A Poem.
From Now On

Could it be wrong wanting you alone with me
You on your knees and me towering above
Your pale body, slim boy, shivering in fear
though it's the only way to show you my love

The colour of hazel that is your door
to open and close a strong knock is enough
Through a curtain of black, I'm peeking inside
I've promised you truly - I won't be too rough

Bend further my angel, take all of my sin
The more you obey the lesser it stings
"No", and "please don't" are words I don't know,
I've caged me a bird and I love how it sings

And while you be down, I couldn't be higher
the connection between us is special for sure
And throughout this motion just your flesh is marked
a motion that's ancient though feeling so pure

You call me the worst names, I give you the best
A final explosion and I come to rest
Buried your being beneath my harsh will
don't cry love, it's over, would bet you loved it still.

The next day I woke up alone with a slight hammering in my head. I sat up slowly while rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. There was an unsettling feeling washing over me as I let my eyes wander through the room, replaying the day before quickly in my mind.
Yesterday seemed so far away, unreal or almost like a bad dream, but the fact that I woke up in another man's bedroom underlined the truth with a big bold marker.

In a sudden hurry I scrambled into my now dry clothes and headed into the near bathroom.
As I looked in the mirror I found that my hair was a total mess, and not the good kind. I decided to wash it quickly to look a bit more presentable for the world and stuck my head into the washing basin after snatching the only shampoo out of the small shower.

As I almost finished to blow dry them I saw William's head peaking in the bathroom through the mirror's reflection, smiling and moving his lips what I could only decipher as a "Good morning".

I smiled back a bit mechanically, finger combing through my hair as I finally switched the blow dryer off.
"Hi" I offered calmly.
"Hey I brought you coffee, Gee, like I promised" William wiggled his eyebrows encouragingly.
The corners of my mouth twitched a little in response.

"Not in a good mood, huh? Come,sit with me."
William said and sat down on the bed while patting the spot next to him.
I plopped down ungracefully, and grabbed the cup of coffee he got me.

"What's on your mind, Gee“

"Frank, of course..“

William sighed. Obviously I had overstrained the topic in his view...

"Are you going to talk to him?“

"Well, yeah. It's Monday so he must be at work right now, I think I'll pick him up afterwards, so I'll better get going soon." I looked at him apologetically while I felt a bad conscience rising inside me. I felt as if I had used Will for a place to stay and hot coffee.

"Why do you even try? I mean, he said he wouldn't take you back, and he's not one of the forgiving sort." William glanced at me fiercely.

"That's my business after all, right!? If I want to talk to him I' will, I don't need your advice in this case." I snapped angrily.

"Come on Gerard, we haven't even spent any time together…“ William’s disappointed voice really started to get me, but I couldn’t leave the talk with Frank any longer.

„I’d love to Will, but think I wouldn’t be good company anyways in my current mood… I’m sorry.“

„Honey, I’ll cheer you up in no time, you’ll see- I thought we could have a lazy day at home like back then. Let's watch some movies and have a bit of fun." William proposed as he moved closer and snatched the cup of coffee out of my hand just to put it on the bedside table.

Smoothly he got on all fours as he moved nearer his lips dangerously close.
Without a warning he pushed me down on the bed while hovering above me, leaning in for a kiss.

"Get off me!“ I squeaked, not too manly, and gave him a good shove which sent the attacker back on his side, while I jumped to my feet.

"No means no! I needed your help yesterday, and I'm grateful you were there to help me, but that doesn't mean that there will be something between us again."

William's face turned to stone. "You mean it?“

"Yep, you know there's only Frank for me, so thank you very much for last night, but I'm leaving now, take care" I turned on my heels and hurried outside the bedroom door, slipping my dark grey Vans on the fastest I could.

There were noisy footsteps behind me, and before I could turn my head I felt him grabbing my arms from behind-

"What the hell are you doing?!" I jumped with fright.
There was no answer, just a metallic click of handcuffs being put severely on both of my wrists. They were icy and bit my flesh, but the adrenaline which dashed through my body like a wild animal didn't let me feel much pain.

"No... -NO,...you wouldn't...!" I growled in disbelieve while trying my best to move out of his grip.

"Sorry love, you made it very clear, that I can't convince you to stay any other way." William snarled into my ear as he pulled my trembling body close to his.

