Life on the Murder Scene

As I walk back onto the bus I see a flash of black hair before a wall of flesh knocks into me. Arms wrap around me. Laughing I hug the man back before stepping away from him. Everyone in the bus is looking at us and it makes me feel really awkward.

“How are you?” Frank questions, his fingers scratching at a spot on the back of his head, something he does when he’s embarrassed. I laugh at him.

“I’m totally fine. Just a flesh wound.”

The guitarist lets out a sigh of relief.

“Makayla,” that’s Bert. I don’t understand why he’s still here. Hasn’t he done enough for one day? “Can I talk to you outside?”

“Yeah,” I answer more than ready to be able to give him an earful.

Bert leads the way, pulling out a cigarette as he sits down on the ground. I join him, offering my lighter to be polite. He takes it, letting the fire flick the end of his cancer stick before handing the little piece of blue plastic back to me.

“What do you want?” I question after the singer has taken a few drags.

He silent for what feels like forever. I’m sure it in reality it is only a few minutes. “Has anyone ever told you that you kinda look like a mouse?”

“Yeah well, you look like an oversized penis but you don’t see me complaining. Now what the hell do you want?”

Bert smirks a little. “What’s your beef with me?”

“What kind of a dumb ass question is that? You know why I have a beef with you.” I’m angry and frustrated. Bert is a moron. What kind of drugs has he been doing in order to not know why I’d gladly punch him in the throat?

“That’s not what this is about Makayla. You have to say it out loud,” Bert chides.”

“What the fuck for?”

“Can you just play along?”

“I was never very good at following instructions,” I lash back, eyes narrowing as I look at him. He seems to be getting some kind of enjoyment out of all this.

“Just tell me why you dislike me so much.”

“This is a waste of my time. I need to go to the store,” I answer, over this little game. If Bert wants to act like a dumbass on his own time that’s fine with me but he’s done wasting mine.

As I go to pull the bus door open Bert steps in my way. I run into his chest letting out a surprised yelp. What is he trying to do? As I go to push him out of my way my arm is grabbed. Fear grips my body. I’m not about to be knocked around twice today. If I yelled loud enough would someone on the bus hear? Would they come out to see what was going on?

“What do you actually do for this band besides run errands, video tape for them and suck Frank’s dick?”

“I don’t suck Frank’s dick!” I respond world flashing red. If I wasn’t positive I’d get my ass handed to me I’d punch Bert in the face. How dare he say something like that? I’m so much more to these guys than just an errand runner. Ray let me know that today.

“Why don’t you go ruin someone else’s life and leave my brother and the boys alone?! Gerard would never be like he is now if he hadn’t met you. You screw with his head and encourage his behavior. Who knows what else you’ve got him hooked on since you two met. You ruined him you bastard!” I’m yelling and crying and beating on Bert’s chest. He’s letting me; letting me feel everything I’ve tried not to the last few weeks. Seeing my older brother in the state he’s in is killing me. What if I never get the old Gerard back? What if this kills him?

Suddenly, Bert has my cheeks held between his thumb and index finger, forcing my face close to his. “I didn’t screw up your brother Makayla. Gerard was on a spiral long before I came along. You just decided to stick your head in the sand. The only reason you’re realizing how bad it is now is because you can’t get away from it. I’ve got nothing to do with Gerard’s drinking!”

“Fuck you!” I yell back at him not knowing what else to say. In a sense Bert is right. Gerard has been bad for at least a year now. I guess I’ve just been ignoring it. I spent more time at the school, picked up a part time job just so I didn’t have to be home.

“Whatever you want,” Bert smirks, wiping away a tear with his thumb. I jerk away from him.

“You’re disgusting.”

“Gotta make up your mind doll, you’re gonna start giving me whip lash.”

I flip him off. He can’t just make me feel like shit and then try to joke around with me. If anyone’s getting whiplash it’s me. Does he want to make me feel like shit or flirt with me?

“Go to hell Bert McCraken,” I answer back.

