I couldn't believe what I‘ve just heard. So he wanted me to be his little slave, being whipped and fucked as he wishes?! No way! I wasn't going to agree to this miserable humiliation at any time, no matter what I've done! He must be kidding me!

But he kept talking- "Of course there'll be some rules too. I want you to be home everyday at no later than 10pm, if you're late you'll be punished.
Then, there is this beautiful buddy here,- he raised the collar- you'll wear it from now on, all the time, always. If you want to meet someone, or are in a situation where it could be disturbing, let's say the hairdresser or a visit at your parent's for instance, I'll put it off you. But be sure it will be locked on your delicious neck again instantly afterwards.
If you try to cut it off or remove it some other way, I'll see this little deal of ours as finished immediatley, so think that through very well, because there will be no third chance for you, Gerard. "
The sound of my name shook me out of my trance, and I noticed, that I kept staring at Frank's left arm for the last five minutes, gazing at his tattoos. I just couldn't believe that this was happening to me. He really was blackmailing me.
I swallowed again and reluctantly looked up into his green eyes, which were fixed on the collar.

"About sex, you have the right to decline me, three times a week, so choose well, I'll be fair.
And let me tell you this will be nothing like in our relationship. You do as I wish, when I wish, you'll call me Sir, and you're not allowed to make eye contact if I don't say so.“

I noticed that I started to get angry, "Mhmm really thought this through Frank, didn't you, so I'll spend my future just getting raped and punished by you for your amusement, the rest of my days or you'll kick me out!?"
"I didn't say that I would rape you, Gerard, I just said, that you'll have to obey my wishes. I will prep you and be as kind as possible."
"Oh thank you very much!", I spat at him, hands turning to fists, I felt my fingernails biting my flesh.

"And what are those 'punishments' of your's. Spit it out", I choked out through clenched teeth, feeling the shame burn all over my face. This was so fucking humiliating for me.
"Glad you're asking", Frank snickered, he seemed to enjoy my pained face a lot, so this was his way of revenge.
"There will be three different kinds of punishments. For the lighter missteps I'll just give you a time-out in your room, well tied up of course, blindfolded, for as long as I think is fit." I narrowed my eyes and bit down on my lip hard, not saying a word.
"The next step will be the paddle,- he pointed on it- pretty self explaining, isn't it", he winked at me.
That. Mother. Fucker. Fucking teasing me in this misery, how could he!?
„And the last one concerns the really bad fuck ups of your's. It'll be a sexual punishment. You don't want to bring this upon yourself, trust me, I spare you the details. So.... Whatcha saying, Gee?" He smirked in my direction, crossing his tattooed arms while leaning back on the couch smugly, and it was just to much to take.

I jumped to my feet "You know what- ,Frank‘- I spat his name out as if it was something disgusting and repellent, just as I saw him in this moment- „you can shove your fucking paddle up your ass! I won't ever be your punchingball or lapdog, just go fuck yourself and your shitty rules!", enraged I kicked the couch table hard, and sent it flying against the wall. The collar, leash, paddle and photographs were scattered messily all over the living room carpet.

Frank looked mildly amused and raised his eyebrows, as if to say "was that all you've got?", I just turned around and rushed out of the door, running into the night.

---

The night was warm and nice, mild air blew across my face softly as I ran, my footsteps echoing loudly in the silent neighbourhood. But I didn't feel it, I felt nothing but anger. I didn't know where I was heading, I just needed to move, get away from Frank, putting space between us.
His words came back to my mind, as if he would whisper it straight into my ear "you'll be my slave.." "There are three kinds of punishments.."
I cried out angrily and rubbed over my eyes with my jacket sleeve, as the tears forming in my eyes started to blur my vision.
After a good while I just couldn't run anymore. I dropped down on the spot, which seemed to be somebody's lawn and held my ribcage, as I panted loudly, gasping for air.
I layed there, hearing no sound but my pantings, and maybe some cars speeding away somewhere far from me, they weren't important. I looked up at the stars, they were so beautiful and bright tonight.
I felt a wet hot moist, rolling down my cheeks, dripping in my ears, I didn't like that feeling at all so I sat up, maybe a bit too fast, because now my surrounding was spinning like mad.
I remembered bringing my smokes with me, so I pulled one out of the package, stuck it between my lips and lit it up, covering the flame with my other hand from the mild breeze.
The smoke seemed to clear all the emotion away and let me see the straight facts of my situation.
I hated to admit it, but Frank was right; without him, I'd have no home, no money and no love. Everything a human being needs to live. Great.
For a second I considered moving in at Mikey's, but we haven't really talked in a while since he moved away from here. Moreover I was sure he wouldn't be as content if I'd move in, just as he finally was in a fresh relationship, and would certainly like his privacy more than his no-good brother.
So that was that, and for the money part; it was no secret that illustrators weren't the wealthiest or best earning people on this planet, especially not beginners. I just couldn't live off that 400 to 600 bucks I was making a month, that was the ugly truth. I'd have to do something else for money, maybe working at Hot Topic again, folding those fucking t-shirts all day and dealing with the brats who shopped there, oh god, no.
I took a deep drag from my cigarette, a small glow in the dark, exhaling the smoke loudly.
Fuck. And he was right again, I loved him, truly.
I'd never wanted Frank to find out about my dirty affair, I felt so sorry for hurting him, but I just had no self control sometimes, and that was when everything started between Will and me. He made me feel special and wanted again, and I loved the taste of the forbidden, it really gave me a kick...
If I hadn't been so fucking dumb, I could have had it all with Frank. Even though I had to admit, that I was getting a bit bored with our relationship recently, that's why all this crap had happend. It was all the same with him, every day, laying on the couch, doing nothing, or having the same boring sex, all action gone, but that's the risk of a long term relationship, I guess.

Some lyrics from 'The Eels' came to my mind -
"I'm so bored I'd welcome a disaster, anything that makes the heart beat faster"

Well true that. Maybe my subconscious made me do it, just to see Frank's reaction, maybe fighting for me, letting the fire between us burn strong again.
But now I had the exact opposite. If I'd go back, I'll be his dog, I'll have to obey, please him. Getting punished for every small mistake, I didn't know Frank had thoughts like this, it was nothing like him.
Well what do I know. I took the last drag of my cigarette, which was almost burnt down completely and flipped the bud away, stumbling to my feet hesitantly.

My decision was clear. I had to do it, no matter what.

Notes