Because the world will never take my heart, but you my love, can

Gerard and I were openly and officially together at school, causing everyone to know and of course, talk. At first, I was a bit nervous about the whole situation but after remembering how badly I wanted to be with Gee, I honestly didn’t care what anyone thought.
Nobody said anything or made jokes about it- probably too terrified of what Bob would do if they did. Things were going great and I couldn’t be happier.
It was lunchtime and I typically walked with Gerard but I ended up having to stay after class to talk to my music teacher about an upcoming concert we had. As I walked into the cafeteria, I saw Gerard talking to Mikey and Pete.
“Yes! And they kept saying they knew it all along and that you two were so damn cute...” Pete was saying, until he saw me.
I sat down, snaking my arms around Gerard’s waist and pulling him closer to me
“And just what exactly are you boys talking about?” I said, giving Gee a kiss on the cheek.
“Oh nothing babe” Gerard said with a giggle
“I was just telling Gerard about how Leah Small and her friends were telling me how cute the two of you are together,” Pete said with a smile.
“Well can you blame her? You two are so cute, it almost makes me sick,” Mikey said
“Oh Mikes, you and Pete are just as cute” I said with a smirk
“Oh, I know that. Pete and I are petty much perfect.” Mikey said, leaning in to give Pete a kiss.
These two really were perfect together- they had been since day one.
After that, Pete and Mikey started talking about their weekend plans so Gerard and I turned our attention to Ray who was sitting alone and looked like he hadn’t slept in days.
“Dude, what the fuck happened to you?” I asked.
Ray rips his head away from his hands, revealing his whole face for us to see that his eyes were bloodshot red and watering.
“It-its Christa… I think she broke up with me,” Ray says before breaking off into soft sobs.
“Whoa, no. Why? What happened, Ray?”
“I don’t know. Everything was going so well. She called me last night and she had been drinking a little. She was out with some friends and she said that we were too attached at such a young age and she wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. I have no idea where it came from, Frank. She’s always been the one to want the commitment we have, well had. I spend every second with her just trying to make her happy because I’m in love with her. I don’t know what to do guys.” Rays sobs were getting harder at this point and people were starting to look over at us.
“Well where’s Christa right now?” I ask
“I’m guessing she’s at home because she’s not here at school. I tried calling but she wont pick up. Frankie, would you try calling her? Please, I just want to know if she’s ok or not. She was pretty drunk when we talked last night and I’m worried.”
Everything in me was telling me to not call Christa because I was honestly so pissed. How could she do that to Ray after being with him for so many years? Drunk or not, that was completely wrong.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll give her a call”
I grab my phone and look through my contacts till I find Christa’s number. The phone rings and just before it goes to voicemail, she picks up.
“Hello? Christa?”
“F-Frank? W-what do ya want?” Christa says in a very sleepy, low voice.
“Where are you?”
“I’m at home, Frank. I’m not feeling well today”
“Yeah, I bet you fucking aren’t.” I hiss through the phone “Why haven’t you answered the phone for Ray?” There’s a long pause and I can hear her sniffle some through the phone.
“I-I don’t know what to say to him, Frankie. God, I’m such a bitch. I didn’t mean for last night to happen. My friends were telling me how I never spend time with them anymore and that Ray takes over my life and that I’m too young to be this serious with someone. I was drunk and it scared me. I can’t talk to him right now, Frank. I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of how I treated him.” She says in a shaky voice.
“Alright, whatever. I’m not getting into the middle of this but the least you could do is send him a text letting him know you’re safe; he’s been worried sick about you. You should see how horrible he looks today” I say as Ray hits the side of my arm and mouths ‘fuck you’.
“Yeah, I know I should have. I just don’t have the guts to talk to him yet. Can you let him know I’m at home and I’m fine, despite my killer hangover?”
“Sure, I’ll tell him”
“Oh, and Frankie?”
“What’s up?”
“Tell him that I love him. Because I do, God I do. Just let him know I love him and I’ll call him when he gets out of school, ok?”
“I’ll tell him Chris. Promise. Feel better” I hang up the phone and look at Ray who has a pleading look on his face.
“So? Is she ok? Where is she?”
“She said she’s at home and just sleeping off her hangover. She wanted me to tell you she loves you and that she would call you after school” Rays face lit up and a huge smile plastered his face.
“She said she loved me?”
“Yep”
“Maybe things are ok… Maybe nothings wrong and we will be fine now” Ray exclaimed
“Really? After all that, you’re just going to let everything be ok?” Asked Gerard.
Ray looked at Gerard confused and slightly tilted his head.
“Well, yeah. She was drunk. People do stupid things when they’re drunk”
“I agree with that. I just feel like that’s one hell of a mistake to make, drunk or not.”
I could tell what Gerard was saying was irritating Ray.
“Yeah, well when you’re in love with someone it’s easy to forgive and forget” Ray hissed.
“Hey, I’m sorry man. It’s really none of my business I guess. You’ve just become a close friend to me and I hate seeing you like this. You’re too good of a guy to ever feel this way. I love Christa, but maybe you guys should talk about this a little more before you make it water under the bridge.”
Rays face dropped and he had a slight frown on his face.
“Yeah, I know you’re just looking out for me and I know we need to talk about everything that happened. Guess I’m just scared. I don’t even remember not having her in my life at this point. I can’t lose her.”
I put my hand on Ray’s shoulder “You wont. She loves you and you love her. Now, try to relax a little and get through the day so you can talk to her after school, alright man?”
“Yeah, ok. Thanks for calling her, seriously. Makes me feel ten times better knowing she’s at least home and safe”
“Of course. As pissed as I am at her right now, she’s still like a sister to me. I’m glad she’s safe.”
The rest of the day passes uneventfully and at the end of the day, I find myself standing by mine and rays cars with him, Gee, Pete and Mikes.
“Well guys, I better get going. Christa asked me to come over so we can talk about things” Ray says with a small pout.
