Me, Myself, and I

I was in bed with Chris when Frank got home a few weeks later. He called my name shakily, already sounding close to tears as he started up the stairs. I squeezed my eyes shut and wriggled closer to Chris, who put his book aside and wrapped me up in his arms protectively. Frank pushed the door open with his fingertips, standing in the doorway and staring at me. I tried not to make eye contact, but I could see the tears dripping off his chin.
“Gerard..?” He rasped, his voice hoarse and thick with tears. “I'm so sorry..”
I turned and buried my face in Chris’s stomach, feeling sick and uncomfortable. There was a short pause and the mattress sank next to me as Frank sat down, his hand on my shoulder. “I'm so so sorry..” He whimpered, leaning his forehead against the side of my head. “I know you'll probably never forgive me...but I love you...I never meant to hurt you or the baby...I just want you to be happy, now. If that means I have to go, I will..”
Chris's grip on me tightened as I shivered and sniffled. He put his hand on Frank's shoulder and gently pushed him back. “Give him a little space..” Chris murmured. Frank hung back a little until I lifted my head and reached out for him. He hugged me so tight, I could barely breathe, giggling softly against his shoulder. “Frank..” I mumbled, gently pushing his chest. He let go and pressed frantic, light kisses to my face and neck. I batted him away and smiled sadly. “You hurt me really badly...and if we do try again, I don't want to mix sperm. I want Chris's..”
Frank stared at me for a couple seconds. “But-”
Chris cut him off quietly. “I don't think you have a right to object right now, Frank..” He said firmly, but gently, his hand on the younger man's back. “Gerard has let you back in and you need to respect his boundaries..”
Frank nodded and hugged me again carefully. “Okay. I love you, Gee..”

There was so much blood. It was in puddles on the bathroom floor, smeared over my clothing, and running down my legs. Chris was kneeling in the middle of it all with me, holding me as I sobbed. The pure destruction, the amount of death that was splattered on the white tiles made me sick. I’d already thrown up everything in my stomach. Chris had put the tiny baby in a box and to the side, where I couldn't see it. He was singing softly, rocking me and running his bloodstained fingers through my hair over and over again, comforting himself as much as me.

I woke up in the middle of the night again. I could hear Frank in the next room, playing music quietly. He never slept well on Sunday nights. Chris was half asleep next to me, grunting as I put a hand on his chest. “We have to tell Frank..” I said quietly. He opened his eyes and blinked down at me. “Are you sure he's mature enough to handle it..?”
I sighed and brushed my hair out of my eyes. “I think at this point, he needs to man up a little..”
Chris nodded and stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers. “I agree. Let's sit on it for a couple days though, yeah..? We can talk and think through what we wanna say and how much you need me and all that..”
I snuggled closer and Chris stroked my hair slowly and lovingly. “Go back to sleep. I'm here..” I closed my eyes and relaxed into Chris's chest.

The door slammed back, making me jump. I cowered away from the man leaning over me. He sneered, branding me a ‘freak’ in front of his friends. He told me he'd make me a ‘real woman.’ He pinned me down and invaded me, while others egged him on, filmed it, cheered. They yelled as I cried, grinning and grimacing with pride. I crawled out of bed when it went quiet, limping to the bathroom and throwing up, over and over. I scrambled for a towel, wanting to disappear into the fluffy fabric. I wanted to feel something other than the heavy exhaustion settling into the pit of my stomach. So I reached for the blade.

Chris was sitting up, his hand running up and down the inside of my thigh. I batted his hand away and curled up, burying my face in my hands. He cooed softly and kissed the side of my head. “Bad dream..?”
I nodded and rubbed my eyes. “The worst. Can we go get breakfast..?”

Frank was avoiding my gaze. He was eating pancakes slowly, his hands shaking slightly. The music playing in the background of the restaurant was driving me nuts. It was just too quiet to be heard, but too loud to ignore. It made me want to stuff my ears with French toast. Chris's hand hadn't moved from its protective spot on my thigh, his grip a little too tight. I shifted and took a deep breath. “I gotta pee..” I mumbled, getting up too fast and rocking the table. Chris made a small noise and moved to follow me, but Frank pulled him back gently, saying something I couldn't hear. I jogged to the bathroom, feeling a little lightheaded. The world was spinning around me, so I splashed cold water on my face and sat down on the floor, my eyes closed and my knees tucked up. After an indefinite amount of time, Frank walked in and scooped me up carefully. “Come on, Gee. We're taking you home...Chris says we gotta talk about something..”
I nodded and leaned my head against his neck, the dizziness taking over as I closed my eyes and passed out in Frank's arms.

Notes

Sorry it's kinda short, but it's a bit more of a look into Gerard's past. It probably won't be super clear until a lot later, though