The Story of a Man, A Woman, and the Corpses of 1000 Evil Students

I couldn’t bring myself to tear myself away from him, but I dropped him off at his apartment so he could finally make it home after the crazy twenty four hours we had had together. He lingered by my driver’s window, kissing me again and again.

“You’re amazing. I’ll talk to you later. You’re incredible,” he kept saying between kisses on the cheek, chin, forehead, and lips. Eventually he made it to the door of his apartment building, and I smiled and blew a kiss into the air before driving away. He was still standing outside when I looked in my rear view mirror, his face a mixture of amazement, disbelief, and bliss. A smile was plastered on my face while I drove home.

Frank was sitting on the curb outside our apartment building when I pulled up. The cigarette between his lips dipped when a grin slowly spread across his face. I got out of my car and slowly made my way towards him.

“What are you so happy about?” I asked nonchalantly, sitting down next to him and lighting a cigarette of my own.

“Oh, I don’t know, it’s just a nice day I think. This cigarette tastes amazing, I don’t have anything to grade and...oh yeah, my two best friends finally fucked last night and got their shit together, I think that’s it.” Frank giggled at himself. I blushed, unable to help myself. “Yeah everybody in the complex heard you two last night.”

“NO! Oh my god, I tried extra hard to be quiet-”

“I’m just fucking with you, Gerard told me after I kept asking and asking today. Boy do I regret that, because he won’t shut up about you now,” he said wearily, wiggling his phone between his fingertips. My heart fluttered at the thought of Gerard gushing about me the way I gushed about him internally.

“Did you...was this your plan last night? I’m not saying I approve, I’m saying I’m not opposed to the way things worked out,” I admitted. Frank just looked off down the street, cigarette smoldering between his lips and nodding slowly. “You fucker.”

I decided to clean my whole apartment because it was kind of a disaster after last night’s shenanigans. During a break to check my school email, I grew worried when I still saw nothing from the campus’ work study office. I normally worked at the bookstore every semester to get some extra income for my rent (which my parents had been recently helping me out with), but they were yet to contact me for this school year. I was getting massive amounts of anxiety from waiting for their emails, and finally decided to pick up the phone and call them before I realized it was Saturday. I’d just have to go in on Monday.

I talked with my mom and got my flight booked for Christmas break in about two months’ time. I was excited to go home, but my heart sunk when I realized that Gerard would be with his family in New Jersey. I couldn’t exactly bring him home for the holidays and introduce him like, Hey this is my former professor whom I’ve lusted after for years, we fucked and now we’re dating, isn’t the eight year age gap great? But Gerard didn’t look thirty, he looked about the same age as me, twenty-two.

It was about six in the evening, and right on cue as I was thinking of him, Gerard called me. I felt stupid for feeling so full of butterflies when I answered. “Hey!”

“Hi.”

“How’s it going?” I asked, tapping my foot against the ground.

“It’s great. I was stepping outside to smoke and realized I hadn’t talked to you in a few hours and wanted to hear your beautiful voice.” I thought I was going to explode from happiness.

“Aw. Well, here’s my beautiful voice, panicking because I haven’t heard from my campus job supervisor,” I said, my worries dominating my thoughts.

“Shit. Do you normally hear from them by now?” He asked, concern evident in his tone.

“Yeah. And I just bought my plane ticket to go home in December so I’m really hoping they call me soon,” otherwise I’ll be homeless, I added silently in my head.

“Oh yeah, you don’t live here. I don’t know why I keep thinking you live here.”

“So you’ll be in Jersey for Christmas?” I asked, hoping against hope he would say something ridiculous like, No Charlotte, I’m going wherever you go even though we just started dating today.

“Yep. Home for the holidays,” he sung into the phone. “I’ll miss you.”

“Well, we don’t need to be thinking about that yet,” I said quickly, wanting to change the subject. My phone beeped in the background of the call; I had a text from someone.

“So what are you up to tonight?” Gerard asked in a sing-song voice. I could just imagine his handsome face. I was making myself sick with how much I was thinking about him.

“I just finished cleaning and scouring my inbox for any news from campus I might have missed. My apartment was a fucking mess.”

“Whoops. I probably contributed to that mess,” he said with a small giggle.

“Maybe, but it’s more fun than making a mess alone.”

“I want to kiss you right now.”

“Do it.”

“But you’re not here!” He whined.

“Then stop complaining!” I laughed.

“Come over and watch movies with me,” he pleaded. I let out a heavy, comical sigh.

“Oh Gerard, but I’m just so busy on this Saturday night doing nothing and cleaning and talking to all of these boys, how can I ever make time for you?” I smiled, betraying my sarcasm.

“Come on,” he drawled. “I want to cuddle with you. I’ve wanted to cuddle with you for such a long time and now that I’m finally able to I can’t get enough of it.” I could just imagine him pouting on his balcony.

“I guess,” I groaned. “Let me get dressed and I’ll be over.”

“Nah, don’t get dressed, just wear your pajamas. We’ll have a PJ party.” He sounded like a little boy. I loved hi-IT. I loved it.

“Okie dokie. I’ll see you soon, Gerard.” He made a kissing noise into the phone before hanging up. I rushed to the bathroom to fix my makeup and comb my hair, trying to look like less of an anxious wreck. I slipped into some boots and threw on a jacket before speeding over to his apartment a few streets away. I liked his neighborhood so much better. It was so much nicer.

