In all of Frank's relationships, the phrase 'we need to talk' always signalized the end. Frank released Gerard and sat up, propping himself against the wall. "Umm... What about?" Frank asked, his hands shaking slightly. Why would Gerard be breaking up with him: was it that he couldn't be with someone who had been arrested? That couldn't be the case; just by the look of Bert, he had been arrested as well— multiple times. Frank couldn't fathom what else it could be.

"It's about B-Bert and how we b-broke up," Gerard stammered. "It's, uh, it's a big secret, and you can't tell anyone. Nobody knows; not Janelle or Brendon, not Mikey or his girlfriend, nobody knows. And nobody— other than you— needs to know. Okay? This is my second-biggest secret, besides being a virgin at 23."

"Okay, Gee," Frank said. He was thankful that it wasn't about him, and he hugged Gerard in a comforting embrace. "I promise I won't tell anyone."

Gerard took a deep breath and said, "Bert and I broke up because he pressured me into having sex with him. I didn't want to, but he accused me of not loving him and he threatened to leave and tell everyone I was a 'prude'." He pressed his forehead against Frank's shoulder and ran his hand down the soft fabric of Frank's t-shirt. "You weren't my first. I'm sorry for lying to you, but I needed to know that I trusted you before I told you."

"Oh my God," Frank whispered. "Gerard... I-I don't know how to respond."

"I trust you so much," Gerard mumbled, carefully kissing Frank's chest. "I trust you enough to know that, when we sleep together, you won't hurt me, like Bert did. I trust you enough to keep this secret. I trust you, and I love you and... Jesus, you're my everything, Frankie."

"What was your dream, babe?" Frank asked, rubbing Gerard's back gently.

"It was him..." Gerard started and swallowed, willing himself to say it. "Hurting me. It's why I woke up earlier this morning, and partly why I woke up at two."

Frank lifted Gerard's face slightly to look at him, Gerard with tears running down his face. He delicately kissed Gerard's lips, tasting the saltiness of his tears, and Gerard took in a gasping sob. "I'm so sorry, Frankie," he whispered as he cried. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop it," Frank said sternly. He pulled away but kept his hand on Gerard's face. "Don't be sorry. It's not your fault."

"It is, though," Gerard whimpered. "If I were stronger, if I hadn't been so afraid of everyone knowing that I was a prude, I wouldn't have been raped."

"Stop that," Frank said. "You are strong, alright? You're strong enough to live through it. You're perfect the way you are, alright? If you're worried that I'm gonna leave because learning this, you're dead wrong. Alright? I love you, and I would never leave you."

"You might want to," Gerard whispered. "After what I'm about to say."

"Unless you killed someone, I'm not leaving," Frank joked, and Gerard finally smiled.

"I want to-to stop having sex," Gerard said quietly, quickly losing his smile. "You said it the other night, that's all we are, it's all our relationship is based on. I... I want to see who you are, outside of sex."

"Oh," Frank said softly. "That's, umm... Not what I was expecting you to say."

"I-I mean, not indefinitely," Gerard continued. "Just... I don't feel comfortable right now, what with Bert coming back so unexpectedly and everything, and I wanna abstain until I feel like I can get through it without breaking into tears." He ended on a lighthearted laugh, trying to lighten the somber mood.

"You don't have to explain yourself," Frank told him. "You don't wanna have sex, that's fine. That might help solve your sleep problems." Gerard giggled, now smiling as he cried. "So, abstinence, huh? That's not something I ever expected to come out of your mouth."

"Well, yeah, I mean, it's not usually a topic for conversation," Gerard said. He pulled himself out of Frank's grip and got out of bed, going over to his closet and pulling the door open. He flicked on the lightswitch and disappeared into the minuscule room as he talked, the cheerful undertone back in his voice. "It's kinda like the I-Work-For-Playboy conversation: not something you'd ever think you'd have to say but then you find yourself saying it and you're just like 'oh shit, this is my life'." The light turned off and he exited, now clothed.

"Do you have any underwear that don't have lace on them?" Frank asked as Gerard got back into the bed. He curled up in Frank's chest and thought momentarily.

"No," he said simply and laughed.

"Well, that's just damn cute," Frank said, kissing Gerard's hair. "Before I do it, I just want to legitimately make sure kissing is okay. I don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

Gerard answered by softly kissing Frank. "Yes," he said, pulling away to speak. "Kissing's fine."

---

"We're abstaining!" Frank announced when he walked into his apartment seven hours later. He sank down onto the couch, running his hands down his face.

"Say that again?" Jimmy called from his room. He quickly came out, drying his hair on a pink-stained towel.

