I was at the arranged meeting point at exactly eight o’clock, but ended up waiting almost twenty minutes for Taylor, Josh and Ray. They told me they’d made a pitstop at an off licence to buy some drink. I smiled, though underneath I was terrified. Alcohol? I could barely keep soda down.

We piled into my car, with Josh in the passenger seat directing us to his house. It was a long way out of Monroeville, on the edge of a much larger town called Overton. We got out of his car and went into his house. Well, less of a house and more of a mansion.

“His parents own a lotta land,” Taylor whispered while Josh struggled to open the front door.

Once inside, the extent of Josh’s wealth became more obvious. He had a marble staircase for fucks sake! However, his wealth didn’t seem to matter to the other dudes as we climbed the stairs into his bedroom. He immediately threw us all a can of beer and set about pouring out vodka shots. I reluctantly drank the beer, but after reaching the bottom of my can, I had a bubbling warmth growing inside me. I was first to take a vodka shot, not expecting the burn of the alcohol slithering down my throat but still I went back for more. I gave up after four shots and two cans, a measly amount compared to the others but they were so caught up in getting drunk they didn’t notice me stopping.

Once we were all heavily intoxicated, we made the short trip to Paradise nightclub in Overton. It was meant to be an over 21’s club, but the bouncers didn’t seem to notice our youth. We made our way inside to be met with pounding music, flashing lights and hundreds of dancing bodies. Josh pulled us over to a slightly quieter corner.

“Our aim,” he shouted, “get laid by the sexiest babe in this club. Take pictures for evidence. My parents are away all night so you can bring her back there… or you know, fuck her in the street, whatever you’re into.”

Ray and Taylor laughed, Ray patting Josh’s back.

“Totally gonna whip your ass this time Josh!” he said, smiling mischievously.

I still couldn’t believe what I was being told to do. Maybe it was okay for these guys, but I was a virgin and I’d never even had a girlfriend. I had no idea how to talk to a girl, let alone get one in bed. I made my way to the bar and bought five more vodka shots, downing them one after one until I could barely see. After a minute or two, my sight came back and I found myself filled with a newfound confidence. I can do this, I thought, I can win their stupid little fucking competition.

I stumbled away from the bar and into the crowd. Most girls who were in any way good looking were draped around guys, but I spotted a girl dancing right in the centre of the crowd. She seemed to have no one near her so I pushed through to get to her. I caught her attention and gave her what I hoped was a suggestive smile. Whatever it was, it seemed to work. She put her hands around my neck and latched onto my mouth, pushing her tongue through my lips and halfway down my throat. Once I learned how to do it back to her, it actually wasn’t that bad. In fact, it was quite nice. We kissed for a little while, and then I felt myself being pushed backwards through the crowd, and then I was out of the crowd and on a couch, and she was straddling me. The kiss became rougher, a fight for power, a fight which I lost the second she began to grind her hips onto mine. The second I felt myself go hard, I remembered what my aim in this game was. I lifted her off me and she seemed a little insulted, her cloudy eyes trying to meet mine with a confused expression. She lost her confusion the second I took her hand and led her towards the door. She giggled, and once we got outside, she pinned me to the wall and started making out with me again. The making out was nice and all, but I just wanted to win this stupid dare. I pushed her off me again, this time she was super confused. She was still confused as I led her down the main street and off into a residential estate, and still seemed to be confused until I pushed the door of Josh’s house open.

“Oh,” she said, “I see.”

She began to strip as we made the climb to Josh’s room, and was left in only her bra and underwear by the time I’d closed the door.

I took off my hoodie and shirt, leaving only my jeans on. I was kinda new to this shit but she obviously wasn’t. She pushed me onto Josh’s bed, with more power than before, and forced herself onto my mouth, sticking her tongue deeper into my throat than I thought was humanly possible. She pulled away from my mouth, moving down to my throat, kissing it gently but applying more pressure as she got closer to my jaw. I let a low grunt escape my mouth, and she seemed to take this as an invitation to pull down my pants and boxers in one go. I began to get worried. I didn’t think I was ready to lose my virginity, not like this anyway. However, all my worries escaped me when she started to play with me. It felt better than any time I had jacked myself off, her tiny fingers caressing the folds in my skin. She dropped to her knees and put me inside her mouth. And with that, all my worries left me in the form of a sigh that turned into a groan before it was finished. Her tongue felt so amazing on my dick, better than anything I’d ever felt before. She seemed to know exactly how to make it feel good. I bucked my hips into her, and she replied by sucking harder and increasing the speed. She lifted her hands up and began stroking my balls, getting into all the crevices and squeezing them. I felt myself getting closer and closer to coming and there was no way I was letting this go. I put my hands on her head and pushed her harder than she could have gone alone. I let another groan echo from inside my throat as I came and she swallowed. I lay back in the bed, feeling so amazing. Did this count as losing my virginity? The girl obviously didn’t think so.

