The Story of a Man, A Woman, and the Corpses of 1000 Evil Students

I felt bad for Ben. I really did. But it was all for the best. I gave him the whole, It’s not you it’s me schpiel, told him he could delete me off everything or keep talking to me, whatever he wanted. He didn’t have anything at my apartment so that simplified it, but I still felt like a monster. He admitted to seeing it company. Wished it was different. I agreed (I lied).

And that was that. I felt bad that I didn’t feel bad. But it felt like a load had been lifted from my shoulders. It was Friday night and I was heading up to Frank’s apartment to play some video games and drink to the end of the first week of term. I had a six pack of Guiness under my arm, knocking on the door awkwardly. I heard muffled voices and shuffling on the other side of the door. Was someone else there?

The door opened, but it wasn’t Frank that I was looking at.

It was Gerard. I think we both cringed internally, but he just said a small ‘hello’ before opening the door wide enough for me to come in.

“Our stripper’s here, nice!” Frank hooted as he jumped up from the couch, wrapping me in a bear hug. I couldn’t help but laugh, and Gerard did too, which eased the tension ever so slightly.

“You know I quit the streets a long time ago, Frank. You, however, are a different story,” I smacked his ass and he batted his eyes at me.

“Sorry Gerard, I know it’s been forever since you’ve been laid but you heard her, she’s retired,” Frank quipped. I blushed deeply, as did Gerard. We regarded each other with dinner plates for eyes and red cheeks. “Tough crowd. I’m going to go get the pizza! You have fun and stay safe,
you crazy kids!”

Frank grabbed his wallet off his coffee table, giving me a wink before he closed the door despite me calling him every name in the book. Gerard and I stood in the entryway staring at the closed front door in shock.

“I wasn’t in on this, I swear,” were the first words from Gerard’s lips. I turned, regarding him coolly.

“Sure.” I decided to do what I always did: crack open a beer. I offered one to him, which he awkwardly accepted. “Seeing me twice in one week must be really shitty for you.”

“Why would you say that?” He said exasperatedly, his hands on his head. “Why do you say stuff like that? Why do you think I hate you?”

I sighed. “Don’t tell me you’re being serious right now. Do you want me to spell it out for you? Or, you’re the professional here, you made that apparent. Teach me, Mr. Way,” I glared up at him from my new seat on the couch. He paced back in forth in front of me.

“Charlotte, I had to stop hanging out with you. You were like a drug to me. You were illegal. You know that. And I think I’m just going to leave, I don’t want to cause any problems between you and your boyfriend-”

“I broke up with him yesterday.”My voice cut the tension in the air like a knife. I could see Gerard’s brain just wipe clean, looking at me with a confused look in his eyes, his hands still
knotted into his hair.

“Why did you do that?! You were finally happy!” He was suddenly angry. Wow. This had not been expected.

“I was never happy with him, Gerard. He was a good kid, but we didn’t click. The way,” I began slowly, “we click.” Gerard had stopped pacing and had stuffed both of his hands into the pocket of his black jeans. It was nice to see him in super casual attire; he was wearing those black skinny jeans, cream high top Converse, a Metallica tee shirt and a navy cardigan. The look suited him well.

“You think me constantly changing my mind about you is clicking? I’m a mess, Charlotte,” he whimpered. My heart hurt to see him like this. I shrugged nonchalantly.

“Maybe not. Maybe you’re right.” I was about halfway done with my first beer. I needed a cigarette. “I’m going to smoke if you want to join me on the fire escape.” Gerard just gave me a quick nod and we both snaked out through the side window onto the metal stairwell, the biting breeze whipping us both in the face.

“Your hair is longer,” he observed, flicking his lighter to life.

“That tends to happen when time goes by,” I shot back, lighting my own cigarette. We sat down next to each other on the lowest stair in silence.

It felt like an eternity before he said anything. “I’m sorry.”

I took a few puffs of my cigarette, not sure what to say to that.

“You don’t have to forgive me. I was scared. And you were quite an antithesis to everything I had started to think within the past few years. I really liked you. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t know what else to do.”

Deep down, I knew that was true. I also had not known what to do, as evidenced by my many meltdowns and constant questions of, Damn, what should I do?

“I don’t blame you. I was a mess-”

“No Charlotte, you weren’t. Even if you were, it was probably because of me-”

“No Gerard. No. You didn’t make me anything but happy.”

“But I took that away from you.”

“You had to.”

We both silently agreed in the minutes following my acceptance of his apology. We each smoked two cigarettes out on that windy stairwell four stories up, and I knew we were both regretting things that had happened because we knew there would be no way to get past them. I felt a certain acceptance at acknowledging this fact.

“It’s okay,” I said, after we had just been sitting there with no lit smokes for a few minutes.

“I missed you,” he admitted. I decided I would just be acting friendly if I leaned my head on his shoulder.

“I miss you too,” I said, situating myself next to him before leaning against him. I felt him stiffen, then relax as he wrapped an arm around me.

“You’re too good of a person to exist. I don’t understand what I did right to meet you.”


Frank came back about five minutes later with pizza, eyeing us both mischievously. Gerard and I sent a barrage of insults his direction before our hunger got the better of us and we dug into the pies he had brought back. I then sat out while Frank and Gerard played Super Smash Bros, a game I was not fond of in the slightest.
It was nice to be back with my two best friends. A piece of myself I hadn’t really noticed was broken had been hugged back into place on that fire escape.

Notes