"HEEEEEEELP!!!!" My coarse voice echoed back from the faded empty walls, hoping anybody could hear me.

"Do you really think that someone would come to help in this run down area?" William hissed at me while grabbing the back of my neck harshly, driving me back into his bedroom.
"No, honey, the people here don't give a shit about someone yelling, they hear gunshots and screams everyday. And especially in this house you won't have any luck with my almost deaf neighbour from downstairs or the empty flat above us."
I could almost see the mean and self assured grin he had put on.

I whimpered in fear, but tried again to make as much noise as I could, as I let a second piercing cry for help rip through my throat.

There was a hard and sharp blow to the back of my head and through it’s impact I lost my balance, falling face down on the bed before me. My poor head hurt like a bitch and I felt nauseous in an instant. With a groan of pain I tried to roll onto my back, but a firm grip fixed me face down, pushing my face into the soft bedding.

"Shut up Gee, you're getting on my nerves."

"Hhhuuummhh!" I screamed into the fabric below me, but instantly felt the pressure on the back of my head getting stronger.
I felt panic rising in me, horrible, pulsing, all devouring panic. Soon there was no air left in my lungs, my body was convulsing, he wanted to choke me...to...

"Be nice and quiet and I'll let you breathe again" he whispered.
My pupils were still blown with adrenaline as I glanced at him through the corner of my strained eye.
Did the tiny blood vessels in my eyeballs already burst and sprinkle the glowing white with red droplets?
Were my eyes popping out of my head like ripe grapes? Like a handful of modelling clay through children's fingers?

"Blink twice if you agree, that you’ll be quiet like a fish… or I’ll have to let you die like one“ he stated, calm and unimpressed, still not loosening his death grip a tiny little bit.

I’ve never gotten death threats before. And I’ve never had to fear for my life before.
The part of me that wanted to live screamed at the almost lifeless but still twitching body on the bed.
I was so far gone, that it wasn’t more than a dull mumble, compared to the clear and strong thoughts I usually had. A blurred command - survive! - with all I could do, I blinked, then repeated the action after painfully slow seconds. Please, let him stop now.

"Good boy." William snickered and flipped me on my back.
Air flooded my oxygen deprived lungs. There was too much of it and a coughing fit wrecked my body. The edges of my sight started to blur until they finally turned black, I felt myself losing conscience, falling into the great nothingness.

---

There was noise cutting trough the silence. Loud voices and stray vibrations as heavy things collided with the walls and floor. Somebody was out there in the living room, doing whatever.

I didn’t have to open my eyes to know that I was still in the apartment, though this time waking up I was a captive.
My hands were still tied, and my head ache from the morning was now a full grown migraine. It could have been the punch I took, but it was rather the pure angst I felt, and the millions of thoughts that whirled trough my brain.
Gloomy thoughts. Scared ones. Unbelieving Ones. Gallows humour.

Why did I had to follow him home. Just why. Probably I deserved all of this, whatever would be coming now, just for the stupidity to follow somebody home, who would have raped me only days before. Why couldn’t I just have dragged my sorry ass back home to Frank and endured his anger?!
If he knew, that I was handcuffed and locked away in William’s bedroom, I bet he’d laugh his ass off. Maybe he’d think that this serves me right after all. I bet he hates me.

Tears made their way down my cheeks. Now I was at the mercy of a psychopath, who obviously wanted to rape me, what else could it be? Why didn’t he got straight to it, rather than leaving me lying on the fucking bed for hours. He probably wanted me to be conscious for his sick stuff.
There’d be lots of pain coming up my way and the thought made me cry even harder. Clenching my teeth and burying my wet face in the pillows, I tried to be as quiet as possible. After all I hoped that I wouldn’t catch the people’s attention outside too soon.

Another hour got by as I finally heard the rustling sound of the door getting unlocked. I turned around quickly and scrambled back to the bed’s headboard, watching wide eyed and with strongly beating heart.
William stepped inside and switched the lights on, after all it must be the late afternoon.

„Hey there, Sorry I kept you waiting for so long, I brought you some water, you must be thirsty.“ William walked over, he didn’t look mad like before, but what the hell? Why was he being nice? I wouldn’t drink his fucking water, after all it could be drugged and I was still handcuffed -I just stared at him in disbelieve.

