20 Rules.

Okay.
I know.
I haven't uploaded in forever.
I've spend most of my time, crying in my bed.
My grandma's got cancer, and my mum possibly has cancer too.
WHY THE FUCK JDJDFJDFDF JTHIS IS NOT FAIR AT ALL!
THEY BOTH SMOKE LIKE FUCK AND I'VE ALWAYS HATED IT!

I WON'T ACCEPT THE FACT THAT I MIGHT LOOSE THEM BOTH!
I've been crying
My suicidal thoughts are killing me
I've self harmed
I almost fucking puked because I cried to much

I'm so fucking close to ending this shitty motherfucking life were I can't even look at mysefl without wanting to cry, collaps or puke
ALsO
I figured out
I'm Non binary/Gender fluid
I have one friend that knows that I really wanna be called Dean. And he supports it like hell, maybe because I support him being trans. I love him with all of my heart seriously

Cas, if you ever read this.
I fucking love you, you're one of the most amazing people I've met. You stick with me, even though I vent all the time. Even though I cried in front of you. Even though I told you how bad it was. You're the only one I feel 100% comfortable talking to. I'm so fucking sorry that your family has a hard time accepting you for being male now. But you know I'll always fucking support you! I got your back bro. <3333

IM SICK OF THIS HELL
IM SICK OF NOT FEELING COMFORTABLE IN MY OWN SKIn
My insecurities are....
Horrible
I'm on the edge of crying 24/7
I can't be in public alone for more than 30 minutes before I start getting really fucking panicky, sensitive, ill because I start thinking about how everyone's probably looking at me and thinking

"Look what a fat cow!!!!!" "She's so disgusting ayy lmao!!!" etc

I give fucking up

Sorry for the massive vent... I just wanted to explain to you why I haven't posted...
I will try my best.. Which is never enough. To upload more.. I just feel hopeless, I can't see myself having a future.. So the next few chapters will contain shit like that.. My writing really depends on my mood.

Notes

Sorry guys.