“Would you please stop?” I grin at Frank as he complains about the weather. It’s rainy and stormy. I like it though. Mr. Moody over there, is just a sun-addict. “Look, at it, Lou. It’s pissing in my hair. Nobody wants that!” I roll my eyes at him, eating my cornflakes. He slams his hand down on the table surface, as he sees a lightning struck. “No way!” He exclaims. I groan at him, as he hits my bowl. “Keep your bad vibes out of my cornflakes, I am not interested.” He grins stealing one of my cornflakes right in front of me. “Mom!” I call out, fake pouting. Lyn-z sticks her head out through the kitchen door. “Frankie stole my cornflakes.” I pout, looking mad at Frankie. That fucker is smiling bright. “I am going to-“ I jump at him giggling as we hit the floor. “Done stealing my food?” I ask him while sitting on top of him. He grabs my hips and pulls me down for a kiss. I kiss again. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.” he winks at me. Bandit look at us, standing with her dad holding his hand. Gerard looks sternly at us. “Don’t worry dad, they are just having a face-battle.” Bandit says not caring and walks off. Gerard’s jaw drops to the floor, as he realizes where “face-battle” comes from. “You didn’t…” he points at Frankie, who’s smirking his face off. “Woops.” Gerard shakes his head and follow Bandit to her room. I giggle at Frank and stand up. “You’re so bad.” He rise to his feet as well. He leans in, sending flirty sights. “Someone has to be the bad guy.” He winks at me, smirking. I shake my head at him. “You’re my bad guy-man.” I kiss his lips, and he holds me by my hips. “What is a guy-man?” he giggles his head off as we pull away. “I do not know, if I should call you a guy or a man, so it must be somewhere in between: guy-man.” I explain. He nods slowly, teasingly. “Aha, then what are you, then?” he leans closer to my face. I feel everything inside of me get warmer. I let the room between us disappear, and I talk against his lips. “Your girl.” I kiss him longing, putting my hands in his hair. He kisses me again, lifting me up into his chest and sits down on a chair with me. He lets out a moan as I leave kisses down his throat. “Keep it quiet, or I am going to punish you.” I whisper seducing in his ear. He nods defeated, breathing deeply. I grab him by his shirt, palming his growing erection through his pants. “Shh, Frankie.” I say teasing him. He grabs my ass holding tight and I let out a quiet moan. I kiss him again, rougher, but not like “eating him.” I hear a door slam behind us and a following, disgusted “ew.” We look up to see Mikey and Ray. “Get a room!” Mikey yells jokingly. Gerard keeps up with them. “No, don’t get a room.” He looks shocked at Frankie, as if it was total unusual that two people, who loves each other, makes love. Or not, because we just got “cock-blocked.”

I pull away from Frankie, looking up at the three men, who just entered the dining room. Frank stands up greeting Mikey and Ray by hugging them. They hug again grinning at him. “Louisa,” Mikey approaches me, as I stand awkwardly behind. I scratch my neck even more awkward looking at Gerard, who smiles lovely at me. “Come here.” He reaches out for me, holding me into him, so I don’t look that out of place. “Thanks dad.” I smile up at him. He smiles back appreciating me. “This is my brother, Mikey, your new uncle.” Mikey nods, smiling wry at me. “What about me?” Ray pouts next to Frank. “Shut up, you child.” Gerard snaps playfully. “Fuck you, man.” He hides behind Mikey. Gerard face palms himself, as a giggle escapes my lips. Everybody gets back to doing their stuff again. Except Ray, Mikey and me. “Can I hug you, or does that make it even more awkward?” I ask and they shake their heads, and pulls me in for a group-hug. “Gosh! You’re so tiny!” Mikey shrieks at me playfully. “Like a bug!” Ray adds grinning. We pull away from each other, and I look fake-offended. “I am not a bug. Frank is!” I defend myself. A loud “Hey!” comes from Gerard’s office. Frankie. All three of us laugh our asses off, as Lyn-z approaches us. “Hey guys!” she says hugging each of us. “Hey mom.” I say, as she hugs me. I’ve got used to call them my parent, that I haven’t thought about what their “real” family would say. “Mom?” Ray asks. I look down. Then up at Lyn-z, getting nervous. I do not want to talk about it. I don’t want their pity. I look up at Ray, who’s looking confused. My breathing gets worse. Apparently, Lyn-z sees it. “Calm down, sweetheart.” She hushes me, looking into my eyes. “I’ll tell him, you don’t have to worry, okay? It’s going to be okay.” She strokes my cheek. I nod, calming down again. She turns to Ray and signal him with her fingers to follow her. I look at the ground focusing on my breathing. “You’re doing well.” Mikey tells me, stroking my back. I look up at him, smiling weak. “Thank you.” He smiles back, and we hug each other for comfort.
