Tuesday September 20th, 2004

We got a majority of the house down yesterday, everything but three rooms. The basement, attic, and library; and I'm going to spend a lot of time in latter of the three. It's colossal and perfect and now I see why Gram never invited me over; I wouldn't spend time with her, I'd spend it all in the library. My mother said she never spent time in the library, she was always out playing in yard. Mainly in the structure near the entrance. When I asked her why and she just shrugged and said that her imaginary friend liked it there. She was like me in a way. I locked myself in my room and she locked herself in the structure.

"Wow ma, you're a real princess." I said this and she smiled and hit me.

I decided to go for a walk to the family cemetery. The headstones are old and withered and the names forgotten long ago. I knew that everyone here was my family of mine, no matter how long they've been dead, their blood is flowing through my veins. It's weird to think about. I sat down next to one of the headstones. The name and been worn by the weather and was left unreadable. I pulled out my pack of smokes and lit on. Inhaling the nicotine made me feel slightly better. I was rubbing the cut on my arm, avoiding looking at the fresh grave.

"What do you think?" I asked the ground where a family member of mine lay. "Of life and death?"

"I mean everyone was on me about smoking but like even if I did quit I'd still just end up in the ground like you." I laughed to myself because I'm talking to earth and bones. "Well no matter what happens I'll end up where you are. Unless I'm cut up and eaten. Maybe even a vampire could bite me and I'll be alive forever until my lover tries to kill me."

I've been reading too much Stephan King. I stand up and dust my pants off and looked over at the stone building which my mother told me was the stables that once was home to great horses. Most of the time just cats hang out around it, they owned it now. I saw some earlier, don't get me wrong I'ma dog person but I love all animals. They were black and white and really cute. I went back up in my room and got dressed and decided to wash all my bedding and sheets, also scrubbing the bed clean. My mother was packing up some of the paintings and was going to go ship them. She told me that some ranged from $50 to $300 and some she was selling to a local museum and she was going to drive down there and give them it. I told her to have fun as she left but my heart kind of sank to my knees, it was sad to see them go.

And when she gets back we're going food shopping. We have the biggest refrigerator and its empty not to mention so much cabinet space it's ridiculous. So I just hung out in my room. A;; the curtains were open as I tried to air out my room, which was working because I'm a manly man who uses candles.

It was a big room. The walls were a dark shade of blue and the tops of the wall, which was very high for a short person like me, had a golden pattern. On the wall opposite of the balcony was my bed. My bed was a canopy bed and had giant curtains that hung over it and blocked out light if I wanted it to. The bad was made out of red wood but the sheet were black and so were the curtains. In front of the bed was a long, small chair with a cushion seat. The seat was comfortable and I washed it today to so my ass didn't get dusty every time i sat on it. Next to the night stand was a door that led to a bathroom and another door was next to that and that was my closet. Randomly spread on the walls was posters. Against the other wall was two giant dressers and my phonograph. The room was perfect for me.

On the balcony was a small round table and two chairs. The gate that kept you from falling was black and had a grape vine design and it pretty. The view was wicked cool too. I walk out to the balcony and sit down and light a cigarette up, waiting for my mother to return. After a few hours my mother did return and we went out grocery shopping. We had tons of money and ended up filling up three shopping carts and filled up the trunk of the car and the backseat. We had fun putting things away listening to some Anthrax and dancing around like idiots.

I really did love my mom. She's been my best friend for as long as I can remember. I honestly wouldn't trade her for anything in this world. When I woke up we washed all the dishes so we could actually eat off them. We filled up the cabinets and the fridge. We were pretty proud of ourselves and went to watch TV in the living room together, oh yeah gram didn't have much but she sure did have a TV and a dam good movie selection.

---

Wednesday September 21st, 2004

My alarm went off and from the moment I opened my eyes I knew today wasn't going to be a good day for me. Today is my first day of my new school. Jumping up groggily I walked over to my bathroom. Last night I put clothes out for myself so I can just jump into them when I get out of the shower. Quickly showering and drying myself off I got dressed. Opening up my brand new stick of eyeliner I put it on and I swear to god anyone who says eyeliner is just for girls is going to get this stick of eyeliner so far up their ass it comes out of their mouth. Masculinity is bullshit, guys look hot in eyeliner.

Cursed was I because I was stuck walking to my new school. Was it even considered walking or just stumbling in what I thought was the general area of the school? Fuck this. I knew what was going to happen once I got there; Bullying and lunches alone. Not that it bothers me much anymore, in a few very short, very brief minutes the school came into my view. Surrounded by teenagers of all sorts.

