The Story of a Man, A Woman, and the Corpses of 1000 Evil Students

Gerard’s business card burned a hole in my jacket pocket all day. I had no reason to message him; I would have been an annoyance. But as I wandered around the deserted campus, I couldn’t help but feel the cravings for some human company. After about an hour of sitting in various spots normally crowded with jocks and sorority sisters and enjoying my freedom to smoke, I began the walk back to my car, dialing my mom as I went.

To my surprise, she picked up on the second ring. “Hey mom, it’s Charlotte. I was just wondering what your plans for Thanksgiving were,” I said.

“Charlotte! I’m sorry, I’ve been meaning to call you, but every time I pick up the phone something happens, you know? So busy!” She said, her voice trailing off. “We’re having a really quiet Thanksgiving this year and didn’t want to have you pay for a train ticket or drive all the way down here to LA.”

“I would have been fine with it,” I said. “I miss you guys.”

“I miss you too. Jordin says hi. He’s hopefully going to be making varsity track this year! Winter track starts up soon for him,” she sung after I heard my younger brother’s muffled voice in the background.

“Well that’s cool. Tell him to text me sometime, I miss him,” I admitted, nearing my car. “Anyway mom, I have to drive, but I love you, and I’ll see you at Christmas for sure.”

“Alright baby. I love you too! Book your ticket soon!” She said before hanging up. I stood outside of my car for a few moments more, my chest suddenly feeling very heavy. I felt it moving with every pound of my heart, making me feel lighthead. I either needed to quit smoking or start running again. As I sat down in my driver’s seat, I noticed a piece of paper folded up under my windshield wiper blade.

Groaning, I got back out of my car and snatched it, unfolding it when I was sitting back down again. It was another drawing of me, sitting on the drainage pipe out back by the gymnasium and smoking a cigarette, exactly what I had been doing about a half hour ago. It was one of my favorite spots in the school to sit on because it was right on the side of a hill, and I could see out almost to the ocean from it. Gerard’s signature, GW, was in the bottom right corner, along with a message in scrawled handwriting along the bottom.

“Smoking will kill you but at least you will look cool.”

I folded it back up, a sad smile on my face. Maybe if I stayed on the campus I would come back to a car filled with drawings of my various dramatic smoking poses. I inwardly laughed at the thought before I willed my engine to life and drove back home.

I ended up changing back into pajamas and sleeping for a good few hours, only woken up by my phone vibrating on my hardwood nightstand. I missed the phone calls, but I had four unread texts from Anthony, each with increasing urgency as to wondering why I wasn’t picking up my phone, was I ignoring him? I was being a real bitch, apparently.

In the daylight, hooking up with him last night was an incredibly bad lapse of judgement on my behalf. I couldn’t do this again. And last night made it painfully obvious how very different the two things we were looking for were. I dialed his number, my breathing becoming shallow. He snapped at me when he answered the call. “Now you finally call me.”

“I’m sorry, I was sleeping,” I muttered. I took a deep breath to garner some courage. “I can’t go out with you tonight. I know we had plans, but I can’t go out with you again. I’m sorry.” I hung up before he could get another word in, a giant weight lifted off my chest. My phone began to buzz, ringing off the hook with texts peppered in between the missed calls. I’d be lying if I said a part of me didn’t want to pick it up and apologize and say it was a joke and of course I wanted to see him and would he come over and cuddle with me right now?

Instead I leaned back onto my pillows, a tear streaming down my face. Anthony wasn’t healthy for me. I tried to avoid thinking about it, but breakfast with Gerard was something that catalysed this. Gerard had been so...genuine. There was something comfortable in the silence we shared even though I was an anxious bundle of nerves sitting across from him. And then there were the drawings. I rolled over to fish around in my bag for them, gazing at them again.

The angles on my face were so sharp; he made me look so elegant. I looked in this drawing how I wish I looked in real life. Regal, killer. A cigarette dangling from my lips, my sunglasses pushed down to the end of my nose. I looked beautiful.

