Cancer

I open my eyes, seeing a sleeping Frank on top of me. I’m only wearing underwear, and so is he. I look at the watch on the wall 12 am. Fuck. Bandit, Gerard and Lyn-z. I start pushing Frank up, carefully. I don’t want to hurt him. “Frank, wake up.” he groans and turns his face up to me. “Where’s your mask?” he asks me wondering. He’s right. I didn’t wear my oxygen mask this night. Maybe chemo IS helping me.
I hear a girly laughter loudly. “Put on your clothes, and hurry.” I throw his clothes at him and push myself out of the couch, reaching my clothes and putting it on. Without falling. I’m great.
I reach Bandit’s room. She’s sitting on the floor playing with her doll and eating cornflakes. Huh. I am proud. I tell her, Frank and I are in the living room, if she needs anything. She just nods and plays on with Tianna. I close the door on half and go back to the half-awake Frank. “Scoot, Fishy-Frank.” I smirk and place myself under him again. Same position as before, but we’re dressed this time. I start stroking his hair and he purrs. Cute. I enjoy watching him sleep. Not that it’s the first time, I’ve done that.
The front door opens and I see Lyn-z and Gerard come in. They are face battling before stepping further into the house. “Frank, Mom and Dad are home.” I whisper in his ear, kissing the top of his head. He groans slightly as I ruffle his hair. He looks up at me, sitting down beside of me. I sit up, still holding the eye contact. I smile at him, just adoring him. He strokes my cheek and kisses me quickly before Gerard and Lyn-z step into the living room.
As I sit in the living room studying the papergirl, Gerard decides to join me. Frank and Lyn-z are out shopping and Bandit sits on the floor next to me. She’s playing with some unicorn action figures. No, literally. It is unicorns with guns, pretty cool, if you ask me. “You just won’t let her go, won’t you?” Gerard asks nodding to the sketch. I look at her again, and shake my head. I look at her eyes again. “No, and neither will you. Or else you would have thrown her away sooner.” I smile wry. She keeps holding on however she knows, she might not have a future. Bandit scoots over to look at the drawing as well. She presses her lips together, as if she doesn’t know whether to say anything or not. She opens her mouth anyways and speaks up. “She looks like you.” Her eyes travels up to meet my gaze and Gerard smiles wry. Not knowing to be sad or happy. I look down at the painting again. “Why do you think that?” I ask Bandit calming. She shrugs looking back at the unicorns. “You are beautiful, she’s beautiful. You have the same eyes and same facial expression.” She looks back up at me, and tilt her head 45 degrees. “I think something bad is going on with both of you, but you seem to be okay, you know? You keep holding on, even though something bad is going to happen.” How can a 4-years-old girl be so right? My sight falls on the drawing again. I see it. I look at Gerard, who’s almost teared up. He really is emotional. I take his hand, smiling an “it’s-okay” smile. He nods at me, sniffling. “I’m just so proud of you.” He says and hugs me. Bandit looks at us understanding. “Both of you.” He smiles at Bandit, and she joins the hug.
“Mom!” I call from “my room.” I’m just changing into some of my own clothes. Apparently, Gerard got ALL my stuff from Shane’s place. I wonder what they are doing. How they are doing. Do they even miss me? What about Trevor? It’s quite long time since, I’ve been there. Why haven’t he texted me or anything? Joey and Daniel are home now. I heard Gerard talk to Joey over the phone. It was an awful long discussion, but they found a solution though. Obviously. I am now, officially living with Gerard and Lyn-z and I can come visit my brother anytime.
“Mom?” I walk out of my room with my favorite black and yellow tank top on. My Chemical Romance merchandise. Surprised? And my batman shorts. I grin at the thought of this noon. Me and Gerard had a discussion whether Batman is a superhero. My argument: He is not. He doesn’t have any superpowers. Yeah, he is a ninja, but he’s no superhero. He is a hero. NOT SUPER. Gerard was pissed, but he understood my statement. Frank called us kids, and I went in my room with him, and kissed him until he moaned. In other words; I got my revenge.
“Mom?” I walk into the living room with my phone in my hand, trying to track a tattoo shop on a GPS app. “Yeah?” Lyn-z finally replies. I look up at her drinking coffee with Frankie and Gerard. “Can you take me to the tattoo shop?” I fake pout. “Please?” They are all watching me. I get down on my knees folding my hands and start begging her. Gerard frowns at me. “You have tattoo?” he points at my arm. Wow, these people are slow. “Yeah.” I say in a duh tone. “Sure, can I just finish my coffee?” She says more as a statement, than a question. I cheer and jump around. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank youuu!” I hug her. They all laugh at me, but Frank. He smiles at me. I calm down, and watch him. I smile, adoring him. He smiles brighter. “I want a face-battle with you.” He mouths to me. I blush looking away for a split second. “I’ll win.” I mouth back to him. He sips his coffee. “What are you two talking about?” Gerard asks in an over-protecting dad-voice. I shake my head. “Fishy-Frank over there, is just fooling around.” I grin and Frank groans. He really hates that nickname. “Don’t call me that. It’s weird.” he puts his face in his hands.
