Roomie

It was morning. I wasn’t sure where the sun was in the sky, but it was definitely morning when the other side of my bed depressed next to me. I felt him slip his arm over my shoulders as I laid on my stomach, and I turned my head to open my sleep-drunken eyes and look at him.

He pulled my blankets back over my body from where they had been thrown off in the night, resting his head on the pillow just inches from mine. His hair had been dyed the brightest, supernova red again and he’d cut it to a nice crop that was similar to a style he’d had in high school. Those pictures that Mikey showed me one night were both hideous and endearing, but he seemed to be pulling off the style much more elegantly ten years later.

Refusing to wake up, I gave him a smile but quickly buried my face into the pillow again. He took my chin in one of his gloved hands and turned my head with a gentle touch, and I scrunched up my face in annoyance.

“I’m sleeping,” I groaned.

“Then stop.” He patted my cheek and I grabbed his hand to keep it there.

“Is it cold out?” I ran my thumb over the fabric of his glove.

“It’s cold inside. You never turn the heat on. You should try it sometime, it could warm up that little heart of yours,” he teased, wrenching his hand away and climbing under the blankets with me. Of course it was freezing in my apartment, how else would I be able to sleep under four layers of jackets and another three of blankets? That was how winter was supposed to be experienced. Four months of prime snuggle weather, hot cocoa, and staying indoors.

My hand snaked over his hip to pull him closer to me, and I slipped my hand inside of his jacket to rub his back. I raised an eyebrow as I felt around down there, “Wha… G, are you…” I lifted myself up and rested on one elbow as I pulled the blankets off of him slightly. For the second time since our studio reunion, he was wearing a three-piece suit. This time it was toned down quite a bit, being black and white instead of the gaudy blue, but I couldn’t fathom why he was wearing a goddamn suit.

“Again?” was all I asked him.

Gerard rolled his eyes and brought the blankets down, flipping onto his back. “I have an interview today.”

“An interview for what, the nerd patrol? Some kind of D&D biker gang?” I sat up and leaned back on the wall that my bed was against. “I thought you had a job writing for the paper.”

“Yeah, yeah I do.” He seemed very small in my bed, albeit the thing was only a double and we were constantly pushing eachother off. Up to his neck in blankets, his fingers peeked out near his chin and he let out a loud sigh.

He was sad. I couldn’t take this shit. We were only together for a few hours every morning after he dropped Mikey off at work, so there was no moping allowed when he was with me. I pulled my socks off, tossing them on the floor, and shoved my rank feet in Gerard’s face to cheer him up.

He just about gagged, batting them away. “Fuck you, Iero!” he said as he rolled out of bed, taking my comforter with him. That suit did look great on him, I wasn’t gonna lie, I thought as I watched him stomp out of my room and down the hallway. He probably just needed his coffee.

So, I got up and stripped off several of the sweatshirts I was wearing, pulling a new t-shirt over my head that was… Well, alright, it wasn’t new. There was definitely some sort of a stain on the bottom of it, and I vaguely remembered wearing it a few days ago, but it was different than the one I had just taken off so it was good enough. I layered a heavy cardigan over it and this old army jacket I’d gotten from the thrift shop, then covered up my ass with a pair of ripped jeans from the fifth grade and I was ready to go.

Like a gentleman, I stopped to brush my teeth and take a piss before I met Gerard again in the kitchen. He had taken off his jacket and loosened his tie, and was at my tiny, two-person dining table sipping on his coffee. Again, he’d nabbed my favourite mug with all the dogs on it, so I just grabbed any old one from the cabinet and made myself some tea. Coffee didn’t sit too well in my stomach anymore.

He was still moping, so as my tea steeped I gazed out the window. A flurry of white was whipping every which-way, and my jaw dropped open. “G, it’s fucking snowing; it’s the first snow of the season, I gotta take some pictures.” I grinned, watching the delicate flakes hit the window and melt. “Did this - did you not tell me?”

Gerard shrugged, pouring himself more coffee. “I didn’t think it was that important right now.”

