Gerard pov.





You know those days? Those days? The days where it feels like your soul has just got up and let you. Your passions that you had the day before, gone, like they were never even there. Like they never existed and you have morphed into a new person through the course of one day. And not just any person though, a twisted, emotionless person who has no feelings. You can just sit there and stare at a blank wall and not feel anything, not even boredom from looking at the same lines and creases on the walls for hours. Then, you feel a slight emotion, worry, that youll never feel again and this emotion, or lack of, will stay forever and you'll remain an emotionless monster for your remaining days. It frightens me when this happens, and of course it got me to thinking. Thinking deeper, however. Thinking into parts of my brain where questions that are supposed to remain unanswered lie. Questions that should never be answered, and shall remain that way are brought up to the surface, luring in my brain. Tricking my brain into thinking these, these..thoughts to be answered.

The questions asked, however, are the real problem. Questions too deep into life that I shouldn't even be asking them in the first place.

Why are we even here on this Earth? How did we end up here? Every person is a meaningless ant on a floating rock in the middle of a abyss of infinite darkness. We don't mean anything and the things we think matter, actually don't because there are millions and billions of planets floating amidst us that could be holding life right now and don't give a single fuck about the problems of our planet, and probably don't even know we exist.

What is the point of life though? Time is only an illusion given to the people so they can keep track of their pointless lives they lead. We do the same things every year, every year is just recycled months, bringing us in a long circle. We celebrate the same holidays every year, the next one meaning no more than the last, and we just keep going in a cycle. Its pointless.

Another question that boggles and tempts my mind is also a question that makes me terrified and not want to do anything for the fear and unknown of not being able to ever answer this question. The question that lies before my brain is..what would it be like to just not exist?

What would it feel like to just be nothing. Nothing at all. How can we be nothing? Our whole personalities, or minds disappear. I think of my life without Syn and Zacky..just gone. How can i even comprehend the thought of not existing? Its too much for any of our tiny brains to even grasp. We will never know, and thats what scares me most. We'll never know, or at least not until death comes and we are nothing. But, will we even figure it out then? Because we will be nothing, how can we think? Can we even think at all? Is it even possible? And what happens after death?

We'll Never Know.





......





I sit up suddenly, my eyes opening quickly and a shooting pain spiraling up my neck. I grab it in agony, softly massaging the now aching muscles. I fell asleep in class. It was a dream. Those thoughts tend to cloud my mind often, bringing down my mood and bringing me to a depressed state where I usually fall to rock bottom, not communicating with anyone for weeks, and cutting out everyone completely. I won't go there this time though, I know I won't because my mind is to preoccupied by the idea of the strange boy showing up at my house yesterday.

Why did he even come to my house yesterday? What was his purpose? I try to fill my mind with those questions instead of the..other questions that filled my mind earlier. I don't want to go back there.

"Mr.Way." A deep voice scolds, and I lift my sleepy head up from the desk, pushing back my greasy black hair from sticking on my forehead. I can hear kids snickering behind me as I wipe a small bit of drool from off of my face.
"Yes?" I ask in an irritated voice and that only makes the teacher give me a sterner look.
"Sorry." I mutter, Looking down at the top of my desk and shuffling my feet beneath it.
"As I was saying, Mr. Way," He scolds. "I would like you to do problem twenty five on the board for us." He says, handing me a blue dry erase marker. My heart stops. I hate getting in front of the class to do things on the board, especially when I don't know the problem.
"O-ok." I stutter and get up slowly, taking the marker from the teacher. I walk up to the board, examining the problem.

6x+5y=?

My heart stops again. I have no clue what this is. I look all around the room to see if there would be any answer anywhere in the room when my eyes land on the window. The small window that is barely cracked open. Theres something different about it though, something...

I tilt my head a little to get a better look at it when I see a figure standing in the window. Not just any figure though. The boy from yesterday. Shit.

I drop the marker, and all color drains from my face, leaving it a pasty white color. I can feel my heart beat actually stop, leaving me in a state where I don't know how I'm even alive, Im so scared. Now I know what people mean when they say they're scared to death. Its real. He's just staring in the window at me, the same blank expression on his face as he looks me up and down before backing away slowly from the window.

"Mr. Way?" The teacher asks, mildly concerned as he steps towards me. "Are you ok?" He asks, placing a hand on my back and looking me in the eyes.
"I-I-you-I.." I stutter, not being able to find my words.
"Its ok Mr. Way, you can just sit down." He says calmly, leading me back to my seat with his hand placed on my back. I sit down harshly, my ass hitting the metal seat hard.

I just sit in the seat, motionless and emotionless, looking like a ghost. My peers occasionally glance over at me either with amused, worried or nonchalant glances. When I look at them staring at me, they immediately look away, not wanting to start anything with me. They better not want to start anything, because at this point, I'm about to lose it. I glare at them before rolling my eyes and continuing to stare off into space, contemplating whether what I just saw through the window was real or not.

I mean, couldn't it just of been a hallucination? I don't think that the boy is stalking me, why would he stalk me? Im not interesting at all, and theres nothing about me to know. It had to of been a hallucination because if anything, that kid should've been in school if he was actually there. Like, why would he happen to be outside of the window, looking in at the exact classroom I was in?

He wouldn't.

And thats exactly my point. It had to be a hallucination. The only other issue id have to deal with is the fact that I'm actually seeing hallucinations, thats an issue. I can't go back to...where I was a few years ago. I can't, Im never going back. The past is in the past, and I'm not going to dwell on what happened back then. Im hopefully a new person, and as long as Im living, that never happened. Im fine. Im fine.

Notes

Sorry guys, Its kind of a short chapter, but I just needed to get that information across and didn't want to have that information cut into another chapter.

So, Ive been really busy with my band and recording my singing, which I'm VERY passionate about. I would just like to inform you that the thoughts at the beginning of the chapter are actually what Ive been thinking the past few days, just a much more mellow version was put in the story whoops. My band rn is basically the only thing keeping me alive, and I really want people to hear my music and lyrics so I can change the world with them as other bands have done to me, so when we realize our first video, I'm going to put a link in the chapter notes and Id really appreciate it if you'd check it out. You don't have to of course, but id be really appreciative if you did. We'll be posting things like covers from bands like FOB and MCR and hopefully LOTS of Avenged Sevenfold since they're my fave band XD until my songs I wrote are released. Thanks so much for reading if you did, and id be so so appreciative if you checked us out!

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