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I've Got Nothing To Lose

One.

One

It was one of those days, and as usual I had no idea how to handle it. I could push a bunch of pills down my throat, but in the end it wouldn't solve anything. It would just make me numb for a few hours before it would wear out, and then I’d practically pass out of exhaustion from my own thoughts. No, no pills. Not today. It had been like this for as long as I could remember, and no therapist seemed to be able to help. I kept thinking I would be lost in this black hole forever, depressed, alone and worthless.

“Frankie! Get up; you have school in half an hour!” I heard my mom yell from the kitchen. Not that she needed to yell, my room was just down the hall, and you could hear everything in that house. And then I mean everything. Going to school wasn’t really an option though; staying in bed on the other hand, seemed like a much, much better idea. It’s not that I didn’t like school, I was actually capable of getting pretty good grades if I just made an effort, but ever since I came out to my friends, school had been a hell hole.

“I’m not feeling well, I think I need to stay home,” I said with my best ‘sore-throat-voice’ followed by a really bad ‘cough’, but like always, my mom didn’t buy it and stormed into my room to literary drag me out of bed.

“Nonsense, you seem perfectly fine to me, now get dressed sweetie, you’re gonna be late.”
I stumbled out of bed, found some clothes that probably weren’t even clean and got dressed before I walked out to the kitchen with a very unhappy face to make sure she knew how little I appreciated her forcing me to get up.

“Oh come on, enough with the attitude, sit down and eat your breakfast.” She pointed at the chair with a look that said I didn’t really have a choice but to sit down.
Despite her being way too demanding, I loved my mom. She was the only one who didn’t get upset with me when I came out; instead she defended me, which later resulted in my dad leaving us, I guess he couldn’t accept the fact his only son was gay. I still feel guilty for tearing them apart.

After breakfast and saying goodbye to my mom, I slowly walked down the street, trying to figure out how to skip school. I’d probably used every possible excuse there is, and I was starting to run out of ideas. God, it would be so much easier if I was a menstruating girl, they can get out of basically anything by saying they have their period. So much for men and women to be equals. I sat down on a bench at the local playground, just thinking about my life. How did I get here? So alone, skipping school to avoid being beat up the second I walk through the gate, being miserable and hating myself. I used to love myself; I used to love my life. It’s weird how things change so quickly.

“Is this seat taken?” I heard a male voice say behind me, and out of reflex I clenched my fists, ready to be picked on in one way or another. I turned around to face my enemy, but I didn’t know this guy. I’d never seen him before, and he had a surprisingly friendly face.

“Uh, no,” I replied, slightly more at ease. He sat down beside me, and none of us said a word.

“Skipping school, huh?” The boy exclaimed, and I nodded my head in response. “Me too. I mean, why spend almost 8 hours a day locked up with a bunch of losers.” Wow, he was definitely my kind of guy. I took a closer look at him. He was tall, way taller than me, and his hair was fuzzy and extremely curly. It was like he had had a bad perm. His face was… different, but nice.

“I’m Ray,” he said and held out his hand for me to shake.

“Frankie.”

We kept talking for a while, and it was freeing to actually have a normal conversation with someone other than my mom for a change. I found out he played guitar, his favorite band was Metallica and that he moved to Belleville about a week ago, which was kind of perfect for me, because that meant he hadn’t had time to hear all the rumours about me (which was infact true), he hadn’t had the time to be ‘recruited’ by my enemies. Maybe we could actually become friends.

“So what is there to do around here?”

“Eh, nothing really. Belleville isn’t exactly the place to hang out.”

“So what do you do when you skip school? Sit here all day long?”

“Pretty much,” I said with a nervous smile.

“Oh, well, do they have a coffee shop or something?”

“Of course they do, or else I wouldn’t be here today.”

He laughed. “Well, let’s go then!”

On our way to the coffee shop it seemed like we couldn’t run out of things to talk about; it was like we had known each other for years and we had so much in common it’s unreal. Obviously we both loved coffee, we liked the same kind of music, we both played guitar, well, he actually played, and I had a guitar in my room that was more décor rather than an actual instrument. But he promised to teach me how to play, and I couldn’t wait. I was actually going to hang out with someone my age! Hopefully he wouldn’t ditch me when he found up how messed up I am. After all I am a failure, and even worse; I’m gay.

Notes

I started writing this several months ago, and posted it on Mibba (it's not completed). Anyway, when I got the invite to post my stories here instead, I decided to use this one for a starters as it's the one I'm most happy with. So, tell me what you think? :D

Comments

Mrs.MyChemicalRomance:
A narcissist is someone who only cares about himself and doesn't show any empathy towards others or consider their feelings or thoughts.

I wish I could update, but unfortunatley I'm too busy with schoolwork in Uni, and my fanfiction days have been put on hold, haha. I do miss it though! But yeah, maybe when I have more free-time :-)
cemetery cemetery
12/2/13
Is a narcissist like someone who worships Hitler or The Devil or something? Please update.
I know I sound thick, but what is a narcissist?
If you weren't planning on it already- please please please continue this? :3