He Likes Me

Frank wasn't in bed the next morning when Gerard woke up, which caused the man to panic and throw the sheets back as if they were restricting him: stopping him from getting to his boyfriend. Concern set in and Gerard chewed anxiously on his bed, listening out for any signs that Frank was upset again. He couldn't hear any sounds of crying - which was definitely a good thing - and when he leaned over and glanced at the bathroom to see if Frank might be locked in there again, he saw the door was wide open and the room was empty.

The man frowned; it wasn't early, just gone nine, but that was earlier than Gerard usually got up and it worried him that Frank wasn't next to him. However, when he got up, somewhat reluctantly, and made the bed he heard voices coming from downstairs. One was Frank's, that much he could tell. He couldn't make out what they were saying but the familiar, faraway hum of his lover's voice was one that he could recognise from any distance. The other one though, Gerard did not recognise; it was quieter than Frank's, the higher, lighter pitch making it more difficult to hear, but it was clear that it was a female.

After pulling on some clean jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt he got up. Making sure he didn't make any noise, Gerard crept across the landing and peered over the top of the stairs. The kitchen was directly below Gerard and Frank's shared bedroom and that meant that not only would any sound the older man made be heard by Frank and whoever his visitor was but also that Gerard was able to see into the kitchen from his position hanging over the stair balcony. It was wrong, he knew, to spy on his boyfriend. It was wrong to listen in to what might be private conversations, but Gerard could help it. Aside from the generic feelings of concern and confusion, there was another emotion brewing under his cool exterior.

Jealousy.

Gerard was ashamed to admit it, but the though of Frankie, his Frankie, downstairs talking to some random girl made his blood boil. Frank was his - he had created the boy, he had given him a home and food and clothes, Frank would be nothing without Gerard. He supposed the jealousy stemmed from his underlying insecurities; the terrifying thoughts that Frank would leave him for someone younger, cooler, less uptight than Gerard began plaguing him as he snuck down step after step, making sure he was out of sight should either of the two in the kitchen decide to look round and catch sight of him lurking on the stairs.

He could just about make out what they were saying from his new, closer location and he strained his ears to hear the whole sentences.

"What are you even doing here?" Frank asked, sounding confused and slightly in awe. That made Gerard's skin prickle with jealousy and a sense of possessiveness. Was it bad that he wanted to be the only one Frank talked like that to?

"I'm sorry! I had to come and see you!"... that was the female voice, low and insistent and desperate. It made Gerard nauseas.

"You can't be here," Frank argued. "I'm so happy to see you, I swear, but Gerard... I don't... I don't know!"

Gerard hold just imagine how his lover looked - downcast, frightened, eyes wide and intense and beautiful. What was he trying to hide from him? What did Gerard need to know that Frank didn't want to tell him? Who was the woman that Frank was 'so happy to see,'?

The man felt sick to his stomach as he realised Frank was keeping secrets from him - deliberately holding things back for whatever reason. Maybe it was because he didn't want kicked out? What if he was lying to Gerard, had been lying all this time, and was really only staying with Gerard because he had nowhere else to go? What if he was seeing another man or women on the side and they were together now, in Gerard's kitchen, thinking up an elaborate plan to rob him blind and then skip town afterwards, leaving Gerard heartbroken and untrusting? Or, even worse, what if he was seeing Gerard on the side? What if Gerard was only an affair, someone he would break up with as soon as his real lover found out?

As soon as the thoughts entered his head Gerard ruled them out as being far-fetched and ridiculous. Frank loved him, only him! Frank relied so completely and utterly on Gerard that the older man doubted he would even consider cheating on him. Whenever Frank looked at him, whether it was in the morning when he just woke up, or after sex, or even when they were eating dinner and Frank didn't think his partner would notice him staring, his eyes were always filled with adoration and contentment. Frank was happy with him. Frank didn't need anybody else as long as he had Gerard. He got upset whenever Gerard was out of the room for too long, for Christ's sake! Pleasing Gerard was all the boy seemed to want to do, and that alone was enough to reassure the man of Frankie's total commitment to him. Of course Frank wouldn't cheat on him. Frank would never hurt him!

And as if that wasn't enough evidence, Gerard forced himself to remember the confusing way Frank had... come to be, so to speak. Gerard had created Frank, had typed his life and had it written in black and white and locked away in the top drawer of his desk in his study. Frank's life had effectively started the day he woke up in Gerard's bed, so there was no way he would have been able to find time to meet someone. Whatever the reason for Frank's secrecy, whoever the mysterious woman in the kitchen was, Gerard wouldn't pry. If Frank wanted him to know he would tell him at some point; he deserved his privacy and attempting to force the boy to tell him would only end badly... for both of them.