He smirks, catching my face in his hands. Before I know what’s going on his lips are pressed harshly to mine. I don’t even have time to fight against it. Just as quickly as it happened it stopped, leaving me questioning if I hadn’t imagined the whole thing.

Bert lets me go, beginning to walk away from the bus. “See you tonight.”

I pull open the bus door in a haze. What the hell just happened? One minute Bert and I are yelling at each other and the next he kisses me. My fingers go up to my lips. Lost in thought I almost don’t hear my brother’s question.

“Makayla…”

“What?” I pull myself out of my thoughts.

“I asked if you were okay?” Mikey answers, giving me a quizzical look.

“Yeah. I think...I’m just gonna take a nap.”

I wake up thirty minutes before the boys set. So much for getting to the store today. Mikey has left a note on the counter letting me know what stage they are playing. A backstage pass is also laid out for me. Sighing, I pour some of this morning’s coffee into mug before popping it into the microwave. Once it’s done I move over to the couch, grabbing the bottle of Jack Daniels as I do. The doctor didn’t necessarily say no drinking he just said it wasn’t recommended. I just need something to take the edge off, something to make me not have to think about the fact that Bert McCormick kissed me. I try not to throw up in my mouth.

A sip of coffee a swig from the bottle; I continue this pattern until I feel good and buzzed. Standing up I pull on my Dock Martins before grabbing my pass off the counter and heading towards the stage I’d seen being set up with morning. There is a fairly large crowd surrounding it. My Chemical Romance has definitely come a long way since it first started. I feel my heart swell with pride. Those men started with basically nothing and have created an empire. I feel privileged to be a part of it.

I stay on the outskirts of the crowd, watching the guys perform. Gerard, as usual, looks completely drunk. He dances around stage, looking flamboyantly gay. I don't understand how he can perform as drunk as he is and not throw up. As my oldest brother jumps up onto the speakers his pants fall. He giggles a little before pulling them back up, jumping perfectly into the chorus of Helena. Mikey stands still, his head bobbing in time to the music. Ray takes a similar approach to playing, occasionally interacting with Gerard or dancing around. Then there is Frank. It is almost impossible for me to look away from him. He throws his body around the stage. When he plays he’s completely lost in his own world. It’s like all the demons he holds inside just take over. He’s a completely different person. Watching him jump around and put his heart and soul into every song is captivating.

“You can’t help watching him can you?” Bert comes up behind me.

I jump a little, waiting for my heart to return to a normal rhythm before answering, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The singer rolls his eyes, “Keep telling yourself that. I just wanted to give you the address and room number for the hotel.”

I’m handed a crumpled up piece of paper. Nodding I shove it into my pocket before pushing my way through the crowd towards the stage. No one here knows me; to them I’m just another fan. Bert on the other hand, wouldn’t dare enter the crowd. The kids know who he is. I’m safe from his snide comments in here.

As the set comes to and end I head towards the stairs that lead up to the stage. A muscled security guard in a bright yellow shirt eyes me but says nothing. I guess I don't look like too much of a threat.

Mikey is the first off the stage. Upon seeing me he smiles. This is the first show of this tour that I’ve actually seen them play. Most times I’m at the merch tent or watching another band or sleeping.

“I’d hug you but I’m pretty sweaty,” my older brother says as Gerard and Ray join us; Frank is a few steps behind.

“I appreciate that,” I respond with a smile.

Gerard stares at me but says nothing. I wonder if he remembers what happened earlier. I figure he probably does. If not he’d be going on and on about the show and the party we are going to in a little.

“You’re pants fell down,” I prompt him as all of us walk towards the merch tent. The guys have a sighing in about thirty minutes.

“Yeah,” is all I get back from my older brother. He seems completely un-phased, as if having his pants drop in front of more than a hundred people is totally normal.

I don’t understand drunk Gerard at all.

Notes

Hey guys! I hope people are still reading and enjoying this. Let me know :)