Cancer

“Slow down, you’ll choke!” Lyn-z grins and pushes the plate away from me with the cold pizza. I laugh at her, as I grab the plate again. “Hey! I’m not, I just like cold pizza.” I say innocently, which is turned into a whisper. I eat slower, calming my mom down. “Better?” I ask as I eat the pizza. I wipe a finger over my mouth, wiping away the smudge. She nods, watching behind me. “Hi boys!” She greets Frank and Mikey, who shows up, sitting on each side of me. “I can’t believe you can eat that.” Frank points crinkling his nose disgusted by my cold pizza. I flip him the finger. “They are mine, not yours.” I wink and keep eating through the second slice. He puts up his hands defending himself. “I like mine hot.” I turn at him smirking. “No wonder, I am your girlfriend.” I flip my non-existing hair, and turn to my third slice. They giggle at my comment. Mikey and Lyn-z exchanges looks a couple of times. I look confused at them, and they flip me an innocent smile. They are totally hiding something. Apparently, Frank is a part of it as well. Lyn-z and Mikey AND Frankie looks at each other a couple of times before the turn to me. This annoys me too much. “Seriously guys, what is it?” I ask as I put the fourth slice on my plate. I’m hungry, shut up. Frank nods, as they look at him accepting, I guess, which makes me roll my eyes. I turn to him, and he takes a deep breath, as if he should speak to a 1000 people. I look serious at him, waiting for him to start talking.
“We know, about your “secret.”” Frank breathes, water filling in his eyes. I look down at the pizza slice on my plate. Well, it was only a matter of time, I guess, or Charlie told them. Yeah, he probably did. He knew, I wouldn’t tell them, but I did hide it from them, because I didn’t want to hurt them. Which pulls me back to the past. I remember back when my foster parents held my cancer condition hid from me, how mad I was. Now I did it to my family. “I’m sorry. I would have told you, I just didn’t want to hurt you.” I admit, looking down. The tears water up my eyes, but I try to hold them back. I look back up at them, realizing they are not saying anything. They look confused. “What?” Lyn-z asks with no facial expression. “We were talking about you turning adult, your birthday.” Mikey explains. I feel my heart sink. Maybe I will be dead by then. I avoid their gazes, as my head fills up with thoughts. “What are you talking about?” Frank asks and hands out for my hand. I decline. Instead, I put my hands in front of my face as if I would disappear from my seat and into an alternative universe. However, that is not the truth. This is the truth.
“Charlie told me, I only have days left. I’m not sure to be alive for my birthday. Not that that is special for me, or anything. I just probably won’t be alive.” I explain. I do not feel any kind of emotion while telling. My tears, the water in my eyes are gone. So is my thoughts and my mind. I blink one or two times as I go back to eating the cold, now a bit nasty, pizza. My family doesn’t say anything. They just stare for a while. Until Gerard speaks up behind me. “I-I’m sorry. What?” He’s scared. They don’t understand it. I look up at their faces. I shake my head. “I’m sorry.” I speak up. I look at Frank. He looks devastated.
“But hey, I’m still alive.” I shrug, smiling. I don’t know, if I hate myself in this moment, because of my selfishness or love my positivity. “That’s why you gave me this?” Lyn-z asks holding out the ‘Funeral list.’ I nod. “I’ve been planning it. The last goodbye. Remember that.” I smile confirming. She nods, smiling at my positivity. I’m happy she is happy with me. I look at Gerard, my dad behind me, standing with Ray. I turn to my boyfriend and my uncle. “Come on guys, smile.” I smile awkward, if they won’t smile back. “That’s why Bandit said Ghost-buddy to you.” Frank smiles weak. I nod smiling at my lovely little sister. “Yeah, she’s amazing.” I lean back in the chair I am sitting in. Wondering what she’s dreaming of. I hope that she is having an awesome dream about Unicorns, comics and candles. I chuckle for myself in thoughts of the memory.
