18th Floor Balcony (Frerard)

In the living room, Gerard sat in his mechanical wheelchair, watching reruns of some sitcom he was paying almost no attention to. When he heard the front door open, he turned around in the chair to see his new poor soul that’s here to take care of him, only to have his jaw drop to the ground when he got a good look at who it was--Frank fucking Iero.

“F-frank?” he gasped.

Frank didn’t know what to say. He just stood there, stunned to see the same awkward, artsy punk kid now in a wheelchair, his body slowly deteriorating from a terminal and fatal disease. This is the same exact guy he went to high school with, and he has changed...a lot. Frank knew he couldn’t let himself get carried away with his own dismay and shock for his old friend, though. He’s got a patient to take care of.

“Hey, Gerard. Been awhile, hasn’t it? You…,” Frank stopped as he was about to say that the young man looked good, but that would be so wrong to say...still he did not look bad, though….Oh, fuck it. “...look good. How have you been?”

“Uh, well...I-I can’t say I look the greatest...b-but thank you,” Gerard stuttered, still unable to shake the fact that his best friend from high school is standing right in front of him. It’s like something straight out of a strange dream, and he’s waiting for the moment to wake up back in his hospital bed with his breakfast at his bedside. “And...well, I can’t say I’ve been all that great, either. Been better, been worse. How are you?”

“I’m alright,” Frank shrugged. “I mean, it’s been rough since dad died of cancer, but...I get by with my grandma’s help, y’know?”

“Oh...I’m so sorry,” Gerard said, a part of him deep down envying Frank’s late father. Why did someone like him get to die while a miserable quadriplegic fuck like Gerard has to keep going on and on, suffering every waking hour of his life?

“It’s alright. I mean, we had lost contact by then, but I still appreciate the sentiment. What about your parents, Gee?” Frank asked, curious of what the agency dared not to tell him about Gerard’s “personal life”. “Umm...I was told that you had no family other than Mikey. Did you...like, lose them like I lost my dad?”

“No, Frankie…,” he nodded, feeling his insides turn to jelly, as well as his stiff body tremble with rage at the thought of his cheater of a father. “I still have my mom, but...I lost my dad. He...he was a filthy cheater. He left mom for a younger woman. He left us not long after I was first diagnosed,”

“Oh wow, Gee...I’m so sorry,” Frank frowned. “I never thought that Don was that type of guy. How did your mom take it?”

“Oh, Donna was a mess. I find it hard to believe she’s over it, despite her telling me she truly is...and I’m pretty sure you knew damn well how overbearing she was, right? Well, ever since dad left...she’s gotten worse...much, much worse, especially with babying me all because of me being a fucking cripple,”

“Wait...I’m confused,” Frank said, furrowing his brow in bewilderment. “If you have Mikey and you have your mom...why do you need me? Not that I don’t want to be here. Hell, this beats taking care of some old stranger, and at least I’ve seen your pale ass when we used to go skinny dipping in the summertime,”

“You’ve got that right,” Gerard laughed dryly, looking back at the fond memories of him and Frank fucking around. “It’s just that...my mom couldn’t handle taking care of me anymore. She’s an old lady with a bad back, so after she stopped caring for me, she helped us get our own place and Mikey started to take care of me instead. But now...I’m declining. I need more help, unfortunately. Just waiting until I finally drop dead, really,”

“Damn Gee, that’s no way to talk! You got to make the best of what you have--”

“How can I? I’m just a dependent, immobile sack of shit that’s just gonna get sicker!” Gerard exclaimed, shaking a little in the seat of his wheelchair. His eyes suddenly widened, knowing that upsetting his new caregiver is a bad idea. “I...I’m sorry, Frank. I didn’t mean to lash out like that. It’s just hard sometimes…,”

“It’s alright, man. It’s not like I haven’t seen it before. I’ve worked with some terminally ill patients that gave up all hope. You are not terminally ill, though. There are all kinds of research out there and you never know what they will come up with tomorrow, y’know?” Frank smiled, remembering his father’s words of wisdom.

“If you say so,” Gerard shrugged, deciding that right now is not worth the time to fight with Frank about his stupid illness. After all, it was good to see him again. He smiled, looking up at him in admiration with his ceil blue scrubs. Frank looks good today, despite looking like he works in a hospital full of sick and dying people. In fact, he looks really damn good...and Gerard just couldn’t help shaking it off. “Excuse me--” he coughed up falsely, hoping to God that he’s not blushing in front of Frank.