There’s no way I’d ever be able to afford an apartment here.

I barely knocked on his door before he wrenched it open, grabbing me and hauling me inside into a massive hug. “You couldn’t get here fast enough!” I couldn’t stop laughing as he threw me over his shoulder and collided into the couch, clambering on top of me. He was wearing red plaid pajama pants and a Metallica shirt, along with ridiculous black fuzzy socks. “Are you judging my socks?”

“I love your socks. I wish I had those socks. I just have plain socks. You make me look so bad Gerard, stop it!” I pouted, wriggling out from underneath him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I promise when I’m rich and we’re living in a condo on the beach I’ll buy you all the fuzzy socks you can wear, a new pair for every day,” he peppered my face and neck with kisses and I was uncontrollably laughing again. “I love your laugh.”

“I love your laugh,” I said, rubbing noses with him. “We’re being so cliché and cutesy it’s making me sick. But I love it.”

“Me too. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before. You’re ridiculous, stop making me so happy Charlie,” Gerard poked me.

“Stop making me laugh so much and I’ll stop making you happy,” I promised.

“But you deserve to laugh.”

“I also deserve fuzzy socks.”

“HERE! TAKE THEM!” He peeled them off his feet and threw them at me.

“NASTY!” I threw them back at him. They fell into his lap after boucning off his face, a look of fake shock on it.

“I’m just trying to show you how much I love you! I’d give my fuzzy socks up for you!” His lower lip trembled but a smile was snaking up to the corner of his lips.

“You don’t love me,” I said automatically. We both froze mid-sock battle, sitting there awkwardly. I flashed back to the first time I had told Anthony I loved him, and that had been his response.

“Don’t say that, Charlotte. You don’t love me. That’s an overused term. Don’t say that.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that,” I said quickly, dread and regret creeping up through my chest. Gerard looked crestfallen but still strangely calm.

“But I do love you. I know it’s super soon to say that but I’ve loved you for a while.” He shrugged. I felt so shitty for making him feel awkward.

“It’s just, that’s what Anthony had said. That I didn’t love him. When I told him I did the first time. And I guess that’s just my automatic reply. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.” I was fidgeting with one of his fuzzy black socks.

“If you love me, you’d stop picking apart my socks,” he joked. I smiled, tossing it back to him. He reached over and pulled me onto his lap, stroking my hair. “It’s okay if you don’t want to say it. Just know that’s how I feel about you. Take all the time in the world, because I’m not going anywhere.”

BUT I LOVE YOU TOO GERARD was what I was screaming inside of my head. Every time I tried to formulate those words, though, my mouth dried up and I felt bile rising in my throat. I was afraid, plain and simple.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Gerard cooed in my ear, planting a quick kiss on my earlobe.

“Sure,” I mumbled in a daze. The thoughts in my head were too loud right now.

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly, running his hands along my arms. “I’m sorry if I freaked you out.”

“You didn’t freak me out. I freaked me out,” I tried to joke, forcing a nervous laugh.

“Can I still tell you I love you?” He probed. “It’s okay if you don’t want me to.” I just nodded, looking up from his lap into his gleaming eyes. He was so happy. He was so in love. It both terrified me and made me feel like a whole human being again. He slid out from underneath me and got up to pop a zombie movie into the DVD player, killing the lights in his apartment.

“Oh god, now I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight,” I whined, half joking. Gerard just laughed.

“Well, you can hold onto me. I promise to do my best to not turn into a zombie in the middle of the night,” he said once he had situated himself underneath me on the couch again. I leaned into his chest, resting my head under his chin. He smelled like bar soap and old cigarettes. He smelled like home.

By the time the movie was over, he was beginning to nod off.

“Have you eaten dinner?” He asked sleepily. It was about ten at night.

“Uhhh, not really,” I admitted. “But I’m not hungry, I’m fine.” He perked up, casting me a doubtful look.

“Yes, you are most definitely fine, but you need to eat something. I can’t let my lovely girlfriend waste away because of my neglectful feeding.” He went to stand up but I held onto him, throwing all my weight into keeping him on the couch.

“I’m just so comfortable,” I mumbled into his lap.

“I would stay like this forever, I really would, but we need to feed you and I really have to take a piss.” He kissed my forehead and I let him go, watching as he wandered into his kitchen. He opened the refrigerator, leaning down to scan all of the shelves. “We’ve got some leftover pizza, pasta...and I can cook something. Anything sound good?”

“Maybe in a little bit, let me wake up first,” I said, an idea forming in my head. “I feel like I need to work up an appetite,” I pondered, a fake air of innocence permeating my tone. I gazed off into the bedroom as if I was deep in thought, watching as Gerard straightened up and closed the refrigerator door.

“Well, I might be able to help with that,” he said quietly through a grin, picking me up into his arms.

“I could go on a run, hop on over to the gym…” I continued to muse. He strode over to his bedroom, laying me down on his bed. “Give me twenty minutes to go on a jog around the block.”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he said, climbing on top of me and nuzzling my neck with his lips.

“Or….just hear me out, we could totally have sex.”

“Oh! I hadn’t even thought of that,” I said, my toes curling as he exhaled cool breath on my skin.

“That sounds like a lot more fun.”

“I’d agree,” he said heavily before grabbing my wrists and hauling them above my head.

Notes