“We can celebrate your birthday early?” Frank sets as an opportunity. I nod, agreeing. “Yeah sure.” He smiles up at me, and I pick up his hand from his lap. I kiss it and mouth an “I love you.” To him. He giggles, blushing and kisses my lips. “I love you too, Louisa Way.” I smile at him as we pull away. “When?” Gerard asks. “Always and forever.” Frank answers, still watching me. “No, when should we celebrate her birthday?” Gerard smiles at Frank’s love confession almost as much as I do. I’m blushing as hell. I give his hand a loving squeeze. “I don’t know, Wednesday?” Mikey shrugs. I look at him, he knows I like the word Wednesday, however I cannot spell it, and I hate that! I giggle at him, and he winks. “Come at me bro!” I hold my arms out, as if to scare him away like gangsters. I look threatening, however he does not look terrified, he just giggles. I lean in, pushing my eyebrows up. “Think you can beat me in dance competition?” I ask, quoting my dad. They all giggle at my jokes. I smile, confirming his suggestion. “Yeah, we can do it on Wednesday.”
Dear Friend
I am still around, don’t worry, or well, I know you don’t. Whatever. I am still alive.
My family wants to celebrate my birthday early this year. On Wednesday, actually. I hope I am alive by then. I’m excited. It’s not about the presents, but about me being alive celebrating my 18th birthday with my beloved family.
Tomorrow, Lyn-z and I are doing shopping for my clothing for my funeral. I made a list when I was 15 to now. I’ve planned everything. However, it is not sad. It is beautiful. It is the last goodbye.
I close my computer and slide it under the bed as I usually do. I look up at Frankie, who’s reading a book. Stephen King, I guess. He loves that author. I lean over, irritated by the thread in my nose, but I know, if I take it out, I will probably choke to death. Damn Sir William and his pain in the ass thread. I put my chin on his bare chest. I let my tongue roll out over his soft skin, just to annoy him. He sighs. “What are you doing?” He smiles awkward. I look up at him. Succeed! A half-disgusted look. I smile bright and grin. “Was just trying to annoy you. Succeed.” I laugh. He shakes his head at me, smiling. “Come here, you kid.” He grabs my waist and throws the book away. He lays down beside me, kissing me roughly. I kiss him back, even though I am struggling to breathe. I choose to ignore it. I hold his lower lip between my teeth and look into his eyes. We hold the eye contact; while I let my hands explore the well-known world of his body. I slide a hand down in his boxers, and he lets out a moan. I let go of his lip, and lean further in. “Stay quiet or I will punish you.” I smirk. He nods smiling back. I take off his underwear and mine too. “What are you doing?” He asks panting, as I start jerking him off. I smile under my breath. I kiss him. Loving. Not rough, like before, but loving, longing. He kisses back. I stop stroking his now full-grown erection, and he lies on top of me. He pulls away from the kiss, and start kissing my throat. I let out a moan, breaking my own promise. “You moaning for a punishment?” He smirks at me. My breathing gets hoarse. No, please. I want to do this. I breathe deeply, almost choking for the lack of air. Just one more time. Frank looks up at me with a sad expression. “We should stop.” He says preparing to lie down beside me again. “No, I’m okay.” I smile trying. “Are you sure, Lou? I do not want to pressure you.” I shake my head smiling at his kindness, caring him. “You’re not, and yeah, I am sure.” I reassure him, pulling a condom out of Sir William. I keep almost everything in that bag. I think I have a watch down there also somewhere. Frank looks away giggling, as he puts on the condom. “You’re weird.” he says, as he lies on top of me again. His hands on each side of me. He leans against his arms, as he looks at me, making sure I am okay. I nod, and he gets inside of me. I let out a moan and grab his shoulders, holding on to him. “Are you okay?” He asks, stroking my cheek. I nod, fighting against the lack of air. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I nod, making him sure. We start our rocking back and forth, feeling warmth and love stream through my veins.
As both of us came, we pulled away from each other, or well, Frank pulled away and cleaned himself up and came back lying next to me. I’ve been panting for some minutes now, struggling to breathe, but I swear, it was worth it. Frank is worth it. I fight to get my breath back, and it seems to be working. He has his arm around me, protecting me from all evil. I take in a deep breath and smile. I’m okay. I turn to Frank, who’s looking at me, adoring me. I put a hand on his cheek, stroking in circles with my thump. “I love you, Frank.” He kisses my hand, closing his eyes. “I love you so much, Louisa Way.” He snuggles further into me, lying in the crook of my neck. I close my eyes, letting myself drift away to sleep in the sound of his breath.

Notes