He looked like Gerard, but he wasn’t. The personalities are completely different. Gerard wouldn’t stay by my side during the entire day, Gerard wouldn’t gush at everything I said. Arthur loved everything about me, which was kind of cute-but also very annoying. He was clingy, suffocating. I didn’t see him as Gerard at all, which made it easy not to think about him.

Arthur took a sip from his plastic mug, “How did you end up in here?”

“I kidnapped someone.”

He looked at me, “Really?” I saw a slight glow in his eyes, as if Arthur wanted to hear the whole story. He was captivated by the minor insight of my story.

I nodded, “Really. I helped him bury a body, kidnapped him, raped him-but I wouldn’t call it rape. We were in love.”

Arthur stared at me, “You raped him?”

He didn’t seem at all interested about the rest. Then I remembered, he was a masochist. He loved being humiliated. Rape was humiliating. Arthur raised the mug up to his lips and said softly, “I bet you enjoyed that.”

A grin escaped me.

I’m bored in this building. I hardly go outside anymore because of the cold weather which wraps around your body. Winter was very nearby and I knew there would be a time where everyone would have to stay inside...I needed some fun, and Arthur could be my toy.

I leaned in a bit, “I did. I enjoyed pinning him down as he cried for help, begging me to stop,” The words that passed my lips made me feel kind of strange. I hated myself for saying it, but then again, I kind of liked it too.

Arthur smiled behind his mug, “You’re a sadist.”

There was an abrupt power that came over me. I snatched his mug. He looked at me as I spit in his drink. The plastic dragged along the wooden table as I directed it toward him. He glanced at me but didn’t say anything. He knew what I wanted him to do. Arthur hesitated, but held the mug up to his lips again. He locked eyes with me as he chugged his drink.
He was submissive, ready to be controlled by me-but I wasn’t sure if that would be the right call. I couldn’t have a masochist who looked alike to Gerard, following me around while Pat kept an eye on me. It only showed that I wasn’t attempting to escape the thought of Gerard.
I did what I had to and leave the table.

I can hear Arthur following me. His shoulder pressed against mine before he gave me some room, but he stayed by my side as we walked. Arthur kept silent as I directed us toward a small supply closet.

I shut the door behind us and faced him, “You have to keep away from me.”

“But didn’t I pass your test?”

“My test?”

“I did what you wanted me to-I want you. I want you to be my sadist-my master.” He flushed, “You know I’ll do anything you want.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I would love to but I can’t have my therapist see us together.”

Arthur tugged at his own sleeve, “I’ll be your secret.”

---

Weeks have gone by and Arthur became not a friend, but a toy. I fucked him almost every night, making him smother his face into the pillow to suppress his moans and squeals. It felt good to scowl at him during bed, to pull his hair and make him cry. Sure, it sounds all good but he’s also strengthened my need for control, which wasn’t good for my plan. I noticed if I didn’t get my way, I held grudges until I had a chance to strike for the burden.

Arthur wasn’t good for me. It would be easy to drop him out of my life since I had no emotional connection with him. But Arthur didn’t feel that way at all. He always said sweet sayings into my ear as I nudged him onto my lap. Every night he would play with my hair and listen to my story about Gerard and Mikey. I knew it made him uncomfortable each time I mentioned Gerard, knowing I loved him.

That night, after dinner, I met up with Arthur. He had his back against the white wall in the hallway. He spotted me and smiled sweetly.

I approached him, “We need to stop this.”

He was taken back by my words, “What do you mean?”

“I can’t be seeing you anymore. You’ll ruin my chances of getting out of here in the next two years.”

He pouted, “But I thought you and I were-”

“No. Whatever you’re thinking, no.”

“Your character development is so odd.” He scowled, “Last night you cried and looked so vulnerable-you were sensitive when you talked about your past and now all of a sudden you’re all high and mighty. It’s really annoying.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m bipolar, to add into the mix.” I leaned in a bit, “No hard feelings, right?”

He rolled his eyes, “I wouldn’t want to mess with you. You’re psychotic.”

I scoffed, “And you’re a clingy masochist.”

Arthur grinned, “Fuck off.”

My hand touched his thigh, “How about one last time? Just for the fuck of it.”

He blushed, “Are you going to make me swallow again?”

“Do you want that?”

Arthur nodded with a grin.

“Then no.” I stated, leading him toward the supply closet.

It would’ve been so much better to kill him right then and there. I should’ve clogged his throat with my cock so he’d choke and die. I should’ve bashed his head into the concrete wall...but no, I didn’t. Instead, I fucked him. Ever since I basically dumped him, I’d notice he’d follow me around. He kept his distance, sure, but he didn’t shy away when I spotted him.

In a way, he reminded me of myself.

Notes

xo