It wasn’t until I heard somebody, who I later found out was our gangly French waiter, screaming “YES, SAY YES!” that I came back to my senses and nodded, the room blurring together.

Gerard was all smiles as he slid the ring onto my left hand and we both stood up before he dipped me down into a kiss. The other restaurant goers were all enamored with our spectacle and my cheeks were burning in reaction to the cheers echoing in my ears. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

Before I knew it, Frank was walking up to both of us, a hand on each of our shoulders. “I thought you were going to chicken the fuck out there, for a second.”

“What are you doing here?!” I was thoroughly confused. “You knew about this?”

“Of fucking course I knew about this. Jeez, Charlotte, do you know me at all? Do you know your husband to be at all, for that matter?” Frank clapped us on the back again before going off to talk to someone, and I saw a shadow cross Gerard’s face when he said that. It was gone before I could bring it up, because champagne was flowing and everybody was in on our engagement celebration.

“I was going to hold off on proposing after your mom called, but you felt the box in my hands and I knew I was screwed, I just knew it,” he grinned and shook his head. I let out a peal of laughter, pulling him closer to me. We were walking back to our car down the street, bundled tightly against the cool spring breeze.

“I’m engaged and my mom will be here in a few hours. Wow. Tonight has been amazing. Interesting,” I said as we arrived at his car. He pulled out two cigarettes, lighting one in between his lips and then pushing it between mine. I smirked while taking in a drag. I loved him.

“It’s going to get more interesting, too, by the sounds of it,” Gerard sighed, leaning against the hood of his black car. “Guess I finally get to meet your mom.”

“My mom is under the impression that she’s meeting my boyfriend. Do I tell her you’re my fiance? We could see who can keep it a secret the longest!” My face lit up at the prospect of a game, but my smile vanished when I saw Gerard’s face.

“Why do you want to keep it a secret?” He looked genuinely hurt. I waved my hands, desperately trying to undo any harm my words had caused.

“No, I didn’t mean it like, in a bad way. I don’t know. When things concern my mom, I tend to try and keep everything from her. So that just affected my way of thinking. I’m sorry, baby. I’m excited to be engaged to you. I’m going to be your wife,” I said slowly, tasting the way the words felt as they rolled off my tongue for the first time in my life.

“You will be Mrs. Charlotte Way,” he smirked again, regaining some of his pep.

“We all know you’re already Mr. Payn. P-a-i-n in the ass,” I stuck my tongue out at him.

“Careful with your tongue. I just might kiss you.”

I solved his dilemma for him and threw myself at him until we were splayed across his car. His head had landed with a thud and I soothed him before going to town on his mouth. I hadn’t given in before dinner, I’d planned on making him wait until after dinner for sex. I, also, was waiting for ‘after dinner’ and it was driving me wild. Maybe it was the fact that I’d just been proposed to, as well. Maybe that had me a little friskier than normal.

But too soon, my phone was ringing, and it was the mother. She was getting her baggage. We needed to go get her. I told her where to wait, and that we’d be there in ten minutes. We sat inside Gerard’s car, our hands lingering on each others’ thighs for a second too long before Gerard sighed and put the car into gear.

---

“We’re going to be turning in kind of early. Jet lag, you know,” my mom said, pulling me into a hug. But you didn’t go through a time change. “Gerard, it was so nice to meet you again. I’m glad my daughter finally found someone who’s not crazy.”

“Oh, he’s plenty crazy, but so am I,” I said, squeezing my mom a little tighter. She had gotten so much smaller since the last time I had seen her. I was afraid of letting go; she might float away. She held me at arm’s length, a certain sadness in her eyes I couldn’t quite place.

“I’m happy that you’re happy, sweetheart. I love you.”

The walk down to the car was full of silence between Gerard and I. He had wordlessly laced his fingers through mine and pulled me close to him. He knew when I needed silence or physical touch, and I would never be able to thank him enough for that.

“Your mom is lovely,” he said genuinely as he gave my hand a quick squeeze.

“She’s a good person. Regardless of what happened. I love her.” I meditated as I gazed out the window at the city going by, the lights blurring with the tears forming in my eyes. “Do you still want to marry me?”

The car lurched as his hand slipped on the steering wheel. “Why would you ask that?” There was an edge to his voice and I regretted not inflecting my voice with more sarcasm.

“After finding out how much of a mess my family is and seeing it first hand. I was mostly joking.”

“Mostly.” He echoed bitterly. “Of course I do, Charlotte, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. In fact, I think this is one of the only things I’ve ever actually been certain of.” My heart was burning with adoration, love, and a twinge of anxiety. I didn’t know anything about weddings. I didn’t know the first step to even starting to plan one. I reached over for Gerard’s free hand and stroked his thumb thoughtfully. “I can feel how worried you are. Are you upset at me for asking that without talking to you first? Was it a bad idea? You didn’t say yes out of obligation, did you?”

It was my turn to scoff. “Gerard, do you hear what you’re saying? I’m not worried. That much. And if I was, I would be worried about dealing with my mom after not talking to her for so long and how I’m going to tell her and how do I go about being engaged and planning a wedding?” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I just need to get home, take my meds, shower and sleep. A nice hot shower sounds so good right now.”

“A nice hot shower with you sounds so good right now,” he quickly winked at me before turning his attention back to the road. We were getting off the freeway, almost back at his apartment.

“Have I ever told you how happy you make me?” I leaned over to rest my head on his shoulder, feeling it flex as he spun the wheel beneath his hands. I heard a small laugh rumble from his chest.

