It was December 27th, and I was waiting in a doctor’s office with Jordin. He had driven me to my crisis therapy appointment that my dad and Gerard had set up for me the day before. I was freaking the fuck out, to put it lightly. Not only because my family was now directly involved in my mental illness, not only because I felt like I had ruined Christmas for them despite their constant reassurances that all they wanted was for me to feel better, but also because this was their first interaction with Gerard through it all. At least my dad seemed to like him.

In fact, he wouldn’t really shut up about him. The whole time he was telling me about the appointment they set up, he was just wondering why I hadn’t told them about Gerard sooner.

“He was my professor, dad,” I explained, exasperated. “And we just sorted everything out.”

Gerard found it amusing, and also loved my dad. “I’ve only ever heard you talk about your mom before, your dad is great. And your brother loves you so much. Man, you guys are just adorable,” he had said to me on the phone while Jordin was driving me to the psychiatrist.

“Adorable. Now I get to meet your family next,” I added on. Gerard just laughed in the background.

“Looks like we have to take another trip to New Jersey when summer comes around.”

“Looks like it.” Jordin parked the car, glancing over at me with raised eyebrows. “I have to go to my appointment, Gerard.”

“I’m so proud of you! Remember that I love you,” he said quickly before I had to hang up.

“Was that Gerard?” Jordin asked me while we walked through the front doors to the lobby. I nodded. “He’s pretty cool. He seems to really like you. I’m glad you finally found someone who isn’t a complete dickhead. Was he the one you were telling me about last year?”

“Yeah. It was a lot more complicated last year, but now he’s not teaching me anymore. It’s just...good,” I said, blushing. I couldn’t talk about Gerard without feeling like I was going to explode with happiness. And it was embarrassing. When I had been dating Anthony, I’d always been met with sighs and shaken heads when I tried to say good things about him. Because he was an abusive asshole.

“As long as it’s good. I’m going to wait out here.” Jordin walked me to the waiting room and I checked in, getting pulled into the back offices almost immediately after I sat down. The walls were bleached white and the carpeting was an obnoxious blue. My senses were being assaulted, but in a diluted way. I hadn’t been in a clinical setting like this in years, and I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be back. I pulled my phone out to send Gerard a panicked text, but I had no reception, which caused me to panic even more.

“So we’re just going to ask you some questions because we haven’t seen you in a while and we received some worrying news from your family and partner. We want to make sure you’re okay,” the doctor leading me to a room explained, peeking over her shoulder at me with a warm smile. Partner. That was such a weird concept, to think of Gerard as my partner. But I loved it.

“How long is this appointment going to last?” I asked.

“That depends on the prognosis we decide on.” That didn’t sound good. She sat across from me behind a large wooden desk, folding her hands on her stomach and looking at me again with that warm smile. I was beginning to think it wasn’t warm at all, just plastic. “So. I need you to be as honest with me as possible. Don’t keep things from me, I’m here to help you, and I can’t do that unless you tell me everything.”

---

The rest of the day was a blur. Apparently I had said too much, or I had said the wrong things. The entire ambulance ride, I was wondering what I could have said differently to avoid the mess I was in. Maybe I would have been snug at home, relaxing on the couch with Gerard on the phone. But instead I was being hospitalized.

This was the final notch in the pole of ‘crazy’ I had carried with me my entire life. Being admitted was the end. The psychiatrist with the Barbie smiled had determined that I was a threat to myself and/or others and that I needed to be placed into the care of the emergency room. I’d like to say that I agreed and signed the papers voluntarily, but that wasn’t the case.

It was the morning of December 28th. The room I was in felt sterile, and I was buried under a mound of blankets. My head was throbbing, and my eyelids felt too heavy to open. I had to have been sedated. There was no IV in my arm, which I was grateful for because I had no tolerance for needles. I tried to sit up, feeling sore and stiff. I must have slept curled up in the fetal position, because my left side and neck was killing me. I almost screamed when he moved in the chair next to me.

I jumped out of the bed straight into his arms, covering his face with kisses. “Oh my god, oh my god,” I breathed, not believing he was here. Despite the somber look on his face, Gerard
couldn’t stop smiling.

“I love you,” he whispered, stopping my speech with a long kiss. I closed my eyes, completely blissed out, curling into his lap even further.

“Why are you here?” I blurted out after he pulled away. He rolled his eyes.

“Charlotte, you’re in the hospital. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I missed you.

“You should be with your family.” Apparently I didn’t just stop at ruining a single family’s Christmas, I had to ruin the Way family’s Christmas too. He placed another kiss on my lips.

