Crack fics, Conspiracies, and Trash, oh my!

One day, dreadlocks Frank was smoking a joint, feeling very happy with the whole world. However, being the clumsy and incredibly high person that Frank was, he dropped his joint into the sea of dogs that follows him around. Having the luck that Frank had, he also realized that the joint he had dropped was the last of his grass. So, knowing how to solve this problem, Frank ran as fast as his short legs could carry him to his garage, where he fell down the steps. Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, there was a giant, creepy box, which had "DO NOT OPEN" written on it in something that looked very much like blood. "I MUST OPEN THIS BOX!!!" Frank screamed. So, he did. When he opened this box, the only two things that lay inside were a lamp and a small rug. Seeing this, Frank decided to throw the lamp as hard as he could against the floor, to see if something interesting would happen. When he did this, a person floated out. "HI!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY GRASS?!?!?!" Frank yelled at the floating person. "Nope. However, I have something to make grass, and even better, it should grow instantly upon hitting the ground!" The person whispered excitedly. "HOW DO I MAKE THIS MAGICAL WEED?!?!?!" Frank screeched. "Relax dude. All you need to do is take that magic rug and fly over the place you want the grass." "THANK YOU MAGICAL SMALL MAN!!!" "My name's Mikey, but you're welcome." Mikey said, with an indestructible poker face. "Now, if you excuse me, I need to go back to dreaming about unicorn's covered in glitter." "NO PROBLEM MIKEY, I SHALT SEE YOU LATER!" With that, dreadlocks Frank took the magic rug and started flying all over his house. "Hm... if I fly this everywhere, everyone should be happy with all their new grass!" Frank thought. With that, Frank flew all over the world, spreading weed wherever he flew. When he came back to the house, he realized that it was not weed he had planted: it was actual grass. "Oh well." Frank said, already lighting his yard on fire.

Notes

Whelp, this is trashier than Dan. - Atomic Moth