Jilted generation

Gerard's pov.


*2 days later*

Hello. My name is Gerard Way. And I was Mikey Ways brother.


I begin to cry again, my expressionless face tearing up as his image flickers back into my mind. It was two days ago that I found the body. Mikey's body. In my room. My own brothers corpse spread out across the floor with a mirrored pool of blood at his side. They are still looking for them. Those that were involved. Even though they think that this was a suicide. They are still looking for the suspects. Believed to be a small group of teenagers with a leader who has blonde ratty hair. And as if by a coincidence: a group of teenagers and a kid named Mathew have been missing from school. And that's good for them because I don't think that I could stop myself from beating them to near death if I even saw a glimpse of their stupid faces again. No connections there then.

But Mikey ended it himself. I know he did. Sure, they helped to push him closer to the edge but in the end he decided to take his own life. He wanted to be in control. He didn't want them to be the ones that ended it. And I know Mathew, they wouldn't hesitate. They could do it. And I'm not joking. They could kill someone and in a way I'm kind of glad that they didn't get Mikes, I wouldn't have wanted him to go like that. I'd rather that he was still here though. Still sat by my side.
I wipe away the tears as more seem to be escaping my bloodshot eyes. God! Gee, you can't even say his name without bursting into tears. How are you going to survive the f*cking funeral as you watch your little brother being lowered into the ground?

We found the note that he'd written too. That still haunts me to this day. The fact that he thought about how he was going to end it. They had been threatening and trying to kill him for so long that he had time to plan it all out. He had time to write us all a paragraph, a message, just for us. Before he....
I play the recording back through my mind: "You are my brother....brothers understand each other....please look after mum... I don't want to see her struggle again...."
I just can't. Mum has just shut down completely. She won't speak. She won't smile. She won't even cry. She just sits there. In the corner of the living room. Blank. Like she wouldn't be able to live anymore. Like she'd failed as a mum.

"Hey, m-mum..." I mumble, taking a step towards her. She doesn't look to me, she doesn't even react to my voice. It's no use, I say to myself.
But Mikey's gone. He. He. He's not coming back. And, I should have saved him. I should have. It was my job and I've failed. I feel so guilty. I know that if he was still around then he'd tell me that I was being stupid. "Get on with your life..." But I can't get on with my life because you're not here!!!! I can't-
I was interrupted by a knock at the door. I bet you that my mum doesn't even flinch. Well, I was right. I stood up and headed towards the front door, dragging my feet along the floor. Dad would usually answer the door. But dad's gone. We haven't seen him for a few days. He just disappeared, and I don't know when he's coming back. Or if he's coming back. I guess that he just feels so bad because the last time that him and Mikes spoke they had an argument. And he feels that he might have been the reason that Mikey ended it all. Why he made that decision to slit his wrists with the blades that I hid away from him. Why hadn't I just thrown them out? If I had then maybe...

I opened the door. A young man with masses of curly brown hair was hidden behind a pile of letters. He was fairly tall too but flicked through the letters before picking a few out. He handed them to me.
"Sorry. The posts being running behind in a few areas lately, so some of those might be late." He said, shuffling nervously from one foot to another.
"Hey, it's okay..." I mumbled back to him in the friendliest voice that I could manage.
I flicked though the letters. One for mum. A bill. A bank statement. Another bill for dad. Insurance stuff and then.....
No! I dropped the pile of letters to the floor, glaring at the ink that stood on the envelope in front of me. My mouth gawped open and I think my hands began to shake.

"Hey. Mate. You. You alright there?" Asked the curly haired postman, sounding concerned. I snapped out of my trance.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine..." I said, collecting the post back up whilst looking embarrassed. I headed back inside and closed the door softly behind me. I waited until the man outside had moved onto the next house before I peered down at the writing. Whoever had written this didn't know yet. Yes. It was true. In my hand I held a letter addressed to Mr. Mikey Way.


