Cancer

They tell you, you’re not alone. But the truth is, you are. We all know it, but none of us really wants to face the truth. We already know now, we can’t handle the truth, so we choose to ignore the fact, that we all die alone. Here I sit. Dressed in white. In a hospital bed. My parents and doctor are talking about my condition on the other side of that door. I’m not really listening, as you can tell. I’m in a whole other world. Facing the truth, dealing with it. I realized it. I do believe in love, but I believe in failure too. And what I hear now, there’s not really hope for me. My parents though, won’t realize it. They keep telling me, we can get through this together, but sooner or later they have to accept their daughter is dying.
“You will be alright, honey, I promise.” My dad says and takes my hand as we drive home from the hospital. I look into his eyes. Don’t promise anything, you cannot keep, dad…I think to myself. Of course I’m not telling him. I don’t want to hurt my mom and dad. I just smile weak and nod slowly. He turns away and let’s go of my hand. “We love you.” My mom says. She’s driving the car. I look out the window. “I love you too.” I say quiet. My eyes catches a bird in the sky. Flying high. Suddenly another bird joins it. They fly together and end up sitting on a stick in a tree. “Cute.” I say to myself, and smile wry. Dad squeezes my hand tight. And I’m back in reality again. “You coming?” He asks as he opens my door so I can get out. I just nod. I get out of the car and head to my room. I really don’t want to deal with more today, I just want to be alone.
As I sit in my room reading my favorite book of all time, I hear my parents talk. I put down the book, and tip toe to the door and listen closely. It sounds like, they are whispering to each other, though I can still hear them. “You know, we can’t do anything about it, Brian! She’s getting worse!” it’s my mom talking. She sounds like she’s tearing up. “Take it easy, Amanda. Come here.” he calms her down. “Brian, she’s going to die sooner or later.” Everything goes quiet and I lay back down in my bed. I just stare at my phone for a while. The time passes by and I start getting tired. Turn off my phone at 11 pm, and my eyes slowly close. I fall asleep.
I wake up in the early morning. I use to sleep longer time. It’s not even sunrise. I look at the clock on my phone. 4 am. Nice work, Lou! I think to myself as I get out of bed. I decide to go find some food in the kitchen. “What are you doing up?” a voice suddenly asks me. I turn to see mom sitting in the armchair. “I’m hungry.” I say and pull some yoghurt out of the fridge and pour it in a bowl. I sit down next to my mom. She smiles weak at me, and points at my bowl. “You know, you have to eat more than yoghurt.” I nod as the spoon leaves my mouth. “Yeah, but I just really like yoghurt, though.” I smile back. I turn on the TV and start watching cartoons. I am a big child; let’s just get that on the right spot. “You seem okay?” My mom asks me. I nod slowly, smiling back at her. “I heard you and dad talk about me last night.” I state. She faces the floor, scratching the back of her neck worried. “Mom, I know I am dying, and the fact that it’s getting worse. You don’t have to hide anything, it would make everything worse. Please, just tell me.” I speak up. A door swings open and dad walks into the room. “I don’t like secrets.” I say honest. I set down the bowl and start fumbling with my hands. “We just don’t want you to be worried.” Mom says. That makes me laugh. “That’s ridiculous!” I cut them. “Actually, I’m kind of pissed off, you know. It’s MY life, I know I can’t get better and the fact I’m going to…” My mom cuts me off. “Please, honey, don’t do this.” She begs me. “Sooner or later, you have to face the truth, mom!” I yell, while smiling. What the hell is wrong with me? “You, watch your mouth!” my dad yells at me. “I AM THE DYING ONE. I SHOULDN’T CARE! I will be gone, before you know.” I yell back. I go all quiet and look at the floor in rage. They do not say anything. They are shocked. All because I am being honest. I leave the room in rage and get in my room again. I grab a pencil and start writing. That always helps me, when I’m upset.
As the hours pass, my parents call me for a talk, but I refuse to leave my room. “I’m tired.” Is my answer. It all just ends with me falling asleep in my bed again.
“Mom! Dad!” I wake up choking my words. “I can’t breathe!” I throw the duvet off my body and rush out of the bed. My parents rushes to get me. “Get in the car!” My dad yells to my mom. She runs out and starts the car, as my dad lifts me into his body. My body is shaking and I’m sweating like a pig. “Hold on sweetheart.” He says as he puts me in the backseat, he jumping in next to me. He tries to comfort me. Nevertheless, I already know, tonight is the night. I cannot breathe. My heart slows down the beating. My eyes slide closed. “No!” My dad cries. “Louisa!” My mom yells out driving the car. Suddenly I feel my body lift itself from the seat and throw itself at the front seat. There sounds a loud crash and I shot my eyes open. Still not breathing right. My sight is faded. I look around and see my dad by my side. His head is cut open and blood streams out of him. He’s dead. “Mom!” I choke out. No reaction. I fight to sit up, and see the front window crashed. On the road, there’s a woman lying with a blood pool around her. My sight fails. And I’m out again.