I wondered if this was how I looked to him.

Setting the drawings down and rolling to my other side, I caught a glimpse at my reflection in the mirror. If only my cheeks were a little thinner, my bangs a little longer, my skin a little clearer...if only I could get rid of this pooch of fat underneath my belly button. Maybe then I could look as stunning as Gerard seemed to think I was.

I caught myself, confused at my own thoughts. I was assuming he thought I was attractive. Slowly spinning around, my eyes on my reflection, I wished he did.

I cleaned around the apartment, biding my time and ignoring my phone. Eventually, the calls ceased and I erased the history, the unheard voicemails, the texts calling me a bitch with more capital letters each time. Deleted. After I added Anthony’s number to my blocked list, I stared at my phone in a daze. It wouldn’t be weird if I texted Gerard and just thanked him for the other drawing.

I, of course, couldn’t just say that.

To Gerard, 2:14 PM
Some asshole left a Chinese takeout menu on my car this morning.

After I sent it, I began to panic. Maybe I shouldn’t have been sarcastic. What if I offended him about not being more grateful for his drawing? Before I set my phone down on the counter in order to stop myself from throwing it off the balcony, it lit up with a response from him.

From Gerard, 2:14 PM
Is it at least quality Chinese food?

A wave of relief rushed over me and I caught myself smiling at my phone like an idiot, causing me to pause and wonder when the last time I had done that was.

To Gerard, 2:16 PM
Very quality. I thank the man who left it on my car.

From Gerard, 2:17 PM
The man appreciated your company this morning.

Butterflies were flitting about in my stomach, making it churn and burn...in a good way? I couldn’t believe this guy, this person who I thought was a complete asshole before this morning, was telling me he appreciated my company after drawing me twice in one morning? Nobody had ever drawn me before. I was trying to think of something to say when my phone buzzed again.

From Gerard, 2:21 PM
He also hopes it wasn’t awkward for you.

To Gerard, 2:22 PM
I hoped it wasn’t awkward for him, I am the one that walked in on him in his underwear and began to cry.

To Gerard, 2:23 PM
Which I feel like is not a reaction most men want.

This was adorable. I had half of a mind to ask him if he would want to get breakfast again sometime, but I wasn’t going to push it. I just couldn’t shake the feeling of being so connected to someone like I felt with him this morning. Which was probably just my hormones and the fact that he comforted me when I felt like shit. Stupid biological tendencies, making me attracted to people who I felt protected by.

From Gerard, 2:25 PM
You have to at least get one of those in your lifetime, I’m glad mine is out of the way

I didn’t reply to him because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to communicate with him a second longer lest I burst into flames of desire and infatuation. He was my professor, for crying out loud. There was probably something against it in the university’s policies somewhere, even if we both were consenting adults. Nothing could happen, because it would count as an abuse of his authority and could cost him his job.

I did everything I could to busy myself that day. Besides cleaning the whole apartment, I actually went grocery shopping, then stopped by the campus gym later in the evening to work out all of the anxiety Gerard was causing me. Jess laughed and laughed at me over the phone for not realizing it was break today, but I guess that’s what happens when you live off campus and not in a dorm; you don’t realize when nobody’s around because you’re not around students.

I settled onto the couch after quite a productive day, wishing I had a dog to cuddle with, but both of mine were back home in Los Angeles. Jess called me again later to tell me that she had somebody she wanted to set me up on a date with the week classes resumed, so that boosted my ego a bit. But nothing boosted me like the text I got after Jessica and I hung up.

From Gerard, 7:48 PM
Breakfast again tomorrow?

I stared at my phone for a few minutes in disbelief, then remembered I already hadn’t texted him back from earlier so I was being rather rude.

To Gerard, 7:51 PM
You betcha. Market again?

From Gerard, 7:51 PM
I’ll be there around ten.

To Gerard, 7:53 PM
I’ll meet you there if I can get my ass out of bed

From Gerard, 7:54
You better, I want to draw you more.

Shit.

Notes

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