but he has to want to do it,”

“I guess you’re right,” Mikey shook his head, knowing that Gerard’s recovery from what happened to him is gonna be long and gruelling. He cursed out Marco’s name in his mind, wishing nothing but the worst upon him for what he’s done to his poor older brother.

“So, why don’t you tell me your side of the story first?” Georgia asked.

“Well...do you know what happened to him?”

“No, because it was not Frankie’s jon to tell me. He just told me my services were possibly needed,”

“Oh...well, you see…,” Mikey started, already feeling himself shake at the thought of the horrible things Marco did to Gerard. “We had a caregiver for Gerard when Frank quit for a while, and...he did terrible things to him. He was...drugged and...r-raped, multiple times,”

“That must have been awful for your and Frank,” Georgia simply replied.

“Us?!” Frank chimed in, yelling. “Fuck, what about Gerard?!”

“Calm down, Frankie,” Georgia cut Frank off. “Gerard has a right to be upset, but he is also vulnerable, and could he have fought the guy off if he tried? I mean, it would not have continued after the first time, but it still would have happened. You two, however, could have stopped it anytime if you had the knowledge, but Frankie, you chose to leave and abandon your charge and Mikey has to work outside the home to support the two of them. Therefore, you two are the ones to blame the most,”

“If you were still a boy, Ryan...I would fucking clock you right now,” Frank growled.

“Wait, Frank,” Mikey reached over to Frank, holding him down before anything could have possibly gone down. “She has a point, y’know...it’s all our fault,”

“I did not say that. Rape is the fault of the person or people that designed the thought in the first place. What I am saying is that Gerard’s guilt is shared with all of you in different ways, and it would benefit him if you all talked about it,”

“So you want to serve all three of us? You never said that on the phone, Georgia,” Frank asked, his brow furrowed.

“And if I had…,”

“I would have told you to fuck off,”

“Exactly, Frankie. All three of you are covered under the insurance, so that is not a concern. I checked yesterday. The question is, do you want to do this? It would certainly be better for Gerard to see you being cooperative,”

Frank looked at Mikey longingly. He did want to do this for Gerard. Whatever it took to help his patient, he was willing to do.

“I am willing to do this for Gerard,”

“Me too. I want to help my big brother. I want him to live a happy life before…,” Mikey paused, not even wanting to think about the day where Gerard is only inches away from death’s door. “...before the end…,”

“Wonderful,” Georgia pulled out her ledger. “So Frank, you are here all the time, but I want to make sure your appointment does not interfere in taking care of your charge, so when does he usually nap?”

“After lunch mostly, like at around two-ish,” Frank replied.

“Great, so I will come on Wednesday at around two. Now Mikey, you work during the day, so I can come during the evening, but I would not want to interrupt dinner time,”

“That’s fine. We’re usually finished with dinner at around six,”

“Is seven too late?”

“No, seven should be fine. Gerard doesn’t go to bed til around ten or eleven, but no later than midnight,”

“I’m not too worried about his availability right now,” Georgia said, writing down some notes. “Well then, I will see you on Wednesday, Frankie,”

“Sure, Georgia. Sorry about the boy crack earlier,”

“Frankie, both I and Ryan could have taken you,” Georgia laughed.

“I thought you did,” Frank laughed as Georgia laughed.

“Thank you so much,” Mikey laughed with them both. “We really do appreciate your help. I apologize about my difficult brother,”

“Right...it’s no trouble,” Georgia picked up her stuff and headed to the door. Frank stood there with her coat. “Hey...that was not a dig. We had a fun and tried, right?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t your fault I was not…,”

“Stop, you are really happy now, and that’s what I want for you,” Georgia smiled and kissed Frank, but this time a soft peck on the lips. “See ya, Frankie. It was nice meeting you, Mikey,” She said, leaving. Mikey turned to Frank.

“Well, Frankie...I suppose we let Gerard cool off a bit? I can try to talk to him later,”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” the blush hadn’t left Frank’s face as he closed the door. “Wait...what?”

“We can’t just leave him in there all alone all day. We still gotta take care of him, y’know?” Mikey said, concern in his face.

“Oh, right...I would never do that to him, Mikey,” Frank replied reluctantly. He was kind of hurt that he was thought of like that. The sweet moment he had with Ryan/Georgia drained away. “I’m going to make Gerard’s lunch,”

“Here, let me help you,” Mikey offered.

