Turn Away (oneshot)

Gentle taps, bleach smell, white light.
Too bright.
Dry mouth, pain, neck aches... God everything hurts... It's like the morphine doesn't work anymore. There isn't much left of me...
"Gee...?"
Frank... The nurse that once gave me chemotherapy is the one watching me slowly die... again..

"Gee?" His voice trembles, I can already see his crying face and I haven't even opened my eyes. Please don't cry for me... Smile.. You look so beautiful when you smile...
I'm so awful to see, all the hair had left my body.. and you gave me a beanie to cover up. You smiled and brought me coffee every early chemo session... And now.. here we are. The end of the rope...
"Gerard?" His hand is clasped around mine being very careful of the iv drip in my arm. My skinny arms... To imagine once I could throw the small 5 foot 5 Frank over my shoulder and carry him up the stairs... That was in remission... Just a year ago... God Frank... Why did you even bother to stay.
"Gerard.. I know you are awake... you just... don't want me here... I know you don't but.. Gee.. Please" His whimpers catch my ears.
My chest aches, I can't keep back the tears.
"Hmm?~" My throat is groggy almost no sound. Dry mouth. Tears streaming down my face. I slightly open my eyes. Frank's eye liner was running.. I'm not sure why he even put it on when he knows he's going to cry when he sees me. It makes me smile.
Frank sees my smiles and chokes smiling back. I rub my thumb over the top of his hand. He is so perfect... Why did he fall for me? I'll never know.
"D-don't cry for me.. I'll only start to cry harder." My voice is so much softer than it ever was. Singing in the shower with Frank. We were so loud, laughing and joking. During chemo we'd sing so loud the other patients would get mad. The last 4 years. With him..
Breathing hurts.
Coughing.
Blood.
Frank looks panicked again.. Please don't frown like that...
Darkness... I guess my eyes are closed..
I love you.
I love you so so much.
Blood. So much blood... My fucking lungs.. When the cancer stoped growing in my bones... it stopped for a while... then picked up again in my lungs.. I don't even blame the cigs...
I wouldn't mind one now.. Frank would shake his head at me. I don't care though.
It hurts. Everything hurts.
Air mask. Thank you, Marie...
Air.
Light.
Frank is crying again. I can hear him. He's so blurry. I don't want to leave him like this.
"F-Frank." My voice is muffled by the mask. He's clearer now.
He perks up.
"You fuking ass... I love you." Voice soft, mouth still dry. Try not to cough... don't cough it'll only make him worry.
He's smiling throught the tears...
"I love you too. Dick head." he laughs a little.
I'm going to miss him so much...
"Remember... Remember me okay? Remember me at my best, with my hair, the air in my lungs, you in my arms and the blush in my face when I kiss you. Don't remember me like this... I beg you." So much to say... so little breath.. he nods..
"Okay.."
Can't breath.
"Kiss me...?"
"Ofcourse."
I'll miss kissing you in the morning after loving you the whole night before, or when I pick you up after work. god I'll miss you so much.
My lips are chaped and faded... His are so soft and pink. he's so perfect... I wish I could have married him.
"I love you so much." Coughing starts again.
I can't breathe.. my throat hurt.
Coughing.
Blood.. coughing... so much...
Darkness.. again.. I hear clicking... and yelling.. it's so dark.
Loud nosie... Frank is screaming... Don't cry.. Please don't cry my love..
Loud nosie.... It's softer now... everything feels less painfull.
Loud noise... I love you.. Don't cry..
~
Light...
Light... not too bright..
I hear you Frank... You're laughing... Frank..
Frank... His smile is infront of my eyes.. No more tears.. Frank...
I feel warm... I'm with you... Forever.. Together... here...
Frank... We're singing... Together..
You.. in my arms.. forever.

Notes

CRy....