The Only Hope For Me Is You

So far life in highschool has been pretty shitty. The students here in Kelso are all assholes, and every single one of the teachers doesn't give extensions on anything. I have no friends here. Not that it bothers me much, I like keeping to myself.
There's this particular group of senior studens that always torment me whenever they can by socking me in the face as i'm being held up against a wall of lockers. I always have a mark of some kind on my face. I've also tried reporting them but they only get suspened for a couple days and it never stops them. There's nothing else I can do but take it. What else do I EVER do though?
There's a huge poster on the wall right above the entrance of G hall in my school that says "Celebrate Diversity" I've always fucking hated those two words next to eachother. Expressing individuality and being myself is something tha I embrace but no fucking way to every other kid in this whole god damned school. If you're not like every other steriotypical asshole, then you're instantly labeled "Nerd" "Loner" "Loser" (or in my case) "emo fag" I would love nothing more than to rip that poster down and put a new one up that says, "Normal People aren't People"
Today is Friday, thank god. There's ten minutes until the bell rings for school to start and that gives me plenty of time to go out back and have a smoke. Usuallly morning is my ime to slip into the farthest bathroom stall away from the world and carve my sufferings into my flesh. But not today.
Today our art teacher Mr. Fisher was let go for having a sexual relationship with a sudent, so there's a new teacher. I'm gonna need some drugs in my system to help tolerate this one if he or she's a cunt or something.
I walk to school everyday on my own accord. I was sent to live in an orphanage last year after my parents died drinking and driving. Then, slowly but surely, I turned 18 and everything slipped away from me. I became desensitized to the fact that my parents were gone forever. Maybe it was jus because it was all I thought about after it happend. I'm not sure, but there has been this feeling of emptiness ever since then. Like they were everything I was living for and now there's nothing to live for but my future band and tattoo studio. My future is pretty fucking bleak.
I still have this last year of highschool left before I can get a job. School is extremely time consuming considering I have no friends and nothing beter to do with my life. My life is an empty eternity it feels like.
I grip the straps of my backpack tighter as I fast walk my way past a group of sudents near the back of the school who look like they're high as fuck, and crouch behind a blue garabage dumpser that seperates me and the "cool kids" I pull a camel cig from the pack that's always in my hoodie pocket and light up. I inhale. I exhale. The mildly rough toxins and chemicals numb me slightly. Then he dizziness sets in. I feel amazing.
For me, drugs have always made me feel better than actaul people do. I finish my cigarette then squish it out with my shoe. Time to go back to hell now....

Notes