Don't say I'm better off dead

He was stood on a bridge. Oh no. Not this one again. Staring down into the deep lake that filled his vision. The water was still. No. Stop. Not again. He watched a gaping hole form in the water. He tried to shake these thoughts out of his head but it didn't work. That was where he was heading. Down. He gripped the metal bars tightly hoping that he could cling on, like how the last rays of sun were still lingering in the sky. But even they couldn't hold on forever, even they were eventually engulfed by the night. Just like he was going to be. He tried to climb back over the bridge but found that it was like trying to force your way through an oncoming crowd, almost impossible. The lake was dragging him down. Down into its depths where he would never be seen again. At least he wouldn't hurt anyone anymore, would he? It felt like thousands of arms were tugging at his legs, at his arms, at his chest, at his mind. He couldn't hold on for much longer. He couldn't change what was going to happen. He knew what was going to happen and he had no way of controlling it. He let go of the bridge and felt himself falling. His stomach churned and turned inside out and his screams echoed in the empty air. He was falling, dropping like a stone. Except it took longer than it should have done. He seemed to feel the coarse wind ruffling through his hair for too long. His screams lasted too long. He was lasting too long. He should have hit the water by now, except he kept falling, helplessly. Then finally it came.
He hit the icy water all of a sudden and felt it immediately chill his bones. He tried to swim back up to the surface so that he could take in a breath of fresh air, but he couldn't. He was being pulled down and no matter how hard he tried to pull the bag of bones that he was to the surface, he only failed. He was sinking... As if there was a boulder tied to his ankles but he looked down and there was none.
His lungs started to ache, begging for more air and then it was his chest that seemed to expand until it was pushing violently against his ribs: like an animal desperately wanting to escape. His skull felt like it could just break and his eyes screamed as he slowly lost feeling in his toes, his hands, his legs. He choked on the water as he sunk lower lower and soon he couldn't see the surface, couldn't see the light. Everything was dark.

He shook himself awake. Ahhh. Thank god it was over. He looked over to Mikey but he wasn't there. Wait. His brother had left him even though he said that he would always be there for him. He had left. But to where?
Something drew Gerard towards the door. He wasn't sure what it was but he could feel it slowly pulling him towards it. He got out of bed and slipped on his trainers while wiping the sleep from his eyes, it ran down onto his hand, that was a bit weird, he thought. It was still completely dark but Gerard's breathing was steady and he tiptoed his way across the room. He reached the door slowly pulling it towards him. He found Mikey. Dead.

He swung gently from a necklace of rope in the hallway, his corpse pale and scarred. His head hung down to the ground but Gerard could not miss those eyes. The staring eyes. The bloodshot eyes that were begging for forgiveness. Why would he do this to himself? His hands hung limply in the air. What once was alive was now dead. The image seemed so clear and vivid to Gerard. He could see the hollowness of his little brothers cheeks, his ribs which showed through his blood smothered T-shirt, the smirk that crept onto his face.
Gee dropped to his knees in disbelief. Why did Mikey have to go? Now it was just him! Truly alone. With no-one. He cried until a small puddle had formed around him, beating his fists against the walls, against the floor, against himself. He couldn't look at it anymore, his lifeless body, but he was strangely drawn to it. His innocent younger brother. Why hadn't he looked after him better. If he had then none of this would have happened. It shouldn't of happened. That should have been me, thought Gerard, not my innocent brother.
"Why not take me?!" He called out to the clouds, "why him?!"
He looked down to his hands to see them covered in blood. The patterns of red soaked into and stained his hands. He reached his hand up to his eyes and felt the cool blood run from them and down his cheek. This wasn't right he told himself. He was crying, he was shaking violently, his breaths short and uneven, his fingernails scraping against the floor, his forehead shining with sweat. He reached for the gun that lay in the open chest of drawers, pointing it to his head.

"Hey! Gee! Wake up! It's okay!" Mikey sobbed, leaning over Gerard's twitching body, "it's okay! It's not real! Their not real! I'm here now! Okay?! I'll protect you!"
Gerard felt a tear drip onto his face and woke suddenly, immediately bursting into tears. Mikey hugged him, pressing his face into his chest.
"I... I thought y-you were g-gone" Gerard sobbed, "I'd thought you'd left me.... Alone"
"I wouldn't do that to you Gee. I'll always be here. I hate to see you struggling and twitching like that. It just physically hurts my heart. I had to wake you!"
"Thank you Mikey, I love you. You know that right? And I don't ever want you hurting yourself, okay? Understand?"
"Hey, Gerard. Don't worry about me. I'll be just fine. Lets get you sorted out, yeah? It's not long 'till we could set off for school....."

Notes

Um, sorry, this chapter was a bit weird but hope that it was okay. Thanks for reading. X :)