“You know I love the snow,” I reminded him, picking up my mug and sitting down at the other seat across from him. He stared down into the depths of his warm drink, and I slid my feet on top of his to get his attention. My toes prodded at his socks, but he didn't look up. I took a swig of my tea, grunting as I sat up again, and finally said, “Okay, what’s wrong? Something’s wrong. Just tell me. You broke my heart once, I can handle anything now.”

“I don’t really wanna say.”

“... Gerard, we can’t do this again,” I insisted.

He stayed quiet, picking at the skin on his fingers instead of looking at me. Reaching across the table, I tried to take his hand but his fingers laid limp between mine. Immediately, my mind conjured up terrible thoughts. Did he want to dump me? Did he lose his job? Did someone die? My heart started to beat a little faster, and I slowed my breathing to try to calm it back down. I was thinking too much into this.

The man opposite me hadn’t moved for nearly ten minutes when I sighed, standing up and grabbing my mug. I walked around to the other side of the table and put my hand on Gerard’s back, urging him to get up. It took a moment, but he too picked up his drink and stood with me. I put on my slippers that had been left underneath the table from the night before, and put my hand on the small of his back to lead him outside.

We stood underneath the overhang in front of my apartment watching the snow fall. Steam drifted upwards from our cups and the warm air that gently escaped our bodies with each exhale. He was a little taller than me, so I was able to rest my head on his shoulder when I finished my tea, bobbing up and down slightly with each breath he took. Sounds were muffled by the white blankets of snow and it became uncomfortably quiet.

“I have to leave early today,” said Gerard without warning. He nudged me off of his shoulder and took a few steps over to the balcony, leaning on the railing.

I followed him, putting my feet on the railing to make myself as tall as he was. “Because of the interview?”

“Yeah.” He ran his fingers along the rim of his empty mug.

“Where is it?” I prodded, trying to get his mind off of whatever was bothering him.
He handed his cup to me, and I raised an eyebrow as I took it from him. Then, he dropped his head into his hands and muttered, “New York City.”

Confused, I massaged the back of his neck with my open hand. “That sounds great! Is it, is it the Times or something? It’s in New York, it’s gotta be good - why are you upset about it?”

“No, Frank, it’s -” Gerard laid one arm down on the railing to look at me, and I retracted my hand from his neck. His eyes were as red as his hair when he said, “I’ve got a comic to pitch to Vertigo this afternoon. Their HQ is in the city.”

I could hardly keep myself from suffocating him in a hug right then and there. Gerard’s dream was to publish his own comic, and now he had a chance to do it. I was unbelievably proud of him, “G! That’s fucking amazing, that - that’s the best shit I’ve heard in years! You’re gonna be - Wait, no, no -”

Tears began to overflow from his eyelids as I spoke, and I rushed to put down the mugs by my feet so I could embrace him and give him some comfort. “Are you nervous?” I whispered to him as I rubbed his shoulders and arms to relax his trembling body. “It’s okay, I know you’re going to be amazing and you’ll get the job and we can move out to the city and -”

“That’s the problem,” he said as he choked back sobs. “You can’t come. I don’t want to leave you again, but you… You can’t come with me.”

I continued to hold him, but pulled back a bit to look him in the eyes. He was terrified, and looked awful. As calmly as I could, I replied, “I can get the money, Gerard, I’ll break my lease on this place and we can find something of our own. You don’t have to worry.”

“No!” Suddenly he backed up, clutching his arms like he was about to fall apart. “This isn’t about me or you. This is about Mikey.” Wiping frozen tears from his eyelashes, he continued, “You have to stay here with Mikey, and I have to go to New York. I - I can’t leave him alone again, and I can’t tell him about us… I’m worried he’ll relapse, and he… He can’t be alone again.”

Gerard’s brother had been very reserved when speaking of his past, and this confession cleared a few things up for me. He wasn’t just this relaxed guy that needed a place to stay - he needed a whole new life. And we were going to ruin it. I swallowed, and Gerard bit his lip. “So… What are we going to do?”

He put his hand to his mouth, saying through his fingers, “That’s what I just can’t figure out.”

Notes