Oh Baby Let Me In

Gerard's P.O.V I laid on my bed, face down as Jezza rubbed my back. The tears long stopped. But I just felt so drained and down. My Grandma Elena is gone. Now I have no one. Someone knocks on the front door so Jezza mumbles something about answering it. Then he goes. But I pay no attention. I just lay there, like I have for a week now, and think about Grandma Elena. I think about the good times we'd had. Then I remember that there won't be anymore. That brings on a fresh batch of tears. I bury my face deeper into the pillow. Hoping to suffocate myself. But of course I remember Grandma Elena's last words to me. 'Don't do anything stupid, Geebear. You have to live for me. You have to be there for your parents and Mikey. Make sure Jeremy doesn't do too much. Take some of the weight off him. I know you can do it. I'm so proud of you, my little Geebear. Never forget that. And never forget that I love you so much.' So it's down to me to look out for everyone. Even though I can't even look out for myself. But I still let up on the pillow, slightly. I feel a hand rubbing my back again. The bed dipping slightly. After several minutes of silence, the only sound being my crying, I finally stop. Just sniffling. "You should go help Mikey, Jezza." I said, quietly. "He needs you." The hand slows down, but doesn't move. "It's Frank...." I jump off the bed, fast, and turn towards him, angrily. "GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE." I shout. "Leave me alone. I am so done with your shit. I won't allow you to fuck with my feelings ever again." I flapped my hands around to punctuate my words. "I'm fucking miserable enough. I've just lost the only person who actually loved me. Nothing you do to me could possibly make me feel worse. So you may as well go. Go tell Brendon how you saw the fag having a fucking breakdown. Have a laugh about it. Because you can't hurt me anymore. There's nothing you can do to make me hurt anymore. So GET...OUT." Frank hadn't moved. He just sat there with tears in his eyes. "What's wrong, Frank?" I snapped. "Not good enough for you?" I turned and swiped my arms across my desk, screaming out as my art supplies, papers and laptop flew across the floor. "Is that better?" I snapped, looking back at Frank. I picked up a paper weight and threw it across the room, at the wardrobe mirror, shattering it. "Or do you want more?" I screamed. I swiped across my bedside table, scattering the untouched sandwiches and coffee across the room. Then I dropped to my knees and shed yet more tears as I put my face in my hands. "Just leave me alone." I said, quietly. I felt Frank try to pull me into his arms so I tried to pull away, screaming for him to leave me alone. But he was persistent. In the end, I didn't have the energy to fight. So he pulled me into his arms and rubbed my back, not speaking. I must have fallen to sleep. Because when I woke up, the room was tidy and Frank was sat beside me, stroking my hair. I pushed his hand away and turned my back on him. "I told you to leave me alone." I snapped. "I'm not leaving you like this." He said. "Stop pretending that you give a fuck." I said, angrily. "I'm sure you have more than enough ammo to laugh at me about." "I'm not leaving you. So get used to it." He said, his voice strict. "Whatever." I snapped, pulling my black quilt up to my chin and closing my eyes. "Your only wasting your time. Because I'm not going to put on another show for you." He stayed quiet. He didn't even move. I ignored him and tried to sleep. But I know I won't sleep. I haven't slept much since she died. I sleep even less than usual. I'm surprised I slept earlier. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I want to be with my Grandma Elena. The bedroom door opened and mum walked in with a tray of food. Right on time. I opened my eyes. "Gee, honey." She said as she placed the tray on my bedside table. "Please eat. You haven't eaten for a week. We're worried about you." I sighed. "I don't want to." I mumbled. "You'll starve, baby." Mum pleaded. I sighed again and sat up, facing her. I put on a fake smile. "Okay, Ma." I said, quietly. "I'll eat it in a minute." Mum smiled, then hugged me. Kissing my forehead before telling me she loves me, then leaving the room. As soon as the door closed, I picked up the plate of peanut butter sandwiches and emptied them out the open window. Then I went back to my previous position, ignoring Frank and his presence. "You said you'd eat them." Frank pointed out. I ignored him as I reached under the bed for a old shoebox. I didn't pick it up, I just removed a real gold necklace from it and moved to lay on my back. Frank was still sat on the bed. But I ignored him as I opened the small oval locket attached to the chain. Inside was pictures of Grandad and Grandma Elena. I could feel the fresh batch of tears beginning to fall. But I ignored them as I stared at my Grandma Elena's face. I'm never going to see her again. I'm going to have to live this miserable, horrible life without her. Without her jokes and hugs. Without her comfort and love. Without the only person who helped encourage me rather than ignore me. Sure Mum and Dad are great. But they're always preoccupied. Mikey has Pete. Jezza cares, but he should be with his mum and dad. I'm selfish to keep him here. I closed the locket and wrapped the chain around my hand. Then I turned back onto my side, resting my head on one hand and putting the one with the necklace in to my lips. Then I closed my eyes and let the tears fall.

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