Life As We Know It

Class drags on. I’d brought my weekend bag with me to lecture, ready to leave for the train station the second the teacher lets us go. The black duffel taunts me, speaking of the fun that this weekend will hold while I’m stuck in this uncomfortable plastic chair. The old bald dude in front of the classroom lectures about the importance of knowing how to combat climate change. Like I give a fuck. The human race is fucked anyway, might as well speed up our demise. I smirk; think of how much I sound like Gerard. He’s always so cynical about everything.

I itch to be with them again, held tightly in the warm embrace of friendship. I feel kind of empty without my miss-match group of friends around. I’d tried calling Scar this morning, but she didn’t answer, probably still sleeping off her hangover from the night before or sitting in class. I can’t help but smile when I think of the redhead, glad that I’d stopped hating the girl. I’ll never admit it to her, but when Gerard first started bringing her around I was terrified of her. She was so quiet, with this silent strength that I had never encountered before. In my seventh grade mind I thought that Gerard, who was a bit strange himself, would be drawn more to that than my loud, obnoxious self. Turns out Gerard liked each of us equally. He’d sat us down one day and told us we each brought something different to the friendship and that we didn’t need to compete for a spot in his life. After that Scarlett and I started to get along just fine. She began to open up more, showing a side of her that I almost instantly fell in love with. She helped to mellow me out a little, though the two of us got into all sort of trouble because we won’t back down from a challenge. I think, if I weren’t allowed to pick Gerard, I’d definitely say Scarlett is my best friend. Up until college we didn’t go a day without seeing each other.

The second the professor says to have a nice day, I gather my bag and almost sprint out of the building and towards the parking lot. I’d brought my car with me from New Jersey. Usually, I’d drive my vehicle to where I needed to go, but parking sucks in New York City so it’s just not worth it. Instead, I drive the beat up Impala, handed down to my by my grandpa, to the train station about ten minutes away from campus. The trains run about every fifteen to twenty minutes from here to various stops around New York. If there’s one thing this state does right its public transportation.


Just as I finish up purchasing a one-way ticket, the tracks begin to hum. Seconds later the off-white train pulls into view. I wait impatiently for the people to get off so that I’m able to board. Before I get on, I tap my hand against the side of my transportation. This is a tradition that Bob started the first time all of us took the train from New Jersey into the glistening city. He claimed he’d done it ever since he was a little boy; anytime he remembered to tap the side of the train, his family had a good trip, if he forgot something went wrong. He’d forced all of us to do it for good luck. Although, I’m a little skeptical, I never forget to do it. So far I’ve had no bad train riding experiences.

I’d brought along a book that Ray had given me as my high school graduation present. I usually like to read, but today I just can’t focus on the small words printed across the crisp white paper. I’m too excited, too full of energy. Instead I watch the scenery flying by outside my Plexiglas window, snacking on the bag of chips I’d shoved into my backpack before I’d left my dorm that morning. I really hope that everyone comes to pick me up at Grand Central.

To pass the time I count down the stops. We’d just stopped in Cold Springs only about an hour left, maybe three more stops. Once we’ve started moving again, I get up and walk towards the back of the car, unable to sit still anymore. Pulling out my phone, I try Scarlett one more time. She answers on the third ring.

“That wasn’t what it was, I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” she says sounding like she doesn’t know that she answered the phone. “Sorry Frank, what’s up?”

“What don’t you want to talk about anymore?” I question, my curiosity peaked.

“Oh, I was super drunk last night and hooked up with this dude. Gerard and Josh are claiming he took advantage of me. It was nothing. I took him upstairs,” Scarlett answers back.

I feel a flash of anger at Gee and Josh run through my body. Scar wouldn’t have had a chance to hook up with anyone at all if they had been doing their job’s well enough, “Well, do you remember having sex with him?”

“Kind of. I remember bringing him upstairs, and I remember pulling his pants down, then I kinda don’t remember, and then I woke up and he was on me and I think I told him I was too drunk, but I don’t remember anything after that,” Scarlett explains.

I stay silent for a minute, trying to process everything. Gerard and Josh let Scarlett get sexually assaulted at the first party of the school year. Where the hell where they? How was she alone for long enough to lead someone up the stairs?

“I took him up there though, so I’m positive I wanted to sleep with him. I’m not concerned about it. I’ve hooked up with plenty of people while I was drunk. Gerard and Josh are trying to make a big deal out of something that shouldn’t be,” Scar continues when I don’t respond.

“I see,” I answer, retaking my seat. I’m not really sure how to approach this. While I agree with Gerard and Josh’s perspective on the situation, I don’t want to impose my opinions on Scarlett. She doesn’t see the situation as sexual assault and in some ways that’s a good thing. Her mentality keeps her from being a victim, at least in her own mind. That protects her from the emotional trauma that befalls most people who are assaulted in such a way.

“Honestly, Frank, don’t worry about it. I’m totally fine.”

I nod although the redhead can’t see me; “How about I be your make out buddy for the whole time I’m there?”