William put the glass on the bed stand, next to the almost empty and now cold coffee.
„You can talk, you know“ he sat down on the bed in a good distance, crossing his legs. „Or better listen, I’ll have a lot to explain to you“ I snorted and looked away, yeah, he’d have a lot to explain, but whatever apology that was wouldn’t make it up to being almost strangled to death and taken as a captive.

„We“ he pointed on me and back at him „Are going to start a business“ he ended with a smile.
I blinked quickly while raising my eyebrows questioningly, I didn’t expect that, did I hear him right?

„I found a way to make good money, Gee. But I can’t do that alone, I need you as my partner, you know?“

„What…What are you talking about?“

„I’m talking about cam-shows, sweetheart. Porn if you want to say so. Online. You and me.“

„….“

My mouth hung open wide, I couldn’t form any straight sentences after this manifestation.

„There’s this website, it’s called twinkdaddy.com it’s not really legal, but it’s buzzing I tell you. There are people who are making up to three grand a day. Just imagine Gee, we’d be rich.“

I shook my head in total and utter confusion- „…twinkdaddy.com?! Are you…are you fucking kidding me?“

„I’ll be the daddy, and you’d be the twink.“

„YEAH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH I ALREADY FIGURED THAT OUT!“

„Calm down, Gerard, just think about it for a second, no more struggling and being dependent, we could earn 84,000$ in a month! Tax-free!“

„Oh my gosh, I have so many counterarguments right now, I don’t even know where to start“ I said unnerved while I gazed unfocused at the ceiling.

„Why do they even get so much money, what kind of stuff is this?!“ I asked, focusing again on William’s face.

„Normal stuff, I guess, maybe a bit rougher than normal. I think it’s more about seeing some hot twinks getting punished. And guess, who got me thinking of this amazing idea- your buddy Frank.“ He ended and stepped across the room, opening a drawer and rummaging about until he finally found what he was looking for- a black studded leather necklace with a silver clasp. He threw it on the bed before me and resumed to his seat on the end of the bed.

„When I saw you in the park last week, dressed up with your black collar and littered in welts, I just had to think, what a waste!“ William stood up quickly and started to stride up and down the room. „For all the things Frank and you were doing, or rather he did with you, you both could’ve earned a fortune! And yet he keeps selfishly everything to himself and doesn’t want to share your beautiful body and face with the world! I mean- hello? What a waste!“
William’s face had taken an excited and amazed expression, with bright eyes he stopped in his tracks, holding out his arms as if he’d just invented the wheel.

„Great, thanks, but most of the things he did to me I didn’t like that much you know, duh…As you may have seen I’ve gotten rid of my collar and I’m more than glad about that.“

„Babe, those internet perverts are into kinky stuff, and you’d be perfect for it! The poor, hot, black haired boy, chained up and used- I mean of course we could act most of the harsh parts, we just cut it, so it looks more brutal, you know? I could finally do the thing I like best- fucking you and making money“ He smirked.

„But I don’t want neither my face nor my ass to be found on those disgusting porn sites, now, untie me and stop this bullshit-talk!!“

„Listen Gee- you’d live here with me, we’d shoot maybe two vids a day and the rest of the time we could do what the fuck we want to! Make art, watch movies, going out, cooking together, It’s gonna be great!“

„I DON’T CARE! I don’t care about that stuff and I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, because except for the vids, this is what you’re describing! I want to see Frank! So unlock these handcuffs NOW!!“ I jumped to my feet and stared at him intently.

„No. There’s no Frank for you, and you’ll stay here if you like it or not.“

„You can’t just make me stay here, that’s deprivation of liberty, A CRIME, and you can go to jail for that for a long time!“

„They’ll have to find you first“ William grinned crookedly and crossed his arms on his chest. „I gave you the carrot Gee, you didn’t want it, I guess it’s time for the stick then, because this is going to happen if you like it or not.“

I stared at him hatefully.