I kept my head low as I went inside of the school and thankfully the office was right near the entrance. Must've been my lucky day after all. When I walked in I assumed the door would shut behind me, I miscalculated and it did not shut. As I was about to turn to shut it, less out of politeness and more out of I didn't want people to see me, a high pitched voice rang out.

"Hey, you, dickwad! Haven't you ever heard of closing the goddamn door?" A tall brunette said, smiling at me. He was wearing a Rolling Stones shirt and looked like he either just got fucked all night or just woke up. It's 7 am so I'm going with the latter, but he seems too energized so it very well may be the first one.

"Nope," I said popping the p. It was hard to concentrate on his eyes when his forehead took up most of the space. "And you are?"

"Brendon and you sweetheart?"

"Frank." I answered, smiling at the pet name. I held out my hand and he shook it, smiling at me.

"New kid right?" Brendon asked me as he picked up a piece of paper.

"No, I've been here the whole time. I was just invisible but I finally killed Smaug and got my visibility back." I deadpanned.

"Oh, I see. The usual." He responded with a nod, as if this kind of thing happens in hi life quite frequently. He rifled through some stuff on the counter and handed it to me before walking from behind the counter to join me. "Anyway, here's your schedule and shit. Let's get outta this office."

"Okay," I said grabbing the papers from his hand as we walked out of the office and down the hall.

"My boyfriend and I are going to adopt you. His name is Ryan and you have class with me-" We stopped in front of a locker, "This is your locker. Also you're sitting with us at lunch."

"You got it." I said throwing the shit I didn't need in my locker. Wait. Did he just say him and his boyfriend? "Boyfriend?"

"Yeah? Problem?" He asked quirking an eyebrow, as if daring me to say anything bad.

"Nah I'm just glad I'm not the only faggot here."

"I see well, I have two friends in this class. Their names are Ray and Patrick." He said as he led me to our advanced calculus class. "They are both, like, geniuses."

"Oh okay, are they cool?" I asked him. "Like I mean non-"

"Just like me, so pretty damn cool." He joked as we walked into the classroom. There were two people that caught my eye. They were both laughing very loudly. One had a curly fro and the other was wearing a fedora that covered up his blonde hair. Brendon led me over to them and we sat down next to them. Brendon gave me a quick introduction to them, Ray was the one with the mop on his head and Patrick liked hats.

"Why were you in the office, anyway?" Ray asked Brendon after we all were introduced.

"They caught Ryan and me in the storage closet." He laughed, "Ryan blushed so hard when he was caught going down on me."

"Lovely to know, speaking of Ryan where is he?" Patrick asked. Pat looked in my direction,

"Ryan is a twelve year old in a sixteen year old body."

"No way man, Ryan looks twelve." Ray laughed.

"Oh yeah, sorry my bad." Patrick laughed harder when Brendon hit Ray.

"He's in his trig class." Brendon answered, smiling at the thought of Ryan. "Just you wait until you see him, he's adorable."

Class goes by quickly because the four of us were making jokes and talking the entire time. Which caused a few agitated looks from the teacher and some insults from the other students. But I didn't care, this felt too good. Joking and laughing and talking about music with these dudes felt too good to care about what some soon to be washed up kids are going to say.
The next class I had with Patrick and I said goodbye to Brendon and Ray and headed to English. I have English with Pat and his boyfriend Pete and their friend Bob. Bob's pretty awesome. He looks like he could break my neck if I pissed him off enough. But he is totally cool and he likes Metallica, so he's cool. Pete was nice and funny and wore more eyeliner than me. Which was a lot. Like his emo levels were so fucking high, he is all I aspire to be. When I told him this he took a very dramatic bow.

Fast forward two class periods and a painful locker collision I had been graciously given by some dickhead. Bob just took a step towards him and the kid ran off. All Bob did was roll his eyes at the scared kid and asked me if I was alright. I think Bob and I are going to be really good friends. He asked me what I thought of homosexuality and I told him I was gay. All he did was mumble "go figures, everyone's fucking gay in this damn fucking friend group."

I apparently still have to meet two more people I have to meet. Tyler and Josh, I think? I'm not too sure but I'm sure that's it. Bob and I were walking to lunch discussing Blink 182. He said he wasn't a huge fan of them but he still thought they were better than the trash on the radio. I told him about my extensive knowledge on the band and how much their music meant to me. I mean I'm almost sure that Tom Delonge is the reason I'm gay. Either him or Mark, I'm not too sure. Either way Blink still fucked with my sexuality as a kid.

Yes, I am blaming a music group on my sexuality. I told Bob this and he just laughed at me as we walked into the hormonal mass of adolescents trying to fit in. It's kind of upsetting that half of the people in here are trying to be someone they aren't just to blow the guy with the six pack. It's fucking dumb. I mean I'd rather blow the dude who's actually going to return the favor and trust me the guys they're going for are the ones that think you giving them head is a gift they bestowed upon you. Fuck that.