This will make me feel better. I’ll stay glued to Scarlett the entire party. Obviously, there are too many distractions for Gerard and Josh. For now, I’m going to pretend like nothing happened to my friend and just keep a super close eye on her. Sometimes these things take a few days to process. Scar could just be in shock.

“I’d like that Frank,” I can almost hear the smile in Scarlett’s voice, see the dusting of red over he cheeks. “Though it isn’t necessary. I’m fine. I just won’t drink as much for the rest of the weekend.”

“God, I can’t wait to just give you a big hug,” I say the words aloud even though I had meant them to stay trapped inside my head. Scarlett has that affect on me; I can never really keep things from her. The second I hear her singsong voice I just want to spill my guts.

“We’re waiting for you at the station already,” Scarlett answers back.

As I go to respond the train ducks under one of the tunnels leading into Grand Central terminal and the call drops. Knowing I won’t have decent cell service again until after I’ve met up with my friends, I let out a long breath, leaning back in my seat and closing my eyes. I hope that Scar is going to be okay. She’s been through a lot before and I know she’s a strong girl, even if she doesn’t always believe it. I just can’t help but wonder if this will be the thing that shatters all that. What if she’s just in denial? What if when we go out tomorrow night everything comes back to her and she loses it? The ideas terrify me. Sure, Scarlett has got Josh and Gerard, who I’m sure would take care of her if any of that did happen, but I honestly hate being so far away. I’d much rather be able to cut class and take the redhead to get ice cream and help her work through things than have to hear about it over the phone or through sporadic texts sent by my two guy friends.

“She’s going to be just fine,” I whisper to myself as the train pulls into the station.

Gathering up my things I wait for the doors to open, chewing on my already too short thumbnail. As soon as the metal slides open, I hurry off the train and up the ramp leading into the main hall of Grand Central Station. When I was younger and my dad used to take me into the city to see the occasional musical I use to stand in awe of the massive space and the intricate constellations painted on the ceiling. I never cared about the people bumping past me on their way home or to work. Now, the building feels stuffy an over crowded, filled with the stench of the homeless that find refuge from the cold in here. I don’t take in the architecture; instead my eyes scan the massive amount of people, trying to find my friends.

At the top of the steps I spot them; Gerard, Josh and Scarlett, all leaning over the railing a little, taking a picture. Scarlett has got her lips pressed to Josh’s cheek, her free hand resting under his chin. Gerard has his cheek resting against Scar’s. Seconds later they switch around, the two boys pressing their lips to the redhead’s cheeks. Hurrying up the stairs towards the small group, I almost trip and fall on the marble. Scarlett spots me, rushing through the crowd in my direction. She throws her small frame at my body, legs wrapping around my waist. I drop everything in order to envelope one of my best friends in my arms.

“I missed you so much,” Scarlett breathes out, pulling away a little so that she can look me in the eyes.

“Miss you too, moon child,” I answer before brushing my lips against Scarlett’s.

This is our thing. Scarlett doesn’t purposely kiss any of her other friends on the lips, not unless she’s drunk that is. We kind of started this after I’d confessed to her that I’d never been kissed. In typical Scarlett fashion, she’d leaned over and pressed her full lips against mine for a second before pulling away. I’ve now been kissed more times that I’d like to admit, but for some reason I always go in to kiss Scarlett. She’s never stopped me before. Our other friends will make jokes about it or act like it bothers them, but that’s never stopped us.

After holding her to my body for another second, I set the redhead back down. Gathering my things I walk over to Gerard and Josh who are still leaning against the railing. I hug each of them, exchanging casual hellos.

“What, no kiss for me Frank?” Gerard jokes, giving me a wink.

Shrugging, I press my lips to the brunette man's lips for a second before turning to Josh, “You want one too?”

My blue haired friend frowns at me, shaking his head. “I’m good.”

I laugh a little as he leads us out of the building. I’d kissed Gerard a handful of times before and it honestly wasn’t that weird. We had reached that point in our friendship where we are both comfortable enough around each other and in our sexuality to act a little gay with each other. He’d get worked up and just storm into my house and start sucking my face, or I’d grab his crotch for the fun of seeing his reaction.

As we walk I keep any eye on Scarlett, gauging her reactions to the outside world. She doesn’t flinch away from the people who bump into her or any of the loud noises produced by the cars sitting next to us. She even stops in the flow of the sidewalk traffic to light a cigarette, smoking with a big smile on her face. Nonetheless, I keep the redhead about an arms length away from me, reaching out and grabbing her barely visible fingertips anytime she gets too far away. The need to protect and hide the spunky girl away from everyone engulfs me, making it hard to focus on the conversation going on around me.

“Frank?” Gerard’s voice cuts through the thoughts like a sharp knife. I’d always liked Gerard’s voice; it was smooth like velvet but biting like the wind that whips down the street on a cold December night. Although he hardly used it, Gerard’s voice commanded attention, which I always gladly gave.


“What?” I respond, glancing over at the dark-haired man who has fallen into step with me.