“Do you need a drink?”

Frank went to grab a water bottle nearby and opened up the top for Gerard. He pulled a straw out of his shirt pocket and placed it inside just for him.

“Thank you,” Gerard said, graciously accepting the water and taking a sip.

“Of course,” Frank replied, waiting til Gerard was finished, and then put the bottle down beside him for next time. “So, Gerard...do you have...like, a daily list?”

“Well, not so much of a list as more of a daily routine. I do get lunch at around twelve, and dinner at five. After that, I have a bath every other day and get ready to retire for the night. I’m usually asleep by ten, if not sooner than that. I also do usually take a nap at around two-ish. Right now I just chill out and do whatever,”

“I like that. Easy living,” Frank nodded, satisfied of the rather lax schedule Gerard goes by, compared to some other stubborn patients he’s worked with in the past. “So, Gee...you wanna show me around here? How about your room?”

“It ain’t much, but sure,” Gerard nodded. “Wanna go out to the balcony there? It’s a gorgeous view,” Gerard said, still eyeing Frank in utter amazement. There’s something about him that just makes him feel different. He’s certainly felt it before around him during high school, and now it’s back twice as strong. Frank just looks so fucking good…

“Your room has a balcony? That’s so cool!” Frank exclaimed, unable to hide the excitement in his voice.

“Of course! Come on, Frank. Let’s go!”

Gerard drove his chair on ahead of Frank, leading him to his spacious bedroom. He came up against a dead end when he got to the sliding door. He just couldn’t get his malfunctioning hands to open that stupid door!

“Damn it!” he growled, already fed up with himself as he struggled to reach for the handle of the door. “I can’t--”

“Here, let me, Frank reached out, opening up the door for his frustrated patient. “A gentleman always opens a door for a lady,” he said, smirking.

“Well, thank you,” Gerard laughed a bit. They both entered the spacious ornate balcony, taking in the lovely view of the city below them, all the way down from the eighteenth-floor balcony they stood from. Frank wondered how in the hell Gerard and Mikey could possibly afford to live in a rich area like this. He knew they came from a wealthy family, but...damn...

“Man, that’s a long way down…,”

Frank leaned over the railing, spitting a loogie down the many stories of the tall building, hoping to god it doesn’t land on anyone unfortunate to land in its path.

“Wow, like you’ve always been a gentleman, Frankie,” Gerard smirked, laughing a bit at Frank’s childishness.

”Hey, I'm still that punk-ass kid from high school...just a little better and reigning it in, that's all,”

Frank couldn't help but shiver at the sudden windchill. It was too cold for a spring day, but then again, it is early in the season.

Wait a minute. Speaking of spring…

”Hey, Gee. Your birthday is next month,”

"I know...gonna be twenty-four...," Gerard sighed, remembering just what happened to him in the spring of almost four years ago when he was in the doctor's office. "Which means I might have another year or so to live...,"

Frank didn't want to think about that. No one deserved a life cut down that short.

"Yeah, well that's one more year to drive Mikey and I crazy and who knows after that right?"

"That's true. I'm surprised I'm still able to run my mouth to drive you guys crazy, but...I don't think it's gonna stay like that much longer. Soon I won't be able to have conversations like this with you, Frank...,"

Gerard sighed deeply, trying his damnedest to not let his woefulness and fear get the best of him. "Soon I won't be able to eat at all, or even try to help you out when it comes to taking care of my dying ass...,"

"Why don't we worry about that when we get there huh?" Frank smiled. His hand was itching for a cigarette.

"I guess so. At least I can still function enough to annoy the ever loving shit outta you guys,"

"That's right, and we can annoy you right back." Frank laughed, moving to the door. "How about we get you dressed now?"

”Sure. I would like to get outta these jammies, now that you mention it,"

"You still call them that huh?" Frank giggled again, pushing the nicotine fit down. He stepped over the threshold and bowed."M'lady."

“Oh, Frank,” Gerard laughed, remembering how much he made him do so during the good old days. Frank watched as Gerard drove himself back into the room to get dressed.