"Okay, we are just here to grab food, then we head to Mr. Laneys room. He lets us eat there because he adores Pat. I swear if Patrick put out, he'd be the first grab." Pete says, wrapping his tan arms around the pale, blushing Patrick. "But Pat is mine."

"He just likes me academically. No sexual feelings, you pervert." Patrick say nuzzling into Pete even more. "And I'm yours, anyway."

"I feel so single right now, it's literally hurting." I said, shaking my head at Brendon and Ryan eating each others faces for lunch. "Like I can literally feel it everywhere. In my head because the knowledge that I'm single. In my heart because it's dying for companionship. And in my dick because all it gets is my right hand."

"Really," Ray asked cocking his head to the side, "You use your right hand for that?"

"Totally," I answered, "The left fucks everything up."

"I agree," Bob said.

"We better hurry up before Josh sends me pissy texts about how his crush on Josh and how being alone with him makes him grow balls and let Josh take him on the desk." Ray said motioning for Ryan and Brendon to get up off the floor. They got up and we headed up to the teachers room where I'm going to meet the two boys.

When I got to talk to them and they are actually pretty cool dudes. Josh was a drummer of a band him and Tyler were in. Tyler was the singer. I asked if later on I could listen to some of their music, I think I'd really be able to get down to it. They said they'd be glad to show me. They don't really have a band name yet but they're trying to think of one. They were joking around on what to name the band and it was so, so painfully noticeable that Tyler had a giant fuck off crush on Josh.

Bob threw a french fry in Rays hair and Ray lost it in his fro and now we can't find it. All of us are laughing but Patrick and Ray who are trying to find the fry. Pat is being nice and trying to help while Ray is cursing Bob to hell and back. I have only been in this school for one day and I already found some of the coolest people in the world.

I looked down at my plate that held my lunch. It looked like shit, smelled like shit, and I didn't wanna see what it tasted like. Almost as though he was reading my mind Tyler looked at me, "Oh and by the way, if you want to continue to live I wold suggest dumping the food now. Or you can eat it and kick the bucket."

"Or catch an STD." Pete laughed, "Just ask Josh, he's an exert on STD's."

"He owes all his knowledge on experience." Brendon said from the floor.

"Yow know you all are faggots." Ryan said laughing.

"Says the guy cuddling with his boyfriend." Pat said rolling his eyes.

"You're the one on your boyfriends lap." Ryan said back.

"Guys, we're all just faggots." Ray pointed out. "Now shut up and lets all just wallow in the homosexuality."

"Guys, I'm not gay." Bob added and was ignored by the whole group.

"Wait Frankie, are you gay?" Josh asked.

"I'm about as straight as Rays hair." I replied taking a drink of the monster I brought.

"All of us are about as straight as Rays hair." Ryan laughed.

"I'm not gay!" Bob said, throwing his hands up.

"Leave my hair out of your sinning." Ray whined.

"Your hair has everything to do with my sinning!" Tyler shouts. "It's so erotic it turned me from straight to gay! Your hair fucked everything up! I've only ever wanted to run my hands through the waves."

"Welp, I'm going to go kill myself. Have a fucking great life." Ray says getting up and leaving the room, only to come back in a second later. "I forgot my bag."

He leaves again with his bag and I turned to look at Bob with a questioning look. "Ray is skipping school; he doesn't want to take a test."

"So Frank where do you live?" Ryan asked.

"In the Iero mansion up on Townhouse road." I answered and all their eyes widen.

"That women finally passed away?' Ryan asked, "She was weird."

"My name is Frank Iero." I said turning to look at him. His face instantly fell.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry I didn't realize. I wouldn't have said anything- I'm so sorry." Ryan said, apologizing profusely.

"It's fine. She was weird. That's why I am the way I am. Her weirdness." I said smiling at him,

"She passed away a little over a week ago."

"Sorry for your loss man," Pete said touching my back, it was comforting and I cracked a smile.

"It's okay. I have this big ass house now." I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah but have you heard the stories about the big ass house?" Pete asked, "The rumors, the myths, the experiences?"

"No..." I asked giving him a strange look. "Should I?"

"Sit down, motherfucker because I'm going to tell you a clusterfuck of a story." Pat said.
"They say long time ago right after the house was made the man had a daughter and when she turned 16 she met a towns boy and fell in love with him. He loved her back and every night he would sneak out and meet her by her bedroom window and they'd go to a building on the property and spend the night with each other.

"This went on for a solid year before the father finally found out. He was angry that his daughter would be with such a poor boy. He wanted his little girl to marry a rich boy and in anger he had the boy killed and buried the boy in an unmarked grave on the grounds. He forced the girl to marry another man and was then killed a couple years later by unknown circumstances.