“Gerard told me everything, so you don’t have to worry about me neither.” Mikey winks and walks into the living room, crashing on the couch. I follow him, sitting where his feet lied. He grabs the remote lazy and turn on the TV. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Mikey asks as he flips through the channels. I think about the options for a minute or two, before answering. “Or something.” He looks up at me, smiling. “You even sound like a Way.” He chuckles. That’s a compliment in itself. “Thanks Mikey.” I smirk. He stops shifting channel and look at the screen. There’s an elephant and a seal in the savanna in Africa. Weird shit, if I may. He looks back at me. “So what do you want to do?” I think again. I look outside at the sun, grinning. I look up at the clock on the wall. 2 pm. “I’ll get the gang together.” I smirk and rise to my feet. Mikey looks impressed by my spontaneous way to think. I fast-walk to my bedroom finding my old batman hoodie, and throws it on, as well my red converse with holes. I walk into Gerard’s office, finding two and a half men. “Cool sweater.” Gerard points at my hoodie. He smirks in the memories of our superhero-discussion. I smile as well. The others look at us, wondering what we’re talking about. I remember why I came in here in the first place. “Can I borrow Frank and Ray and Mikey for today?” I ask Gerard, shooting my lower lip out, pouting. Frank smirks at me. He knows my thinking. “I’m in.” I look at Ray, who nods in respond. “Great! I’ll see ya later, dad!” I say and we head outside, waiting for Mikey. “Where are you going?” Lyn-z asks smiling. She’s glad, I’m glad. I shrug. I walk up to her, standing on my toes. “It’s adventure time.” I wink at her. She nods back. “Okay, have fun then.” I smile back. Mikey joins us on the porch and we head to Ray’s car.
“Can I drive?” I raise my hand asking. Ray looks at me. “How old are you?” He squeezes his eyes together, studying me. I raise me left arm, pulling up my sleeve, so that he can see my tat. “How old do you think I am, Toro?” I grin. He shakes his head, and throws me the keys. “Thank you.” We all get in the car. Me in the driver seat, Frank beside me, Mikey and Ray in the back seat. I start the car driving away from the house. As soon as we’re a couple of miles away from home, I look back at Ray. “I’m actually 17, but detail.” I shrug, and his eyes grow wide. “How can you have a tat, when you’re only 17?” he exclaims. I giggle, looking at Frank in the corner of my eyes. He smiles adoring back at me. “I have my ways.” I wink at Ray.
In between the stops to get to my destination, I get to hold Frank’s hand every now and then. “So, where exactly are we going?” Mikey asks as I park the car. I turn to face “the kids” in the back seat. “Actually,” I start. Taking a deep breath. I might as well tell them the truth. I look back up at them. “I just wanted ice cream.” I giggle, as they smile back at me. “So we just drove like what? 15 minutes for an ice cream?” Ray says, thinking aloud. I nod. “Yeah. They are on sale here.” I grin. Frank giggles from his seat. He should have seen this coming. “And guys, this is my girlfriend.” Frank introduces me. I turn back to him, winking at him. “You love me.” I say snuggling into him. “Very much.” He looks at me longing. I peck him on his lips and we hear a small “aw” from the back seat. “Come on! Let’s get ice cream!” Mikey exclaims getting out of the car, and we follow.
“You want a whole box?” Frank asks surprised as I hand a box of ice cream out for him to hold. I look back at him with a ‘duh’ face. “Hum, yeah? I want to get fat.” I wink at him. He shakes his head and put it down in the cart to Mikey. Oh, yeah, we put Mikey in the cart to shut him up. The man didn’t want to walk around, so Ray put him in the cart. “Which flavors do you guys want?” I ask as I stand looking at my blue ice cream. “Chocolate!” Ray says as he pulls the cart towards me. I hand Frank a chocolate for Ray, and he places it in the cart. “Pistachio.” Mikey says, waving from the cart. I hand it to him, looking at the little comic on the side of it. Cute. “Fishy-Frank?” I say playful. He shakes his head. “Banana.” I hand it to him, but let him “face-battle me” first. We pay and get out in the car again.
