What's My Age Again

I swear to God that I just turned for one minute - one single minute! - to prepare my Love's double coffee ice cream, and when I turn around again he's talking to Ray! Ray! Ray of all people! Not that anything's wrong with Ray, except for the fact that he is supposed to be my best friend! The rational, no nonsense part of my brain recognises the fact that Ray doesn't know who he's actually talking to and that he would never knowingly try to steal my future husband right out from underneath my nose... but the rational, no nonsense part of my brain is exterminated completely when I see Gerard throw his head back and laugh at something Ray said, and then reach out and put his hand on Ray's upper arm! His upper arm!

If Ray had told me he was going to drop by today after school and I knew to at least expected his prescience - and if Gerard didn't look so goddamned cute when he's talking about something he's obviously passionate about! - then maybe I wouldn't be so enraged right now, but I find it hard to keep my temper when Gerard doesn't take his hand away from Ray's goddamned upper arm! I didn't make a scene when Gerard was being touched up by Mr Fake Blonde - who, in reality, was not touching him up at all but actually begging for money - but this... this is really too much for my heart to bear.

I must have been glowering at them for too long, and therefore completely ignoring the growing line of customers waiting to be served, because it takes me completely by surprise when someone takes the ice cream specially prepared for Gerard. I almost squeak in shock as I spin around, readying myself to yell up a storm at whoever dares take Gerard's double coffee ice cream, when I see the man's brother himself standing there. He smiles at me lazily, scooping a tiny spoonful of the ice cream and chewing on I think slowly. I would ask him why the fuck he needs to chew ice cream if I weren't so terrified of doing something wrong.

After all, this is my future brother in law.

"So, what did I miss?" He asks amusedly as I work my jaw, opening and closing my mouth embarrassingly. He bends over the counter and places his elbows on either side of his ice cream bowl, grinning at me sneakily like a Cheshire Cat, and if I was behind Mikey in the queue - and wasn't invested in the guy's brother, of course - I would totally be checking out his ass. He looks a lot like Gerard, in the sense that he's shockingly beautiful and annoyingly endearing.

But alas, I am invested in Gerard.

I have probably been staring at said future husband and his ex-best friend without really acknowledging it, because Mikey cocks an eyebrow and turns his head to follow the employee's gaze. He frowns, confused, when he sees his brother engaging in what looks to be a riveting conversation with a curly haired giant. It's not just a passing: 'good morning, you love ice cream too?' kind of conversation either. From the look of it, it's the kind of conversation you might have with your best friend or your brother or your boyfriend. But Mikey knows this guy is none of those things; which poses the question: "who is he?"

"What's happening over there?" Mikey asks, not really expecting an answer; but any chance he gets to hold up a queue and piss people off is a welcome opportunity, and it doesn't look like the kid is going to make him move along. He looks... devastated.

"I don't know! I feel betrayed!" I whine, glad that I'm no longer holding anything because if I was it would most definitely be on the floor by now. Or possibly in the back of Ray's hair.

"I mean, Ray's supposed to be my best friend! He was going to be the godfather of my children! They - they would call him Uncle Ray and... and play with his afro! They would ask him to play songs on his guitar and sing lullabies to them! He could stay at night building a pillow fortress in the living room with the girls! He could - he couldn't play in the garden with them because as soon as Cherry and Lily are born we would have to move from our apartment to a bigger house with a garden in a suburb near a nice private school because we want our girls to grow up in a safe neighbourhood! With, with parks and kindergarten and fucking Mommy and Me classes! But now - now Ray's taking away all my chances with my future husband!"

Mikey kind of looks at me for a moment, his eyes comically wide and his jaw hanging slack. When I swallow hard and risk a glance towards where Ray and Gerard were previously standing, I want the floor to open up and swallow me whole. Now, preferably. They're all staring at me, their faces showing confusion and, in Ray's case, realisation. I am so fucking screwed.

"So this is the guy you wanted to impregnate!" Ray exclaims suddenly, and I can feel my face burning. That's not the only thing burning either, as I can feel my face start sizzling under Mikey's accusing glare.

And Gerard? Gerard is just standing there staring, aghast, at Mikey's right hand. "Mikey! Are you eating my ice cream?!"

"Um, Frank?" Pete says quietly from behind me, apparently having heard the wholeness exchange and adding to my mortification. "Why don't you take your break now?" He pats my shoulder in what he probably thinks is a comforting gesture, and I nod gratefully, keeping my head down. I desperately try to escape, but Mr Fake Fucking Blonde is too quick for me, and too tall, and he easily grabs my arm and yanks me backwards.

"Oh no Pick-Up-Lines boy, you and I need to talk. Gerard, go back to the apartment."

"Why?" Gerard asks, sounding affronted, and I try really hard not to focus on how adorable he looks when he scrunched his nose up.