That was why, when the voices in the kitchen dropped again a dull murmur and Gerard was completely unable to hear anything, he tiptoed back upstairs to his room and made sure to bring his feet down against the floor harder than necessary. Alerting Frank to his consciousness would give him time to decide on a course of action; whether to come clean and explain everything to Gerard - including who this women was, why she was in Gerard's kitchen and why Frank was so goddamned "happy to see" her - or whether to usher the women out and hide this from the older man.

Gerard plodded across the landing louder than necessary, running his fingers through his hair messily to make it look like he just crawled out of bed. He heard scurrying footsteps and urgent whispering from below him and made sure to yawn exaggeratedly, stopping his descent of the stairs midstep to stretch his arms above his head. He pulled the sleeves of his t-shirt down to cover his fingers in the pretence that he was cold when, in reality, he didn't want his boyfriend to see how badly his hands were shaking.

This was Frank, he told himself over and over again, Frank would never cheat on him, or lie to him, or hurt him, right?! Still, Gerard couldn't stop the sinking feeling he felt in the pit of his stomach when he strolled ever so casually into the kitchen to find the boy sitting alone at the table. A cursory glance around the room showed him no evidence of there having been another person in here just minutes ago. There were no bags or misplaced belongings to prove Gerard hadn't just imagined it, and whilst there were two cups of coffee on the table, that wasn't out of the ordinary. Frank clasped one mug in both hands as though allowing the steaming liquid to warm them and the other drink was untouched, black and strong looking just like Gerard took his coffee. It was more than obvious this drink had been made for him.

When Gerard raised his eyes to Frank's face his heart sank even more. His lover's cheeks were tinged pink and his eyes were bright, but that was hardly anything incriminating. Nothing was out of the ordinary that couldn't be explained away with some logical solution - if Gerard so much as commented on Frank's reddened face or the light dancing behind his eyes, a clear contrast to what he had looked like the morning before, he would look suspicious and possessive and undesirable. Gerard didn't want Frank to think him unworthy of love or undesirable in any way, didn't want to give him any excuse that the boy might use to justify leaving Gerard, if that situation arose.

Frank smiled sweetly at Gerard, who struggled to reciprocate the action, as he sat down at the table across from the boy and took a sip of his coffee. It was bitter and it burnt his throat on the way down, but the man barely winced. What did it matter if his tongue got a little burnt? His boyfriend might leave him - so soon after Gerard realised he loved him! - and physical pain was immaterial next to the horrible, agonising hole Frank would leave in Gerard's chest if he decided to leave.

It was only when Gerard's eyes lifted to meet Frank's and the boy met his gaze with a concerned expression that he realised he'd been grimacing. He relaxed his features into a more neutral expression and took another sip of his drink to stall for time, to think of something to say that didn't somehow accuse Frank of wanting to break up.

"You're up early." was all he could think to say, and it didn't help matters when he remembered he hadn't actually heard the front door open or shut when he was walking downstairs. It was likely that whoever had been in here earlier was still in the house and therefore able to hear every word being said. The pressure of not saying anything stupid or damning was causing Gerard to panic and he set his mug down on the table in fear of dropping it.

"I guess," Frank started, "but I need to get into the routine of waking up early if I'm going to go back to school soon."

The words shocked Gerard and his head snapped up to send Frank a confused look. Then he realised that Frank was eighteen, he went to high school, to study music and art just how Gerard and written. It was the holidays, he knew that, so he really shouldn't have been surprised when Frank mentioned having to go back. He was surprised the topic hadn't been covered earlier actually. Anyway, Gerard wasn't going to be lonely all day without Frank. He had things to do as well - he had places to be! He had interviews!... and he had to meet fans!... and he had therapy sessions!

Was it pathetic that one of the only things Gerard actually did in his life was attend his overpriced, unhelpful therapy sessions? Although he couldn't really call them unhelpful - Dr Hawthorne was nothing but nice to Gerard, understanding and kind and thoughtful, and if it hadn't been for said 'overpriced, unhelpful therapy session' he would never have found the inspiration to write something; he would never have written about Frankie; he would never have created Frankie! He would never have fallen in love.

It was only then that it occurred to Gerard that he actually had a therapy session later on that day. He was scheduled to meet with Dr Hawthorne at three in the afternoon to 'further discuss your trust issues, Gee,". Gerard still couldn't believe the woman had the nerve to call him by that nickname. Nicknames were for friends... or lovers. Not for therapists!