“Where are we going now?” Ray asks eating his ice cream. “You’ll see.” I wink at him through the mirror. He nods.
I park the car and get out, looking at the, oh so familiar road. I smile walking out to the open. Watching the endless open street. The trees on each side, the old houses on the right side. No one has been living there in years. Nobody ever comes around here, but me. I look up at the sky, grinning. I’ve never been here in daytime. Only late night. I look at the white few clouds and laugh. The wind plays with my hair. I am alive. I put my ice cream down to the asphalt and lay down next to it, still eating from it. I can’t stop smiling. “What is she doing?” I hear Ray ask in the distance. They are still next to the car. “Making memories.” Frankie says, and start running. He lays down on the road next to me. He’s done with his ice cream. I face him, smiling. He grins back. Mikey joins on the road, and Ray stumbles, looking at us. “Okay, then.” He says and lies down next to Frankie. I keep watching Frank’s eyes, until I look up at the sky again. I take in a deep breath and exhale easy. “We’re alive.” I say quiet, realizing. “Yeah. We are.” Mikey says ruffling my hair. I smile at him and give him a bright tooth smile.
Dear Friend
I made two new friends today, Mikey and Ray. Mikey is Gerard’s brother, and my new uncle. He is funny and kind. He and I will be great friends, I think. I hope. Ray on the other hand, is hard to read. You don’t exactly know where you have him, or what his next move will be. However, he seems nice. Mature, but okay.
Today, I realized, I am still alive. Like, for real. I do have cancer and I may be dying, but aren’t we all?
“Is it your friend again?” Frank asks me, as I pull my phone in my pocket. I learned about ‘sharing’ on my computer to my phone. It’s pretty cool actually. I give Frank a nod. “Yeah. I just had something to tell.” I explain, holding Frank closer. We decided for some hours ago, to explore the empty sat houses on the street. Now we’re on the roof of the fifth one. Mikey and Ray are sitting beside me, hopefully, they haven’t seen me write. “Who is it?” Ray asks. Why would they want to know about my friend? Why would they know about my thoughts? They are private, and so is my dear friend. I think back to the first time I wrote to him/her. It was a part of an experiment. In therapy. My psychologist and I weren’t good friends. When she had enough of my silent appointments, she told me: “Well, if you don’t want to talk to me, find someone else.” So that’s what I did. I decided to write in a word document. Just how everything was going. No one is ever going to read this. It’s only me and my thoughts. However, it means so much to me. It is always there, ready to listen, or not. He/she isn’t there. I just write and let it all out that way. “It’s just a friend of mine.” I stare at my feet, realizing I may have a problem. “Well, only crazy teenagers come here.” I remember Trevor told me sometime back. I smile at thought.
I look up at the sky, seeing the stars shining bright. I lay down on the rusty roof. “Look.” I grin pointing up at a tiny plain shooting over the night sky. The men look up at the plain. “You’re a kid.” Mikey grins. I look at him, smiling friendly. “I am appreciating the small things in life.” I explain. Ray looks at me, impressed. Frank pets my hair, smiling at me, and back up at the sky.
We decided to drive to the park, and just go for a walk. When we got to the lake, we stopped, looking over the running water. I looked at the fireflies, flying over the fresh water, joyful. I smiled up at Frank, who admired them as much as me. “Come on, guys!” Mikey yells as he throws off his shirt. “We’ll go swimming!” he grins. Rebel as he is, he throws off his jeans, leaving him in underwear, and jumping into the water. Pissing off the fireflies and daring them to leave his swimming spot. “Well.” Frank says pulling off his clothes as well. He jumps in with Mikey, only waiting for me. Ray doesn’t want to go. “I’ll just watch.” He says, sitting on a rock. I get ready to put my hair up in a pony-tale, as I feel a medium big, loose tuft in my hand. I face away from the men, and look at the fallen off hair. “I-I.” I stutter, feeling a hand on my shoulder. Out of reflex, I throw the hair tuft in my pocket of my hoodie, forcing a smile. I turn to see a worried Ray. “Are you okay?” I nod my head, trying to forget, what I had just witnessed. “I think, I’ll stay up here with you, and just watch them swim.” I tell Ray, forcing my happy-face to show.