“You gonna be ok, man?” I ask
“Yeah, as long as the talk goes ok”
“It will. Everything’s going to happen how it’s suppose to happen. Call me after and let me know how it goes?” I say, putting a hand on Ray’ shoulder.
“Depending on how things go, I may end up just coming over once I leave her place”
“Of course. You know you’re always welcome over. My parents would love to see you. Gee, Mikey and Pete are coming over so if you want to join us, feel free”
“Ehh, a couple’s party after possibly being broken up with? No thanks” ray chuckles
“Hey, it won’t be like that, I promise.” Gerard adds “It can be a strictly friends thing, no lovey shit, alright?”
“Ok. Thanks guys, don’t know what I’d do without y’all”
Ray gets in his car and heads for Christa’s as me, Gee, Pete and Mikey climb in my car and drive to my house. Once we get there, I notice my parents aren’t home, which is strange for a Thursday afternoon. We all go into the kitchen and grab snacks and drinks before heading into the living room, Pete and Mikey taking the couch while Gerard and I sit on the love seat. We start watching a documentary about comic books that we stumbled upon while channel surfing and all four of us get totally into it. About an hour later, I hear the front door open and close, so I get up to see who came home. I walk around the corner out of the living room and see my mom leaned back against the front door with her eyes shut and a look of stress across her face.
“Mom, everything ok?”
Her eyes snap open and she stares at me and gives me a weak smile
“Yeah baby, everything is fine. Sorry I wasn’t home when you boys got here.”
“No, it’s ok, we didn’t mind. Where were you though? Where’s dad?”
Mom walks over and gives me a hug, then holds me out in front of her so she can look at me.
“Dad got called onto a last minute business trip in London. Said he should only be gone four days or so. I just took him to the airport”
Something was obviously wrong with my mom, but knowing her she wouldn’t want to talk about it- even if I did ask, she wouldn’t’ tell me anyway. I give her another hug before heading into the living room with her.
“Hey momma!” gee says when he sees her.
“Hi honey” mom offers as she walks over to sit on the couch with Pete and Mikey.
“Hey momma Iero, what are you up to?” asks Pete
“Nothing much, dear. Just living life” mom says with a chuckle.
Gerard leans in and whispers to me “Hey, what’s wrong with mom?”
I shrug my shoulder and whisper back “Don’t know, but something’s up. She said she was gone taking my dad to the airport because he got called on a last minute trip to London for four days or something”
“Is that why she’s upset?” Gee asks
I shrug again and turn my attention back to mom who is now watching the documentary. We all sit in silence, watching TV before my mom stands up and starts leaving the living room.
“I’m going to start on dinner, boys!” she says as she leaves the room.
We finish the documentary and we sit in the living room talking and laughing for a little bit before we grab our drinks and head into the kitchen. As we walk in, I notice mom had opened a bottle of wine that’s almost empty and she’s drinking from an almost empty glass.
“Hey boys! Dinner is about ready so go sit at the table”
We sit down and start talking as mom finishes up and brings the food over to the table. We sit around talking and laughing, just enjoying each others company as mom gets up to grab a new bottle of wine. Gerard nudges my knee under the table and looks between my mother and I, giving me a questioning look. I shrug again, not really knowing what to say and get up to walk over to my mother who is pulling the wine cork from the bottle.
“Ma, you ok?”
“Of course honey, why wouldn’t I be?” my mom asks with a smile
“It’s Thursday and you’re on your second bottle of wine, mom…”
Mom chuckles and starts filling up her glass
“It’s just been a long day Frankie, nothing to be worried about. I’m going to have this glass and go to bed”
“Ok, just want to make sure you’re ok”
Mom smiles and gives me a kiss on the cheek, turning to sit back down at the table.
After we’ve all finished eating, I tell the guys to head up to my room and that I’ll be up after I finish helping my mom with the dishes, but Gerard stays behind and helps us clean up. Once everything’s done, mom gives us a hug and tells us goodnight before wandering off to her bedroom and closing the door.
“Is she ok, Frankie? I’ve never seen her like this”
“I think so, well she says she is. She said she just had a long day. I mean, she drinks wine all the time so I’m not really worried about that part- she just looks really stressed”
“Ok, well as long as she’s alright”
“Yeah I think she-“ My phone starts to buzz and I pull it out of my pocket to see it’s Ray.
“Hey Ray, everything ok?”
“Yeah, I think so… Can I still come over though? Just want to be around some friends right now”
“Come on over, we’re just hanging out in my room”
“Ok, be there in 10 minutes”
I hang up with Ray and and tell Gerard he’s headed over. We go to my room and find Mikey and Pete with the TV on, watching a shitty remake of nightmare on Elm street.
“Hey guys, Ray’s heading over so don’t be all over each other until we find out what happened with Christa, alright?” I tell them.
“K, no problem” Pete says, Mikey nodding in agreement.
10 minutes later, ray texts me telling me he’s here so I go downstairs to open the front door for him. When I see him, he gives me a half smile and walks in.
“Hey dude, everything ok?”
“Yeah, I think so. I’m just a little shaken up”
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask
We start heading upstairs and into my room
“I mean, there isn’t tons to talk about. I went over there and she cried basically the whole time, just apologizing over and over again and telling me she didn’t mean it. I told her it was ok over and over again, but what happened, happened, so we needed to talk about it.”
At this point, we were in my room sitting on my bed, Pete had muted the TV and we were all listening to Ray.
“So, what did y’all talk about?” I ask
“I told her I know she was drunk and didn’t necessarily mean it, but her friends were sort of right and that maybe we needed to give each other a little space. We aren’t breaking up or anything, but we agreed that we needed to start spending time with our friends because we haven’t been doing that lately and we both feel like shitty friends”
I sigh and rub the back of my neck “I mean, if I’m being honest, I never see you anymore unless it’s at school. It kind of sucks” I say looking down
“I know, and I feel horrible about that. I think this is the first time I’ve been over here in months and this is the first time I’ve ever hung out with all of you outside of school” We all chuckle and agree.