„I knew that you wouldn’t dig these news, because I know you Gee and you’re a stubborn little guy and need some good convincing first. I honestly don’t care if you fight me or take my proposal, after all our little vids will even sell better if you’re struggling, babe.
William walked over and picked up the collar he left on the bed, opening the clasp, I shrunk back to the wall.
„After all I’ve spent all my money left in this idea, so there’s no going back now.“

I ducked away as he tried to fix the collar around my neck, kicking him hard into the shin, dashing for the door.
„Ah, fuck you, you little bitch- DAN!“ William rubbed his hurting shin and hobbled after me.
„Bring him down!“

Just as I made it through the first door I felt somebody trip me up, and I crashed to the floor roughly. I turned my head to see the causer- my fucking double was standing next to the door I just ran through, he leant smirking against the wall.

„Thanks Dan“ a huffing William appeared, still holding the collar. He stopped in front of me and kicked me in the stomach and ribs several times until I spat blood on the already stained carpeted floor.
I coughed painfully and curled myself up in a ball, the pain was awfully hard to take. William put his foot on the side of my head, fixing me on the floor. „You won’t kick me again, bitch, or I’ll break your fucking leg, I swear“
„Put it on him“ William ordered and reached Dan the collar.

"Hope you like my camera man, you guys already know each other, so I'll save the introduction" William smiled angrily down at me.

*Cough*- „ So…you planned this. He wasn’t even mad at you…He was just a lure to give me false security and let you play the good guy.“
„Correct, and you took the bait just all too eager, my love“ William confirmed.

Dan snickered as he bent down and fixed the collar around my neck. „Surprise, surprise“ he sneered from behind.
„How could you know that we’d be at the bar?“ I coughed again.
„Oh, I’ve got a very good friend at the bar, who’d promised to write me a text if you should set your foot inside. After all I know you’ve been there once in a while, and guess who sent the Facebook invite under a different name.“

„That sounds totally stupid, why haven’t you just rung the door and kidnapped me at home.“
„Well, I needed the good Frankie boy to believe, or rather see it with his own eyes, that you cheated again. And it worked out better than I could've wished for. I doubt he’ll be coming and look for you now.“

„Awww don’t cry Gee, you’ll see we’ll have lots of fun.“ William bent down and pulled me up to my feet, but I couldn’t stand a second on my wobbly legs so he sat me down on a wide brand new black leather couch.
„Ah, now that’s a sight, handcuffed and sobbing on this baby here, I can picture our vids already!“ He laughed and patted the couch.
I felt sick to my stomach. So this is what the noises were about, they fixed a porn couch…

„Will..please don’t do this… That’s only trouble for either of us.
Come on, I won’t tell anybody what happened today, just…just let me go, okey? Please!“ I pleaded with watery, red eyes, but his features remained emotionless.

„Sorry Gee, but this is going to happen, I can only try to make it easier for you.“ He turned around and started to empty the single traveling box he brought to the flat.

„So that’s what your camera equipment is for? I thought you were an artist and not a cheap scumbag!“ I shouted through my tears.

„Watch your tongue, Gee“ he growled from the back.

„Why? Because it’s the truth and you don’t want to hear it? I have admired you for being independent and living your own life, but all you do is selling fetish porn on the internet- FUCK YOU William!“

„Uh-oh“ Dan snickered at my words, darting his eyes between William and me. „Seems like he still doesn’t know his place here, huh?“

„He surely will in no time“ William spoke through clenched teeth as he walked over and grabbed me at my collar. He gave me a resounding slap left and right so my head bounced from one side to the other.
„Ahh, fuck!“ I ducked my head away in case that there’d be more slaps.

„Guess who’s getting nothing to eat afterwards!“ He pinched his index finger into my chest and pushed me back down on the couch. My face was on fire.

„Aww can we have chinese later?“ Dan looked hopefully at William, who just nodded.
„Great!“ Dan grinned and pointed his tongue out in my direction. What the hell, how old was he? thirteen or what? I couldn’t believe it either that this „Dan“ was totally fine with filming sex scenes, knowing that one person totally wouldn't want to.

After a while there was one big cam on a tripod, two artificial lights on both sides of the couch, and a small steady cam ready to go. I swallowed hard as I saw my time running out…

„So everything’s set up, let’s do this“ William announced blatantly and stripped off his shirt.

Notes

A huge thank you to my now 30 subscribers (what a beautiful round number) and of course everyone commenting, rating and reading. I'm really curious what you guys are thinking about this chapter- let me know <3

ps: poems should be getting more attention! they're a great way of telling a story!