“They’re fine. We had a small Christmas. They understand I’m an adult with responsibilities.” When he said that, I felt stupid. Like I was his responsibility.

“I’m sorry that you feel responsible for me,” I said. My head was starting to spin, and I closed my eyes, trying to stop the room from tossing me around.

“You need to lie back down,” Gerard helped me back into bed, kissing me on the forehead before perching on the corner of the bed, running his hand up and down my shin. He looked tired. There were traces of bags under his eyes and his hair was a disheveled mess. He was wearing a hoodie, sweatpants, and converse with his leather book bag slung over his shoulder still. “I’m going to be here as long as you want me.” He sat back down in the chair next to my bed, pulling out a notebook.

“Where are you staying?” I asked, my speech slurring as I started to feel sleepy again.

“I have a hotel room downtown but your dad is insisting I stay in your spare bedroom. We’ll see.” Gerard shot me a wink and my heart threatened to shoot through my chest.

“You’re so hot,” I said quietly. He looked up from his notes, most likely plans for his next semester’s classes, as red spread slowly through his cheeks.

“It’s because of all of these layers I’m wearing,” he stuck his arms out and gestured at himself. I shook my head.

“No, it’s because you’re fucking attractive.” Damn, how long had it been since we had sex?
He just stared down at his paper, a smile on his lips and a frustrated expression on his face.

“You’re making this hard on me.”

“I bet,” I winked, turning over from my back to be on my side so I could get a better look at him squirming in his seat.

“Well, you just have to get out of here so I can take you back home and romance the shit out of you, how about that?” Gerard said, swallowing and crossing his legs.

“Gerard, I’ve probably already been evicted from my apartment,” I admitted, the word ‘home’ stirring up my memories. I had to start being completely honest with him. To my surprise, he just shrugged.

“Then you’ll just have to stay with me until we can figure something else out, or until you get tired of me and leave me for this attractive young man coming in here to talk to you,” his eyes were following somebody walk towards us. I giggled. The idea of Gerard being jealous of somebody because of me was out of this world. Gerard was leagues above me; there’s no way I would ever leave him.

“Shut up,” I said before said nurse walked into my room, holding a clipboard.

“Dr. Breda can see you now. We’re going to do an evaluation on you to see how long we’re going to keep you in here for,” he explained, coming to my bedside to help me out. Gerard rose to his feet, grabbing my hand.

“We’ll follow you,” Gerard smiled at the nurse, glaring at me after his back was turned. I slipped into my moccasins (which they had thankfully let me keep apparently) and wrapped my arm around Gerard’s. It felt so good to be around him again. I wanted to go home and just spend all my time in his arms.

And that’s exactly what I told the doctor. I’d like to say I didn’t beg her, but I suppose I kind of did. She considered it, called my dad to see what he thought since he was on my medical release forms, and before I knew it, I was back in my own clothes and walking towards the car with Gerard.

“I can’t believe they let me out today. I mean, I’m happy about it, but I’ve just heard so many horror stories about people being kept in there the rest of their life,” I babbled nervously as we drove back to my house. Gerard’s hand was firmly wrapped around mine, his eyes on the road.

“Well then, that’s good news for you. And we’ll work on getting you better so you don’t ever have to go back again.”

“I’m so happy you’re here. It’s embarrassing how much I missed you.”

“I probably missed you more. Every other sentence I said began with your name. My family knows more about you than you do,” he smiled over at me. My insides quaked. Anthony’s family had been...interesting. They’d just been happy that Anthony had finally found someone who wasn’t a crack whore or cheerleader. With Gerard and his family, the standards felt a lot higher.

“That’s a horrifying notion,” I said sarcastically. “So you’ve met my dad then?”

“Yep. And he’s just as amazing as he says he is.”

“I can’t believe I wasn’t even there for that. I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for all of this. I can’t believe you flew all the way across the country early and your family probably thinks I’m insane-”

“I didn’t tell anybody about why I came back early. They didn’t need to know. And it was only a few days. It isn’t a big deal. What is a big deal is the fact that you’re okay, and the fact that we’re going to get you started in some regular therapy to keep you that way. Because I love you.” I could tell Gerard was nervous, bringing the idea of therapy up. I knew it was just because he cared, but I wasn’t ready to think about that.

“I don’t want to talk about this right now. Maybe tomorrow? I’m tired, Gerard,” I whined. He nodded.

“As long as we talk about it before we head back.”

My dad and Jordin wrapped me in a long hug when we got back. My dad jokingly introduced himself to Gerard again since I had complained about not being there when they first met. I loved my dad.