"But some say he didn't kill the boy because the boy wasn't alive in the first place. many say that the boy was a vampire. And many say the vampire lives in your attic or basement."

"Bullshit, the weirdest thing about that house is the family cemetery." I rolled my eyes.

"So when the vampire kills you are you going to be buried there?" Bob asked,

"Totally, " I replied. "And I don't go into the attic or basement."

"I wonder why, oh yeah because one it's scary as hell and two it has a vampire living there." Pete said sarcastically.

"Eh not really. Once you get past the old paintings, the cobwebs I destroyed with a broom, the old peeling wallpaper, the attic dwelling vampire, and my grandmother random pantyhose around the house it's quite nice." I said.

"Do they fit?" Bob asked.

"Do what fit?" I asked him.

"Your grams pantyhose, we know you tried them on."

"No. They are too big and I was really pissed about it too. I made my mom go out and buy me more." I huffed.

"I bet you're wearing them right now." Bren said laughing.

"I am. I love the way they rub my leg hair. I love the itchiness of the fabric. I love the feeling so don't kink shame me."

"You're weird." Tyler laughed.

"Says the one who has to have it done a certain way," Pete laughed, "And if not done this certain way-"

"Pete, do you like your balls in the slightest?" Tyler asked, cutting Pete off. "If the answer is yes I suggest you shut u before I kick you so hard you won't even be able to adopt babies."

"Wow that sounds painful, I'll shut up." Pete said still smirking.

"Smart choice, Wentz." Tyler said, then squinted his eyes at him, "Your balls are safe today."

"I'm quite aware they're safe. I only bargained my silence for them."

"Your silence?" Ryan laughed, "You and silence don't belong in the same sentence, Wentzy."

"Oh go fuck Bren and shut up." Pete laughed.

"I'd like that but we just got in trouble." Bren said laughing.

I turned towards Tyler and Josh and asked if this was what lunch was like everyday. They both nodded and we looked at Bren, Ryan, and Pete bickering with Pat talked about something.

"Oh yes. This one kid asked to sit with us because his friend wasn't in school that day. The kid had a horrified look on his face the whole time. It was fucking hilarious. A week later a rumor went around that back here is blowjob central." Josh said.

"Actually if I remember correctly Bob and I had to go buy condoms because Bren wasn't clean." Tyler added with a laugh.

"Another time some girl came back here cause she liked Patrick. She started to cry and ran away and told everyone that we just fuck each other back here." Josh said.

"Wasn't she the one who said that we cut ourselves back here?" Tyler asked Josh.

"Yeah man, I remember the teachers heard about it and we all had to go to the nurse to get our arms checked. The bitched zapped us. Ryan had to stay longer because they thought he was starving himself because hes's so damn tiny." Josh said, "Then they made us sit in the guidance office and talked to us about how we should never harm our bodies."

"We got a free period at least."

"Wow you guys sound like the most interesting out of all the high school cliques." I said laughing. "Good thing I left that door open."

Both Josh and Tyler gave me a quizzical look and I just shook my head and told them not to worry about it. The bell rings and we all set out. The rest of the day I have class with at least one of the eight, well seven since Ray ditched. I sat and wrote mindlessly in the one class while everyone took a test.

I thought back to the ghost story that Pat told me earlier. It'd be so cool if a vampire did live in my house. Maybe that would explain the cut, but I really didn't believe it too much. Too bad they aren't real or anything because fuck I'd love to be one. Maybe the vampire was the thing from my dream. But that's impossible because vampires can't get into your dreams. It'd be cool as shit if they could. Whatever happened I had a gnarly scratch that was going anyway now but it was fucking good in its prime. I probably just scratched myself while sleeping and it popped up in my dream.

School ends and I say goodbye to my new friends and start my walk home. Once I get home I grab an apple from the fridge and run up to my room.

Now I'm not very manly and think is probably only going to make my dick look smaller but I have a journal. I'm like punk Anne Frank, without the hiding for my life. I don't write in it every day and the last time I did was before the move. Once I was in my bedroom I pulled the notebook out of my nightstand drawer and sat down on my bed, taking a bite of the apple.


9/20/04
So I moved and shit. My room is fucking huge. I love it. My room ,the house, the area, the school. It's all perfect and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I even have friends. I have 8 of em. Like actual living, breathing humans. How exciting is that?? I mean I don't even have to water them or anything. I mean I still hear insults from barbarians who play a fucking useless sport .

I close the journal and put it back. I got my laptop and logged onto a website that lets me read stories and poems. After a few hours of the website I shut my laptop off and run down to the kitchen. I grabbed a quick snack and headed to the library to read until my mother got back.

Notes

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