The Aftermath Of Death

That boy took my love away
Though he'll regret it someday
But this boy wants you back again

The aftermath of my death was a disaster. A hurricane ripping through a him and taring his world a part. It shook him to the core and destroyed him. That's what I did to Frank. I twisted his perfect mind into something that replicated my own sick inner workings. I never wanted to hurt him. All I ever hoped was that my suicide, my death, would help him. He would move on, find someone else someone better and forget about me. But how was I supposed to know that he was just as in love with me as I was with him.

How was I supposed to know that he couldn't let go of what I was so desperately trying to kill. I loved him. He loved me. But I was too sick to realise that we were perfect the way we were. That Frank was happy with me; with who I was.

That boy isn't good for you
Though he may want you too
This boy wants you back again

I never really gave Frank an explanation. No note or warning. So maybe if I had he wouldn't have ended up the way he did. My mind is not like yours or his or anyone's. In my mind I was poisoning Frank. I was evil and he was perfect. I was addicted to him and even though I could never live without him I believed that he couldn't live with me. He was better off without me in his life causing him pain and holding him back.

Oh, and this boy would be happy
Just to love you, but oh my
That boy won't be happy
Till he's seen you cry

It was like there were two parts of me. I loved Frank I wanted what was best for him, but then there was the part of me I couldn't control the part that was rubbing off on Frank the part which was infesting him and taking over.

My suicide was full of selfish reasoning and self pity. I could have easily left him. Walked out of his life and yes he would've cried and gotten angry and blamed himself. But he would've moved on with time and he would have the perfect life. But I couldn't live without him and I wouldn't be able to bare watching him be happy with anyone else but me. So the only way my mind was able to fathom the issue was to kill myself.

Simply: I was slowly ruining Frank's life by poisoning his mind and crushing his ambition. I needed Frank to survive and without him I wouldn't be able to breathe; my lungs would just close up, my heart stop beating and my brain would just decay. So I downed those pills and I drank and drank until I couldn't remember my own name. I sliced my wrist just for good measure. And I forced my lungs to close up and my brain to decay, but my heart....

This boy wouldn't mind the pain
Would always feel the same
If this boy gets you back again

You see that's what I got wrong. My heart didn't stop when my breathing did. It kept going in Frank. He kept a part of me alive. That may seem good, but the part he kept alive was the most awful part of him. The part he kept alive was what killed him.

The aftermath of my, Gerard Ways, death was the slow and painful decay of the beautiful Frank Iero.

This boy...this boy...this boy...

Notes

So this is the final chapter i promise, this is the end.

-C