Life As We Know It

I never found out where Scarlett ended up. She’d called Mikey and told him to go and meet her some place but he’d refused to tell me where. He did promise to try and get her to come home though. I have a feeling that if Scarlett will be willing to listen to anyone it’ll be Mikey. He’s an impartial party. He doesn’t really have much else riding on her getting better than his friend being all right. When my little brother came home empty handed I’d lost it and called Lyn-Z. Now, I’m sat on her couch, a cold cup of coffee held between my hands.

Lyn-Z lives in an old fire station. At first I didn’t believe it and thought she’d given me the wrong address. The inside has been completely gutted. The kitchen and living room are located downstairs and then two bedrooms, a bathroom and another sitting area are upstairs. A fire pole runs through the middle of the house. I didn’t even know things like this existed. All the homes in New Jersey are normal, two story, bungalows.

“I’m sure she’ll come back, just give her some time Gerard. People don’t heal from this kind of stuff over night,” Lyn-Z tries to soothe me, sitting on the floor in front of me, her hands resting on my knees.

“She told Jenna she had no idea who she was,” I mumble back, staring at my hands.

“That’s fairly common for people that have seen assaulted,” a brunette says, coming down the stairs and joining us in the living room. She looks like a younger Lyn-Z, her brunette hair in curls around her face.

“Sorry, that’s my little sister Rachel. She’s visiting from home. Apparently she hasn’t learned how not to ease drop,” Lyn-Z explains. “Don’t try and push her. Scarlett will come home.”

“I just keep thinking, if I had just walked with her to find Josh this wouldn’t have happened. If I had just asked her to stay with me she would still be the Scarlett I’ve always know.”

Lyn-Z reaches forward, taking my face in her hands and forcing me to look up, “You can’t blame yourself Gerard. This wasn’t anyone’s fault but that sleaze ball who though raping Scarlett was okay.”

“She blames herself, ya know. She’s not even mad at me. She’s worried that she’s fucking everything up by being the way she is now. Can you fucking believe that? I want her to blame me. I’d love for Scarlett to yell at me and tell me that I’m the reason she’s fucked up now. At least then maybe I could match the outside to how I feel inside.”

“Gerard, placing blame on yourself isn’t going to help anyone. We couldn’t have prevented this,” Lyn-Z continues on, trying to talk some sense into me.

I don’t want to hear it. I don’t care if people want to try and tell me that this could’ve happened regardless; I know that’s not true. If Scarlett hadn’t been left alone she couldn’t have been brought upstairs. It’s as simple as that. I know it’s my fault and I’m sure my friends know as well. I just don’t get why they feel the need to deny it. I can’t look at myself in the mirror anyone without getting sick to my stomach. I’m the reason Scarlett is the way she is now. It’s my fault that guy raped her and no one can tell me different. “The world is fucked up.”

Lyn-Z frowns, obviously not pleased with my response. I could care less. Instead, I pull out my phone, trying to call Scarlett again. After three rings I’m sent to voicemail. Where the hell could she be? None of us know anyone in the city. She might have gone home, but I feel like her mom would have called one of us to let us know that she was at least safe. I’m sure Mikey knows where she is, but he’s refusing to tell. I’d even offered to buy him whatever he wanted and it was still a no go. Why won’t Scarlett just stay and talk with us? All any of us want to do is help her be okay again. Defeated, I dial Frank’s number. He answers on the first ring.

“What?” he snaps.

Out of everyone I think Frank is taking this the hardest. He really does love Scarlett. He also took the brunt of her initial breakdown. He’d sat with her on the bathroom floor for hours while she cried. Frank, usually talkative and full of life, shut down just as much as Scarlett. He didn’t say a word to me when I dropped him off at Grand Central Station. I know he feels like he should be closer and like he’s a terrible friend for leaving, but it’s what he needed. Frank was starting to crumble and everyone could see it. If he had staid any longer we would have lost not only Scarlett, but him too. He retreated back to his college up north, refusing to talk to any of us. The fact that he picked up the phone catches me off guard.

“Um, Scarlett hasn’t stopped by, has she?”

“No. Did you lose her again? How fucking hard is it to just pay attention to her?”

At his words I snap. “About as hard as it is to answer her phone calls! She needs you, Frank! Forget it, she just walked in.”

I end the call, tossing my phone across the sofa. It bounces off, landing on the floor. I don’t even bother to see if the screen is okay. I don’t care.

“Why did you lie to him?” Lyn-Z questions, picking up my phone and placing it on the coffee table before coming to sit next to me on her worn out leather couch.