"Did you just dye your hair again?" Frank asked and Jimmy let out a frustrated grunt.

"What did you just say? When you came in?" He asked.

"Gerard and I have decided to stop having sex," Frank said. "He told me... Something personal, and he wants to stop. I mean, I'll do it, but—"

"—Then you won't be having sex," Jimmy finished. "It's been a week, Frank, calm yourself."

"Yeah, the best week of my life so far," Frank said. "I really think I like Gerard; I was really only saying 'I love you' so I could keep fucking him, but now... I dunno. He really is a sweet guy."

Jimmy made a small sound and said, "Alright, so answer me this: how does gay sex work?"

"You're such a tool, Urine," Frank scoffed. "How do you think it works?"

"Are you mocking me or being—"

"I'm being serious, numb-nut."

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking."

Frank sighed. "Alright, so there's two dudes, right? Well, one of them tops and the other bottoms, wherein the bottom gets fucked and the top does the fucking. I'm a top."

"Yeah, I know that. I want the finer details. In case I ever go gay, I wanna know what I'm getting myself into," Jimmy said.

"You're an idiot. Anyway, I assume you know that it's anal, that there's nowhere else to stick your cock? Great. So, just like with a girl, you gotta do prep. Usually, the way you prep a bottom is fingering, but you can also do a rimjob, which is a fancy word that means eating ass. It's a lot better than it sounds. Then, if you're a top, you could get your bottom to suck you off, which also lubes you up. A good time to stop prep is when your bottom is, like, cussing and moan, just, nonstop."

"And during sex?"

"It's just normal sex," Frank summarized. "Stick your dick in, look for that sweet spot, done."
"Wait— we have a g-spot?" Jimmy asked, and Frank nodded. "Shit. I didn't know that."

"Me neither," Frank said. "Until I was actually in Gee did I figure that out. You know, having a good time, and he lets out this moan, like, Jimmy. James Euringer: I understand why certain women love men so much— it's our moans. Anyway, he moans and tightens and he's all like 'right there' and shit."

"Tighten?" Jimmy repeated. "Asses can tighten?"

Frank rolled his eyes. "Gay sex is just like regular sex, only it's in the ass and there's two dicks in the equation. If you really need to know all this, I feel sorry for Chantal, because you guys must be having some bad sex."

"Point taken," Jimmy said. "If I gave you a free pass, would you fuck me?"

"Not if my life depended on it."

Frank spent most of the night at his apartment, instantly finding that he missed Gerard more than he would ever let on. He missed the way his skin felt, a pale, warm, soft expanse for Frank to feel, and he missed how, when Gerard would about to fall asleep, he would open his mouth ever so slightly and a small puff of warm air would escape. He wanted Gerard's body pressed against his, holding him as he had earlier that day.

He missed, wanted, loved Gerard.

That's why he was waiting at a crosswalk about a block from Bel-Air at one-forty-five in the morning, severely underdressed for his outing. He wore his pajamas— worn out t-shirt advertising his own band and a pair of thin pants— as well as a pair of scuffed Converse and his usual leather jacket. He knew it was completely weird to show up at his boyfriend's house at almost two in the morning, but, at this point, he couldn't care less.

When he knocked on the front door, it took a few minutes for anything to happen. Just as he was about to give up hope, the light to the entry way flicked on and he heard someone clearing their throat as the door unlocked.

Frank felt his throat close up and his mouth turn dry as he looked upon the man that had ruined Gerard's life: Bert.

"Why're you here?" The two asked each other in unison.

"I came to see my boyfriend," Frank said, shifting his weight. "What about you?"

"For a good fuck," Bert replied.

"You didn't," Frank said slowly, his anger boiling in his stomach. "You did not do that to Gerard again."

Bert shrugged. "And what if I did?" He asked. "Is he always that loud? Of course, he was crying and not moaning, but he was still fucking loud."

Frank pushed past Bert, rushing down the hallway to the bedroom. He hoped that Bert was telling some cruel, twisted joke, but just the way he wore his jeans— pulled down his hips almost obscenely— told Frank everything he needed to know. He pushed the bedroom door open nervously, only to let out a sob.

There was his bunny, lying naked on the bedsheets. The soft, white sheets were covered in blood and was sticking to his cowering body. The inside of his thighs were caked in blood and cum, and his body was littered with angry red marks. When the door creaked open, Gerard lazily looked up and quietly said, "Frankie. Help."

Frank snapped out of his trauma and rushed to Gerard, picking him up off the sheets. "You're okay," Frank whispered as he took Gerard to the bathroom. He set him down in the bathtub and started the water, sitting on the curled side of the bathtub and running his fingers through Gerard's matted hair.