“Can you carry her inside?” I hear Frank say in the distance. I open my eyes slightly, seeing Frank sitting beside me. I am lying on the back seat of Ray’s car. I close my eyes again. They can do whatever they want. I just want to sleep. I hear them fumble around, and suddenly I feel a pair of smooth arms around me. “Here we go.” I hear Mikey breathe, holding me tight into him. I snuggle further into his chest. Is that cologne? I grab his t-shirt, while sleeping and clutching the small piece in my hand. “Cute.” Frank giggles. “Yeah, she really likes you, Mikes!” Ray adds laughing. I hear a door creak open, and Mikey starts walking with me. I hear footsteps from distance coming closer. “Look at her.” Mikey adores, as if I was a newborn. I let out a groan, as I snuggle my face closer to his body, hiding away. “She’s a “cuddler,” what can I say?” Gerard says, and tells Mikey to put me in bed. “Sure.” He walks away with me, and lies me down in my bed.
I shoot my eyes open, and wait for him to close the door behind him when he leaves. I stand up, and find my bag in the corner behind the door, finding my medicine I’ve taken every and each day. I take it as usually, and put it back, where I found it. As I hear the voices start chattering in the kitchen I grab my oxygen mask throwing it with my bottle in my bag and tiptoe straight to the bathroom, panicking. I drop my bag on the floor and rush to lock the door behind me. I slowly turn to the mirror and see my own image. I take a deep breath and pull off my hood that I am wearing. I see tufts of my hair fall to the ground. It’s starting, I think to myself. I start pulling loose tufts of hair out and down in the toilet. I start crying. Not because of the hair, but because of what I’m going to tell the others.
“Honey? Is everything okay?” Gerard knocks on the door. He must have heard me. I wipe my tears away and flush the toilet, watching my hair slide away. “It’s starting, dad.” I sob and open the door, so he can see my hair. “Oh my goodness, baby!” he says concerned hugging me tight into him. “I’m so sorry.” He whispers in my ear. I tug his shirt, burying my face in his shoulder. I feel Gerard fumbling, standing uncomfortably. “Don’t go.” I say with a hoarse voice. My breathing gets worse. I start to take heavy breaths, suffering under my own panic. “Shh, baby, calm down.” He says, worried. I can’t stay calm right now. My lungs burns and it just hurts. “I don’t want them to see me.” I sob choking, looking up at my dad. He nods weak, and lets his sight fall. “Lyn-z!” He calls for his wife. She appears worried, as she sees us. I bury my face in embarrassment in Gerard’s chest. I feel his heavy breathing, which is lifting my head up and down. I feel sick to my stomach, and I start getting very dizzy.
I look up, suddenly breathing normal. I look at Gerard and Lyn-z. “I think I’m going to throw up.” I say pointing behind me. I am everything, but clear in my head, right now. As I let go of Gerard, my sight gets blurred, and he grabs me again. Lyn-z grabs my hands as well. “Sweetheart.” She calls but my pupils won’t focus on anything. My eyes are rolling in my head. “Can you hear me?” I nod, in responds. My mouth opens slowly, and I feel a liquid drip from my mouth. I feel dad’s tight grip on me, and a sniffle. He’s crying. “It’s starting.” He sobs. I see Lyn-z’s facial expression, when she realizes it is blood running from my mouth. She’s scared. “Frank! Call an ambulance!” Lyn-z yells to Frank and I hear the chatter stop suddenly. “Where’s her oxygen mask?” Lyn-z starts panicking. Gerard nods at the bag behind me. I guess I left it open. “Don’t.” I choke as Lyn-z tries to put it on me. I hand out for her to stop, and everything goes quiet. Even the men in the living room are not talking anymore. I can’t hear Frank anymore. The only sound is the sirens in the distance and my hoarse breathing. I dry my mouth, for blood and drool. Is this it? Am I really going to die this way? I shake my head. My eyes start to close. “I’m sorry.” I close my eyes, and let the pain take over.