“Miss? Do you hear me?” a voice suddenly asks. I open my eyes slowly. They are so heavy. I wake up in a white place. Someone is pointing a light thing right at me. I nod. “Am I dead?” I ask the person. He turns off the light and shakes his head. “No, honey. But I’m afraid your foster parents are.” He says full of pity in his voice. Wait what? Foster parents? “What do you mean by foster parents?” I shot up from the bed, sitting on the edge. He looks confused at me and then down at a journal. I take a deep breath. I can breathe normal again. Thank god. “They hadn’t told you?” he asks shocked. I look as confused as he does, if not more. Another doctor walks into the room. “You are awake!” he sounds really happy. I look at them both with my serious face. “Okay, what is happening and what are you talking about?” I almost yell at them. They look at each other and sit down in front of me. They hand me some papers and tell me about the car crash with my now dead parents. How I was adopted for 17 years ago. And that I have a brother out there. The doctor who woke me up, hands me a paper with an address to my brother’s house. “His name is Joseph Graceffa.” The other doctor says and hands me a picture of a young guy in his twenties. He looks nice and we look a little like each other. Except our clothing choices. I mean, he’s like, “normally, almost formal dressed.” I am a punk rock chick, with tattoos, ha, but we have the same eye color.
“Here.” the two doctors finish and hand me all the papers. I take them, and think about meeting him and confront him, as the doctors suggested. “What if he doesn’t want me?” I ask emotionless. “Then you have to go back to an orphanage.” The doctors explain. I nod. “Can I take home now? Just get my stuff so I can visit Joseph?” I ask nervous. The doctors agree and I head back home again. “Mom! Dad! I’m home!” I yell as I enter the house. No answer. Oh, yeah that’s right… I think to myself. They’re gone… I lost them… I am alone now, like for real. I have no friends, no other family. It’s just me. Except from this Joseph guy. I gulp and run into my room. I shut the door and lay down in my bed. I start crying. They weren’t supposed to die. I was. This is all my fault.
“Lou! You’ve got to get yourself together! We can get through this.” I say to myself. I dry my eyes and start packing a rucksack. I don’t own that much- I’m a person of few words. I grab my pill glasses and floating medicine. I grab my clothes and put it in the bag. My pillow, Destiny, my teddy. My toothbrush and hairbrush. I put my mac book in the back of the bag with the charger, and my phone + phone charger in my pocket. And of course, my money. I leave the house, and look at it a last time, before I head to the bus station.
“L.A, here I go.” I say as I get in the bus. I sit down on the seat next to the window and put on my headphones, turn on My Chemical Romance, and fall asleep. L.A is not that far away. Two hours I guess?
I feel something pushing me forward, as I shut my eyes open. I look around. I’m in a bus… oh yeah, right, L.A, my brother, dead foster parents, cancer, just loveable. I look out the window. I’m here. I get off as I thank the driver for the ride. He looks sweet. I look around me, as I see shining light in the buildings. It’s noon. I look down at my papers I got from the doctors. “Joseph, where are you?” I mumble to myself, as I search for his address. Got it. Okay, I can walk there. I put on the GPS on my phone and start walking.
I reach a big white house with a black door. A silver car in the carport. I look at my papers. It should be here. I start sweating. And thoughts run through my mind. What if he doesn’t want me? What if he hates me? Why did I ever do this? Okay, shut up brain! I walk up to the door all nervous, but I get together and knock at the door. A dog barks, and suddenly I’m scared as well. I look down at my feet. I shouldn’t have come. The door opens and I lock my eyes on the person. He has dark hair and dark eyes. He’s wearing a tank top and blue shorts. He has a muscular body, and he’s actually handsome. “Hi.” He says cutting my thoughts off. “H-hi.” I stutter. “I am looking for J-Joseph Graceffa.” I say unsure, my eyes still locked into his. “Hum, he’s not home at the moment, but you can wait here, if you want?” He sounds really nice too. He looks strange at my backpack. “Okay, hum, thank you.” I say as he moves out of the way, so I can come in. he closes the door behind us, and leads me into the kitchen. A little white dog and a black and white big dog are lying on the floor. Huskies. Cute! “So, who are you?” The man asks me as he hands me a cup of water. “My name is Louisa.” Is all I say. I sit down on the floor next to the dogs. The big one comes over to me. I pet the back of its ear. It seems to like it. “I’m Daniel.” The guy says as he sits down next to me. I nod and smile. “Hi Daniel.” I smile at him. “Hi Louisa.” He grins back.
We chit chat for a while, but I do not tell him, why I am here, or what happened to me. Suddenly the door swings open and a man with golden hair like mine walks in. “I’m home, honey!” he yells and giggle. But his smile fades as he sees me. I wave nervously at him. This guy is my brother. “Hum, who are you?” he asks friendly but confused. I take a deep breath and stand up. Daniel gets over to Joseph and looks wondering at me. “Hum.” I start as I pull my paper out. I fold it out so he can see the picture and information about him and me. “My name is Louisa, and I am your little sister.” I smile nervous and hand him the papers. Daniel looks surprised at me. Joseph just stares for a while, then start reading.
As soon as he’s done, he locks his eyes at me. I feel a little uncomfortable, I don’t know these guys. That Daniel guy is nice, but Joseph is a little hard to read. Just like I am. I smile wry at the thought. “Come here.” he says pulling me into a hug. It’s awkward at first, but I hug again, and it turns out to be nice. “You are more than welcome to stay here.” he says, and hugs me tighter. And THAT makes me tear up. A tear leaves my eye and roll down my cheek. I’m not alone anymore.

Notes