Thankfully, Gerard did decide to stay with me and cancelled his hotel reservation. He hadn’t been sure what my dad would think of him staying with us, but things had gone smoothly, thank god. After I took a quick shower, we cuddled up on my bed and switched the television on to watch some mindless television. I wasn’t able to pay attention to anything besides Gerard: the feathery way his hair was sticking out, even after he got it trimmed, how solid yet soft he was when he wrapped me in his arms, the smell of cigarettes and vanilla that always seemed to follow him around.

He looked down at me during what felt like our hundredth episode of American Dad and smiled, pulling me close under his chin. “I was so worried about you. I’m glad you’re okay. I want you to know that you can tell me anything, Charlie. Charlie Barley.”

I smiled into his chest. “That’s what my dad calls me.”

“I know, I heard. It’s adorable. And so are you,” he said quietly, lifting my chin up to kiss me.
Now was my chance. I leaned up into the kiss, prying his mouth open with my tongue. He seemed to get the idea, gentling settling me on top of him. He was careful to avoid the wounds on my arm. I was too wound up to care about that, though.

Gerard swirled his fingers through my still damp hair, trying to get as close to me as possible. I leaned back to throw my shirt to the corner of the room, and he did the same with his. Soon, we were in just our underwear, moaning expletives in each other’s ears and mouths.

“I don’t have any blindfolds or handcuffs here. Can’t say teenage me exactly needed those,” I joke. Gerard just laughed.

“That’s okay. I feel like taking it slow and sweet tonight anyway.” He pecked me on the lips, his long hair brushing my face as he bent over me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer.

“That’s fine with me,” I said as I wriggled out of my underwear. He slipped out of his boxers, settling back in between my legs, and simply looked down at me with a gleam in his chocolatey hazel eyes. “What?”

“You’re so beautiful. Everything about you,” Gerard muttered, tracing one finger down from his hold on my shoulder, dipping into my collar bone and between my breasts, making me shudder at how light his touch was. I snagged his finger and placed it between my lips, sucking lightly. I watched as his eyes darkened, and suddenly his mouth was back on mine, pushing me back down onto my pillow. He dragged his mouth from mine to my jaw, ending up at my neck where he skimmed his teeth along my skin.

“You’re killing me,” I breathed. Gerard pulled back, leaning on his heels.

“Now, that’s the last thing we want, Charlotte. Looks like we have to put our clothes back on-” I grabbed his biceps and pulled him back to me.

“Stop.” I felt like I was going to die unless we fucked, and he could tell. And he was enjoying it.

“You’re a piece of work.”

“Not as breathtaking as you, though,” he whispered, nibbling on my ear.

“Please, Gerard,” I begged, unable to take anymore lest I go insane. He smirked, giving me a quick kiss on my lips.

“Since you asked so nicely.”

Even though I couldn’t recall how long it had been since we’d had sex, it felt like ages. Luckily I didn’t have a spring mattress, so all that could be heard were the soft moans and grunts coming from both of us, and we tried to keep it down. I was mid moan on my stomach when Gerard snaked a hand around my mouth, leaning up to whisper in my ear.

“You keep making noises like that and I’m going to be done for in seconds,” he pleaded. “Also, I don’t want to get kicked out of your house.” I couldn’t help but let out a small giggle, and neither could Gerard. I reached up and inched his hand off my mouth and lower until it was situated around my throat, giving it an encouraging squeeze. It could still be slow and sweet if he was choking me, right? Who was I kidding.

He obliged me, lifting my head up so I was arched like a cobra yoga pose. One hand around my neck, the other one inching down my front between my thighs; I was in heaven.

“Fuck, I’m-” I started to say, but was cut off by Gerard cursing under his breath too.

“I fucking love you,” he hissed in between erratic breaths. He sunk lower on my back, releasing my throat and wrapping his arms around my chest as I lost control myself. I bit down on the pillow closest to me to avoid letting everybody in the neighborhood know that my boyfriend had just given me the best orgasm of my life. My arms wobbled and I had to stop holding myself up, resulting in Gerard and I collapsing in a heap on top of my sheets, sticking together with sweat.

For a few minutes, all that could be heard was the sound of us trying to regulate our breathing, peeling ourselves apart and covering the other with kisses. After staggering to my bathroom to splash water on my face, we climbed under my sheets again. Gerard combed his hair out of his eyes, mopping up the extra sweat on his brow with his tee shirt.

“You’re amazing,” I said, watching him still struggle to breathe normally. His eyes flicked down from the television to gaze into mine, crinkling at the corners.

“And I love you.”

Notes

:)