Gerard’s POV
It has been days. I stay with her every night, waiting for her to wake up. Frank haven’t left as well. He has been crying almost all the time. Ray and Mikey are worrying too, so is Lyn-z. Bandit have a slight idea of, what is going on, but she is so small, she’s just a kid. I am feeling sick. I haven’t slept yet. I must look like shit, but I don’t give a fuck. I just want my baby to wake up. I’ve been holding her hand and watching her “sleep.” Her heartbeat raised, and then fell. It has happened a couple of times. Now she is stable. She has threads all over her body. IV’s up and down and her oxygen mask on. Her naked head, she is so pale. I dry my eyes again. Apparently, her cancer got worse, longer time ago, for a couple of days, weeks maybe, they are not sure. The doctors. They told me, she would PROBABLY wake up soon. However, she has to stay in the hospital some time yet. She might not come home again. They say it depends if she gets better. I called Trevor yesterday. Trevor is sitting in a chair next to the window. Louisa is lying on his left hand. He keeps staring from a spot in the sky, to Louisa. He keeps mumbling things to her. Like, “Have you seen it? We are watching you, don’t you worry, Lou.” Then he turns to the sky, and start crying. I get it. They are best friends. I look at Frank, who’s sitting at the end of her bed. He hasn’t been talking to anybody else but Louisa. He keeps watching over her. Sometimes he forgets to blink, and he looks all dead. The whole family have been visiting. Mikey. Lyn-z. Ray. However, her brother and her former friends have not showed up. Yet. I know Lyn-z called that Shane guy, but apparently Lou wasn’t that important to them. Which disgusts me. She is the brightest, the most awesome person, who has ever existed. I wipe a tear away, and look down in my lap. My sketch. My Papergirl. My Louisa.
I look up at my daughter, then back at the paper, and start drawing her, as I see her. The light behind her eyes. Her wry smile. Her teeth showing off. She has some kind of “vampire teeth.” Her tiny ears. Her strong, powerful hair. Her nose, which sticks a bit up at the tip. Like mine.
“You’re drawing her?” I hear a husky voice behind me. I look back and meet a pair of red eyes. Frank. I nod. “She found a sketch of a half-drawn girl on the floor at home for a long time ago. Neither of us would let her go.” I explain looking at the sketched papergirl. “Neither of us would let Louisa go.” I add, which turns out a whisper. Frank nods. “It looks like her. When she was on one of her “adventures.”” He adds smiling weak at the memories. “Yeah.” I reply, smiling wry. I put the pencil down on the bed beside her, watching closely between the Papergirl and the girl lying in the hospital bed. “Can I paint her?” I hear Lyn-z ask from behind. I turn around to see her standing with Bandit in her hand. I nod. “Yeah.” I smile. They come closer to me, and I set the sketch down on the nightstand beside her bed. “Hey honey.” I approach Bandit, lifting her up to sit with me. She looks at Lou, and then back at me. “Is she sleeping, dad?” I look down at her hand and the IV’s. I do not know what to answer. “Or something.” Frank says smiling stiff. I look at Lyn-z as she wipes a tear away. We all sit in silence for a while and just take it in.
“Is she ever going to wake up?” Bandit sniffles, looking at Frank, as if he could answer all her questions. He looks up at Bandit. He nods, while letting his tears fall. “I hope so.”
Lyn-z and Bandit left a couple of hours ago. I told them, I would call them if she wakes up. It’s the middle of the night. Trevor is starting to mumble things again. He’s always looking at that one star. The brightest of them all. We’ve been told to go home for a few minutes ago, but none of us seem to listen. Charlie, Lou’s friend, but also doctor is sitting with us this night. He has been crying as well, even though he knew it would happen. He calls it “the side effects, the cons of the pros.” I don’t care, what they call it, I just want my baby to wake up.

I slowly open my eyes. Apparently, I fell asleep. I wake up to the sound of Frank’s voice. I watch him sitting on the bed next to Louisa. Trevor is gone. I guess he went home. “… And remember the roof of the old house? In the early AM?” He’s crying, but still smiling. “I do, it was the best day of my life. YOU are the best thing that ever happened to me.” He sniffles, wiping a tear away. “However, Louisa, if this is the end, and you’re not going to wake up, it’s okay.” He smiles weak. “It’s okay to let go.” He breathes, kissing her hand. “I will still love you of all my heart, but it’s okay to let go.” Frank really loves her. I’m glad they have each other. They have been an adventure in themselves. “I’m glad you are her boyfriend, Frank.” I speak up. Looking at him turn to face me. He nods. “Thank you, Gee.” He smiles.

Notes