Jilted generation

I sat in the waiting room with my Mum's arm wrapped around me tightly, her fingers tapping nervously against the wooden chair. Gerard sat on the other humming a song to me, he forced a smile when he turned to face me.

“Hey mum,” I whispered, feeling awkward because of the silence that filled the room, “I’ll be fine.”
“But what if you’re not?” my brother asked, patting my back. I felt his bare hand against the bones in my spine and shivered.
“um, I-I-I will be….” I muttered back, “I’m sure.”

My mum looked at me reassuringly and glanced into my eyes. She had been the one to bring me here. Well, I suppose that the doctors had said to bring me in as soon as possible if my condition started to get really bad or if I’d fainted. It had been yesterday that I’d blacked out outside school. Apparently Quinn took my phone (as hers was broken) and called my mum. They’d both looked really worried and managed to get me home between them. I didn’t remember much. Everything just went dark and then I remember waking up at home on the sofa. I didn’t know but my mum had said that Quinn was really scared. Almost like she’d never get to see me again. Asking if I’d be back to school by Friday, my mum was unsure of this. And I hadn’t talked to her since yesterday but if everything was okay then I’d get to see her again in two days on Thursday. But my mum didn’t think I’d be going back by then. She believed that this fainting episode had been caused by the fact that (apart from the half slice of toast) I had hardly eaten or drunk in the past few days.

“Mikey Way!” called a doctor, opening the pale door into his office. He greeted me with a long thin smile whilst pushing his glasses back onto his nose. He led me, my mum and brother into his room and closed the door softly and sat his wiry frame down on his spinny chair. He took a pen and started scribbling down my name, age etc. on a piece of paper in his scrawny un-readable handwriting.

“So Mikey.” He said, looking up from his notes. I shuffled uncomfortably in my chair, hoping that it wouldn’t be too bad this time. “I heard that you blacked out yesterday at school?”
“Um, yeah. I did Dr.” I replied, looking down at my feet which hung above the ground.
“You’re aware that this was brought on by the lack of food?”
“yeah. I am.”
“okay. That’s good. At least we have identified the problem. Now, we must again work on what we will do to help.”
“okay.”
“First we need to see if you have gained anything since we last saw you, which was…..” he flicked through his notebook, “last Tuesday which was exactly a week ago.”

The doctor did some tests, attaching that weird cushiony thing to my arm for my blood pressure or something like that and then he had me on the scales. I watched as the needle swung from side to side. Not sure whether it could make its mind up. Eventually the doctor had done all the necessary tests and asked all the necessary questions. We sat in silence watching as the second hand on the clock clicked slowly around, hoping that we’d be finished by 9am so that we could drop Gerard off at school. My mum gripped my hands tightly and my brother rested his hand on my shoulder as the doctor flicked through his notes before coming to a conclusion.

“So Michael James Way… I can confirm that the incident yesterday was connected to the lack of food and in turn your anorexia. And I’m very sorry to have to tell you but unfortunately you haven’t gained any weight since I last saw you and you are still severely underweight compared to what doctors recommend. “

Of course I am. I’m sick and tired of constantly being compared to others. It’s not that easy! It’s not that f*cking easy to change! When you can only remember being the person that you are. How could I change? Would comparing me to all ‘perfect’ people out there help me? Probably not because I was always being compared as if I was some dirt on the ground. You aren’t the right weight you should be like this. You don’t have the right attitude to change like they do. You don’t have the right diet like her. You ain’t healthy like him.
“You also have an irregular heart beat caused by this. Do you feel that therapy and seeing a physiatrist is helping?”
I nodded my head, not really sure if that was true but thought it might help to reassure my mum.

“Good. And you’re going to therapy tomorrow I see?”
“Yes. Yes, we are going. Aren’t we Mikes.” My mum said, turning to look towards me. Her eyes were glinting with tears and the light shone on them as she tried to stop them from spilling from her eyes and down her face. I nodded my head again.
“That’s good, isn’t it Mikey?” The doctor continued, “I know that you have been going for a while but I think that we need to provide additional help in your recovery. I would like to prescribe you with this…” He walked out the room for a second and returned with a small bottle. He placed it on the table and I peered at the label: OLANZAPINE.
“Now then. We must be cautious with this as you are under 18. I would also like you to keep seeing your dietitian, your next appointment is Monday. Okay?”

I nodded my head. Listening as the Doctor talked to my mum for a while, explaining what to do with this Olanzapine stuff and how to try and encourage me to eat. It wasn’t like I wasn’t sat next to her as she and him talked about me. I looked to Gerard who threw a weak smile in my direction. “I’ll be fine.” I whispered to him.

“Right then!” the doctor exclaimed after a while, “That’s it for today. If you need anything then just come and see me Mikey, Gerard, Mrs. Way. Have you got any questions before you leave?”
“Yes!” I piped up. Gerard looked surprised but I carried on speaking, “When will I be able to go back to school. Tomorrow? Oh, wait. I’m going to therapy tomorrow! Thursday?! Friday?!!” I began to breathe heavy, worried that I wouldn’t be able to talk to Quinn until next week, as she’d also managed to break her phone, so I couldn't even message her.
“At the earliest I would suggest that you return to school on Friday.”
I allowed a grin to creep onto my face.
“However…..”
I think my smile began to fade as he continued.
“If you are sick in the next few days then I would like you to stay at home over the weekend. Then if you are feeling up to it you may return on the Monday…..”
“Okay, thanks Doc.” My mum replied as we walked out of the room and to the car. Well at least that was over. At least I could go home now.

Notes

hi. Its meh again, with a long chapter for a change. Hope you've all had a good day whether you've been at school or not or whether its actually night where you live. Went to a theme park today with school and it was really good apart from the fact that it was really really warm. And I'm not really bothered if it was 100 degrees warmer where you are because in England, if the sun shows itself for a long time...then its a miracle and factor 50 sun cream must be worn. Hope you've all been doing good. Thank you for reading and being patient for uploads and special thanks to those who have rated and subscribed. :) Xx