“Look guys, I’m really sorry I’ve been such a bad friend, especially to you Frank. We’re suppose to be best friends and I know I haven’t been that lately. I guess I just got so caught up in Christa that I forgot I had other people who love me.”
“Hey, don’t apologize. I know how crazy you are about Chris, and how crazy she is about you. It’s the love that makes you such a shitty friend” I say, all of us falling into laughter.
“But seriously, I’m going to start coming around more often and Mikey, we are going to start having jam sessions. I really have been wanting to play with you”
“Sounds good to me, Ray. I’m always down for some music time.”

We all sit together and talk for a while, just catching up on things and filling Ray in on little details that we hadn’t had the chance to tell him at lunch.
“You know Frank and Gerard, I’m seriously so glad you guys are finally together. You two are so damn happy all the time now and it makes me happy”
“For sure. You two are so crazy about each other.” Mikey adds.
Gee and I look at each other and grin, me pulling Gerard into my side.
“Yeah, I guess you could say he’s pretty great” Gee says and I kiss the top of his head.
“So, have you told your parents yet, Frankie?” Ray asks
“No, I haven’t had the right time. Then again, when is the right time to tell your parents that their only son is gay?” I say with a half hearted chuckle.
“Your parents love you so much Frank, they aren’t going to judge you. Plus, your moms best friend is gay… she’s going to support you and you know that” Ray says.
“I know I know… I was going to tell them tomorrow when I got home from work, but my dads out of town and I kind of wanted to sit them both down together”
“Don’t you think it would be easier to tell your mom first though?” Ray asks.
“I mean, I haven’t thought about it that way. How would that be easier?”
“I don’t know, but if I was gay I’d tell my mom first so she could take it all in, then I’d tell my dad so if he got pissed, my mom could help me calm him down” Ray adds.
I think about this for a second before I snap my head up and look at Gerard who has one hand rubbing soothing circles in my back, the other hand holding one of mine and he’s looking at me with a smile.
“That’s actually a really good idea, Ray. See, this is why I need you around. You always know what to say or how to do something” I say with a chuckle.
“What can I say, I’m a smart man” Ray laughs, me rolling my eyes.