"So what would you like to wear today?” Frank asked, browsing through Gerard’s closet. “It’s a little chilly, but not bad,”

"Maybe a t-shirt and jeans, with my leather jacket and scarf. How's that?"

"Sexy as hell," Frank winked at Gerard and chuckled as he blushed. "Come on stud muffin, let's see that gorgeous ass of yours,”

Frank went to help Gerard out of the chair back onto the bed. He was suddenly really happy that this was his first assignment...

_ _ _

"So Gee...I know this may be awkward and I can read it in the file, but would you tell me how you found out about your condition?" Frank asked in the midst of his and Gerard's silence. They were relaxing in the living room watching one of the mindless Lifetime movies that came on for bored housewives, which nowadays was pretty men too.

"Well...," Gerard paused to give himself a moment before losing it. He knew he had to keep himself together around Frank. "I was in my first year at Drew University. It only started out as me losing my balance a lot and tripping over, then it got to the point where I couldn't even button up my shirt. So I went to a doctor and they did a bunch of tests on me....and they told me I had ALS, and that I'd have about five years to live, so I'd be dead by...twenty-five. Soon it got to the point where I couldn't hold my pencils or paintbrushes right, so I had to drop out...because I wanted to be an artist, but I couldn’t take care of myself anymore. I had no choice,”

"That's terrible Gee. I can't even imagine it because you loved art. It was your life,” Frank frowned, putting a comforting hand on Gerard's shoulder. He knew it was true that something as simple as being an artist was his old best friend’s dream. He knew it was his whole life, seeing a younger Gerard drawing in his sketch pad.

"I know it was...," Gerard went silent for a moment, looking at the walls of his art from his better days. He tried his damnedest to hold back tears. He knew he couldn't cry…

"Did you...I mean, there are specialists that can help and--”

"No, Frank. He just decided to give up,”

Frank looked up and saw Mikey walk in. He put his coat down, as well as the briefcase that Frank didn't notice this morning.

"Hey Mikey, how was work?"

"Still there, just lunch break. I usually share with Gee,”

"Hey, Mikey," Gerard smiled a bit, greeting his brother home. Mikey nodded to Gerard, clearly still angry at him from this morning. He went into the kitchen and started preparing lunch. Frank felt awkward. He could feel the tension in the house. He stood up.

"Hey, I'm gonna go help Mikey,” he said. He walked over and laid a hand on Gerard's. "It's gonna be okay,”. Gerard smiled up at Frank. He was always one to make him smile, even in the darkest of times.

"Thank you,"

"Anytime," Frank squeezed and then left the room. He walked into the kitchen and saw Mikey taking out his aggression on an onion. He saw the can of tuna fish waiting to be opened. He picked up one and then searched for a can opener.

”What's going on, Mikey?”

”Can't stand it, Frank. Sooner or later his negativity is gonna get on your last nerve, trust me,"

”I think he just needs a little motivation in the right direction. Someone to talk to who doesn't expect anything of him, just his words. It can be hard to find that...even among family and friends. Speaking of, where are his friends?"

"I've tried to give him that motivation, but he just won't budge. You, me, and Ray are all he's got in terms of friends. You knew how he was in high school, right? Everyone picked on us, but...it was Gerard that got it the worst, I think. Everyone picked on him because he was...well, different. His depression never made anything better either,"

Frank found the can opener and popped the tuna open. he started to drain the cane in the sink and wash the smell and residue away down the drain with the running water.

"Yeah, but by senior year he was coming into his own with going to the university. He was better and the medication was helping and he was opening up more. I guess I figured that he had made friends there...I mean, he pretty much forgot about me after that."

Frank wasn't bitter. He wasn’t mad at Gerard for forgetting about him after high school. He knew Gerard had a lot going for him at the university. Besides, Frank also knew he was no one special, just a loser punk kid, and CNA.