Yeah, Gerard had trust issues.

As if he could read Gerard's mind, Frank chose that moment to speak.
"Don't you have a session with Dr Hawthorne today?" He asked in a way that made the older man instantly suspicious.

"Mhm." Gerard confirmed, although he could tell Frank already knew. Before, he would have thought it was because the boy cared about Gerard enough to memorise his appointments, but now he was not so sure; now, it could have been because he was arranging for his affair to come over. If it was an affair he saw earlier.

As casually as he could - which wasn't very casual at all, as it turned out - Gerard tried to get Frank to say what his plans for the day were. He liked to think he could read the boy well and that he would be able to tell if he was being lied to, but he hadn't had any opportunity to yet; Frank had never lied to him before, or, if he had, it had gone undetected.

"So... what will you get up to today? Without me, I mean. Not that you don't do anything without me - I didn't mean that. Just that... won't you be bored? I mean, not that you have to be with me to not be bored!- I mean... I just mean... I don't know." He trailed off into an awkward laugh and tried not to bristle with annoyance when Frank raised an eyebrow at him in amusement. Or was it amusement? Could it just have been mockery?

"Um, I'll probably stay here. If that's okay with you, that is. I can have dinner ready for when you get back if you like? I know you like to eat early."

It was true. Up until Frank had come into his life, Gerard usually ate at around five o' clock and that had been his routine for the past four years. In the days since Frank arrived he had found himself slipping more and more from his routine, and he would like the get back into it now things had calmed down a little. He wants to wake up at around nine and make the bed, eat breakfast and go for a run; he wants to get back and watch TV or read or just sit and think for a while and then he wants to eat lunch. Then he'd take a nap, purely to kill time, and then he'd eat dinner, call his parents, watch television and go to sleep. Some people may have thought it was a boring routine and it was a bad idea to have every single day of your life planned out, but to Gerard it was just normal. It was good to have an idea of what was going to happen in the day and he didn't understand why everybody judged him so harshly for it. Obviously, now he had Frank he probably wouldn't take a nap - he would find better ways to kill time...- but as long as they didn't stray too harshly from that general pattern he wouldn't mind what they did.

The fact that Frank was the one to disturb Gerard's daily routine didn't make him resent the boy like he thought it would - instead it filled him with a strong sense of affection - no, of love - for him. He loved Frank, so why was the boy keeping secrets from him?! Why did he wait until Gerard had fallen in love with him before deciding he didn't want to be with him after all?

"Thanks." Gerard said weakly, the prospect of Frankie, his Frankie, leaving him was enough to turn his stomach and he couldn't find it in himself to muster a fake smile. Of course he wasn't thinking rationally! Frank couldn't leave him!- he created Frank! So of course he couldn't leave him!... could he?

Frank must have picked up on his boyfriends negative behaviour because he left his seat and hurried around the table to crouch down at Gerard's side. He put both of his hands on Gerard's cheeks and looked into his eyes worriedly - but what was he worried about? About Gerard being unhappy... or about Gerard having found out his secret?

"Hey, Babe, are you okay? You're acting kind of strange."
"I'm fine." Gerard replied, although he wanted to scream that actually, Frank, you're the one acting strange.

Frank didn't push the subject anymore, even though he knew Gerard wasn't fine, because he also knew the man had a therapy session in a few hours and as much as he bitched about Dr Hawthorne trying too hard to 'be his friend' the woman did actually help. It hurt him that he would rather talk to a therapist as opposed to his boyfriend, but he would never push Gerard into talking about something he didn't want to talk about. He owed everything to Gerard; the least he could do was respect the man's boundaries.

Maybe he shouldn't have started talking about school? He was still in high school for Christ's sake!- of course that's what this was about! He'd mentioned that fact that he was still in high school and Gerard had freaked; he probably thought Frank was just some dumb kid leeching off him that he couldn't seem to shake...

But he'd known Frank's age when he'd offered him a place to stay. He'd known Frank's age when he first kissed him, when he first fucked him, when he first told him he loved him... why was now any different? He couldnt stand it if Gerard's had stopped loving him and just didn't have the heart to tell him to move out. He loved Gerard!- Gerard was everything to him!