She pulled her bra off and stepped out of her underwear, revealing perfect breasts and a perfect… something else. I should have been worried then, because I felt no sexual attraction to her in any way, but the mixture of the alcohol and the orgasm was enough to cloud my mind. She straddled me again, and pushed me under the covers. I didn’t know what was happening until I felt her push me inside of her. I almost squealed, whatever she was doing didn’t feel right or nice. I looked up at her, and her face was screwed into a look of intense pleasure that she hadn’t possessed while giving me a blow job. I felt a strange need to repay her the favour she had given me, so I rolled over on top of her and thrust my hips into her the way she seemed to like it. She started to groan, and they slowly got louder until they were almost screams. I couldn’t understand how this felt so good for her, it just felt wrong to me. I kept plunging myself deeper and deeper into her, not for the pleasure, because there was none, but because she had her hands on my ass and was controlling my every movement. I started to get tired so I rolled off her, and I was stunned to find her climbing back on top of me and doing it again. She bounced herself up and down on me, making the whole bed shake, but she just seemed to not care about anything except my dick inside of her. She kept going for what felt like hours, but was probably only about ten minutes. Eventually she took me out of her and fell asleep on my shoulder.

As I looked over at her perfectly naked body, it finally occurred to me that I did not find her attractive at all. I mean, I could appreciate that she was pretty, but I didn’t feel an urge to stick my dick into her. In fact, I realised now that I had not enjoyed our sex at all. I pushed her away from me and sat up. Oh my god, I thought, I have just lost my virginity to a girl and now I’m… I’m... I began to franticly pace the room, pulling on my clothes as quick as I could. Oh god, I’m gay. The two words echoed round my head. I’m gay. I’m gay. I’m gay. I pushed open the door to meet Josh coming through it.

“Why the rush, dude?” he slurred.

“There’s someone… there’s a girl in there already.” I stuttered.

I heard the girl shout “What’s going on?” from inside, and Josh shouting back “Threesome!” but my brain was having trouble functioning. I’m gay. I’m gay.

I stumbled down the marble stairs and heard Josh shout “Slow down dude, don’t you want some of this?” but again, my brain wasn’t processing it. I’m gay. I’m gay. I’m gay. I fell into my car and fumbled with the keys in the ignition. I had to get home. I’m gay. I got lost but it didn’t matter. I’m gay. I’m gay. I finally found our house and slammed the door open. I climbed the stairs to Mikey’s room. I’m gay. As I opened the door, I was met by five pairs of eyes, Mikey’s friends. I’m gay. I’m gay.

“Mikey… I-I-I-I need to talk to you. Its urgent.” I’m gay. Mikey followed me downstairs into the TV room.

“What do you want Gerard?” he asked, looking a little bit angry, “I’m missing the good part of Buffy.”

Should I tell him? Does he need to know? What will he say? Will he tell mom? I couldn’t take the arguing in my head any longer so I just blurted out the two words that had been polluting my head for the last ten minutes.

“I’m gay!” I almost shouted.

Mikey blinked. Then blinked again. He studied my face for any signs of a lie, or a joke. Then he nodded.

“I know,” he whispered. I almost fell over. How could he know if I only just found out? He seemed to read my mind as he said, “I don’t know how I knew, I just knew. Brother thing, I think. Its okay Gee. It really is. Its okay to be gay. I still love you.” He reached over and hugged me, tight.

“I have to go now Gee, but I love you, okay?” He smiled at me, and I knew it wasn’t a fake smile and it held no malice. He left the room and I heard him climb the stairs and open his door. I giggled. If Mikey still loves me, that’s all that matters, right?

I kicked off my shoes and pulled my legs onto the couch. I was only starting to realise how drunk I really was. I closed my eyes and fell asleep almost instantly.

***

Through the open door of the kitchen, a dark haired boy stood with a glass of water in his hand and a twinkle in his hazel eyes.

“Gay,” he said, liking the taste of the word on his tongue.

He moved towards the door of the kitchen and walked through the hall and up the stairs. He paused outside the door of Mikey’s room, taking a sip from his glass of water, lip ring clinking on the glass.

“Join the club,” he whispered, and pushed his way through the door with a smile.

Notes

Title credit: For the First Time - The Script