I laid in my bed watching The outsiders. My body still in pain from those fucking transphobic pricks, but it's nothing I can't handle, I'd rather them beat up me than Gerard, he doesn't deserve any pain to come to him.

I really hope he's coming over, it'd probably be the highlight of my painful day of watching movies and eating really bad food. It's not like bad food, just unhealthy.

I've been keeping my binder on all day even though I know I shouldn't...I just feel so weighted with it not on. I feel gross and just, so..not myself is the best way to put it. I don't want Gerard to see me with out it, I know he has me when I wasn't wearing it but right now this is all I have left and I want my boyfriend to see me as a boy who's his boyfriend. Not a trans kid who got the shit beaten out of him. A boy, just a regular boy, because that's what I am now. I may have boobs and a vagina, but I'm still a boy. This doesn't make me any less of a boy.

My phone vibrates, sending me out of my thoughts, I grab my phone checking my messages.

Unknown: Hey.

Oh.

I thought I couldn't receive any messages my mom blocked it I thought. She blocked Gerard I know that she fucking blames him for me being beaten up worse than I was before I dropped my shit when they said his name. No it's my fault. I was upset.

I decided it'd be best to text back because maybe it was Gerard or Sammy.

You: Who is this??

I sat down my phone and continued to the movie. Did I mention the movie is the best book to movie movie I've seen? It's really good, I mean the books better but still.

I stared at the TV then I saw a pebble fly across my room.

I jumped a bit at the site, scrambling to the end of my bed, looking out my window. I saw Gerard standing out the there. I smiled, walking over to window and staring at Gerard down in the lawn.

"Hey baby," I called out looking down at him, grinning like an idiot. He smiled shyly, looking down at the ground, "hi," he said quietly, moving his feet on the ground.

"Wanna come up," I ask.He nodded walking the front door. • I went walked- well stumbled to the front door, going down the stairs and opening it quick as possible.

"Hi Gee-". • I was cut off by him wrapping his arms around me into a hug, holding me close into him. His head rested on my head as I wrapped my arms around him back, "I missed you," he whispers softly, "I'm so sorry," he choked out.

I sighed, looking up at him and smiling a bit, but a sad smile. He sobbed a bit harder, "I'm so sorry none of this would've stayed away from you. People know things about you...I knew it was you I just should've stayed away...I'm just selfish. I love you,okay? I love you so much Frank...You Don't deserve this...you don't deserve being beaten up...I love you,".

Tears fell from my eyes as he spoke, it wasn't his fault. He wasn't there to stop me from hitting that guy. It was my choice. I can take a fucking hit and a tampon shoved down my throat.

"Gee...it's not your fault," I say, lifting my hand and sipping some of his tears, "let's go to my room," I say, taking his hand, dragging him upstairs.

We got into my room, and I shut the door behind us, "I'm sorry it's a mess," I say grumble, my face turning a bit red with embarrassment. He wave his hand, "it's okay babe, I don't mind- it's not that bad actually. You should see Mikey's room," he said, taking off his shoes and jacket, sitting down on my bed.

I take out the movie and put in another one and sit down in the bed, getting cozy in the bed, making grabby hands to Gerard. He rolled his eyes, smirking, and getting into the bed with me, snaking his arm around me, and pulling to his chest. I smiled, snuggling into him, as the movie began to play.

"I love you," I whisper to him, looking up.

He looked down at me and smiled, leaning down and attaching our lips together, "I love you too," he muttered up against my lips.

Dear god he's amazing.

I closed my eyes and began to drift off to sleep. Just sleep...

---

I fluttered my eyes opened and looked at the TV. The movie we were watching was over, so we'd been out for awhile now I'm guessing. •

I wiggled out of Gerard's touch and made my way to my phone to check the time. 8:20pm. My mom wasn't home yet. I had to new messages so I wanted to check to see if it was from my mom to see if I had to kick Gerard out.

Mom: I'm staying over at a friends

I sighed in relief- maybe Gerard would spend the night and help me around. I know it was a school night but I don't think his mom would mind, she likes me I think. I think it's a school night too I'm not sure

I went to the other message to see if was the mystery person and sure enough it was. • Unknown: Frank it's your father

You: Don't message me ever again.

I threw my phone across the room and crawled back next to Gerard, nuzzling my head in his chest...and that's when the weirdest thing happens, he moans.

I quickly jump from my spot and lift the blanket to see he has a hard on.

Fuck.

I smirk to myself going under the blanket and palming him threw the fabric of his pants. He jumped at my touch and looked over at me.

"What are you- oh," he said, looking down and blushing with embarrassment.

I giggled, and jumped over and straddled him and looking down at the his boner.

"F-F-Frank you don't have to do any-".

Hush Gee, I wanna," I say with a smirk, undoing the button to his pants.

"I w-w-wanna do something to you- b-but...".

I pouted, looking over at him, "what,".

"I don't know how," he says, not even looking at me.

"Well Gerard, haven't you watched...".

Oh God.

Oh my god.

He's never watched porn.

Frank don't laugh.

Don't laugh at your virgin porn boyfriend.

"So um Gerard have you ever um...touched yourself?" I ask, biting the inside of my cheeks to stop myself from laughing at him.

"...no," he mumbled.

Oh my.

"Gerard. I masturbate. You have to like sometime," I ask him.

"I haven't," he scowls at me," I never really found anyone to do it to until you came along.." he confessed.

Awe, I feel special. •

"Well," I say getting off of him and grabbing my laptop, "we are gonna watch porn,".

"o-oh okay," he says.

Oh my this is gonna be fun

Notes

MCRX is killing why