"I know he was excited about university. He really, really was. You saw how he was when he got that acceptance letter from Drew University, but...deep down the depression was eating at him alive. You know he's been one to hide his feelings well," Mikey sighed, finishing up on dicing the onions. "And I highly doubt he even made one friend over at the university. He wasn't even that close to his dorm roommate. Gerard told me that he was always too scared to talk to others because of how everyone treated him in high school. Also, when the ALS started to get worse...a lot of people laughed and made fun of him, which I guess pushed him over the edge when he dropped out,"

"I would have punched them in their fucking mouths!" Frank growled, and then realized what he said. "Sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"No, I would’ve done the same, Frank," Mikey chuckled dryly. "I love my brother to death, and I want the best care for him, but...he's become too much for me. That's part of the reason why we need more help from a caregiver. Even mom and Gerard’s doctor said that he needs one. He's been declining...fast,"

"You know, I have a few friends that are doing research in this field. They might be able to give me some information. I can contact them tomorrow,” Frank said, remembering a few science nut friends he made in biology class from high school. Maybe, hopefully, they could help…

"What did they find?"

"There is a device that patients can work with their thoughts or something like that so that they can write and draw. Gerard could really benefit from that I bet,”

"Really? I never knew that!" Mikey's eyes brightened up. "I know Gerard can be a cynical son of a gun, but...I think he'll be happy to hear about that,"

”Let's surprise him for his birthday,” Frank suggested, the idea already sounding brilliant in his mind.

”Yeah! How much is this stuff? I can imagine it's expensive...,"

"Let me get your insurance information. I am sure that we can figure something out,”

”Sounds great. Thanks, Frank,"

"Sure,”

Frank finished mixing the tuna and added the onions that Mikey chopped up with the mayo. Then Mikey cut slices of tomato and crisp lettuce and Frank made a bowl with them for Gerard and sandwiches for them. He grabbed a bag of low salt veggie chips and headed back to the living room.

”Here we are, Gee. Lunch is ready”

"Oh, thank you," Gerard said, turning his chair around to see what is yet to be served for lunch. “Looks good,”

“Here, I can help you,” Frank said. He sat next to Gerard and pulled up the little tray on the side of the wheelchair. He placed Gerard’s plate in front of him. "Or would you like to try first?"

"Let me try," Gerard said immediately, picking up the fork, just to have it fall from his hands again and again as he struggled to hold the damn thing in his shaking hands. He sighed, clearly not far off at all from looking embarrassed.

"I got it, Gee, we can try again next time." Frank picked up the fork and lifted some tuna to Gerard's mouth. Gerard took a bite, chewing the contents. He swallowed, just to have the contents of half-digested food lodge down the wrong pipe, making him cough it back up all over himself.

"I...I'm sorry," Gerard huffed, ready to give up and just starve...again.

"It's alright Gee, it happens,”

Frank went and got a cloth to clean up the mess. He came back with one, wiping up the mess off Gerard's shirt and mouth.

"Thank you," Gerard said, smiling up at him despite the sorrow in his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess. You deserve better,"

"Stop that. I don't mind taking care of you. In fact, I was really happy to find out that it was you,”

"Really? Well...I'm happy you're my caregiver, but I hate to be such a burden...,"

Frank lifted Gerard's head as he continued to wipe off his face, smiling warmly at him.

"You are not a burden to me Gerard. You have never been and you never will be,”

"Are you sure?" Gerard blushed, Frankie's touch against him nice and tender. There's a sort of comfort Gerard gets when he's this close to him...and he loves it. Of course, he can't tell that to his caregiver. He's probably already got a cute girlfriend that's very lucky to have Frank.

Frank moved his hand to Gerard's cheek and caressed it softly.

"I promise,” he whispered.

"If you two would like to be alone…,"

Frank forgot that Mikey was in the room. He stood up, quickly banging his knee against Gerard's tray and falling backward, flailing and landing flat on his face.

"Frank! Are you okay?" Gerard exclaimed, wishing he could just run over and scoop the poor fallen Frankie up in his arms.

"Yeah, just really, really embarrassed right now," Frank stood up and saw that he upset his and Gerard's lunch. "I'll clean this up and go make more,"

"I got it Frank, you just go get yourself cleaned up,” Mikey said, kneeling down to clean up the spilled plate on the floor. Frank nodded and left the room. He was going to have to be more careful and remember that this is a professional relationship and learn to maintain his distance better and be more informal.

"Frank, get a fucking grip,” he cursed under his breath. He headed into Gerard's room to find a new shirt and to take in a much-needed cigarette. It’s not gonna be a walk through the park taking care of Gerard, and he knew that damn well.

Notes