"Okay, I love you." Frank said, simply because he wanted to hear Gerard say it back to him. He wanted to know he was still loved and cared for and appreciated and not simply a burden.
The older man looked down at Frank and smiled; it was small but it seemed to be the first genuine smile since he woke up and it made Frank's heart flutter. He didn't say it back, and that worried Frank at first, but then he leaned down and kissed Frank deeply. It was slow and heartfelt and so, so good, but when Gerard's hands started to wander - one going to rest on Frank's hip whilst the other slipped under his t-shirt - Frank knew he had to pull away. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't do this - not with her next door.

"Do you want to go for a run? You want to get back into your routine, right?" Frank suggested hopefully, silently pleading that Gerard would go for about half an hour and give him some time to sort things out. If all went well, he would have had a revealing conversation with her and he could introduce Gerard before he left for his therapy appointment. After all, he didn't want his lover to meet his mother at some point. Now was as good a time as any.
Gerard shot him a somewhat wary glance before nodding and getting up from the table.

"I'll go get dressed and then I'll go. Do you want to come with me?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nah, I never liked PE." Frank chuckled, hoping the joke would be enough to set his lover at ease. He didn't want him thinking Frank was up to something.

Gerard nodded and Frank sat in the kitchen waiting, smiling briefly as Gerard walked past a few minutes later and left through the front door. He waited a few minutes more to make sure the man wasn't going to suddenly come back, claiming to have forgotten something, before slipping
into the living room to face his mother.

***

"I just want to know how!" Frank explained for the third time since sitting awkwardly on the edge of Gerard's leather couch. His mother was sat opposite him in the armchair - Gerard's armchair - and she looked horrible out of place there. She shouldn't have been sitting there; she shouldn't even have been in the house. This was Gerard's house - the house he had generously chosen to share with Frank - and as excited as he was to see his mother after several months of hearing nothing from her, it felt like she was invading his lover's and his special place. Her mere presence threatened the tranquility of their home.

Frank just wanted to know how she'd found him - she hadn't got his phone number and as far as he knew nobody knew he was staying at Gerard's house. She didn't know which school he went to; as he was over eighteen he could legally sign himself up for high school classes without his mother's permission. As far as Frank knew, there really was no way his mother could have found out where he was living... yet here she was.

"I - I don't know, Frank! I got a text - no, I don't know who from! - and it told me! I'm sorry Frankie! I'm so sorry, I regret it so much! I tried to find you straight away - really I did!- but you didn't have your phone and I didn't know what to do! the police wouldn't help me because you were over eighteen but I regretted it so much Frankie!"

"So you've said," Frank muttered, sighing deeply and running a hand over his face. His mother had arrived about an hour or so ago and all she had said so far was how happy she was to see him and how sorry she was that she did what she did. In all honesty, Frank just wanted her to shut up and let him think for a minute, to decide whether he wanted to forgive her or make her stew in her own regret and self loathing for a little longer, but cruel or not she was still his mother and he still respected her enough not to just tell her to shut up.

Frank was glad she was here; really he was. He was confused because he didn't know how she'd found out where he was - and neither, it seemed, did she - and he was resentful that she had just kicked him out with no thought for how he would survive or where he would go, but he loved her and he was overjoyed to see her again.

"If I could go back and do it differently I would! Frankie I swear I don't know what I was thinking! I don't mind that you...like men. That doesn't matter to me Frank. You're my son and I love you no matter what."

Frank nodded and tried to hide to smile his mother's words caused. He failed, she was never good at controlling his emotions, but ignored his mother saw it she didn't say anything and Frank was grateful.

"So, tell me about your boyfriend Frank. I want to know who looks after you." She said, her tone playfully stern and if Frank was feeling bitchy he would say something like "you don't get to influence my life, so what does it matter to you?" But he's not feeling bitchy; he's feeling lucky to have his mother back and if telling her about Gerard is going to keep her here then that's what he would do.

"Well, his name's Gerard. He's twenty two," he received a disapproving look from his mother when she heard how old his boyfriend was, but Frank knew it was more for show than it was serious. "He's a writer; a really good one, that's how he affords this place. But... we met a while ago, just after I arrived back in New Jersey. He offered me a place to stay and I said yes and then it just... grew."

He hated mentioning the fact that he had been living on the streets, hated making his mother feel bad even though maybe, maybe she deserved to, but it was a necessary part of the story. It was how he met the love of his life, and if that made his mother uncomfortable then maybe she wasn't worth his time after all.

"So he respects you then?" She asked suddenly, shocking Frank into silence for a moment before he collected himself and replied.

"Yes." He said stonily. "Of course." He was offended that she thought Gerard would actually hurt him - the only way Gerard could hurt him would be by denying him love or affection, and hopefully he wasn't going to do that any time soon, or preferably ever.