“I’ve got it. After all, it’s my responsibility. That’s what I get paid to do, right?” Frank went into the kitchen.

“Still, I feel bad sitting around doing nothing while you do all the work. I’d do anything to help take care of Gee. He is my brother, after all,”

Frank didn’t answer. He just kept wondering why he was never good enough for anyone.

_ _ _

“Hey Gee, I have lunch for you. It’s pastina in chicken broth. It will warm you up a bit,” Frank said as he brought Gerard’s lunch tray over to his bedside table. Gerard sleepily opened up his eyes, the C-PAP firmly planted to his face, like always. He turned his head to Frank and sighed remorsefully. He felt like shit for the way he acted earlier. It was childish of him, and he knew better. He had to apologize.

“Frank…,” he said as Frank set the tray down and moved to take off the mask from Gerard.

“Feel better after a nap?” he asked.

“I guess so…,” Gerard’s voice trailed off. He really, really felt awful for the way he acted towards Frank and Mikey earlier. Here they were taking care of him and treating him like a king, and he’s acting like a self-loathing, explosive jerk the whole time. He didn’t deserve any of this. A single tear ran down his eye as he looked up at Frank in genuine guilt. Frank put the mask and machine away, making a note in his head to clean the mask after lunch. He grabbed the tray and sat down in his chair.

“Do you want me to feed you, or do you want to try it yourself, Gee?” he asked. Gerard looked down at his arms...or at least, what was left of them. He tried to command his arms to move, but they just won’t budge. Even his shaking hands are starting to give in, too. If only these arms, as well as his shiftless legs of his, were mobile enough to stop Marco, he thought…

“I...I can’t,” Gerard said hesitantly.

“It’s okay, Gee. That’s what I am here for,” Frank picked up the spoon and scooped some of the small pasta shapes up and blew on them lightly. “Open up, Gee,”

Gerard wasn’t honestly that hungry. He didn’t that much breakfast either, but his hunger had been the last thing he’d been worried about lately. But he’s gotta eat something. He can’t afford to piss off Frank and Mikey again, he thought. He’s already given them hell just for existing, after all. He opened up, just praying in the back of his mind that he’ll be able to keep his food down and not puke it back up like he’s always done. Frank managed to get about five spoonfuls into Gerard before he begged off. That was enough to make him smile. He took small sips of water and was able to hold it down. Frank was proud of him.

“How about I set up a movie in the living room? Or would you rather rest more and read in here?” Frank asked his patient.

Gerard had to get his ass outta bed. He’s gone too long without being changed or repositioned, and he knew that wouldn’t benefit him at all, or make Frank or Mikey happy. He honestly didn’t feel like doing shit today, but tough for him. He’s gotta make up for the way he acted earlier.

“I’ll get outta bed. I know Mikey wouldn’t be happy to see me in bed all day anyways,” he answered.

“Mikey knows you need your rest. And don’t worry about him. Worry about what you need. If you try and force yourself, you know it will be worse,” Frank said, softly running a hand through Gerard’s bangs.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, Gee. Whatever you need,”

“Okay, Frank,” Gerard smiled, relieved that he gets to sleep in some more, despite being in bed for more than twelve hours now. He didn’t want to be alone anymore, though. He was sick of the voices mocking and laughing at him maniacally, and he needed someone there to make them shut up already.

“Hey, Frank...can you...do me a favor?”

“Sure, Gee. Anything,”

“Can you...stay with me in here for a little while?”

“Sure, but I’m staying in the chair, because you freaked out last time I was in the bed,”

“That’s fine…,” Gerard’s voice trailed off. He wanted Frank right next to him, but he knew that that could risk the memories he he-knows-who to show up, and he fucking hated it. Frank doesn’t deserve to be associated with that scumbag in any way, shape, or form. Frank went and grabbed Gerard’s copy of The Outsiders by S.E Hinton and settled back in the chair.

“Do you want me to read to you?” Frank asked.

“I’d love that,” Gerard smiled. “But first...I think I need to be changed,”

“Of course, how careless of me,” Frank went to get the necessary items to take care of his patient’s personal needs. When he was done, they both settled back in. “Now, where were we last time I stopped?”

“Not sure,” Gerard shrugged.

“I’ll figure it out then,” Frank flipped through the book til he found a dog-eared page. “Here we are,” he cleared his throat and began reading.

Notes