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"Hey Mikes..." I say to the empty space. I stood in the doorway to his room, looking to his desk, where he always used to sit. I could almost see his image appear in front of me as he slipped his headphones on and began to write. I moved closer into the cool air that lives in this bedroom. His bed is made. His clothes neatly piled up. The pictures of me and him, and him and Quinn stuck to his wardrobes are not faded. Everything's just normal. Too normal. And it shouldn't be normal because the past few days have been far from normal.
"You got post..." I whisper. I feel his head turn towards me as I tear open the envelope. I take out the crisp piece of white paper and see that it should have got here about 3 days ago. I look to Mikey's chair and take a seat on the bed, dragging my finger along the lines.
"You want to know what it says?" I ask the empty space that he should be occupying. I took a deep breathe and began to read to Mikey:


"Hey Mikey
How is my little Kobra Kid doing? Listen, I am fine. And I'm so sorry that I haven't been around to see you lately we've been very busy. Did Gerard tell you that I wanted to meet you on Friday after school? You see. There's something that I need to tell you Mikes. And I don't think that you'll like it. You see. I wanted to tell you in person. I didn't want you to find out like this because I knew that it would break your little heart. But there is no other way. I wanted to talk to you before Friday because well... We've moved.
I'm so sorry, Mikes. I tried to tell you but you just weren't around and I thought I'd send you this letter because I thought that you might think that I've abandoned you. And I haven't. It wasn't my choice Mikes. It was so sudden. I was as surprised as you are. Out of nowhere my dad just told us we were leaving to his new job and then we were off before I'd even had a chance to say a proper goodbye. But this isn't goodbye forever.
No. I'm sure we can still meet up. I'm already looking forward to seeing you again. Already counting down the days. I know that school won't be the same and it wont be the same for me either. And I don't want these miles to get in between us and break our friendship apart. You are the best friend I've ever had Mikes, and I don't care about your problems. Don't feel guilty sharing them with me because I want to help. Your smile gives me a purpose and my life would be so dull without you.
The new house is okay but doesn't feel like ours. It feels like I'm staying at somebody else's house. And I just want to come back home. Proper home and then I can see you. We've got a new phone number, it's on the back of this sheet. Give me a ring if you want, I mean... You don't have to but it would be nice to hear your voice again.
So sorry for the short notice Mikes. You deserve better. I hope you and all your family are well but, well. I need to say something. Please don't let this be the end of our friendship. But.... How do I say this? I've always been nervous to actually tell someone. But I think you should know that! Well.... I like you. As in more than a friend. I really like you and I've tried to stop myself from falling for my best friend. But I just can't. I want to be with you Mikes. You are my soulmate. I just hope that you might feel the same way. I hope to see you soon Mikes.
Quinn. Xx"


I put the letter down and place it on his desk. Quinn, doesn't know. Quinn doesn't know that Mikey's gone! How can I ever tell her! I can't! But I must. She was his best friend and she deserves to know. This explains why she was acting so strange and nervous when Mikey didn't turn up to school. Because she was moving. I'll tell her. I'll ring her and I'll tell her about Mikes. But not yet. I don't feel like I could. Soon, I tell myself, I'll speak to her soon when I think that I could handle a full conversation.
I turn to head out of the room. I allow myself to speak before running away from the pain that I'll never be able to escape.
"You're body and mind denied you food Mikey, but society denies our generation a chance to change that."


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Okay, I'm outside my room now. I don't know if I can go in. I don't know if I'll be able to go into the room in which my younger brother killed himself in. But I need to get it. I need to get the album that Mikey loved so much. The album that we used to play on full blast as and danced around the house, singing at the top of our lungs until we'd run out of breathe and end up collapsing on the floor next to each other, with our chests physically hurting from laughing so much. I need that album...
I dived into the room and reached for the cd shelf. I didn't let my eyes wonder to the floor. I was scared that I might see the blood again. The body again. The note laid on my desk again. My brothers limp arm stretching out towards the door and his lifeless and pale face. I found the music quickly and was just about to get myself out of there when something caught my eye. A book.
I headed back to the shelf and pulled out a scrawny, old tattered black book that must've fallen down the back. It wasn't mine. It definitely wasn't mine. I looked to the front cover where the silver letters on the front formed the words: jilted generation.

Notes

Hi there. Sorry it's been so long. The Internet was down all last night and to be honest I've been quite nervous to post this chapter. I just didn't want to ruin the end and I hope that this chapter was okay. Thank you all for reading and let me know down in the comments. Thnxs. :) Xx