A Red-Haired Heaven

Waking up with Gerard was one of my favorite things in life. I always felt so alive. Especially whenever he made breakfast for us while singing in the kitchen. I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved waking up next to him, but it was even better when I would get up and just enjoy the little show he unconsciously gave me from across the hall.
''Well, someone woke up in a good mood today'' I said as I held his waist from behind once I made sure it was safe. I wouldn't want him to get burnt or injured. ''Fuck, you asshole, you scared me! Yes, I actually have, but the plan was that you'd wait for me in bed!'' He whined. He's the most adorable thing, trust me on that one. ''Okay, fine... But I gotta have an extra pancake after that!''.

I made my way to the bedroom and not long after that he was placing a heavenly breakfast over the bed covers. ''Did you sleep well, sugar?'' He asked. ''Yeah, my head kinda hurts though, and I don't know what the fuck is wrong with my eagle vision today. Everything is crystal clear in one second and two minutes later I'm seeing nothing but a blur''. As I explained my sudden symptoms, Gerard started talking words over words as if I was with some kind of monster inside of me.
''Oh, baby, are you getting sick? Want me to go make some tea? I can go buy some if we don't have it here, but I'm pretty sure we have the lemon tea around at least. I know you love that one!'' He obviously started worrying about me, he did it all the time.
''Gee, relax, it's just a headache. Who knows, maybe it's just a cold or something. I'll be fine, and I'll remember to ask you for the tea whenever I need it, I promise, alright?''
''Ugh, alright, but now I'm gonna cuddle you all day!''
''And I'm not objecting to that. Not one bit. Oh, by the way, are you and that girl Layla friends?’’
‘’Oh, yes, she used to study at the same high school I was in, but she dropped out. Now she works at that bar to keep her business running.’’ And yes, you probably should guess that by these words I started getting a little confused. ‘’What do you mean, her ‘business’? Is she like, selling drugs or something?’’
‘’You’re- what? Frank are you serious?’’
‘’What? It sounded weird the way you said it!’’
‘’Jesus, thanks. She rescues animals from the streets and keeps them at home until she finds someone to keep them. So she uses the money she makes at the bar to buy food, toys and all the stuff needed to be able to take care of them.’’
‘Oh! Oh. Okay, I feel bad now.’’ Yeah. I really did. But it was his fault in the first place!


Throughout the entire week I felt weird. I just didn't feel like myself. You know... That energetic little shit? And my memory started failing way more often. I swear by my own grave that I wasn't smoking pot during that week, I just felt misplaced. Everything else was okay, though. Lindsey and Sam were alright, Mikey was happy with his job and his friends, and even Gerard and I were living a normal and happy life. I started helping him with his next exhibit by his request, which I gladly accepted. The thing is, I felt time slow down and at the same time moving faster, for some reason. The days seemed longer, in my mind. And I don't know up until which point was that related to my blurry vision or my headaches. All I knew was that I wasn't with a cold. Just a constant state of an annoying pain on the sides of my head.
Now, I knew I told Aaron that I would try my best to keep a distance from the hospital, but I was starting to get worried when the symptoms were worse by the second week.

I was returning home with Gee. We went shopping that afternoon. He knew how I was feeling - and he obviously wouldn't quit about telling me to go to the hospital. Anyways, we were unloading the trunk of the car when I felt a sudden rush of coldness overflowing my body. I fell. For five seconds I heard him call my name and the rest was just fading as the seconds passed by. By what he told me, he didn't even bother putting the shopping at home, he just threw everything inside of the trunk again and drove me to the hospital. I remember when I was, well, fainting I guess, that I was aware of the restless beating of my heart, which kinda freaked me out because of the freaking ‘’accident’’ on the alley. I guess both me and Gerard just have terrible luck whenever we go buy something.
''...yeah, he was here a few weeks ago. He was injured but he was recovering extremely well, and he had been complaining about some headaches for the past two weeks, and I told him that he should see a doctor and-''
''Sir, please, calm down. I need you to keep calm so you can explain it to me, alright? We're going to help him, but we need your help.''
''Gee, take it easy, he's a tough little shit, he'll get through this.''

Lights. Noise. A hospital. Not this shit again.
I was moving without moving my legs and I realized I was being carried in a bed. I heard Gerard's voice in the distance, although I could see he was close to me because of his bright red hair, as well as Mikey's voice. It was a frenzy of people and machines, ''beeps'' flying in the air monitoring everything and everyone. I fucking hate hospitals. I was vaguely aware of the situation, but not thinking clearly.
They took me to a room for observation and then... Sleep. I remember falling asleep.



''...Gee?''
''Oh baby, there you are...'' He whispered between sniffles. His cheeks were pink, his eyes and his lips swollen from all the tears he spilled in the meantime.He held my hand as we talked and Aaron, that son of a bitchhadto show up. ''Where's Mikey? And what the fuck are you doing here?''
My heart monitor flipped, just the wayIdid when I saw that fucker. The hatred I felt for that man was beyond the amount I thought I could actually feel for someone. Why couldn't he just go away? Hadn't he broke Mikey's heart already?
''I'm right here, Frank. Don't worry.'' He replied, standing up from the chair next to the bed. I noticed how he wouldn't even look at Aaron. I was feeling on edge, but he remained truly calm. Huh.
''Sorry, it's just regular procedure... I'll be right out.''
''Yeah, whatever.'' I scoffed.
Turning my attention to what really mattered, I asked Gerard what happened because I didn't have a fucking clue about it. He explained to me that I fainted all of a sudden and that I had been in the hospital for the last three hours. Apparently they sedated me because my body was in a shock, but there was no cause for that shock to happen, so I ended up confused about it. Truth is, I actually didn't feel anything. Like, I felt everything around me but my body was numb to everything at the same time. It was the weirdest thing.
I was able to leave an hour later because the doctors couldn't find a single thing that was wrong with me. Either they were unprofessional as heck or I really didn't have something.

At home, Gerard and Mikes took care of me even though I repeatedly told them I was alright. I'm not judging them or complaining, it's just... I was feeling fine. Honestly.
I sat on the couch with them, Gee was cuddling me in his arms and we were all watching a movie. Everything was fine again, but for some reason I had a bad feeling. Something was ''off''.
As I observed what surrounded me at the time, completely losing focus on the movie and entering my own world for a while – all of Gerard’s art, our comic books, my guitar, the games we would play laying over a wooden box placed next to the television made my brain work in a different way.

Being the little shit I am with the shittiest health ever, what were the odds I wasn’t facing something way worse than we all could think?

I mean, there are diseases, illnesses, that often are ‘’there’’ and we don’t even notice. I was scared. I was scared because I was alive, but I didn’t feel alive. Something was eating me from the inside out, literally or not. And the possibility of leaving both Gerard and Mikey behind was something I couldn’t stand thinking of, yet, there I was.
The world is a scary place. We as people are scary. There is so much goodness and so much evil at the same time. To tell you the truth, I was always scared of that. I just avoided thinking of it most of the time, you know? That way what would be the point of living? We were born with a brain, and for as much as a blessing that is, it can quickly become a curse. That was what frightened me the most. What if my body was just getting ready to say ‘’goodbye’’?

Notes