“Because, I’m just tired of the fighting. It’s not helping anyone.”

“At least you understand that,” Lyn-Z answers back, squeezing my hand. “She’s going to be okay. If what all of you say about her is true, Scarlett is a tough girl. She probably just needs some time to figure things out for herself.”

“Yeah,” I mumble back, letting out a long sigh. “I just wish she didn’t have to deal with any of this.”

Leaning forward, I grab my phone off the glass surface and hit the home button, my lock screen picture lighting up the screen. I wish things were still as simple as they were when we took this picture. Scarlett has set up on my phone originally and put the picture she’d taken of Josh, her and I traveling to college. The small car Scarlett’s step – dad drives is filled to the brim in the picture. The burgundy haired girl is sitting in the driver seat, her step – father in the passenger seat. I’m squishes against the door in the back, surrounded by all the shit we brought with us. Josh is squeezed on top of all the baggage, his hair and face the only things visible. Everyone looks so fucking happy. I’d give anything to see Scarlett smile like that again, to get the feeling that anything is possible back. Unfortunately, I’d done a right job of fucking up everyone’s happiness by letting Scarlett get raped.

“Is that Josh?” Lyn-Z questions, hitting the button on my phone to bring the picture up again. Her finger lands on my blue haired friend.

“Yeah. We shoved that car full of so much stuff he didn’t have a seat. So, instead of just sitting on my lap for the drive, he wedged himself between the bags and the roof.”

“How have any of your friends lived this long? Is there ever a time when they aren’t doing something potentially dangerous?”

I shake my head, placing my phone back down on the coffee table. “No, but that’s why I love all of them. Nothing is ever boring, ya know. We’re always doing something. One time Jenna got so drunk that she wandered off and we spent a solid three hours looking for her. Guess where she was?”

Lyn-Z just shrugs, smiling at my story.

“She walked herself to Scarlett’s house and just crashed on the couch. We honestly thought she’d disappeared. Frank’s gotten himself locked in the trunk of a few cars. He’s also gotten himself put in jail a handful of times, mostly for public intoxication and shoplifting. Him and Scarlett are terrible when it comes to that, especially when they’re together.” I trail off thinking about the two petty thieves. Those two have been through so much. Frank hated Scarlett when they’d first met. Now it’s like they can’t live without each other.

“Frank really loves Scar, huh?” Lyn-Z questions.

I let out a long sigh, “Yeah. Sometimes I’m jealous of them. Frank and I used to care about each other that much.”

Once again Lyn-Z squeezes my hand, “Gerard, he obviously still cares about you like that. Frank could have spent that whole party with Scarlett but instead he spent most of it fondling you. He likes you and wants to make sure you know nothing has changed even though he’s in love with Scarlett.”

I nod. I’ve always liked Frank. We aren’t like normal friends, something I’m thankful for. Although some people play it off as us being close for so long I know it’s something more. We’ve always been affectionate, even from the very beginning. When Frank spent the night it was never a question of where he was going to be sleeping, he’d just crawl right under the covers with me, his arms curling around my body. It wasn’t until sophomore year of high school when we kissed, but I’d wanted to for much longer. Frank came over after school and just pinned me against the wall and did it. After that day I couldn’t get enough. Anytime I was able I’d lay my lips against Frank’s. I enjoyed the way he’d pull me closer to him, fingers tugging on my hair just a little. Nothing had ever come of the almost constant make out sessions, and eventually, they just stopped all together. Frank got himself a girlfriend and we never talked about it again. Senior year brought about the return of Frank’s affection. He made a point to hold my hand in the hallways and give me a quick peck goodbye when we didn’t have classes together. Yet, over the summer, Frank and Scarlett grew even closer and although it never stopped, the affection lessened. Although I’m sure nothing will ever happen, my heart still beats faster and my stomach still does flips anytime Frank brushes his hand against mine or pulls me in for a kiss.

I can’t say I blame Frank for loving Scarlett. She’s exactly his type; tattoos, piercings, just the right amount of crazy, completely fearless, a big partier, doesn’t shy away from a challenge, and confidant. God, that girl exudes confidence. I don’t know if it’s always a true indication of how she’s feeling, but Scarlett will never let anyone see her second guess herself. When she makes a decision that’s what she’s sticking with, even if it just makes things worse. Scarlett knows who she is and where she wants to go; well at least she did. Now she’s just doing a whole bunch of running away from her problems. The worst part is that I know it’s because of me. Scarlett is broken and it’s all my fault.

Notes