“Maybe once or twice.”

I thought about it and actually began to wonder how much I had actually verbally expressed my love and appreciation for him. Not enough. Definitely not enough. He deserved someone better than me-
STOP.
Shut the fuck up, and just do better from now on.

I didn’t divulge my whirlwind guilt complex that was swirling around inside of me to Gerard and instead whisked him from the car and up to the apartment, not giving him a chance to ask what I was so happy about (because he knew).

“Do you want any coffee?” I asked in between putting the leftovers away in the refrigerator and pouring me a glass of milk.

“It’s a little late, I feel. But,” Gerard’s eyes wandered over to the coffee machine, his chocolate eyes betraying that he did, in fact, want a cup of coffee. I sashayed over to the cupboard and pulled out a sleek black bag with gold embossing on it. “Is that…”

“Yes, this is the special reserve that I’ve been saving for a special occasion,” I said before sticking my tongue out. “And I got some in decaf so we can have it whenever we want.”

“I’m convinced you’re the perfect woman. You buy me fancy coffee for celebrations. I love you,” he mumbled because his lips were stretched tight into a grin. I started the coffee and leaned across the counter to take both of his hands in mine.

“And I love you. So much. You mean more to me than anybody ever has. You’ve stuck with me through thick and thin, which you can’t really say about me and I regret that. I’m sorry I ever left you and I’m sorry I hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I will spend every day of the rest of my life making sure you feel loved and appreciated by my side because you are not only the love of my life, but my best friend. And I want to marry nobody except my best friend.” He looked at me from across the counter, his amber eyes softening like melting chocolate chips.

“I have spent my whole life looking for you. And I’m so excited for the rest of our lives.” He rose to his toes to pull me in for a kiss across the counter. “I love you so much, Charlotte Payn Way.”

“And I love you so much, Gerard Way.”

“Now let’s get those fancy coffee shots going!” He hollered, spinning on his heel to come into the kitchen and get the espresso machine running. I watched as he made sure all the knobs were set in their right place, test the temperature and shot time, the whole time a smile was creeping on my face. I loved seeing him happy. I loved seeing him in love. And it was with me.

We made creamy lattes with the black blend decaf espresso I had been keeping a secret from him and he kept looking at the ring on my left hand in disbelief, as if he couldn’t fathom that he was actually going to get to spend the rest of his life with me. “I can’t believe it, man. I just can’t believe it.” A cartoon show was playing on the television in his red living room and we were bundled up under blankets together, our coffee cups peaking out of the top. “I can’t believe how good this coffee is.”

“I knew you would like it,” I said with a smile.

“It’s like champagne but,” and for a split second my heart was dropping and I was expecting him to say ‘not as good’, but he said: “better. I love it.” He returned my smile, sensing the distress in my eyes and questioning it with an odd look.

“I just thought you were going to say something else.”

“I’m going to be fine, Charlie, know that. I’ve recovered from worse. And now I have my future wife to stay sober for. It’s going to be so worth it,” he said as a gradual grin spread across his lips, his short teeth peeking out from beneath them. “I love it.”

That sounded incredibly...healthy, actually. And I was so relieved to hear him say the word ‘sober’ before I had to say it like a threat or something. A breath of fresh air. We finished our coffee while watching some mindless cartoons and destressing from the day. An arm under my waist hauled me to my feet where my lips met with Gerard’s in an intense, sloppy, coffee kiss.

“And now...I’ve been waiting all day for this. I think we had plans to have a steamy shower?”

“I think we did, sir,” I looked up at him from beneath my eyelashes, drawing the last word out a bit. His face darkened in the most delightful way and, without loosening his grip on me, he dragged me to the master bathroom. He had a nice bath, but it felt more like a shower kind of night. There were lingering red stains reminding me of the events a few days ago. Moving onward. Most of it had been cleaned up nicely. Gerard turned on the rainfall showerhead he had and dimmed the lights in the bathroom while we both wriggled out of our clothes. Gerard stopped me at my underwear and held me at arms length.

“Matching underwear...I can always appreciate a good set of lingerie, especially on you,” he stuck his tongue out before helping me out of the aforementioned underwear.

The water was searing the moment it made contact with my skin, running off down my body in all directions. I dipped my head back and inhaled the thick steam, the smell of cologne mingling with it. Gerard got in behind me, wrapping his arms around me and leaning over my reclined head to give me an upside down kiss. “Fuck, you’re so hot.”

“I’m sorry, do you want me to turn it down?” I reached for the shower handle but he rolled his eyes and I stopped. The cold tile was pressed against my back and I shivered, but he warmed me up with his own body heat.

I don’t want to think about how much water we wasted that night, but we both agreed it was well worth it. After all, we both had a dire need for a super steamy shower that night. Because there was no way we could be prepared for what we didn’t know was going to happen tomorrow.

---

Gerard stirred next to me and I discovered he had already been awake. He smelled like coffee and cigarettes already, sipping a cup of what had to have been the caffeinated blend of the brand I had gotten him.

“Naughty you, sneaking into the special reserves,” I mumbled at him as I struggled to wake up completely. He was oddly silent, sitting up against our headboard absentmindedly clicking away on his laptop. “What’s up?”

It took him a while to respond. A million different worries began to sprout in my mind. This was his way of breaking off the engagement. It had been a mistake. The coffee was actually awful and he hated it. But the words he spoke were the last words I expected him to say. He shut his laptop, took a sip of coffee, then a deep breath:

“Let’s get married today.”

Notes

Sorry it took so long, broskis.