The Story of a Man, A Woman, and the Corpses of 1000 Evil Students

My head was pounding. I felt like that was my first thought every morning. Maybe I should quit drinking. I laughed internally at that. No fucking way. Why was I so sweaty? Oh my god.
Gerard was laying next to me, also stirring from his sleep. It took me a second to remember everything that had happened last night (the soreness in my neck helped a lot in that regard), and I think he went through the same mental rollercoaster. Instead of bolting for the door, he just gave me a small pleasant smile.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” I yawned, sitting up in my bed. “Wow. It’s late. We slept in really late.”

Gerard also sat up, his eyes weary. “I have the slightest inkling as to why.” He traced once again over the blue and blackness that was sprouting on my neck. “Nice.”

“Oh man, is my neck sore.” I squeezed it, thinking I would massage it, but pain shot in all directions when I tried, resulting in a sound yelp from me. Gerard regarded me with worry, but the grin on my lips quelled any doubts he had about whether or not I liked pain.

“Masochist,” he said softly.

“Sadist,” I shot back. He chuckled.

“Well, you’re not wrong. I like the people I’m with to feel good. And if pain is their game then I’ll be their gain.” I considered that thought for a moment, nodding in agreement.

“Do you think Frank tried to get this to happen?” I asked.

“You bet your ass he did. That motherfucker.” Gerard scowled, then shook his head with a laugh. “Can’t say I’m complaining though. Are you? Do you regret it? Because if so-”

“Gerard. I don’t regret it. I enjoyed it. It’s something I’d like to do again sometime. Or all the time,” I said.

“Sometime or all the time, no in between?” He asked.

“I guess not,” I admitted. There was something I wanted to say to him, but I wasn’t sure if now was the right time. We were still basking in the glow of after-sex sleep, even if it was two in the afternoon.

“What’re you thinking about?” He asked, reaching out to comb my hair with his fingers.

“You.” He threw his head back with a hearty laugh.

“Don’t say that, that’s what got us into this mess last night!”

“So you think it’s a mess? A bad thing?” I began to stutter, my anxiety taking control. He thinks this was a drunk mistake and he doesn’t want anything to do with me besides sex. I’m nothing more to him. My mind was going a million miles a minute. I had to remind myself to try to take a deep breath, but it was something that was definitely not coming easy.

“Whoa, whoa, I never said bad, take some breaths in, Charlie, you’re fine, I’m here, you’re fine,” he leaned over to snake me into his arms, cooing softly into my hair. “I don’t think what happened last night was bad. Do you want to talk about it?”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Gerard I have strong feelings for you and I don’t want to be a hookup buddy. I want something more than that.” The hand that had been stroking my hair stopped, and I twisted in his embrace to look up at him, worried that I was going to be met with a stone wall of cold unfeeling rejection. Instead, he was just chewing on his lip with raised brows.

“Well, that’s a relief.” A relief? “Because I feel the same way.”

Coolness washed over my panicking body as he held me tight, and I struggled to contain the joy that was bubbling up from my chest. “Really?” I gripped his shirt, pulling him closer down towards me.

“Really.” Gerard said, leaning down to give me a slow, deep kiss. “Charlotte, I’ve been enamored by you from day one, as I’ve told you many times. I distanced myself and hurt you because I didn’t want to do that, hurt you. But I felt like I was in a lose-lose situation. I was looking out for you. I really like you. You are my muse.”

I curled into his chest, feeling elated. I hadn’t ever been a muse to anybody before, that I was aware of. It made me want to cry. But, I cried at everything because I was a mess of unmedicated emotions.

“Gerard, I’m a mess. I really am, and I also really like you. But I really am a handful, Anthony used to tell me that all the time-”

“Anthony is irrelevant and invalid now. He doesn’t matter. What he did to you does, of course, but he doesn’t seem to have a clue about how to be there for somebody you love. I may not be the best at it, but I want to try for you. If you’ll let me,” he said desperately. We were now sitting cross legged on my bed, facing each other. His hands were wrapped around mine and he was stroking the backs of mine with his palm. I felt so calm, but so worried at the same time.

“I feel like I’ve known you forever, so I’m trying to have a filter on the amount of crazy I let out. Because that’s what I’ve always done. I’m going to tell you things about me, things that go on in my mind, and you’re going to run screaming the opposite direction. You say you can handle it, but I’m so afraid. I don’t even know if this is the stuff I’m supposed to be saying so early when it comes to dating…” I motioned vaguely to us.

Gerard playing with my fingers for a while before speaking up. Just his presence itself calmed me. “Will you be my girlfriend? Wow, that sounds so childish. I don’t know how else to phrase
it.” He scrunched his face up.

“It sounds perfect. And of course I will. I want nothing else,” I said, reaching up to cup the side of his face with my hand. He leaned into it and closed his eyes, a content smile spreading across his lips.

“I never thought I would hear those words from your mouth. Or mine, for that matter. I never thought we would be where we are. All it took was a year of incredible miscommunication and a lot of tears and coffee and breakfast and Frank being a dick and playing cupid.”

“Not that I’m complaining,” I smirked. Gerard nodded in agreement.

“You’re beautiful, complaining or not. You’re mine,” he seemed to just realize.

“And you’re mine.” He looked up, smiling.

“You’re amazing. Let’s go get breakfast.”

We held hands. We held hands walking down the stairs, in the car, and in the restaurant. He wanted to show me off to the world. He was proud to be dating someone like me, scars and all. We were waiting on our pancakes and eggs when he grabbed my hands from the other side of the table.

“So. About this supposed craziness of yours. I’m crazy too. I promise you that. And I’ll tell you everything about me if it makes you feel better, and I’ll listen to everything you worry about forever. Whatever you want, Charlie,” he said quietly, but passionately. “I mean it, and I mean it so much.”

“In time. Right now, we can just pretend that I’m normal?” I said, my voice trailing off as he gave me a cautious glare. “I have a ton of scars.”

Gerard just nodded at that, squeezing my hand lovingly. “Everybody does. Even if you can’t see them.”

“I have a ton of scars, Gerard,” I said, worried he wasn’t understanding the severity of the situation.

“I get what you’re saying Charlie. I’m sorry that happened to you. But you’re beautiful. You’re beautiful now, you were beautiful last night, and you have been stunning every single time I’ve ever drawn you.”

“Your turn,” I said. Gerard leaned back in the booth and side, twiddling his thumbs.

“Hmm, where to begin.”

As I sat across from Gerard, listening to him recount the various demons he had fought and-mostly-won, I decided that I was enamored. His black hair was curling into his eyes, dark circles underneath them, as he talked out of the side of his mouth.

“Oh, and I talk like this because of nerve damage from a cavity filling years ago,” he said, probably nothing I wasn’t paying him complete attention because I couldn’t stop looking at him.

“I’m sorry. You’re just so pretty to look at.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll try to be uglier in the future,” Gerard smirked.

“I am just so tired.” I leaned forward and rested my forehead against the table. I could hardly think straight. It didn’t help that my mind was going a million miles a minute with thoughts like, I can’t believe this is actually happening and, Gerard actually is interested in me. And he thinks I’m pretty. And he’s buying me breakfast. And he’s reaching across the table to run his fingers through my hair and telling me we can go back to his apartment and relax and eat pizza and watch movies all day. Nothing sounded more perfect to me than that.

Nothing was more perfect to me than him.

Notes