20 Rules.

Third person view. (I feel like I describe the atmosphere etc better?)
**Trigger warning.**

A few hours had passed and the not so confident Gerard, Concerned Brendon and Scared Frank were all sitting in the dusty classroom filled with chewed gum sticking under the shitty tables, permanent marker all over the tables with sketchy handwriting. Gerard’s eyes were locked with his sweaty hands, over in the corner where Frank, he was sketching small doodles in his almost full sketchbook, they weren’t as good as Gerard’s but they were pretty skilled. Brendon was sitting, staring at Gerard with a concerned look. To Brendon, Gerard seemed like he needed a friend right now the most. Gerard didn’t want to talk to anyone, he wanted one last kiss from Frank. Their teacher was at their desk, not paying that much attention to them. They could easily leave if they wanted to, the teacher they had wasn’t strict and wouldn’t give a crap if they left. Gerard had started sobbing again, he had hid his face with his hood, he stood up.
“May I use the bathroom, sir.” Gerard asked with a raspy voice. The teacher nodded and Gerard didn’t hesitate to storm out, his thoughts were too loud for him. It’s not like they hadn’t been there while he didn’t hurt Frank, but now that Gerard thought Frank hated him, the thoughts were getting louder. Frank lifted his head as Gerard stormed out, Frank felt his stomach twist, he knew Gerard shouldn’t pee, or use the bathroom in general. Gerard left the school building, sighed loudly and smashed himself against his car, he fell down on his arse and forced a huge smile.
“Fuck,” He chuckled and teared up, Gerard heard small footsteps. They got heavier and Brendon soon appeared, he sat down next to Gerard with a concerned look.
“What’s up?” Brendon asked as Gerard lit a cigarette. Gerard looked at his feet, trying to avoid eye contact.
“Nothing.” He mumbled causing Brendon to sigh and get one of his own cigs out.
“There’s clearly something wrong, bro. Did Frank and you break up?” He asked again, Gerard a bit annoyed, he wanted to tell Brendon, but then Brendon would prevent him from ending it. He couldn’t just tell him,
‘Well hey, I’m just planning on killing myself, and I haven’t felt like this in forever, but now all of my thoughts are screaming inside my head and I literally can’t do anything right.’ Because that wouldn’t worry Brendon at all, Gerard shook his head.
“No.” He said breathing heavily. “I just did some stupid shit, and now Frank hates me.” He continued.


After 20 minutes of Brendon and Gerard talking and smoking, Frank appears, Gerard froze and Brendon stood up and left the two alone. Frank looking at Gerard, and Gerard trying not to look back at him. Gerard let his now faded red hair hang over his puffy hazel eyes, he felt like he was being choked by his tears, but silently. Frank kneeled next to Gerard, looking at him with glazed eyes. Frank felt horrible, he felt sick, he gently stroked Gerard’s chin, causing Gerard to look up at him quickly before looking away again.
“Gerard, let’s just talk about this.. I-” Frank started, not expecting Gerard to actually talk to him. Gerard interrupted, “Frank stop! You fucking hate me, I’m a horrible fucking person, I do nothing but fucking hurt you!” Gerard cracked and started sobbing violently, he then stood up and ran towards god knows where. He just ran. Frank sank down up against Gerard’s car blinking his tears away, he didn’t hate Gerard, he didn’t. He loved him. And he wished Gerard would believe him. Gerard was running as if his life depended on it, his thoughts were a mess, and so was he.

Frank hates you.

He fucking hates you.

You were never meant to have a partner.

You’re just a fucking whore.

You’re a waste of space, Gerard.

Do you hear me?

A -

“No, please stop” Gerard whimpered as he dragged his hands towards his head.

Waste.

“Plea-” He said.

Of.

“No, no no! Shut up!” Gerard cried out and fell to the ground, in the small forest.

Space.

Don’t you get it?

It’s amazing how many people who hates you.

You’re just one person.

And everyone you’ve ever thought loved you, turned out to hate you in the end.

End it all, Gerard.

End it.

NOW!