"Because I'm telling you. Just call Brendon or go away!" Mikey orders. I scowl at Mikey, not that he's looking at me. How dare he talk to Gerard that way? Gerard deserves the utmost respect! Not to be sent away or yelled at!

"I hate you." Gerard deadpans and walks out of the door without a backwards glance at me or
his brother. I look around and see that Ray is also gone - he must have snuck out whilst Pete was talking to me - leaving me alone with Mikey.

---

"So, I guess you were the guy trying to get in Gerard's pants the other day?" I thought about arguing with him - telling him I definitely don't just want into the man's pants, but I basically just admitted to wanting kids with him, so I just nod. "And what are your intentions with my brother? Because I can tell you already have your whole life with him figured out."

"I just want to know him, 'kay? I mean, yeah, I might have a little crush on him and I might have planned the rest of my life so it revolves around him, but I swear I don't have any bad intentions! Honest, I don't want to hurt him! I just want to know about him; learn what he likes, what he dislikes... see if we have some sort of connection."

Mikey is quiet for a long time, staring at me like he's trying to figure me out. I fidget in discomfort as he analyses my every move. Eventually, he sighs and shakes his head, reaching for my shoulder and shaking it a little harder than I believe to be necessary.

"Good. That's good, because if you do happen to hurt my brother, I will kill you. Literally, stab you in the chest so many times you die. Okay?"

"...Okay?" I reply, not sure what exactly I'm agreeing to.
"I'm not going to try and stop you or anything. My brother's old enough to know what to do with his life and what he wants. Yeah, he may be a little clueless and stupid and and plain ridiculous sometimes! - But that's because he lives in his own world. I only want his happiness. We've been through some serious shit in the last couple of years and if all you want is a quick fuck then you can go find someone else right now. I'm never gonna get tired of helping him; neither will Brendon or Ryan, and if you're gonna commit to a relationship with him then you need to never get tired of helping him either. Okay?"

I just nod, too intimidated by his height and his words - but mostly just his height - to formulate a sentence.

***

Ryan:

I know that Frank will be extremely pissed at me for skipping work - especially when it's just to be with my boyfriend - but I'm getting desperate here. Things with Brendon are going great, but... we can't be a normal couple! We can't go on dates or hold hands in public for fear that someone will recognise me and tell my parents about it. Don't get me wrong; I love spending time at Brendon's apartment, but there's only so much you can do with a single bed, a ratty couch and a cable TV.

We're currently partaking in one of those three activities, laid down on the ratty couch together with the remnants of our lunch on the floor at out feet. After I had made him something to eat - because I like to spoil my adorable boyfriend - we had taken advantage of the fact that Gerard was out and crawled onto the couch. After a couple of soft, sweet kisses turns into a full on make-out session and I decide that Brendon is not going to stop any time soon, and I'm certainly not going to make him, I allow Brendon to place warm, butterfly like kisses down my neck until he reaches the base of my throat. I shudder at the feeling of his warm tongue against my skin and I grip onto his shoulder as if it's some kind of anchor to the real world - like I might get lost in the pleasurable sensations if I'm not holding something solid and beautiful and real.

My nails are probably digging into his skin way too hard to be comfortable, but he doesn't say anything about it or tell me to knock it off, so I just cling on tighter. Brendon could very easily be the best thing ever to happen to me and I'm not letting him go.
Slowly, Brendon pushes my legs apart and settles in between them, content to sit there for a while as he bites my neck gently, and I'm content to lie there and just accept everything he's giving me. Soon though (because Brendon really is too impatient), just kissing and licking my skin isn't enough and he slides a hand up my thigh and dangerously close to my growing erection. I whine quietly and attempt to wriggle further down the couch, to try and get Brendon to just touch me.

He must sense my eagerness because he chuckles to himself and leans down to kiss my lips one more time.

"Okay, Babe," he whispers as he pulls away, "I got you."

And then finally, finally he touches me where I want to be touched; using the palm of his hand to apply pressure between my legs until I'm writhing about below him, whimpering and moaning and wanting more. More of the pleasure, more of his touch, more of him.

He takes his time unbuttoning my jeans and pulling the zip down, then pulling me out of my trousers and running a hand up my length torturously slowly. I gasp at the feeling and buck my hips involuntarily. He strokes me slowly, carefully, leaving me hot and sweaty and confused; he hasn't been this hesitant with me since we first started seeing each other over a few months ago, and he was terrified he would scare me off if he came on too strong.

As I remember how he used to act around me: nervous and shy and giggly, it just makes my affection for him even stronger. In that moment, I love him. I love him so much I feel like my chest is about to burst open, and not even his pleasing touches can distract me from how much I care for him.

The secret - because that's what it seemingly is right now - is suffocating. It presses down on my chest and chokes me, leaves me gasping for air as the words threaten to escape. I have to tell him, I decide. Right now, I have to tell him!