We all sit around talking and telling each other stories before we realize the time and that we have school in the morning.
“I can drive the guys home so you don’t have to get out Frank” Ray offers.
“Are you sure? It’s really no big deal for me to take them”
“I’m already out so it’s easier for me to do it, plus Pete lives down the street from me. It’s really no big deal”
“Alright cool, thanks Ray”
I turn to Gerard and pull him into a tight hug “you ok with Ray taking you home or do you want me to, baby?”
“Don’t be silly, Frankie. Ray can take us home. No need for you to” I kiss Gerard and we all walk downstairs. As we walk towards the front door, I hear the TV on in the living room. “One sec guys, I think we accidently left the TV on earlier”
We walk in the living room and we all gasp when we see my mom passed out on the couch with three empty bottles of wine and a half empty glass still in her hand.
“Frank, holy shit” Ray exclaims.
I rush over to her side, relieved when I hear her breathing- this woman had 5 bottles of wine in a 3-and-a-half-hour time period.
“Is she ok, Frankie?” Gerard asks in a shaky voice.
“Physically, yes- after she sobers up. Emotionally- I don’t know” I say, feeling tears prick my eyes. Gerard comes over and leans down to wrap his arms around my waist. I turn around to face him and bury my face in his neck, allowing the tears in my eyes to fall. Gerard rubs his hands up and down my back and is whispering “Shh baby it’s ok, she’s ok. Shhh”
After a few minutes, I lift my head and give Gerard a soft kiss on the lips before taking his hand and standing up.
“You guys should get going, it’s late” I say
“No, I’m not leaving you right now, not with your mom like this” Gerard says, me just noticing the tear tracks glistening off his cheeks in the TV light.
I cup his face in my hands and give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Baby, I need you to go home, ok? She’s asleep, I’m fine here by myself. She’s probably going to be really embarrassed when she wakes up, the last thing she will want is anyone else besides me to be here. You understand, don’t you?” I ask.
Gerard leans into my touch and nods his head.
“Ray, you sure you don’t mind taking everyone home?”
“Of course not Frank. Stay here with your mom”
“Thank man” Pete, Mikey and Ray head out to his car and Gerard lingers behind, giving me slow and soft kisses as he holds me close to him.
“Baby, are you ok?” Gee asks
“Yeah, just a little shaken up. My mom never does stuff like this. This is so unlike her, Gee”
“I know. I’m worried about her, Frankie. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”
“No baby. Like I said, she wont want anyone else here when she wakes up, but thank you for offering. Besides, I don’t want our first night sleeping over together to be like this. I want it to be special and stress free”
Gerard smiles wide and kisses me “Such a hopeless romantic, my Frankie”
I give him a long kiss before pulling myself away and sending him out the door.
“Text me when you get home baby” I yell as Gerard walks to Rays car. He turns around and winks at me “Of course, baby”
I close the door and go into the living room where my mom is laying the exact same way as when I left her a few minutes ago. I take the glass from her hands and bring it into the kitchen, grabbing a glass or water and some Advil for when she wakes up and setting it on the table next to the couch. I throw a blanket over her and give her a kiss on the forehead before I turn the TV off and head upstairs to my room for bed. My mind is racing and all I can think about is why my mom would drink herself into a blacked out state, something I’ve never seen her do. I set my alarm for a little earlier than I normally would so I can check on her before I have to leave for school in the morning. Right as I lay my phone down for the night, my phone buzzes with Gerard’s name on it.

12:30AM From: Gee (:
“Hey baby, I’m home. Everything over there ok?”

12:31AM To: Gee (:
“Yeah babe. I got her some water and medicine for when she wakes up and pulled a blanket over her. She should be fine.”

12:33AM From: Gee (:
“Ok. Are you ok, Frankie?”

12:35AM To: Gee (:
“Yeah baby, just a little shaken up still. Can’t think of why she would feel the need to drink like that. Something must really be wrong. She had been acting weird since she got home, like she was stressed or something. I’m going to talk to her in the morning.”

12:36AM From: Gee (:
“Yeah she wasn’t herself today, even before she was drinking. Let me know if I can do anything for you guys, ok?”

12:38AM To: Gee (:
“Thanks baby. I’m so lucky to have you in my life <3”

12:41AM From: Gee (:
“No baby, I’m the lucky one to have you two amazing people in my life. If you need anything tonight or in the morning, call me. I’m leaving my phone on loud. Goodnight my sweet Frankie <3”

12:42AM To: Gee (:
“Thank you so much. You’re incredible Gee, I’m so lucky to have you. Goodnight my baby”

Notes