I should have never been driving

I stayed at Frank's again last night, we never did end up going to the club, we fell asleep in each others arms... But I've come to realise that I trust Frank, I've let him in. I want him to want me. I know it's been a few days since I met him but I can't help it. He's irresistible. He's what I want to wake up to. He makes me feel alive. I know he hesitates to touch me, I know he's keeping things at a steady pace but with Frank I want him. I want every inch of him.
I let him in last night, I let his hands wonder and it felt like for the first time in months, I was okay.
There has been countless guys and girls since the accident, I had a girlfriend at the time but when you are off your head on prescription pills you end up doing crazy things and being pushed into things. Taking advantage of someone when they're stone cold drunk was the 'in' thing in those clubs. I thought about her the whole time, I thought about how maybe I was letting her down, if I had just fought back then maybe I wouldn't have made such a mess. I wouldn't have felt so useless and weak. Frank isn't my first fuck, but sex isn't love. It's surprising what you will do when the guilt and cocaine kicks in.
Mikey had to cover for me quite a lot, I would sneak off to clubs and end up in random apartments and alleyways and wake up in random places. For someone to hit rock bottom at the age of 16 is an achievement of sorts. The drinking was okay until the guilt found a home in me. After awhile the drugs became a compulsion. I felt the need every waking day but your kid brother finding you shooting up in the family bathroom made me realise that I couldn't keep hurting him, I have done enough.
He deserves more for a big brother. He needs more. I can't stand the thought of disappointing him again.
Frank's a virgin and I feel bad for taking that away for him which is why I've decided to go slower than I want to. I don't want to take what was taken from me, it feels weird. I know it'll happen at some point, if not me then someone but I just don't to make him feel like it's a compulsory thing. Because like I stated, sex isn't love. The sex would be different if you were in love with the person in question... But I think I love him. That sounds like I'm rushing but I knew from the smoke being blown in my face that I was in for something extraordinary....

Notes

Hello my lovely's
This one was for Gerard's inner thoughts. I'm channeling myself through Gee. It's like both mine and fanfic gee's inner thoughts (almost)
I hope you enjoyed it, stay tuned for more, hopefully with a cheerier note soon
y'all keep being y'all :)