And I would have too, if Gerard hadn't chosen that moment to stumble through the door and flick on the lights, letting out a high pitched shriek when he sees what position we're in.

Brendon stops moving his hand all too soon for my liking and I can only cringe as I imagine what we look like - red faced, desperate, guilty...

Whoops.

***

"Holy shit Brendon!" I scream as soon as I realise what I interrupted. "Go to your room!" I turn the lights off, my fingers fumbling with the switch as I use my other hand to shield my eyes.
The boy that isn't Brendon cries out and grabs a pillow, pulling it in front of himself to hide, but honestly that just makes me wail louder. As if contaminating my couch wasn't enough, he now wants to contaminate the cushions?! Brendon is so going to pay for this later!

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Brendon yells , trying his best to sound angry, but we all know he's just really embarrassed.

"Well in case you've forgotten, I kind of live here too. First I was afraid of tthe dark; now that I've seen you practically ducking your boyfriend on my fucking couch I think I'm afraid of the light!"

"Just go away!" He screeches.

"I'm gonna be traumatised for life!" I cry as I run past them to my room.

I can just here, as I round the corner, Brendon say to his boyfriend, "come on Baby. Let's go finish what we started in the shower."

***

"Man, I can't believe I'm stuck here for another two hours. I have homework to do!" I complain bitterly to Mikey. After having him stay by my side ever since he came in, I'm pretty sure Mikey is my new best friend. Since Ray has been found guilty on account of treason and no one else from school has bothered to keep me company for three hours whilst I'm at work - not even for the free ice cream I've been periodically feeding Mikey - I am in dire need of a new best friend, and Mikey is just here, forcing his way into my life.

Although that's rather unfair to say, since I've been pestering him with questions about his older brother every time I've had a spare second, and Mikey's been happy to tell me all about Gerard's preferences, and that makes him pretty cool in my opinion.

I've actually found out quite a lot about Gerard Way in this short space of time. Apparently, he likes comic books and alternative music, he's a cat enthusiast and he's been out of the closet since tenth grade, which makes things decidedly easier for me. He also really, really likes ice cream, which is greatly advantageous since I work with ice cream every day.

"Yeah, why aren't you still here?" Mikey asks. "Shouldn't you have gone home ages ago?"

"I would," I grumble, folding my arms stroppily over my chest when the customer I just served exits the building without leaving a tip. "But I have to cover for my friend Ryan."
Mikey turns to look at me suddenly, an amused glint in his eye as he raises an eyebrow in what I've come to learn is a very Mikey-esque gesture. "Ryan as in... Ryan Ross?" He asks.

"You know him?" I ask in surprise.
"Yeah, he's Brendon's boyfriend. Brendon being my brother's roommate. He mentioned working in an ice cream place somewhere but I didn't realise it was here. He was with Brendon this morning. I think they're going through their disgusting honeymoon period couple thing.'

"The fucker told me that he had to go to a relative's birthday party! That's why I'm stuck here covering his shift! I'm so gonna kill him!"

"Oh shit, no you can't! - He would kill me too!" Mikey exclaims, his eyes going wide and his fake blonde hair flopping over his face. "Can we just pretend that I didn't tell you that? It's just that he's really fucking awesome at baking, and I don't want to lose my cupcake dealer. Again."
I think this over for a minute before deciding I could use this to blackmail my new best friend.

"Well...we may be able to come to some sort of agreement." I smirk as he glares at me suspiciously. "I think I could be able to forget about it if you were to help me get together with Gerard."

He groans dismally at the direction the conversation has once again been steered towards, and he even goes as far as to walk around the counter so he's on the same side as me and slam his head down on the counter so hard I hear a crack. Usually I would object to someone invading in my space, but since Mikey is my best chance at getting to Gerard I bite my tongue.

"I don't see why you're so obsessed with him anyway!"

"It's hard not to be!" I argue, glad no new customers have come in so I can give all my attention to this conversation. "But - but he never seems to notice me! I don't know if he just doesn't like me and he's trying to let me down easy or -"

"Don't take it personally," Mikey interrupts. "He doesn't notice anyone around him; it's not just you. I guess I really have no choice if I want to keep my cupcakes coming, so let's see... he worships Bowie, like he literally would marry the guy, so if you want to get close to him make yourself look like Bowie."

I nod thoughtfully and then add,"Who wouldn't marry Bowie?"

"Fair enough." Mikey sighs and shakes his head like he can't believe he's having this conversation. "He's studying art, wants to be a comic book writer so pretend to know your shit about art. That's a big plus for him. I always make fun of him, 'cause all the art students at our old school ended working some shitty minimum wage job or something, but he's actually fucking good at art. He is. But tell him I said that and I'll end you, Frank."

I completely believe him.

Notes

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