Gerard hummed and pushed his head further into Frank's palm. "That feels nice," he murmured, and Frank's heart nearly stopped.

"Gee, I'll be right back," Frank said quietly. "Stay here and try to wash yourself off. Okay?"

"I love you," Gerard muttered, giggling when he finished his sentence.

"Alright," Frank sighed, nodding, and left the bathroom in pursuit of Bert.

"What did you give him?" Frank asked when he found Bert still in the entry way. "He's high as fuck, what happened?"

"Antidepressants are powerful things, Frank," Bert answered, picking at his ragged fingernails.
"No, that's not it," Frank protested. "What else?"

"If you had let me finish my sentence," Bert started, looking up from his fingers. "I woulda said 'antidepressants are powerful things, Frank, when they're mixed with coke'."

"What?" Frank cried. "Wh-What the fuck is your problem? You drug him and rape him, and you pretend like everything is cool. Bert, he needs to go to the hospital! He could die!"

Bert shrugged, not giving an answer, and Frank went back to the bathroom, pulling off his jacket and kicking off his shoes. He tugged his shirt over his head as he came back in to find Gerard doing exactly what he told him to do. The faucet was off, and the bath was halfway-filled with steaming water. Frank pulled off his pants and boxers, slowly slipping into the bath with Gerard. The water was slightly red with his blood and Gerard was shaking almost violently. "C'mere," Frank said softly and Gerard quickly pushed himself into Frank's arms, crying into his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Frankie," Gerard whispered. "It's my fault, I'm so sorry."

"Hey, we went over this," Frank said. "It's not your fault in the slightest."

"I didn't refuse," Gerard whispered. "He gave me some pills and I don't know what they were. He touched me and I wanted him to. It was only after that I... I regretted it. I didn't tell him to stop, even though he hurt."

"I know, babe," Frank said comfortingly. At least he seemed a little more sober, he thought. "But you don't need to put the blame on yourself."

"He didn't prep me," Gerard continued, his voice dropping. "He got me on my hands and knees and just... Pushed in. It hurt so bad, Frankie."

"We're going to the hospital," Frank said, his final decision made. "Gee, did he use a condom? I need to know."

"I don't know," Gerard said quietly. "I don't think so."

"Jesus fucking Christ," Frank murmured and got out of the bathtub, helping Gerard out. He dried both of them off and dressed Gerard in the warmest clothes he could find in the closet. He stripped the bed of the bloody sheets and, after making sure that there was no blood or cum on it, gave the blanket to Gerard. He immediately curled up under it on the carpet, shivering slightly with the cold. Frank quickly dressed the bed in clean sheets and moved Gerard to the bed, tucking him into the sheets. "I'll be right back," Frank whispered, kissing Gerard's forehead, before he left the room, pulling on his own pajamas.

Bert was gone. He wasn't anywhere in the house, and the front door was open slightly. Asshole. He closed the door and immediately found the phone, dialing the three-digit number. "911, what's your emergency?" A woman asked as she answered. She sounded upbeat; as if the universe were being intentionally cruel to Frank.

"My boyfriend, he, uh, was drugged and raped, and I need an ambulance or something," Frank stuttered. His hands shook as he held the receiver to his face and he took a deep breath to calm himself down.

He told the woman the address, and she told him that an ambulance would be there soon. They hung up, and Frank made his way back to Gerard, curled into a small ball on the bed. His eyes were open but they were dull, as if he weren't in the room. His legs were shaking slightly, but Frank couldn't tell why. "Bunny," Frank said softly, laying down next to him. Gerard immediately snuggled himself into Frank's arms, burying his face in Frank's neck. "We've got an ambulance coming. Who's your emergency contact at the hospital?"

"Mikey," Gerard answered. "Before he left, I made him my contact, but then he was sent overseas and I never had to change it."

"Is there anyone else?" Frank asked. "Someone you can change your contact to?"

Gerard thought for a second before saying, "Either you or Kris."

"Who's Kris?" Frank asked, flattered that Gerard would consider him for an emergency contact.

"Mikey's girlfriend, Kristin," Gerard answered softly. "Janelle's sister."

"Oh, yeah," Frank said. "You told me a bit about her."

The whine of an ambulance could be heard far off. "Frankie, I wanna sleep," Gerard whined, wrapping his arms around Frank's chest. "I'm so tired."

"You can sleep," Frank told him. "It's okay. I'll be right next to you the whole time."

Notes

My best friend is sitting next to me watching Buzzfeed and I'm uploading this dark af chapter. Yep, that's about right.

xoKristin