“So, what are we doing today, Miss.” Tommy, the tattoo shop owner asks me, as he gets his stuff ready, to penetrate my skin. “Well,” I look at Lyn-z and Frank, who took with me to the shop. Gerard is afraid of needles so he stayed home with Bandit. I roll up my left arm sleeve and show of my tattoo. “Every line is an important memory in my life.” Tommy nods understanding. “You see the cross?” I ask, and he nods again. “It’s where my adventure ends.” I smile at my idea. “That’s very poetic, I like it.” He says impressed. “Thank you.” I smile as I get a paper out of my pocket. “So I have 6 new lines, you have to make. Can you make one of them green?” I giggle. Nobody else but Frank and I understands the green line. Tommy gets ready for tattooing my memories on my skin. “Can we make a deal? Just because I’m curious, actually?” He asks. I nod. I am always ready for a challenge! “For every line I draw, you have to tell me why you want exactly THAT memory tattooed. I nod and agree. Lyn-z and Frankie seems just as excited as Tommy.
He tattoos the first line: “My foster parents died.” I tell him. He looks shocked at me, but continues.
Second line: “I came here to find my biologic brother.”
Third line: “I got a new family.” I smile at Lyn-z.
Fourth line, the green line: “I fixed my “sister’s” doll, and made her happy.” Lyn-z smiles at me, realizing why it should be green. “You made the dolls mouth green.” She smiles wry at me. “You daughter didn’t want the mouth to be red, she wanted a green mouth. She’s creative. Just like her parents.” I wink at her. “You mean, just like her family.” She nods at my tattooed arm, which makes me smile even brighter.
Fifth line: “I got shocked to walk by myself again, when I was in wheelchair.” I look at Frank.
Sixth line: “It’s more like a realization. I realized it was okay to love someone. It’s okay to love someone, and let them love you back, even though, the both of you knows, you’re not going to stay for very long.” I look at Frank, who’s sight falls and he starts fumbling with his hands. I want to take his hands, and pull him in for a kiss and tell him it will be okay. However, I can’t. I’m sorry, Frankie.
Tommy finishes my arm up, and look impressed at me. “You seem like a very strong girl. May I ask you, how old are you?” I stand up and walk out to the cashier with my family and Tommy. “Almost 18.” He looks shocked at me, realizing he just tattooed me illegally. I pull out a paper. It’s a message from my doctor, Charlie, which tells people like Tommy and so, it’s okay to do it, because I am a cancer patient. Yes, there are also pro’s in between the con’s. I hand the paper to Tommy and his sight falls, as he hands me the paper back. “For real?” he asks, not sure, what to say. “Yeah, but you know, life is about living.” I say and wiggle my arm smiling. He nods approving. Lyn-z and Frank smiles at me. Tommy looks at Frank as I pull out my money ready to pay him, but Lyn-z stops me. She hands him the money. “Nah, just give me 5 bucks and a hug.” Tommy says. I hug him and he hugs me tight. He is a really nice guy. “Is he your biological brother?” Tommy asks as I hold Frank’s hand. I pull away as Lyn-z looks at us. “Hum. No.” Frank says scratching his neck. “We’re just friends.” Tommy nods, as if he knows what’s going on between me and Frank. “Well, thank you, Tommy. I’ll come back for more lines eventually!” I grin and raise my tattooed arm. “You’re welcome, sweetheart! See you soon!” We wave at him and drive the way home.
“Look, Dad!” I say and reach Gerard in his office room at home. He looks up from a drawing, and sees me. He pulls the paper out of my sight. Weird. Whatever. “Look.” I pull my arm towards him and he start’s studying it. “Awesome.” He says in “aw.” He looks straight in to my eyes. “Charlie called me, when you were out. He told me, you have to get your chemo session today instead of tomorrow for some reason. Do you want me to drive you?” I look confused at him. Charlie never changes his mind, unless it’s something about his family. The first time, I was supposed to meet Charlie in the cancer process, his son broke his leg and he had to take care of him, instead of me. I get it, family first. Charlie’s son has… problems. He’s ill. He has some kind of illness that make him unable to communicate. However, Charlie is amazing. He has found a way to communicate with him, without talking. It’s not the blind language either. It’s sights. Like I said; Charlie is amazing.
“No thank you, I’ll just borrow your car.” I wink at him, grabbing his car keys in the kitchen, my phone and head towards the hospital.
I hiss as Charlie puts the needle under my skin. I feel the liquid flood inside my veins, it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. I can handle it. Charlie seems off, as if he’s thinking of something else. “Charlie?” I call on him. He wiggles out of his thoughts. “Huh?” He mumbles, turning to face me. “What’s going on?” I pet the spot beside me in the hospital bed. He joins me fumbling with his fingers. “My son is going to have a surgery tomorrow. In his brain. I’ve been told, it is a difficult surgery, and he might not come through.” He puts his face in his hands, he’s close of crying. I reach out for him, holding his shoulder. I want to tell him, it’ll be okay, but I don’t want to fill him with lies either. “Let’s hope for the best.” I give his shoulder a squeeze. He looks up at me and nods. “I know I am a patient of yours, but I am also your friend. Maybe I shouldn’t be asking you this, but do you want me to go with you?” I ask him confident. He squeezes my hand, and shake his head slowly. “I’m going to call you tomorrow, when the surgery is over.” I nod, and he let’s me out of the chemo session, as the bag is finished. I hug him tight and tell him, I’m just a call away.

Notes