“I asked if you wanted to stop by the corner store before we got home. Jenna bought all our groceries so there isn’t any junk food,” Gerard replies, his eyes flicking from me to Scarlett and back. He’s worried about her too.

“Uh, yeah that’s fine,” I answer back probably sounding stupid.

“Frankie,” Scarlett twists around so she’s walking backwards, the wind forcing her hair up around her face, creating a mane. “Are you going to play for me?”

“I didn’t bring my guitar,” I answer back with a smirk. “I can use yours right?”

The redhead’s face falls, her smile grumbling to the ground and getting stepped on by the workers trying to hurry back to the office after their lunch break. “I left all mine in New Jersey.”

I laugh a little at her pout, “I was planning on getting a new one here anyway. I’ll play for you as much as you want.”

Although I’d mainly come into the city to spend time with my friend, I did have other obligations. Most of the members of the band I’m in had moved into the city after high school, wanting a larger audience to play for and more opportunities to run into people working for record labels. We had booked two shows for this weekend, both in the basement of this art gallery. I wanted to get a new guitar to play shows with seems as my other one was pretty banged up. If we did meet anyone from a label I wanted us to look like we kind of knew what we were doing.

Scarlett throws her arms around me as we enter the corner store. I nuzzle my head into her neck, breathing in the smell of her vanilla shampoo before pulling away to grab various packages of candy and chips off the shelves, depositing them into the blue plastic basket that Gerard had picked up.

“We have to take a taxi back to Church Street unless you want to walk for another hour. We’d take the Subway but Scarlett’s terrified of the damn things,” Josh explains, walking down one of the aisles with me. “Usually we could all fit in one, but you’ve got bags. Also, I noticed that the more people there are waiting for it, the less likely they are to stop. Would you be opposed to riding with Scarlett? She’s got money to pay.”

“Dude, it’s not a punishment to ride or pay for a taxi. I don’t mind riding with Scarlett or whoever.”

Josh has this need to be organized and know what’s going on before anything happens. He calls it being responsible; I call it being uptight and stuffy. He can’t just let things happen. If his plans get messed up he freaks out about it, instantly having to know all the facts about the switch. I guess I can’t really blame him, both his parents, a college professor and a lawyer, are the same way. He learned how to be uptight from two of the stuffiest people I’d ever met.

“I just want to let Gerard know,” Josh answers back before wandering off to talk to the brunette.

Continuing down the aisle I place my chin on Scarlett’s shoulder, blowing air into her ear. She lets out a small squeal, turning around to face me. “I heard I have to spend twenty minutes in a cab with you.”

“Because that’s the worst thing you’ve done today,” I answer back with a smile.

Scarlett raises an eyebrow, pretending to be lost in thought, “It actually is.”

I stick my tongue out at her as we all pay for our snacks and head back out into the busy street. Now, being from New Jersey, I have never hailed a cab, but Scarlett and Gerard are experts. Both step off the curb, hands help out in front of them. It’s fascinating to watch, neither of them scared of getting hit by another car, tapping on the ends of taxis that refuse to stop. It is like a weird dance that only my two friends know the moves to.

Gerard lets Scarlett take the first cab that pulls up. I hurry out into the street and shove my bags into the back seat, sliding in next to them. My body trembles the entire time, showing just how scared I am of slowing this guy down or making him upset at my lack of knowledge on how riding a taxi works. Scarlett keeps her eyes set on me, legs pulled up onto the soft black leather of the seats. Once I’ve situated myself and shut the door my friend gives the man the address to her apartment and we’re off.

Scar moves my bags around so that she can sit next to me, her head resting on my shoulder. For a while she just sits there, breathing in and out evenly. I wrap my arm around her, enjoying the closeness. I’ve not seen her since she’d left for the city. I didn’t like being away from any of my friends for too long. It made me feel uneasy and alone. Sure, I’d met a few new people at my college, but none of them compared to the group I already have. Each of them means the world to me in their own special way. Gerard grounds me, Josh helps me plan big events in my life, Mikey keeps me young, Bob helps me create in ways I never thought I could, Jenna makes me see the anguish in the world, Ray reminds me that things aren’t really that bad, and Scarlett keeps me wild. I need each of them to be the person I am today.

“I missed you,” Scarlett says aloud, her fingers tracing a vein that runs from my wrist to my elbow crease and disappears up my arm. The redhead is usually pretty vocal about her simple emotions, but it still catches me off guard.

“I missed you too, Scar,” I answer back honestly.

Scarlett stays silent for a little, chewing on her lip, painted a maroon color today. While we continue to drive my friend gathers up my bags. Although I shoot her a confused look she just shrugs. As the taxicab pulls up to a red light she flings the door open, falling out onto the street. I sit, completely frozen by her actions.

The redhead motions for me to follow her and I slide out of the car quickly, as the driver begins to yell at us. My heart is beating so fast and once I’m on the sidewalk I use my friend’s shoulder to steady me.

“Welcome to New York,” Scarlett winks at me before being sucked into the crowd moving up the street.

Notes