Jilted generation

I hung up before I could hear her reaction. I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t bring myself to whisper the words. I just couldn’t say: Mikey’s gone and he isn’t coming back. I just couldn’t form the words and spit them back down the phone to Quinn. What would you do? Well, I’ll tell you what I did, I threw the phone as hard as I could against the wall in rage. I was angry at myself. Why couldn’t I just?

Right. Right calm down Gee. Just calm the f*ck down okay? I crouched down to pick up the battered phone and hoped and prayed that it would still work.

“Quinn?” I whimpered back down the phone. And then I remembered that I’d hung up. The buzzing sound still rattled around my head as I stared at the small screen. I swore at myself and then felt the guilt rise through my bones because I hadn’t explained it to her properly, and that wasn’t right. And it was so quiet again. All of a sudden the silence had wrapped around me again and pressed its fingers around my throat. I’d literally been suffocating in the silence these past few days and there was nobody to stop the suffering. But for a minute there, I had heard somebody else’s voice. I had spoken very little in the past few days and my throat felt rough and sore but hearing someone’s voice had comforted me. And all that I wanted w…..

I was interrupted by the phone, shaking violently in my sweaty palm. I pressed the green phone button without even looking to see that the phone number on the screen matched the one on the back of the letter.

“What the f*ck! Gerard! W-w-what do you mean?! Where’s my Mikey, where’s he gone Gee?! He’s got the letter right?! He’s read the letter GEE?!!!”

I didn’t know what to say. How do you reply to a question like that? Well, I replied to it with silence.

“Please. just, I don’t care… Some things wrong Gee! And I can tell! Please just tell me the truth!” She screamed down the phone. Even though I couldn’t see her I knew that she was crying. I could picture her sat in the corner, tears streaming from her eyes, legs pulled close to her chest, phone shaking in her hand as she swept her black hair from her watering eyes.
“Quinn….”
“Yes Gee…”
“Mikey’s gone…”
“Gone where?”
“I think you already know the answer Quinn…”
“No! H-He’s N-N-NO!”
“I’m so sorry Quinn but Mikey’s dead…”

There was no reply. Nothing. Just silence again. Now I come to think of it I probably could have put it in a better way but what’s the point? It would still be upsetting no matter how much I dressed up the fact that he was dead. And that was the truth and I’d told the truth. Mikey was dead. And I had told Quinn.

“Quinn you must know that its not your fault. And Mikey loved you and you were his best friend. He um…”
“what…” she mumbled back down the phone at me.
“He left you something Quinn…”
“Oh great! And that will just make everything better then?!”
“No!” I calmed my voice a little, “I mean no. H-he he left you a message…”
“Oh…”
“Do you want to know what it says?” I asked, but I didn’t get another word out of Quinn.

I presumed that she didn’t want to even talk but I was scared at the fact that she wasn’t asking any questions. There was no: When did he die? How? Are you okay? I’m sorry… Just pure nothingness. But I began to read her the message anyway.

“Quinn…..”

I read the next line in my head: “if you’re still out there and if you still care about me, then where are you? I need you. I need you to save me!” and decided not to read it to Quinn because I didn’t want to make her feel any worse than she did now. I continued reading the letter...

"I’ve only known you for a year but you have honestly made my life so much better. You have made me happy. Made me cry with laughter. And you have saved me. All, I’m asking is for you to save me now! Just once more. But you are gone. Nowhere to be seen. Away from me. Away from me and all my problems. And that is the best for you. No worries about me. You don’t have to deal with my problems, anymore. I wish you all the best. Love Mikey. Xx”

Again I waited for some kind of response that wasn’t sobbing or her trying to breathe steadily and failing. I wasn’t crying though. Okay, maybe I was. Just a little. Okay then, a lot I suppose. But that fact is irrelevant.

“Listen Quinn…” The crying stopped for a second and the speaker muffled as she moved the other phone closer to her ear.
“I-I-It’s Mikey funeral in two days and, um, you were his best friend… I think that he’d like you to be there. I would like you to be there. I understand this is such a big shock and if you can’t make it then that is okay but he loved you. And I think that’s its only fair for you to have a chance to say goodbye…”

I stopped, I heard footsteps from the other side of the phone and heard, who I think, was Quinns dad plod into the room and sit next to his daughter.
“Yeah…” She whispered, “I’ll say goodbye..”
And then the line went dead.

Notes

Hope you enjoyed. :) Xx