"Well, it's just... you know some people - some adults - like to have relationships with children because -"

She never got the chance to finish her sentence, because Frank stood up abruptly, cutting her off. How dare she make assumptions about Gerard when she hadn't even met the man? It was Gerard who was there when he cried himself to sleep over her! It was Gerard who comforted him when he was sick or sad! She was nowhere to be seen!

"Don't!" He said firmly, not shouting but raising his voice quite a bit. "You don't know anything about him! Don't even try and say he doesn't really care about me when you were the one that -"

The sound of the doorknob rattling sent them both into a shocked silence, and then Frank jumped into action. Gerard was home and he wasn't through talking to his mother yet. He wasn't ready to introduce them yet, but keeping the man out of his own living room was going to be difficult.

The minute Gerard walked through the door, Frank ambushed him, jumping up and wrapping his arms around his lover's neck as he peppered his face with kisses and nipped lightly at his jawline. It didn't matter that his mother was in the other room - well it did, that was the problem - but if it distracted Gerard and allowed his mother to hide in time then it was worth it.

At first, Gerard seemed into it - he seemed really really into it - and Frank was considering forgetting about his mother in the other room and rolling with it. Fuck his mother, fuck his responsibilities, fuck him. Gerard had him pinned up against the wall now, his arms above his head and his legs spread with Gerard's knee pressed firmly in between them when there was a loud crash from the living room. Frank winced and cursed his mother - what the fuck could she have knocked over to make that noise?! - and Gerard dropped his lover's arms immediately.

"What the fuck?" Gerard whispered, his eyes wide and scared and Frank felt awful for putting that fear there, but all he could think about in that moment was keeping his mother and his boyfriend apart. He had to stop Gerard from seeing his mom because he wasn't ready to let his mother back into his life just yet, and she definitely didn't want her to be in Gerard's life yet.

"Gerard, wait!" Frank cried out when the man moved to enter the living room. He cringed when Gerard turned on him suddenly, his eyes blazing with fury and his mouth set in a had, straight line.

"Who is she?" He asked, scarily calm, and Frank backed away a few steps, blinking in shock. How had Gerard known it was a woman?- he couldn't have... unless he'd seen her. If he'd seen her, that meant he must have heard them talking! Did that mean he knew? No. If he knew, he wouldn't have asked Frank who she was.

Frank only realised he'd been silent for too long when Gerard made a low, growling noise in the back of his throats and spun on his heel, heading for the living room. Frank had no idea where his mother was now; if she was hiding behind the armchair she had been sitting in previously or if she was still sitting on it like nothing was wrong, unaware to her son's panicking. He hadn't strictly told his mother to hide, but he'd thought it had been obvious! Of course she was supposed to hide!

Worried he was a second too late, the boy jumped into action - and by that, Frank meant that he jumped in front of Gerard and grabbed his arm urgently. The man attempted to shake him off but Frank dug his fingernails in and didn't let go. It occurred to him that this was his first fight with his lover and...for some reason - perhaps it was his pride or maybe it was just the principal of the matter - he wanted to win it. He didn't want to back down and apologise; he was allowed to have secrets! Gerard didn't need to know every single thing about him. He was his own person before he was Gerard's boyfriend, and whilst Gerard meant everything to him and he would do anything for him, the spark off indignancy refused to go out once it was ignited. If Gerard actually calmed down and asked him why he didn't want him to find out, then maybe Frank would have told him, but the only way Gerard had questioned the boy was in anger and that didn't sit well with him.

Gerard kept pushing forward and Frank kept pushing backwards, fighting him every step of the way. Frank's only reassurance was that his mother had to have heard the raised voices and figured out she was supposed to hide by now. Ideally though, Gerard wouldn't even set foot inside his living room for the time being.

"Gerard, wait - stop, Gee! Please, please wait!" Frank pleaded to no avail. Then, it was like Gerard just broke.

"Fine!" He screamed, throwing his hands in the air and finally managing to get Frank to let go of him, even if it was on,y because the boy was startled. "Fine! You bring all the strangers you want into my house and I'll say nothing about it! That's just fucking fine!"

He pushed past his boyfriend and headed towards the door, not bothering to even change out of his clothes from his run. Neither of them said a word as Gerard fumbled with the catch on the door before unhooking it and storming outside - although Frank could have sworn he saw the man's shoulders shake before the front door slammed after him.

Notes

I'm now on Wattpad (Trick101) so feel free to follow/message me on there; I will probably end up posting more stories on there than on here. <3