“No…” Gerard violently sobbed and cried as he rolled around in the grass, this voice inside his head was laughing, how could Gerard suddenly be so fragile and weak. The voices had been gone for 2 years, why did one argument with Frank make them come back? Gerard was crying and screaming in the forest. It had been so long since he was there. Frank was worried sick. Frank was sitting up against Gerard’s car, crying. Frank knew Gerard did some stupid shit, Frank knew Gerard sometimes forced Frank to do things. Yes, Frank knew that. But it didn’t stop Frank from still loving Gerard, he wanted to tell Gerard all of these things, he wanted Gerard to be okay. He wanted Gerard to be, alive.



After their detention had ended, Brendon had followed Frank home. He wanted to make sure Frank got home. Frank had asked Brendon to stay for a while, and so he did. They were watching some TV with Mikey, the Way’s parents was working late today, but it didn’t matter since it was friday, and the day before vinterbreak. The last few hours before they started watching Tv, Mikey had spend them panicking and calling Gerard over and over. Texting him, calling him again.

From: Mikes. :D
Gerard! Please tell us where you re,, We’re so fucking worried!! Gee!!

From: Mikes. :D
Gerard… please.. where are you?! Come home.

From: Mikes. :D
Are you on a bar? Please don’t say you’re back to drinking again

From: Mikes. :D
Gerar! plaees cll backk!!

Gerard clinged his phone to his chest as he read the text Mikey had sent him, he sobbed and rocked back and forward. He knew he had to get back and get his wallet, blades and other things. He knew he had to, but he’d wait. He wanted Mikey to know he was okay.

To: Mikes. :D
Hey, Mikes. I’m not at a bar.. I’m alive..And I’m going home in an hour or so, love you.

Gerard sent the text and lied back down, screaming out in the forest, scaring the birds. He watched with a blurry vision as the black silhouette birds flew away in their groups.
He stood up with shaky legs and started walking through the dark forest, the ground felt wobbly as Gerard made his way over to the familiar tracks, he hesitated to actually enter the house. He wanted to make sure Mikey was asleep. Gerard didn’t know that Frank and Mikey were sobbing in the living room, worried sick about where Gerard was. Until Gerard shook the door handle and entered the house, Frank and Mikey stood up, Mikey running over to Gerard, hugging him tightly causing Gerard to let out a raspy chuckle. Mikey looked up,
“We were so fucking worried, Gerard. “ Mikey said,
“Sorry…” Gerard answered in a small mumble, before he made eye contact with Frank, he ran over to Gerard and hugged him, placing hundreds of kisses on Gerard’s lips, Gerard didn’t kiss back, he just gave Frank a hug so tight, full of love. Like it was the last time he would be in Frank’s loving arms.
Mikey and Frank joined the family for dinner, Gerard explained he was tired and wasn’t hungry. Then left to crash on his bed, it smelled like Frank, he began crying again, suffocating his tears in his batman pillow. He pulled out his diary, and wrote a new entry with shaky hands, the page was quickly filled with drops of saltwater from Gerard’s hazel eyes,
he then hid himself under his sheets and cried. Knowing what he had to do, knowing how Mikey would react, knowing how his family would react, made him sadder.
As the night slowly crept closer and closer, Gerard left the house, he looked around, hoping not to bump into someone he knew, his eyes were red and puffy, his face was red, his eyeliner were smudged, he was just wearing a hoodie, t shirt and jogging pants. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and vodka in the kiosk. Payed for them and dodged the question the cashier was about to ask,
‘What’s wrong?’
Gerard made sure he had his blades. He then dragged himself over to the parking lot where he sat up against one of the streetlights, opening the vodka, almost drowning himself in the alcohol, as his vision turned blurry from tears and alcohol, he started searching for the blades, he yanked up his sleeve and started adding lines on his pale wrists, watching the blood slowly fall and hit the ground, it didn’t hurt enough. He used more force and made deeper and wider cuts.

Notes

Okay, I lowkey wanna die rn? This chapter hurt me so much to make. Also, I lowkey relate so fucking much to Gerard's thoughts. Woops.

ANYHOW....
I HAVE 3 CHAPTERS MORE THAT I'LL POST SOON.

ALSO

There might be a smutty chapter in the future,,, ;)))))